19th C. Decorous Dutch Etiquette

A coach house is bordered by a formal garden, in the rear of the “Museum van Loon” in Amsterdam. This is where the Van Loon family’s interesting collection of historic carriages is displayed, among other items. The “Museum van Loon” is one of the best and most beautifully preserved of Amsterdam’s historic and picturesque canal houses. It offers visitors a glimpse into the splendor and grand lifestyle of wealthy 17th-century Dutch merchants. It was originally built as a private residence in 1672, and it once was the home of a pupil of Rembrandt’s, painter Ferdinand Bol. In 1884, Hendrik Van Loon, of the Dutch East India company (VOC), purchased the grand home as a wedding gift for his son Willem and his bride. Willem eventually became mayor of Amsterdam.

How People Live in Holland-Home of their Curious Customs

“THEY NEVER SPEAK AS THEY PASS BY”

The man is “lord of all” in Holland, and woman almost without the shadow of estimation. He is a sort of a bear, tame and good natured, but still full of the bruin element. His countrywomen are actually afraid ot him, especially when outside of their own door. Not that the men are dangerous, for rarely is it heard that the bears have bitten. Look out in the street, and you will see that the ladies walk in the road and the gentlemen on the sidewalk. Always so, no matter how muddy or dusty the road is, or how many teams are passing. Watch them, and you cannot help but notice that the gentlemen and ladies never speak to each other on the street. That would be a breach of etiquette that society would hardly pardon.

MARVELOUS BOWING

Even when a man meets his wife he is not permitted to ask what he shall bring home for dinner! The gentleman bows first, the same as in France, and a lady may have bows from men whose names she does not even know. And the bow is a marvel! The forehead almost touches the knees in the act, and there is no half-way work about it- no nodding or a sweeping touch of the hat, but an entire removal of the hat to supplement that intense bow. Everybody bows, then take off their hats to one another and profoundly bow. Your friend's coachman or lackey does the same toward you as his master does, and servants are just as polite to each other. A lady is bowed to by all the friends of her father, husband or brother, and your housemaid's friends as well. Every man bows to the house of his lady acquaintances when he passes; bows, smiles and raises his hat, no matter whether the ladies are visible or not. If they are visible they return the bow with an over-polite bend of the whole body.

LADIES AND CLUBS

A lady is never known to pass a club house or a knot of men on the street. If she is obliged to pass up a street where there is a club she does not dare to brave the dreaded windows, but will cross the street until she is past the house, and then cross back again. I have seen a lady of my acquaintance make the round of several streets to avoid a club house, being at the time in a great hurry to reach an apothecary, whose shop was next beyond the club. If a lady, alone, or accompanied by other ladies, must needs enter a confectionery, a library, or other places where men will naturally go, and finds a gentleman or two there, she will retire as precipitately as if she had seen a case of small-pox. The men know this, but unless my lord, the man, has quite finished his business, he will not retire. The lady retreats in a most undignified manner, and the bear finishes his book or chocolate, even though the lady is waiting at the door for him to leave.

UNTIDY WIVES AND DAUGHTERS

But a change comes over the woman at home. No longer is she the afraid body of the street. She has at hand the kettle of hot water, the flat-irons and the other articles of defense that a woman can use if necessary, and no longer does she fear the bears. She is quite “at home.” She does not put herself to any trouble for the sake of her guests. In the morning she never dresses for breakfast, but comes to the table en demi-toilette, her, hair on the crimping pins, a calico gown loosely buttoned over skirts by no means new, with no collar, her shoes unbuttoned, and frequently without-stockings. After breakfast it is quite a while before she gets dressed, and meantime, if she receives callers, she goes into the parlor in her breakfast toilet. Gentlemen never think of coming to a morning meal unless in full dress, or at the least well-dressed and clean, yet they never remonstrate with their untidy wives or daughters.

CURIOUS TABLE ETIQUETTE

But the social etiquette is not to be compared to that of the table. If the one is curious the other is extremely droll. It is amusing to see the people eat. The take their plateful as soon as they are helped and cut it up into morsels. Then they lay the knife in front of the plate, and leaning on the table with their left hand, proceed to eat all with the fork. I never saw food eaten otherwise except that some desserts are shoveled with the spoon instead of the fork, two spoons lying with knife and fork at each plate. All this is etiquette. Besides the plate a hand-rest is sometimes placed, for it is necessary that one should half recline on the table! There is no such thing as changing covers, and be the courses two or twenty, they are served on the same plate, and the same knife, fork and spoon are used. The napkins are kept in service until the washerwoman has to meet a bill for soap!

A PECULIAR SUPPER

One supper at which I was a guest I shall always remember. At 9 o'clock the hostess left the cardboard, spread the tablecloth and placed the dishes, Then she brought out a spirit lamp, which she lighted with a match from the match-box on the table, and having ground some coffee in a little hand mill, she set the cafetiere over the lamp, where it boiled merrily during the meal. The bread came on in a loaf and in a long basket, and was cut into thick slices, and so passed around. The butter was in a little round earther pot, each one scraping out with his own knife as much as he wanted for each piece of bread.

DAINTY DISHWASHING

The cheese came to the table in a similar pot, and was also scraped and eaten spread on the bread over the butter. Near the bread basket, on a round tray, was a partly cut loaf of brown bread, and slices of three or four kinds of cake, including the invariable fruit cake. Preserves were placed on the cloth in a shallow dish, and it was passed around. The milk, freslı from the dairy, was drawn for the coffee from a jug that, in the absence of a side-board by my lady’s side. After the meal a china washbowl was brought out and the dishes washed on the table by the mistress, who used the snowiest of serviettes, and neither spilt a drop nor wet her fingers. While the dishwashing was going on the family and guests remained sitting. – Correspondence Springfield Republican, 1884

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette, Dignity and Position

Queen Wilhelmina — Although she is a warm-hearted woman, she is mindful of the dignity of her position.

Holland’s Little Queen

Queen Wilhelmina of Holland never under any circumstances makes use of a closed carriage excepting at night. No matter whether it is cold or hot, whether it snows, rains or storms, she invariably drives about in an open equipage, in full view of her subjects, accustomed thereto from her infancy by her mother, who trained her in the most admirable manner for her mission as a constitutional sovereign.

She is usually accompanied by a lady-in-waiting as sole escort, and, although she is a warm-hearted woman, she is mindful of the dignity of her position. Thus the other day when she met an officer while out driving, who happened to be the brother of her lady-in-waiting, she returned his military salute with a most gracious smile and inclination of the head. But noticing that her companion had waved her hand in a familiar way to her brother, she frowned and exclaimed coldly: "I should be much obliged to you, my dear, if you would avoid these little family effusions when you have the honor to accompany me."

True, after she reached home, the Queen endeavored by every means in her power to atone for the chagrin to which she had subjected her attendant, and among other things, presented her with a handsome piece of jewelry. But the lady, while restored to favor, is not likely to forget the lesson which she has received or even to render herself again guilty of such a breach of etiquette. The Queen is jealous of her prerogatives, as she showed at the time of the trip to Europe of old President Kruger.

It was she alone to whom belonged the initiative of placing a Dutch man-of-war at his disposal for the journey, and when the Ministers, assembled in Cabinet council, ventured to question the policy of this move, pointing out to her that it might cause complications with foreign, powers notably with England, she exclaimed sharply: "The constitution invests me with the supreme command of the navy, as well as of the army, and, as far as they are concerned, my Ministers have no other duty than to insure the prompt execution of my orders." The Ministers looked at one another in dismay, offered no further objections and fulfilled her directions, with the result that the cruiser Gelderland was dispatched to Delagoa Bay to embark President Kruger and to bring him to Europe.

The young Queen, in addition to her private secretary's department, has organized a sort of private political chancellery, which is entrusted with the duty of making a brief explanatory report of every document submitted to her for signature. She absolutely declines to sign any paper unless she has a sort of "précis," containing the necessary information about the matter for which her sign manual is required. 

If the report appears to her to be inadequate, she asks for further data, and, if necessary, even summons Ministers or experts to her presence in order to obtain the fullest kind of explanation. Not only her Ministers, but likewise every official of the Dutch Government service knows this, and the result is that in the hope of avoiding all unnecessary detail every one endeavors to make the matter in question as clear and concise as possible. — The San Francisco Call, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and “Good Form”

Among the notable guests at the Constitutional Centennial banquet in the Philadelphia Academy of Music, in September were the Chinese envoys who accompanied Count Mitkiewicz to this country...

What is Good Form? Differing Customs In Different Countries—Etiquette Among Various Peoples

That etiquette is sometimes arbitrary and not covered by the definition of common sense set to rule, is shown by the widely varying customs in different parts of the world. An American going up or down stairs in a public hotel  does not feel it incumbent on him to remove his hat if a lady should see him on the stairs. In Europe it would be considered very rude if a man did not uncover under such circumstance. An American, entering a parlor, expects the lady of the house to rise and greet him. 

In Spain, a lady would seem to forfeit her self-respect should she exhibit so much forwardness. No one ever saw a man and a woman arm in arm in the streets of a Spanish city without knowing they were foreigners. A Spanish husband never takes his wife's arm in public. Nor would a Spanish woman receive a male visitor alone. Such is the system of protection exercised over women by Hidalgo, grandee, tradesman and peasant in the sunny land of romance. 

Among the notable guests at the Constitutional Centennial banquet in the Philadelphia Academy of Music, in September were the Chinese envoys who accompanied Count Mitkiewicz to this country in connection with the concessions to a Philadelphia syndicate. During the evening a note was handed to the chief envoy, a grave looking. elderly man. He was troubled for a moment, and then made an elaborate apology in French for the rudeness of which he was compelled to be guilty, namely, the wearing of his spectacles in company long enough to read the note. It is a gross breach of etiquette for a Chinaman to wear eyeglasses or spectacles in company, and it is equally impolite to enter a room with the hat off. A gentleman of the Celestial Kingdom always remains covered to show his respect.

 Another piece of Chinese etiquette noticeable at the banquet was that, although the evening was fine, the envoys wore rubber overshoes until they readied the Academy cloakroom, and removed them prior to entering the amphitheater. Chinese etiquette forbids a man to enter a room with soiled shoes, and consequently, overshoes are worn until arriving at the house. 

An American would never think of removing his hat prior to speaking to any man on the street. In Holland, before speaking in the most humble individual out of doors a male uncovers. In Holland, too, men and women rarely purchase at the same stores, but in case where they do, if a woman discovers that men are assembled inside, she retires until they leave. A live American store-keeper would probably soon change this feature of Dutch etiquette. 

The Americans, English, Germans and Russians shake hands with a man bidding him welcome. An Arab’s greeting is to rub his cheek against that of the person he salutes and kisses him. A Frenchman welcomes a friend by embracing and kissing him, though by slow degrees this custom is being superseded. The Japanese customs are similar to those of China. It is not an unusual sight to see a number of Japanese remove their sandals, cross their hands and cry “Spare me!” when a great man passes, but the custom is rapidly going out of vogue since the leaven of enlightenment has been spreading through the land. 

A peculiar mark of esteem in Burma is to ask permission to smell a person's face, and then declare the perfume to be as sweet as some choice flower. The custom is confined to Burma and is not likely to spread. In America, politeness goes, as it should, before all else. One rule can be laid down for general observance where a person’s ideas of the proper thing to do are unsettled: let him make himself at home. He should do so in a manner to create some respect for home, unlike a young man who called at the office of a noted Philadelphian, somewhat famous for his straightforward utterances. “Make yourself at home for a few minutes,” said the owner of the office to his visitor. The young man, having seated himself somewhat comfortably, but mistaking a table for a footstool, responded cheerfully; “I always make himself at home." “Then I pity the people at home,” was the quick response.   –The Coronado Mercury, 1890

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Religious Principles

The Dutch journalist, statesman and Neo-Calvinist theologian, Abraham Kuyper, raised modest and religious daughters. They were not slaves to fashion, and asked that Dutch Court dress etiquette be relaxed. They were offered tea instead.

Low-Necked Dresses Cause a Court Row

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Daughters of the Dutch Premier Decline to Observe Rules at The Hague

LONDON. March 22. — Court etiquette and religious scruples have had an amusing tussle at The Hague. The trouble arose when the daughters of Dr. Kuyper, the Premier, were invited to the first court ball of the season. Low-necked dresses were commanded, but the Misses Kuyper decided that decollete dresses were inconsistent with their religious principles. 

They applied for a dispensation, but received a curt reply from the mistress of the ceremonies, who declared that time-honored customs of the Dutch Court must be adhered to. Premier Kuyper made direct representations on the subject to Queen Wilhelmina, with the result that a compromise was arranged. 

The Misses Kuyper will stay away from the ball, but will take tea with their sovereign in high-necked dresses the same afternoon. — San Francisco Call, 1902

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia