Hands Off Chicken, Not Lobster

People are less lenient than they used to be… The only thing that could soil the fingers and is not tabued by the meticulous are lobster claws. And when such lobster is served, finger bowls of hot soapy water should be provided at once.– Aside from the erroneous fictional accounts of Henry VIII, Emily was correct. Unless finger bowls are in use, keep your hands off the chicken at a dinner party.

Hands Off Chicken, Modern Code Insists

DEAR Mrs. Post: Is it incorrect, according to eliquette, to eat even the slightest bit of chicken in the fingers? I don't mean whether it is correct to take up what can be cut off the bone easily enough, but I am referring to the very small bones from which it is impossible to cut meat loose with knife and fork. Aren't good table manners to-day more lenient about these foods, especially if finger bowls are provided?

Answer: No, people are less lenient than they used to be. That is, if we go back to the descriptions given us by the writers of long ago, and as copied for instance in the moving picture of Henry the Eighth, who picked up a whole chicken in his hands and tore it apart, our table manners have become positively finicking. The only thing that could soil the fingers and is not tabued by the meticulous are lobster claws. And when such lobster is served, finger bowls of hot soapy water should be provided at once. Perhaps, if this practice were followed when serving chicken, there would be no objection to taking the wings in the fingers. — Emily Post, 1937

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

What Did Emily Say?!?

Ten years after her 1922, “Blue Book of Etiquette” was published, Emily Post had a radio program. As I build my Etiquette Museum, I have been acquiring all sorts of things to share with visitors. I purchased several original transcripts of her radio program and will be sharing some of them here on the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia. This below is one of many. It is from 1932.

What  EMILY POST said 

on the 

Du Pont Cellophane Radio Program

WJZ and NBC NETWORK                                            10.45 Α.Μ. E.S.T... 9.45 A.M. C.S.T.

11/22/32                      November 28, 1932

"GOOD TASTE" 

by EMILY POST

On this first morning I think I ought to give you some idea of the subjects that I mean to discuss at our meetings. First of all I shall probably talk about anything and everything that seems to me interesting because it seems to me that things that are interesting to me are likely to be interesting to you! But what I especially meant by saying that I wanted to make these gatherings friendly is that I shall try to explain frankly, as I would to any intimate friend, the reasons why we do this, or say that; why one thing is good form and another is not. I also want to note the modern changes not only in fashions, but in point of view. But at the same time I want to point out as we go along the principles underlying good taste that are unchangeable. By which I mean that best manners invariably spring not from rules of etiquette, but from kindness, which etiquette merely helps us to apply. 

And I am also going to talk about a subject that I myself love much, the personal appeal of a house, outside and in, upstairs and down. I've spent a great part of my own life trying to find out why one house or perhaps one room alone enchantingly invites us, why another says nothing to us at all, and I want to tell you what I've found out. It may sound formidable to suggest that we talk about the principles of classical beauty or of ethics or the ideals of culture, but as a matter of fact I want to talk about all of these and show that (to a practical degree at all events) they are not hard to understand. There are rules by which to measure beauty, just as there are rules for setting a table, speaking grammatically, or understanding the meaning of culture.

Speaking of culture reminds me of an advertisement I once read which said: "To eat an olive correctly, is to impress others as a person of culture." So I may as well add that this is not the sort of culture I have in mind. In fact, it is just this sort of olive-eating absurdity that has made the word etiquette lose all of its value. Rules of etiquette are not a lot of mumbo jumbo nonsense, learned by the few in order to make an impression on the many. The sole object of etiquette is to make the world a pleasant place to live in, to make contacts smooth, to oil the social machinery, and to point out to every human being in every civilized community, the ordinary principles of kindness and good taste.

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

A Book Browser’s Take on Emily Post

The modern ideal of hospitality… from the 1937 printing of Emily Post’s Blue Book of Etiquette – Friendliness, rather than formality, is expressed in every detail of this enchanting picture.

“The Browser” Talks of Books

LAUGH AT Mrs. Emily Post and her etiquette book if you want, but the Browser from now on is on her side of the car tracks. He has just given an hour of his invaluable time to hopping and skipping around in her massive tome, “The Blue Book of Social Usage,” and he is a changed man. If he ever sniffed at Mrs. Post he was a blundering idiot and did not know that the basis of her philosophy of etiquette is always tact, taste, consideration, convenience and courtesy Her “good form” is not conspicuous waste of gesture but a streamlined remodeling of conduct to suit the requirements of 1937. And the Browser approves, and he knows very few members of the human species who would not profit from rambling through the 877 pages of Mrs. Post's “Etiquette.”

The Browser doesn't go to opera, so he isn't interested in knowing what to do with an opera hat that he doesn't own. Neither does he dance, so he skips the chapter on dancing. He was raised among artichokes, so her little paragraph on how to eat them is wasted on him. But many of the other tips and commands she gives would be very useful to him, and they would keep other people from recognizing him for the savage that he essentially is.

She’s no fuss budget. Mrs. Post tells you not to put your elbows on the table in a private home, but at a small table in a restaurant she does not forbid it. She does not tell young women they mustn’t smoke; but she does say that it is not yet good form for them to smoke on the street. She gives advice on office manners; she teaches the young man how to avoid boorishness; she supplies tips on how to keep the conversational ball rolling, and after turning over the pages of her book the Browser understands why 25 large printings of it have been sold since 1922. No snob gets any comfort out of Emily Post. – By Marshall Marlin, 1937

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Sophistication

Tom didn't sit tooting his horn until Emily came out and climbed into the car unassisted. He rang the doorbell, greeted her father – young men say “sir” or “ma’am” to elders – and helped Emily into the car.

Sophisticated young people, Tom and Emily. Off for a day in the country. They feel easy in each other’s company because each knows the other will do correct things.

Tom didn't sit tooting his horn until Emily came out and climbed into the car unassisted. He rang the doorbell, greeted her father – young men say “sir” or “ma’am” to elders – and helped Emily into the car.

Emily doesn’t enter the country club clinging to his arm. In the dining-room she follows the head waiter, while Tom follows her. If friends stop at their table, Tom rises. Emily acknowledges introductions with “How do you do?” and not, “Pleased to meet you.” 

An etiquette book tells you the small courtesies between girls and men that make you an agreeable companion. What to do and say in a restaurant, office, while motoring, at home, at dances and hints on girls’ and men’s codes of behavior. – Santa Ana Journal Home Service, 1937

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of the Sexes, 1936

If the waiter’s not on hand, Jim’s johnny-on-the-spot at seating Molly.

Have You Charming Manners in Public

What charming manners these young people have! Wherever they are—in restaurants, theaters, at dances —their perfect poise wins admiration. If the waiter’s not on hand, Jim’s johnny-on-the-spot at seating Molly. If an older woman’s in the party, Jim gallantly seats her first. As for Molly? Does she cling to her escort’s arm? Flourish a comb in public? Turn down one man for a dance—then sail off with a better dancer? Of course not! If Molly’d rather not dance with a certain man — and has had no previous request for the dance —she suggests sitting it out. Manners make or mar your success. — S.A. Journal, 1936

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

“Good Etiquette Enhances Charm”

When the car stops, she doesn't leap out, but waits for him to show his good manners by coming around to assist her.

Little Courtesies Bring Dates!

What grand times Helen and Dick have together! He treats her like a queen because she's as thoughtful and friendly as she is smooth-mannered. 

When the car stops, she doesn't leap out, but waits for him to show his good manners by coming around to assist her.

At a restaurant, she lets him give the order to the waiter after consulting her. If she has shopping to do, she's pleased to have him carry her parcels.

But she shows her appreciation of his courtesy, too. Dining out, she considers his pocketbook. Shopping she doesn't make him a walking dray.

And at sports Helen claims no favors. She chases her own tennis balls takes defeat without sulking, victory without crowing. Cultivate the good manners and courtesy that attract interesting new acquaintances, lead to lasting friendships. – Santa Ana Journal, 1937

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Simplicity in Table Setting is Key

Elaborate and ornate settings go with ceremonious living; if you do not live ceremoniously, do not adopt them. Simple living calls for the beauty of simplicity. If you live one way, you can not imitate the other smartly.

The Keynote Is Simplicity

Two or three implements on each side of a plate take up considerable space, so for reasons of neatness and order the table is not loaded with more silver than is needed for the main courses. The dessert spoon and fork are therefore placed on the dessert plate, which stands on the sideboard ready – set for convenience. They are brought to the table on that plate after the more substantial part of the meal is over and placed in front of the diner, who himself not the maid-lifts them off at once and places them on the table.

As we noted in a previous post, service is always from the left because it is easier for the person served to help himself from that side. Used plates are always removed from the left lest the person removing them precipitate a great crash of china and glass by knocking against a diner's hand, which might be stretched out suddenly to take a glass of water. Therefore, we repeat: serve from the left; take all dishes away from the left, but remove glasses and unused right-hand implements from the right.

The sort of china, glass, and silver used, the way a table may be decorated and lighted, the kind of covering most appropriate -all these depend on the taste of the hostess and her understanding of what fits her surroundings. There is no rigid rule of etiquette about them. Elaborate and ornate settings go with ceremonious living; if you do not live ceremoniously, do not adopt them. Simple living calls for the beauty of simplicity. If you live one way, you can not imitate the other smartly.

Good taste is not a matter of the pocketbook; it is shown in the table arrangements of cottage and mansion alike. For instance, costly lace cloths, silver candelabra, priceless porcelain compote dishes, and great silver tankards filled with hothouse blossoms are suitable for fine houses, while a table made of polished silvery driftwood, set with gay pottery and colored glasses and decorated by large shells filled with wild flowers, is charming in a beach cottage.– From “Table Setting and Service” by Elizabeth Barnard, 1935

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Courtesy on the Street

On the street a man always walks on the side nearest the curb, whether he is with one woman or several. 

Before discussing the “technique” of how to behave when you are out in the world here are a few simple principles upon which right conduct in public places is founded. One should always be courteous and appreciative of courtesy. An unobtrusive manner and a gracious “Thank you” or “I am sorry”smooth off many rough edges.

On the street a man always walks on the side nearest the curb, whether he is with one woman or several. A man raises his hat whenever he meets a woman he knows, whether he stops to speak to her or merely passes. He also raises it when he is with another man who bows to a woman acquaintance, and when he is with a woman who speaks to someone she knows whether it happens to be an acquaintance of his own or not. He raises it when he has performed a courtesy for some woman whether or not he knows her, such as assisting her should she stumble on a step, or picking up something she has let fall... and he always lifts his hat when leaving a woman he has accompanied. 

When speaking to a woman of his own age a man usually replaces his hat immediately but with an older woman he waits until she suggests that he do so. A man never “takes” a woman's arm when walking on the street in town, though he may “offer” his arm if she is elderly or in need of assistance, or if there is a crowd.– From Etiquette: The Well Bred Way of Doing Things, By Edna Borden Lowe, 1939

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

50 Years of Changing Etiquette

The changes from Gilded Age dining etiquette to that of the 1930’s in the U.S., were numerous, due to the changes in food preservation, electrical refrigeration and the year ‘round availability of non-seasonal fruits and vegetables. Modernization of canning and freezing methods gave the average American household plenty of dining choices which were unthinkable in 1885, just 50 years earlier. By 1935, large neighborhood grocery stores had replaced more and more specialty food stores and restaurants were flourishing. Most notably, however, in the 50 years between 1885 and 1935, even the most modest of American homes had acquired enough knives, forks and spoons for use by everyone dining at a table. — Historical photo of the Palmer House Grand Dining Room, Chicago History Museum 

Celebrating A Waiter’s Jubilee

The management of the Palmer House, Chicago's historic hostelry, recently observed the completion of a half century of service by an 80-year-old waiter, who had been born in slavery. A gold medal was presented to the waiter in recognition of his long service.

In fifty years of waiting on diners in a hotel, that Chicago man probably observed some great changes in eating customs and etiquette. He had served Presidents Grant, Garfield, Cleveland and McKinley on their visits to Chicago and had known the table desires and whims of many a celebrity.

It was a gracious gesture on the part of his employers to award that medal, and to the hotel’s clientele it struck a human note so often absent from the efficient management of modern institutions. —The Oakland Tribune, 1935

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Emily Post on Receiving Lines

 

Hands in Greeting 

Dear Mrs. Post: Etiquette suggests that a man wait for a woman to extend her hand in greeting first. But what is a man to do when a hostess receiving at a party for her daughter fails to put out her hand in spite of the fact that etiquette also says that a guest should shake hands with a hostess and her daughter in the receiving line at such a party? 

Answer: If she does not hold her hand out to him, then he behaves as he was taught in dancing school when a small boy. In other words, he takes one step, cracks his heels and bows from the waist and says, How do you do, Mrs. Brown.” – By the World's Foremost Authority on Etiquette © Emily Post, 1937

 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Emily Post on Hats

The general rule is if you wear an afternoon dress (meaning a dress not suitable for general wear on the street) in the evening, then you should go without a hat, but if you are wearing a street dress, then you should wear a hat.– Emily Post on CBS Radio

Shall I Wear a Hat With Afternoon Dress?

.

Dear Mrs. Post: We seldom wear formal clothes in our simple community, which fact I contend is no reason why the ladies here may not go to evening parties wearing afternoon dresses and no hats. Don’t you agree with me? There are several new residents who have been turning up on such occasions with hats on. 

Answer: The general rule is if you wear an afternoon dress (meaning a dress not suitable for general wear on the street) in the evening, then you should go without a hat, but if you are wearing a street dress, then you should wear a hat. But whether the hats you describe are bad form or not, depends entirely upon their type. In other words, if they are an indoor type of hat, they are quite as suitable to wear with afternoon dresses as to go without. In fact, they are decidedly a fashion of the moment. 

Seek Local Custom 

Dear Mrs. Post: Should the ladies pouring at a formal tea wear hats? Common sense seems to be the basis of your etiquette, and in my humble judgment hats at this time do not sound sensible. 

Answer: This question is best decided by the arbitrary custom of each community. In New York, for example, a deputy hostess always wears a hat unless she is a house visitor, and even in this case she is likely as not to wear one. Neither dress or hat for a deputy hostess should be too tailored.– By the World's Foremost Authority on Etiquette © Emily Post, 1937

 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia