Etiquette and a Noble Bearing

Yes, shorter skirts did come into style, yet women still have problems learning to walk gracefully in ill-fitting shoes, which damage the feet and make the problem worse. The image above shows instruction from a 1950’s charm school. It’s called the “Walking Pivot”– “One good effect of short skirts, if ever generally adopted, will be to force women to learn how to walk well. At present they shuffle, mince, turn in one foot, do everything but walk. Nothing commands more respect than dignity of carriage, always excepting elegance and dignity of speech; and when my sex discovers that feet have a higher mission… the reign of noble bearing may set in.”
–Image source, Pinterest

The Mudless Gown

One good effect of short skirts, if ever generally adopted, will be to force women to learn how to walk well. At present they shuffle, mince, turn in one foot, do everything but walk. Nothing commands more respect than dignity of carriage, always excepting elegance and dignity of speech; and when my sex discovers that feet have a higher mission than to be crowded into boots and shoes too small for them, and that corns are an offence against nature, the reign of noble bearing may set in.

“It’s the rarest thing in the world to find a foot with straight toes among women,” say chiropodists. “They lap and over-lap, and frequently are doubled under. As for bunions, well, they are the rule.” No woman with a distorted foot can walk naturally, and it stands to reason that such torturing of the extremities must conduce to physical ailments of various kinds. So turn it which way we will, tight boots are an abomination. Let the apostle of the mudless gown but introduce a fetching covering for the feet and prove herself mistress of the art of walking, and she will go a long way toward breaking down those most formidable of barriers, tradition and prejudice.– Kate Feild's Washington, 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

In Praise of Old Etiquette Books

“You don't happen to remember your name, do you?” 

Even dusty old etiquette books are nothing to sneeze at!

It was on a crumbling page of a 100-year-old etiquette book that Miss Manners came across the solution to that enduring problem: What to say when confronted with a person whose name you know you are expected to know, but don't. The answer comes to us from an anonymous Victorian, apparently a Hero of Etiquette but described merely as “a good-natured eccentric.” 

Beaming a jovial smile at a vaguely familiar face, he would inquire in a pleasant, oh-by-the-by tone, “You don't happen to remember your name, do you?” Miss Manners is given to perusing aged volumes for just such forgotten devices to ease the difficulties of life. Vintage etiquette holds up remarkably well. The human body may have changed, as anyone trying to squeeze into vintage clothing may discover, but the situations into which it manages to get itself, are not all that different. In some cases, whole sets of manners may simply be retrieved and dusted off. – Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, 1988

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

More Retro Etiquette for "The Lady"

"ONLY one man in a thousand, and one woman in ten thousand, is capable of writing sincerely. Sincerity is a form of genius."

The Lady. Far and Near. 20th August, 1903

The front cover from an 1889 issue of “The Lady” 

"IF you accept hospitality from friends, you should return it in some form, however humble, and nice people will be just as pleased if you invite them to afternoon tea as to an elaborate dinner." The Lady. Household Management. 1899

"THERE is a serious resentment among women that the present political weight of the housewife should inspire such an unflattering assessment of her general intelligence and sense of life"

The Lady. With Prejudice. 27th April, 1950

“A ROUND table is generally the most becoming to a smallish room; more sociable, too, for entertaining than the angled kind.”

The Lady. Furnishing the Dining Room. 29th March, 1934

"THE woman who knows how to put on a hat and make an epigram is also likely to season a soup and keep moths and cobwebs out of her storeroom, yet the idea that housewives are a dull class persists."

The Lady. With Prejudice. 19th January, 1933

“PEOPLE cannot help being influenced by their surroundings and their environment; therefore how all important it is that both of these should be healthy and cheery, for health and happiness both go hand-in-hand.” The Lady. The Blessing of Old Health. 18th November, 1920

"IN these days of stress and hustle it is more important that we should sleep well. Otherwise the busy brain which has been so hard at work all day will after time lose its power." The Lady. The Secret Of A Good Night's Rest. 4th April, 1912

“THE delicate shrinking from the gaze of the world is in a certain section of women becoming more and more rare; it is laughed at as prudish, or as a mark of stupidity and dullness.”

The Lady. More About Women. 16th January, 1890

“WE are quite sure that it is regular work, and work which is imposed, which keeps people well and happy. What makes leisure and holidays delightful is just the fact that they come rarely. If you can have them whenever you like they lose their nature.” The Lady. The Joy of Work. 14th May 1914

"A SPICE of humour seasons the monotony of life. Without it the handsomest, most intellectual man is a bore, the most beautiful gifted woman insipid." The Lady. The Zest of Life. 11th September, 1924

“GOSSIP may mean many things – harmless or otherwise. But let us be on our guard when some one comes to us and chatters of “news” told “in confidence”! It is not always she who appears most kindly in her interest who is the safe sharer of sacred (maybe sorrowful) secrets! Charming manners do not always connote sincerity of heart!” The Lady. In Confidence. 4th April, 1918

"ABOVE everything else, as a guide to the "right thing" stands sympathy. Those who keep truly and sensitively in sympathy with the poeple about them, their surroundings, the evenys in which they find themselves taking part will never look or do or say anything that is very far removed from the coveted "right thing". The Lady. The "Right" Thing. 30th November, 1916

"THE depression affects all alike, for it is needless to say that if one class suffers, all must more or less suffer with it, though many are too short-sighted to realise this." The Lady. Renumerative Employment. 12th January, 1888

"SMALL vices sometimes lead to such good results that it seems they should almost be cultivated under the heading of "lesser evils."'

The Lady. Pigeon-holes. 11th February, 1909

“EATING in public is a terrible ordeal to many people, and it is certain one can judge more of a person’s social training at a first interview than by observing him at a table than in any other way.’

The Lady. American Ways Of Eating. 16th January, 1890

"ONE of the great lessons which Dame Nature teaches us is to look ahead. Therefore in the infancy of the year we ought to be making plans" The Lady. Floral Decoration. 11th February, 1909 

“FOR all of us who really like our fellow creatures, gossip is the spice of life. I don’t mean malicious gossip, but the pleasant exchange of little tit-bits of news and ideas with the right kind of people. It gives life its little bits of flavour, without which it would so often be dull.” The Lady. The Spice of Life by Sally Lunn. 17th January, 1946

"THE woman who allows herself to speak badly of others, who through envy or any other reason tries to injure another, loses each time she does so some softness and youthful contour." The Lady. Health is beauty and a simple life by Mrs. Adair. 24th November 1910

"ONE may be glad to use paper napkins and plates at a picnic, but to do so is to demonstrate that one no longer takes pleasure in, or desires, fine linen and china." The Lady. 'With Prejudice' by Clio. 19th July 1934

A Christmas Cover of "The Lady"

“ONE pair of willing hands is worth far more in the running of a pleasant home than any machine...” The Lady. With Prejudice: by Clio. 10th July, 1952.

“THOUGH we owe so much to the diarists of the past, there is a distinct feeling among those who never keep a diary that their inability to do so indicates certain charm.” The Lady. With Prejudice. 5th January 1933.

"AN experience which befalls most people sooner or later is that of being photographed by a professional in his studio. The desire to be reproduced three-dimensionally is as old as the human race and comes no doubt, from an unacknowledged craving to see ourselves as others see us." The Lady. The Art Of Being Photographed. 10th April 1930

"The first thing to decide when you are pondering whether you will share a flat with your friend, is not whether you love her but whether you can live with her! Try to put affection aside and to think of her impartially." The Lady. On Living Together. 10th March, 1932

“MOST women like cleanliness, order, ritual and neatness. These things are not found in bohemia. Yet the bohemian often produces exquisitely ordered and controlled work, while living a life of sheer, uncomfortable chaos.” The Lady. Excursions to Bohemia. 7th July, 1932

"It is never wise for anyone to rush into sudden friendship, especially young women. Far better for a girl to be thought a little dull at first than to do this, for, as many have found to their cost, it is easy enough to make undesirable acquaintances but very difficult to withdraw from them once made." The Lady. The Bachelor Girls. 7th July 1904

“It will be found that the foregoing simple system of book-keeping will not only check rash expenditure, but make a fascinating record which in after years will be found most interesting.” The Lady, Home Book-keeping, 5th July 1923

“A tin of home-made biscuits is always a useful addition to the store cupboard; they can be made well in advance for a tea party, or are ready to hand when the unexpected guest arrives.” The Lady. And Some Good Biscuit Recipes. 12th November, 1953

"The first thing to decide when you are pondering whether you will share a flat with your friend, is not whether you love her but whether you can live with her! Try to put affection aside and to think of her impartially." The Lady. On Living Together. 10th March, 1932

"IT may appear a very small matter, but in reality, a mistress cannot be too particular about the way in which the door is answered and visitors are announced." The Lady. Household Management. 23rd July, 1896

"Somehow the returning of baskets and boxes is one of the things, like returning borrowed books, which the average person find difficult or even impossible." The Lady. With Prejudice. 25th June 1936.

"We do not spoil a small child’s birthday, if we have any real sympathy with young minds, by giving all the other children cakes and wreaths as well." The Lady. With Prejudice. 25th June, 1936.

“The only disgrace which can be attached to a woman-worker comes, not from the work, but from the way in which it is done. Marriage cannot come to all daughters, and even those happily married have to consider the chances of widowhood.” The Lady. Untrained daughters. 25th May 1899

"TO be a wife and to be a girl bachelor are both good things, entered into wisely." The Lady. The Emancipated Girl. 3rd September, 1893 

"PEOPLE in England talk too much at luncheon or dinner about politics and not enough about literature, music or painting. The question does rather present itself as to whether conversation, as a fine art, is dying out in the hurry clipped phraseology of to-day."

The Lady. The Art of Conversation. 12th December, 1929

"AFTERNOON calls are not paid before three o'clock. Formal calls, first ones, and those made by slight acquaintances are usually made before four o'clock; more friendly ones between four and five, but you would not call later than five unless you knew your hostess very well. None but intimate friends would think of calling upon you during the busy hours before luncheon." The Lady. Letters to Do from "Lady Clare". 30th November, 1916 

Written by Katy Pearson ~ Originally printed online at http://www.lady.co.uk

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Advice from 1910

True courtesy consists not in forms alone, but in forms made living by the spirit of goodwill, are facts that we have much lost sight of in our admiration of fashion and wealth... ~ Gilded age table top silver and gilt fashions for the serving of eggs at breakfast, from 1910

The Morning “Chit-Chat”

When the question of a certain point of etiquette arose among a group of us the other night the lady who always knows somehow, spoke up: “This is the way it looks to me," she said, and we all listened, as we always do when this sweet oracle speaks. “This is the way it looks to me. I think you should go first because that's the common sense way, and a teacher I had once told me that if I were ever in doubt about any point of etiquette to think ‘which is the common sense’ way, and let that decide it. ‘For every point of etiquette,’ he said, ‘No matter how foolish it seems, is built originally on some good reason, and often you can find out the proper thing to do by looking for the reason.’”

Doesn't that appeal to you as a pretty good test to apply when you are in an etiquette quandary? It does to me. And here's another. When you are in doubt as to which of the two things is proper to do, do the kinder and it's 10 to 1 you will be doing the right one. I know a little country girl who, when she dined for the first time at a stylish city home, was very much puzzled as to whether she ought to say, "Thank you" when the maid bought the serving of soup around to her place.

She decided that it would seem countryfied to do so, and received her plate in silence. She says she will never forget the flush of shame that swept over her when the mistress of the home thanked the maid, as she received her plate. If the little girl had done the kinder thing, she would have done the right thing, and she says she will never again depart from that criterion.

Speaking of that incident reminds me, by the way, of a home at which I visit, where it is the invariable custom for the master of the house, no matter what guests are present to serve the mistress of the house first. In this way she sets the example when there's any doubtful point of table etiquette, so that all her guests need to do is watch her. Isn't that an exquisite bit of thoughtfulness? To me, it seems a custom that ought to be adopted everywhere.

That there can be no really good manners without the goodness of heart, and that true courtesy consists not in forms alone, but in forms made living by the spirit of goodwill, are facts that we have much lost sight of in our admiration of fashion and wealth, but they are sterling facts just the same.

Let me commend to the young person who wants to be well-bred. Lord Chesterfield's most excellent definition of good breeding: “Good breeding is a combination of much sense: some good nature, and a little self-denial for the sake of others, with a view to obtain the same indulgence from them.” —Ruth Cameron, 1910

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1950's Etiquette for Businessmen

You may have to appoint her chairman of a committee to look into the company's telephone manners, ask her to "get the girls together"...

Memo

To: Men who can't be bothered with "all that etiquette nonsense"

From: the editors

We solemnly swear that this book will not tell you:
1. how things should be done to please delicate ladies tsk-tsk ing over the teacups in their Victorian bowers
(Instead, it tells you how things are done, by practical men who know their way around in these high-pressure days.)

2. how to set a table, manage a wedding, furnish your house or christen a baby
(But it tells you how to handle women who care about such matters - and it might help you sign up a Lady who has an etiquette book of her own.)

3. how to make a million dollars, break 70 on the golf course or marry a beautiful heiress
(But it may keep you from making a fool of yourself while you're trying!)

With the help of experts in every field - experts who form our board of advisory editors - we've ruthlessly cast aside all forms which no longer make sense in the world of today. 

We've been especially rough on those ladylike rules which are not comfortable and natural for a man to follow. In their place, you will find new and current guides on everything from tippling to tipping, from courting to sporting.

We think this book will save you a lot of trouble - and not a few embarrassing moments.

We think it will help put you at ease in what ever strange situation you come up against.

We know it will work ... so we hope you'll put The New Esquire Etiquette to work for you.

We think this book will help put you at ease in what ever strange situation you come up against.

From “Your Secretary”

Your secretary represents you. You're the one who will be marked down if she manages to rub other people the wrong way -- and she can do it in a minute if she has developed the habit of asking "Who's calling?" over the telephone, or if she relays your orders as though they were her own -- so in the end you're the one who will have to tell her how to seem polite and helpful even as she turns away your callers, prods your juniors, lies to your seniors or otherwise looks after your interests.

When she new, it's easy.  You just sit her down, as a sort of confidential partner in your business of getting ahead, and tell her exactly how you want things done. She can't be offended by the orientation approach I'm sure you know this already but... Hand her this book, if you're pressed for time, or buy her a copy of Communications Handbook for Secretaries*, but manage to let her know that you notice and you care how she handles other people for you.

When she has already had time to settle into some of the bad habits discussed below, the job of correcting her is a bit touchy. You may have to appoint her chairman of a committee to look into the company's telephone manners, ask her to "get the girls together" to discuss a general letting-down you've noticed on the subject of businesslike dress in the office, or assign her to collect materials for a memo you want to write the office manager about business etiquette. You can be sure, however, that it will be worth whatever trouble you have to take to bring your secretary's manners up to a par with her stenography. If she is smooth she can be more effective, for you.

Before you start criticizing your secretary's manners, however, perhaps you had better take a look at your own manners toward your secretary.

* By Lucy Graves Mayo, one of our advisory editors

Show wives and kiddies what Daddy does all day…

From “Your Wife and Your Work”

KEEP HER OUT OF IT, if you can.

You are lucky if she knows enough about the ways of the business world to act as a suitable sounding board - or enough about the ways of womanhood to provide needed relief from business pressures. In a company where a certain amount of social mixing is necessary, you're lucky if she is a good hostess endowed with the knack of putting people at ease (a knack which usually includes empathy, the art of small talk and a nice sense of timing in the expression of controversial opinion.) It's nice if she wants what you want in your career; it helps if she understands when you have to work hard and late.
But - note - all these qualities operate AT HOME.

Your wife should stay out of your office, except by infrequent appointment to meet you there or except by invitation to one of those Open House events some companies stage in order to show wives and kiddies what Daddy does all day.

She should stay off your office wire, except on matters which can't await your call or your return home. And even when the mission itself has your approval, she should never deal directly with your employees or fellow-workers.

If she doesn't know these things instinctively, you'll have to risk telling her outright. Explain it in terms of "appearances," a concept women are usually quick to appreciate, and she shouldn't resent the lesson.

For your part, you should avoid dragging her name, activities or opinions into the business day. She's not a skeleton (we hope) to be kept hidden in a closet, but too many men quote their wives too often to hold the interest (and respect) of their associates. It may be true that the road to success is crowded with wives pushing their husbands along - but try not to let it show in your case!

And by the way: when and if you do refer to your wife in a business conversation, do not speak of her as "MrsYourName." Call her "my wife" or, if the person you are speaking to knows her well enough to know her first name, "Mary." The reason is simple; in social usage, a man refers to his wife as "MrsHisname" only in speaking to servants and children. So using that form in business, even though the business rule is not so clear-cut, sounds a note of condescension. – The New Esquire Etiquette 1953

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Vintage 1960's Etiquette for Teen Girls

From 1963's "The Seventeen Magazine Book of Etiquette and Entertaining"

Why I'd love to come to dinner!  I'll just get my "Seventeen Magazine Book of Etiquette" out for a few dining tips.

Table Manners That Take You Anywhere

Depiction of a typical place setting for a more formal dinner.

Any meal is a sociable occasion, and good table manners add to the sociability. The one magnificent reason for having them is so everyone can enjoy the food that's served. Relaxed but thoughtful is probably the key phrase that describes the kind of person you like to eat with. Most of the rules have been dinned at you since you were bib age, but constant repetition may have dulled some of the points, so perhaps a review is in order:

Wait 'til a few others have been served before starting. When you are a guest, take your cue from your hostess; some families say grace before a meal. Mind her, though, if she says "go ahead" and don't wait for her.

A napkin goes on your lap unless you tuck it in under your chin at a spaghetti or lobster feast. When you leave the table, deposit it at the left side of your plate; the only time you fold it is when you're given a napkin ring.

An explanation and depiction of flatware one may find at a dinner.

You sit up straight, with the chair pulled into the table. You'll look better and the food won't dribble on your clothes or the floor.

Fidgeting spoils the appetite (the other fellow's). Stop it if you find you're carving patterns on the tablecloth with a fork, fiddling with the silver or running a finger idly around the rim of your glass.

If you're not sure which fork to use, eye your hostess. Most tables have the silver set from the outside in, toward the plate, in the order in which it will be needed. Many restaurants put every piece of silver they can find at each place; that's when you have to take your chances. Most people will just think you're absent minded if you take the wrong implement.

Food stays pretty much at plate level until you're ready to put it in your mouth. Hold bread close to the butter plate when you break and butter it.

Elbows stay at table level even if the meat is tough to cut.

You don't reach across anyone else's place. "May I have the salt, please?" is the way to get it.

If you drop an implement, leave it on the floor until the meal is over. If you're in a restaurant, you don't pick it up at all.

"It's a nice idea to pat your mouth with a tissue before drinking out of a glass; it avoids unaesthetic smudges... At least that's what the book says."

Any glass with a stem is held by the bowl for better balance. Otherwise it might wobble and spill.

It's a nice idea to pat your mouth with a tissue before drinking out of a glass; it avoids unaesthetic smudges.

The long spoon served with iced tea, a soda or a milkshake goes in the saucer when you're not using it. No saucer? Leave the spoon in the glass and brace it with your forefinger when you drink so you won't jab your eye.

Mouths are zipped up when chewing. Soup is not slurped. Teeth are not clicked noisily with spoons. Only puppies are cute smacking their food.

Follow pattern of host or hostess before you pick up drumstick or chop bone. Some people do. Some people don't.

Learn to answer a question neatly when your mouth is full.

But not too full! Food should be cut to manageable size -- one piece at a time. A plate of minced-up food looks right at a toddlers place, not at a teen's.

You sit up straight with the chair pulled into the table.  You'll look better and the food won't dribble onto your clothes.

Butter and jelly are never spread on a whole slice of bread or toast. Break, butter and eat is the order. For rolls, too. But you'd probably break and butter all the pieces of a hot popover so the butter would melt nicely.

If there is no spoon for the salt dish, use the blade of a clean knife.

Be matter-of-fact about removing the uneatable from your mouth. Slide prune pits out of your mouth onto your spoon and then to the plate. Olive pits, fishbones and slivers of bird and chop bones should be chewed reasonably clean before you remove them with your fingers. A piece of meat you can't chew is slid onto the fork and put on the rim of your plate. (Don't retire behind your napkin for any of these maneuvers.)

Choking a little? Take a sip of water -- or leave the table 'til you've recovered.

When a platter or dish is served to you, use the serving fork to steady the food and a serving spoon to lift the food to your plate. Then replace the fork and spoon, side by side, so handles stay clear of food. Take small portions; you're almost sure to get a second chance. When a serving dish is passed around the table, hold or steady it for the next person.

Hand a pitcher with a handle pointing towards receiver.

Put sandwiches and other finger foods on your plate before eating them.

Implements you have used never go in dishes others will share -- your spoon in the sugar bowl, as an example.

If you see an implement in a dish, use it instead of fingers -- a pickle or lemon fork, sugar or ice tongs, nut spoon.

Never leave a spoon in the coffee, egg or soup cup or in the dessert dish. Rest it on the saucer or plate beneath.

When you pass your plate for seconds, or when you've finished, place the knife and fork, the spoon or fork, or the dessert spoon and fork side by side on the plate -- so the handles rest on the rim and the tips are in the well of the plate. That keeps the silver from bouncing off.

Retro Etiquette from "The Lady"

Known as England's longest running weekly magazine for women, "The Lady" has been in continuous publication since 1885 

"WHEN an intelligent woman makes up her mind to accomplish a thing, there are very few deeds which she cannot achieve."

The Lady. A Boarding-House for Ladies. 19th February, 1891

“SOUP must be served in cups to guests before they leave, a custom that is very much appreciated in cold weather”

The Lady. Etiquette. 11th November 1909

"IT is easy to miss the best answer to a problem when a good,but inferior, option presents itself."

The Lady. A Tempting Diversion. 23rd September, 1965

“PUTTING the bed into the right place is about as troublesome as placing a piano in a small room. At any cost don’t let the bed face the window! A third of life is spent in sleep, and whether you are well or ill that glaring mistake spells discomfort.”

The Lady. And So to Bed 23rd September, 1948

“IN most romantic fiction the monosyllabic hero is regarded with considerable approval, as though being tongue-tied was a special virtue. But in real life, particularly in marriage, the truly reticent male can drive any wife crazy. Matrimonial bliss can be ruined by a silent husband.”

The Lady. Silent Isn’t Golden To Me 26th September 1968

"TRUE hospitality means the doing and giving – freely and heartily – the best you can, and of the best you have."

The Lady. Entertaining. 11th August, 1898

“THE average man seems incapable of discerning when a woman is good and charming and eminently suitable as a wife.”

The Lady. Marrying Families. 25th July, 1912

“IN the feverish search for happiness we are apt to overlook the beautiful commonplaces of life – friends, books, music, the “sweet charities” of family life, sunshine and warmth.”

The Lady. The Triumph of the Ordinary. 25th July, 1912

"IT is far better to have things well done, no matter how simple they may be, than to have much show and little comfort.

The Lady magazine. Talks on etiquette 7th May, 1914

"AS a general rule, one’s stern duty in life seems to be to avoid the things in life that are pleasant, especially in the matter of diet."

The Lady. Living Well. 16th August, 1928

“LOVE is not always a reliable basis for a life-long companionship. It is well known that there is a tendency in human nature to love precisely where love is certain to bring misery.” The Lady. Far and Near. 19th August, 1909

“‘THE World’ expresses regret that there is a tendency to make the dinner-hour later and later. Long dinners are wearisome and one would not wish them revived.” The Lady. Far and Near. 13th August, 1903

"THE woman who is always on her doorstep gossiping with her neighbour does not, as a rule, keep her house clean.” The Lady. The Gossip of Women. 27th August, 1908

"EVEN in a house where there are more than two people, and a good deal of outside work to be done, one can be perfectly content and happy without a servant (to say nothing of the saving), only all must pull together, and everyone give a hand at times." The Lady. Comfort Without A Servant. 22nd July, 1915

"THE secret of the successful "little" dinner is that all the people present belong to the same clique: if an outsider is present he or she must have some special brilliance." The Lady. Dinners Up-To-Date. 22nd July 1920

"IT is quite clear that the art of living is to take things as they come, and to thankful for any mercies that may be granted. So many good things in life are taken as a matter of course." The Lady. Our Negative Blessings. 22nd July, 1920

"THERE are many good chances wasted by lack of promptness and businesslike habits, also by the inability to take up new ideas.’ The Lady. How to Live. 20th August, 1903

A more recent cover, from 2012. The magazine got a makeover in 2009: "It was set up "to deal with the many subjects in which Ladies are interested, in a manner at once fully and completely, yet not tiresome: to provide information without dullness and entertainment without vulgarity..." Providing entertainment without vulgarity is still the magazine's mission for its 30,000 subscribers. The vicissitudes of hen keeping, rather than rock chicks, worry readers. And thank goodness for that, says Marie-Helene Ferguson, founder of the London School of Etiquette. 'I think it's quite refreshing and is an oasis - as a woman you can feel pressured with magazines, so I don't read them anymore. It's 'Gucci this week, Prada the next' - you end up feeling inadequate.'" BBC Today

"THERE is a good deal of truth in the theory that the world is only too ready to esteem people as they esteem themselves, to "take them at their own valuation," as we say."

The Lady. Musical Notes. 30th September, 1926

“LEISURE is a secret vice, a treasure to be fought for and planned for as ruthlessly as any first baby”

The Lady. On Being A Governess: A Lost Joy. 4th February 1932

"BECOME a good cook before you marry, darling. Then you will be competent to rebuke a staff of domestics or to dispense with one."

The Lady. The New Riviera. 22nd December 1927

“SOUL-SEARCHING and soul-pulling form the chief subject of conversation among even comparative strangers who meet across a dinner table or in a country house… The privacy of life is almost abolished.”

The Lady. More About Women. 16th January, 1890

"WOMEN attend meetings and read newspapers in ever-increasing numbers. It should be considered impolite nowadays for a man to address himself to men only."

The Lady. Far And Near. 22nd December, 1927

"IN one case in a thousand a woman may be right to make the proposal. That case is the one where the woman’s worldly possessions make the man who loves her shy of taking the usual course. One can think of no other position in which the Leap Year license should be used."The Lady. Far and Near. 25th February, 1904‘

ONE always introduces the less important to the more important person.’ The Lady. Correspondence-Etiquette. 24th December, 1931

"IF love reigned supreme the earth would always be calm and happy. It is only when hatred and its attendant evils, envy and strife, creep in that the world is not the beautiful sunny place it was intended to be." The Lady, The Message Of The Snowflakes, 22nd December, 1927

"EMBRACE as many friends as possible beneath the mistletoe, for those who kiss beneath the Christmas mistletoe will never quarrel." The Lady. Customs And Superstitions: Old And New. 22nd December, 1927

“EAT mince pies in as many different houses as possible during the Christmas season, for, according to the number of houses, so will you have as many weeks of good luck during the coming year.” The Lady. Customs And Superstitions: Old And New. 22nd December, 1927

"WHEN only one servant is kept, it is wisest to to have one of experience, and give very good wages to her." The Lady. The Duties of Servants. 24th February, 1911

"NOTHING is commonplace; everything is wonderful, and everything interesting, if only we knew it." The Lady. The Plums of Life. 24th February, 1910

"THE thrifty housewife has initiative. She possesses the gift of management, a gift denoting cleverness, character and originality." The Lady. The Virtue of Thrift. 18th January, 1906

"TO work in a kitchen where there is "no room to turn round" and "nowhere to put anything" is trying to the nerves and productive of breakages." The Lady. The Cupboard Kitchen. 18th January, 1934

"NOTHING could be more dangerous to happy marriage than the general assumption that it is an affair of trial and error. Husbands and wives who believe that they are married 'till death do us part' are much more likely to settle their differences and make allowances for one another's faults than those who, ever critical, have the idea of divorce always in their mind." The Lady. The Children's View. 22nd February, 1951.

"It is very necessary that every girl should really understand the art of making a bed well and comfortably. To know that one's bed is sure to be clean and properly made, makes us more than ready to follow the wise maxim which teaches that to go to bed early is to be "healthy, wealthy and wise." The Lady. The Art of Making Beds. 22 January, 1903

"DO not worry; and do not think things over too much. Above all, cheer up and fight against the temptation to be downhearted." The Lady. The Best Advice When Everything is Upside Down. 23rd November, 1922

"YOU should not when you pay afternoon calls take your dog with you, even if he is a "perfect darling" and always obeys your orders to lie down quietly." The Lady. Letters to dot from Lady Clare. 4th January 1917

"MANNERS do matter! They matter tremendously in every-day life. When two men or women are equal in ability in business it is their manner that decides which of them shall be promoted. Social success depends upon "manners" controlled by the brain." The Lady. Manners Do Matter. 12th December, 1929

"Many people commit social solecisms through the mistaken idea of good manners. One such mistaken idea of good manners is to gush over children, pet animals, dresses, or any possessions of others." The Lady. Society solecisms. 3rd September, 1903

"THE plain fact that the bachelor girl is merely a single women of small means pursuing an art or earning her living is known but ignored by a delusion-loving world, which insists on putting her condition as a happy blend of gaiety, freedom and romance." The Lady. The Emancipated Girl. 3rd September, 1893

“WHEN setting a luncheon, beakers for drink instead of tumblers will appeal to those with maids who are congenitally unable to polish glass.” The Lady. Breakfast, Luncheon, Tea and Dinner. 14th November 1929.

“SOMEONE has discovered that little women have strong wills and that big ones are yielding. He says that “The little helpless thing” is the most formidable creature in the world, certain to defeat the man in every encounter.” The Lady. Untrained daughters. 25th May 1899

"FOR those who only keep one servant there are three forms of entertaining – luncheons and teas for single ladies, and suppers for those who are married." The Lady. How to entertain. 25th May 1899

“IT is the doing of little things correctly that shows whether people are used or not used to the ways of society. It is the wife not the husband who has to keep up and extend their circle of friends and acquaintances, and it is her influence or popularity that may make or mar his career socially. The Lady. Chats on Etiquette. 21st July, 1898

“IN losing respect for their parents, a good many young people seem to have lost respect for themselves. Indeed, they seem unable to respect anything at all.” The Lady. Modern Family Life. 5th August 1926

“EVERYONE wants companionship of some sort, and misses it if withheld; especially is this the case with young people. None of us were intended by Nature to live alone, and youth in particular requires – I might say craves – for brightness and amusement.” The Lady. The Bachelor Girl by Lady Clare. 7th July 1904

“LADIES do not call upon gentlemen. If you wish to further the acquaintance, you can show him any hospitality you like. It would be quite correct for you to invite him either to luncheon, tea or dinner.” The Lady. Etiquette. 14th July 1904

"THE housewife who does her own cooking, and yet who desires time for other interests, will find "cooking mornings" a practical and time-saving proposition. The one who never looks ahead, but does her cooking meal by meal, necessarily spends much time in the kitchen. A good housewife will think ahead, and set aside two or three mornings a week when she will cook for that day, and will also wholly or partially prepare dishes for several days ahead." The Lady. A Cooking Morning. 7th March, 1935

“Selfishness and real love cannot co-exist because the first desire of such love is for the happiness and well-being of its object.” The Lady. The Right Handle. 15th June 1911

"Self-sacrifice can be the chief curse of family life, because few of us are really angelic enough either to accept or give self-sacrifice without resentment." The Lady. With Prejudice. 26th June 1930

“Hesitation is usually fatal, and it is therefore advisable to adopt one definite rule and keep to it.” The Lady. The Lady and Her Car: Acquiring the Road Sense. 27th December, 1928

“A well-developed body is in no way inconsistent with a refined nature, and the girl who plays hockey and golf may be quite as womanly as the girl who spends her days over an embroidery frame.” The Lady. A Plea For The Modern Woman. 24th April, 1902

"A girl should be polite and courteous to everyone with whom she may come in contact, but if she is wise she will not become intimate with anyone until she knows something of their character, for the bachelor girl has, being alone, to walk warily and keep closely to the straight path of everyday duties." The Lady. The Bachelor Girl. 7th July, 1904

“When planning the party games, it is important not to give the impression that you are working through a set programme. It is quite true that you must think out beforehand what games and stunts will be included, but you want no hint of formality.” The Lady. Making the children’s party. 12th December 1929

"Women hate the housework more than men do. This is not surprising for the cottage housewife has usually enjoyed a greater sense of possession than her husband ever had the chance to develop, while, on the other hand, he among workmates and at the inn or the crossroads, has developed an easier social habit than she has." The Lady. Housing the old. 19th December, 1935

"Many argue that a soft collar means a soft virtue but because the young of to-day have different tastes is no reason to suppose these tastes are "immoral". Tastes are tastes, and we all have a right to our own." The Lady, Far and near. 18th August, 1921

"Some of us have realised, with a qualm, that the best intentions in the world without labour would not be worth very much." The Lady Women and War Service 19th August, 1915

“It is not enough to have, or to be, a first-rate cook at the stove itself, to ensure a really first-rate meal. Often a perfectly good dinner is spoiled by a slovenly service.” The Lady. Makes the most of her work. 20th June, 1946

"It is characteristic of human nature – at any rate, of human nature in the British Isles – to be sensitive about its nomenclature. Nothing is more infuriating to many of us than to be called by wrong names, or to have our letters addressed inaccurately." The Lady. Far and Near. August 1915

“The reading of fiction, not long ago thought deplorable by nearly all social workers, is now becoming almost a virtue.” The Lady. Good marks for the Novel. 23rd of April. 1936

"WHAT would be the effect of, say, five years without Hollywood? Would young women become more poetic and less hard-boiled? The Lady. Going Our Own Way. 21st February, 1946

“The power of suggestion is potent. We ourselves know that. We feel better at once if we are greeted by a cheerful friend who remarks how well we are looking.” The Lady. The Power of Suggestion. 23rd May, 1929

“DO not give a friendly nod to a slight acquaintance, nor a distant bow to a friend. If you receive a bow, even should it be made in error, return it politely, not with a mere look of surprise, which is sure to make the one who bowed feel uncomfortable.” The Lady. Some Minor Unwritten Social Laws. 18th July, 1912

“ALL fine qualities are made better for a dash of good sense.” The Lady. Far and near. 24th April, 1913

“A GRACEFUL walk is a great asset, for sometimes it can create an illusion of beauty where little exists.” The Lady. Pleasant Exercises for Grace. 2nd April 1931

"PARTIES are more enjoyable as a habit than as a very occasional relaxation. The unaccustomed social mouse, stricken with envy and admiration of what she supposes to be the dazzling wit of accustomed party-goers, might often be comforted by the discovery that these shining ones are talking chiefly of the previous party or the one to follow." “The Lady.” from “With Prejudice” ‘The Lady,’ 5th January, 1933 

"IT is an openly-proclaimed fact that men do not like paying calls; it bores them to do so, and they hate afternoon teas...” “The Lady” on ‘Why, and Why Not,‘ ‘The Lady,’ 20th November 1924

Written by Katy Pearson ~ Originally printed online at http://www.lady.co.uk

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia