Pettiness Interfered with Graciousness

The Lady acted in an unladylike manner by publicly cutting the widow… Lady Geddes wouldn’t receive the widow of Terence MacSwiney herself, and she wouldn’t even associate herself with her hostess? It is a curious state of mind.– Public domain image of widow, Muriel MacSwiney, the left-wing activist and Irish republican, in December 1920

Petty Lady Geddes and the Widow MacSwiney

THE British Ambassador in Washington should speak to his wife. He should give a few kindly words of advice to the Lady Geddes. She resigned as a Patroness of the Washington Opera because one of the other patronesses has been too gracious a hostess of Mrs. Muriel MacSwiney. Perhaps there is some hidden point of etiquette in this that would be obvious to English society, but is not so apparent to Washington.

We don't know about these things. The lady feels her caste – and caste is a strange thing. It comes from the Portuguese word casta, meaning “pure.” In India one of lower caste cannot approach a member of higher caste except as a menial; the touch of an inferior is equivalent to pollution. Perhaps it is this sort of reasoning that sponsors the action of Lady Geddes. She wouldn’t receive the widow of Terence MacSwiney herself, and she won't even associate herself with her hostess. It is a curious state of mind.

Of course, Terence MacSwiney died in jail - in stubborn rebellion against the British government. And though some people consider him a martyr, Lady Geddes and her friends must look upon him as an idiot, a fanatic, a traitor, or at least a very foolish man. Or there may be other reasons. The Lady Geddes’ objections to Mrs. MacSwiney may be social and not political. She is the wife of a very successful, self-made man who made himself a power in England by remaining alive and working. 

Mrs. MасSwiney is the widow of another man who never made a material success of life and whose greatest power has come through his death. Lady Geddes must see that there is considerable difference here. And so she refuses to be linked in society with a simple Irish widow – of which there is an increasing number in the world. But Ambassador Geddes, if he cares at all for American popularity, should have a confidential little chat with his wife. She needs it. – San Francisco Call, December, 1920

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Portuguese Etiquette and Regicide

 Seven magnificent royal palaces are kept up, with all the expense involved In the constant transfers of the large Court from one place to another. The Court itself is a hierarchy and has a ceremonial etiquette second only to that of Russia and Austria, and the personnel is certainly larger than that of Germany.– Public domain image of ‘The 1908 Regidice of Lisbon, as depicted in the French’ “Le Petit Journal”

Portuguese Throne Tottering to Fall

Political Observers See Storm Cloud Coming to Wash Away Monarchy

Campaign Against Royal Family Will Be Made Openly at the Polls

LISBON, Feb. 25. - Whether or not a republic is eventually to supplant the monarchy in Portugal, it is practically the unanimous opinion here that the country soon will witness a violent political struggle, in which the life of the Monarchy may be at stake. The comparative tranquillity since the assassinations is simply a breathing spell in which the forces of the monarchy on the one hand and of popular government on the other are being marshaled for the fray. 

Since the assassinations of King Carlos and Crown Prince Luiz, the republicans have been joined by the dissident progressivists and they intend to make their campaign for a change of regime openly in the coming electoral contest. The exposure of political corruption, the manner in which an army of clients was maintained at the expense of the public treasury and above all the secret advances made to the royal family, they claim, have destroyed forever the prestige of the monarchy. 

Disinterested opinion, however, does not consider Portugal ripe for a republic: it believes, in fact, that the country under a popular regime in the present backward state of the masses would become a prey of the ambitions of politicians and like the Central American republics would be without stability.

KING'S COURSE DANGEROUS

Under present circumstances the course of the young King is most dangerous, as he has placed the destiny of the throne in the hands of the leaders of the two discredited old parties, men whose past prevents them from meeting their adversaries in the open field of political discussion, and who, the people will insist, must be disciplined.

The real weakness of the Monarchy in Portugal seems to be that it is top heavy. With its territory shrunken, its wealth withered, the people crushed by taxation, the national credit bankrupt 15 years ago, the bureaucracy and the Court are maintained on a scale almost as extensive as in the days of Portuguese world dominion and splendor.

Seven magnificent royal palaces are kept up, with all the expense involved In the constant transfers of the large Court from one place to another. The Court itself is a hierarchy and has a ceremonial etiquette second only to that of Russia and Austria, and the personnel is certainly larger than that of Germany.

MUST PRUNE EXPENSES

It is here that the pruning hook must be applied in the reorganization of a country where half the taxes collected go to pay the interest on the state debt.

The students at the universities, as in Russia and other countries where revolution is being agitated, are playing a considerable role in Portugal, and as another factor in the situation the church may become prominent. The people are Catholic, but not clerical.

Foreign Intervention to sustain the Monarchy is not anticipated. Both Spain, the neighbor, and Great Britain, which practically dominated the foreign policies of Portugal, would undoubtedly like to see the present regime sustained. as would possibly other powers whose subjects have business interests in this country, but Great Britain, it is believed, would not attempt to interfere with the internal policies of the country.- The San Francisco Call, 1909

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Utensil Signals

Using Utensil Placement 

to

Send Signals to Servers

A Second Debut of a Very Popular Article from 2019

Misinformation abounds on the internet.  This is just as true with etiquette information as it is with any other subject.

When I saw a graphic circulating on social media depicting the positions of dining utensils to signal a message to a server, I had to set the record straight. In fact, fellow Etiquette Enthusiast and Educator, Maura Graber, site moderator and editor of Etiquipedia(c) Etiquette Encyclopedia has been fighting an uphill battle to call attention to a particular false  infographic that appears on dozens of websites in the U.S. and other countries where knives and forks are used. 

The graphic I am referring to illustrates five positions in which you can place your knife and fork to relay a message to your server.  (Two, the Pausing and Finished shown above are correct.)

Three of the five positions illustrated demonstrate very poor etiquette and are actually rude to the server.  

From the Server’s Perspective

The job of your server is to receive your food and drink order, deliver it to your table when ready, and take your plate away when you are finished eating.

Servers are busy -- juggling multiple tables and lots of information truly does take talent.  The “pause” and “finished” utensil positions let her know at a glance whether your table has plates to be removed, or if she can continue with other tasks.

Utensils placed in the “paused” or “resting” position let your server know you are not finished eating and your plate does not need to be removed.

Utensils placed in the “finished” position let your server know you have finished eating and she may take your plate.

Neither of these utensil signals require verbal communication for your server to know what action to take.  In other words, they make your server’s job easier and prevent additional disruptions in your table conversation.

Two – and Only Two - Signals

Dining etiquette involves not only proper use of your utensils while eating, but using them to signal information that makes dining pleasant for everyone. 

Servers appreciate you letting them know what assistance you require from them.  And non-verbal signals are a small but significant part of civilized dining.

However, the only signals your server needs to receive via utensil placement is whether you are pausing during your meal, or whether you are finished with your meal.  There is no tradition anywhere that requires any other signals.  Attempting to do so only causes confusion.

I am joining Ms. Graber and other informed etiquette consultants urging you to ignore any image teaching inappropriate communication to diners and restaurant servers.  Won’t you join us?  

You can download the infographic here that shows correct and incorrect utensil placement signals.

Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Culture of Myanmar

Myanmar has many influences and conquerors from areas such as Mongolia, Tibet, and later the British East India Company, and, during World War II, the Japanese. The Bamar people migrated into the famous Irrawaddy valley, bringing the Burmese language, culture and religion- now known as Buddhism, which gradually spread across the region. 

On my initial flight to Myanmar was I was feeling apprehension sink in, due to the stringent government oversight I'd heard about. Despite these concerns, my friends and I decided to explore the city for three days, which was a fascinating experience. What did I discover during my time there?

When Myanmar Gained Independence
Myanmar has many influences and conquerors from areas such as Mongolia, Tibet, and later the British East India Company, and, during World War II, the Japanese. The Bamar people migrated into the famous Irrawaddy valley, bringing the Burmese language, culture and religion- now known as Buddhism, which gradually spread across the region. The country gained independence on 4th January 1948. Then, in 1989, the military government officially changed the colonial period English name of Burma, only to become Myanmar or Republic of the Union of Myanmar. The renaming remains a flashpoint issue. Those who were born in the country associate themselves with the demonym of ‘Burmese’.

Finding Light Heartedness and Tolerance
Do the people of Myanmar reflect the government's aggressive rule? Conversely, the people are relaxed and calm. H. Fielding Hall author of ‘The Soul of a People’ says ‘of all the lovable qualities of the Burmese – and they are many - there are none greater than these - their light heartedness and their tolerance’.

Etiquette of the Burmese People
They show outward care and kindness and are especially mindful of others and their lives, display modesty, and use the well-known Asiatic communication medium of ‘saving face’ as the Chinese. Another cultural interaction is ‘ahnarde’, which the burmalibrary.org states “conveys the idea of not having the heart or strength to do or say something that might impinge on the feelings of others.” Ahnarde permeates throughout etiquette interactions such as these:

Another interesting point of Burmese culture is the idea of the presentation of modesty and neatness in clothing, which are the cornerstone of first impressions regarding social status.

• Greetings: Ming-gala-ba is used formally to say hello and is typically accompanied by a slight bow, or more formally, where palms are folded together. The phrase “mingalaba” can mean “may you be blessed.” Informally, you can use nay-kaung-lar.
• To display ‘greater’ respect, one kneels and touches their palms and forehead to the ground three times, a practice known as ‘kadaw.’ This gesture is often used when showing respect to monks or idols. In a different manner, Indians have this culture of deep respect towards the elderly and religion.
• Those who are younger will be expected to sit or stand in a lower position than their elders, meaning they will have to use their knees to lower their height position as well as show respectfulness when in the presence of the elderly. When walking, they will walk behind the elder one. When needing to go to the front of an elderly person, an apology is given. If you are walking when an older person is sitting on a chair, it is polite to walk behind that person.
• The Burmese are well known for cleanliness, and I noticed that when I walked in Yangon’s streets within the city limits. It may be a little primitive compared to Thailand today, but it is a breath of fresh air not to see large-screen TVs and high-rise buildings dotting the skyline. 
• When it comes to the body, Burmese citizens see the head and body as vessels to keep clean, but they use the feet and left hand for the dirty.
• Dress: Another interesting point of Burmese culture is the idea of the presentation of modesty and neatness in clothing, which are the cornerstone of first impressions regarding social status. Modern women or men will wear pants, shirts or t-shirts, where the shoulders, chest and upper thighs should remain covered. The more traditional wear such longyi- a long skirt and blouse- eingyi, which may button in the front or side. For men, the traditional cotton or silk hat-gaung baung- distinguishes each ethnic group with a long-sleeved top and a longyi.

Myanmar’s Ethnic Dimensions
Walking around Yangon I felt that I was surrounded by many ethic cultures and those from different countries. The array of traditional clothing worn by the people reflected the many ethnicities and nationalities present. The country is bordered by India to the west, Bangladesh to the southwest, China to the northeast, Laos and Thailand to the east and southeast. Myanmar is home to government-recognized 135 indigenous ethnic groups. The largest groups are Bamar, followed by Shan, Karen, Rakhine, Mon, Kachin, and Kayah peoples.

One needs to respect individual preferences when referring to people from ethnic minorities. Many may not identify as ‘Burmese,’ preferring to use their specific ethnic identity, such as Karen, Chin, or Rohingya. The Karen people, in particular, may object to being called Burmese. The military-led government's repressive policies and ethnic conflicts have created a climate of self-censorship, particularly regarding sensitive political topics. Citizens often fear reprisals and hesitate to openly discuss controversial issues related to Myanmar due to concerns for their families and friends.

Would I go back to Myanmar? My answer is, “Yes.”  Despite the challenges, Myanmar's allure is undeniable. The untapped potential for exploration, the warmth of the people, the delicious cuisine, and the depth of its history have solidified my desire to make a return visit a must.

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Post WWI Manners for Immigrants

In 1919, shortly after WWI women’s magazines were promoting fashionable shoes of the day, while women themselves were teaching homemaking and table manners to new immigrants to the United States. 

Women Help Food Campaign and Offer Table Etiquette Lessons for Patriots

Public domain image of an Opticon circa 1895

The county home-demonstration agent of Monroe County, New York, has converted her small car into a “Victory Special.” Demonstrations are given from the car, and equipment is carried for exhibits of labor-saving devices. In July the “Victory Special” made 34 visits to community meetings, and the agent's message reached 3,646 persons. In one city in Iowa the women connected with home-demonstration work have issued a statement of war-time etiquette called “Table Manners for Patriots.”

In Bristol County, Massachusetts, which contains many manufacturing towns, a food-demonstration truck has been very successful. Demonstrations out of doors in various villages have been well attended, the truck being used in the afternoon and early evening. A special effort was made to reach the Portuguese, French and Italian people. These people would not come to an indoor meeting, but eagerly collected on the sidewalk to watch the demonstration. They were glad to receive literature written in their own language.

In various towns of Windham County, Connecticut, the canning campaign carried on by home-demonstration agents was furthered by the use of an outdoor stereopticon which threw views on a screen over a store window. This attracted good audiences, and nine demonstrations were given, two of these being to foreigners with the aid of an interpreter. – The Inyo Independent, 1919

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Mumbai’s Mobile Phones

There’s almost never a moment when someone isn’t talking, texting, scrolling, or watching something on YouTube, Facebook, or WhatsApp. Mobile or cell phone manners in India are a complete reverse of what is acceptable in Western countries, and even most other Asian nations.

How India has cranked cell phone calls up to 11 and, very often, into a group activity

Etiquette Lessons with Mac and Cheese

A childhood favorite of Etiquipedia, homemade macaroni and cheese is one of the ultimate comfort foods requested by everyone from toddlers to baby boomers when in need of something hot and healthy. - Above, two large and stunning macaroni servers in sterling with gilded bowls and tines. On the left is a Wm B Durgin Co. rare piece, in the multi motif Scroll 1886 Aesthetic floral pattern, & is engraved Elsie Lincoln and marked with the 1878. It has a Durgin D hallmark Sterling & the silversmith retailer Bailey Banks & Biddle. On the right is a Hamilton & Diesinger macaroni server in an unknown pattern, with a large and deep bowl. This is the largest I have seen of this type of utensil.

Children May Be Served with Hot Midday Meal…

This Is Latest Proposal of the Mothers' and Second Ward Improvement Clubs

Hot lunches for the school-children is the latest proposal of the Second Ward Improvement Club and the Parents and Teachers’ Club of the Grant Grammar School, the food to be furnished to the tots at a nominal figure and served to them in one of the schoolrooms, which is to be fitted up for the purpose,

The subject was brought to the attention of the Improvement Club by Mrs. F. Karo, President of the Parents and Teachers’ Club, who asserted that the idea is a good one from an economic viewpoint as the cost of the box lunch would be no greater than that of the “cold bite” carried by the child. One of the advantages from the hot lunch, she pointed out, is that the child will not be forced out into the rain and there required to sit for half a day with wet garments, as many are compelled to do during the rainy season. No small proportion of the children are ill-fed, she asserted. and to assist such as these, as well, it is proposed to give them something warm for the mid-day meal.

A light lunch, consisting of bread and butter, soup or beans, or macaroni and cheese and other dishes of this kind, Mrs. F. B. Brown said, could be served for the sum of 5 cents and should the child wish something more a dessert of some kind could be furnished for sum not exceeding 2 cents more. The subject has already been taken up by Joseph E. Hancock, Principal of the school, who will arrange to have one of his teachers in charge of the tables so that instruction in table etiquette may be given to those who need it.

The two clubs, working with the cooperation of the School Board and the Principal, expect to have the proper equipment installed in the near future. All present at the meeting felt certain that but little trouble would be encountered in getting the necessary money with which to start such a plant.

The Second Ward Club warmly commended the action of the City Council in rushing the work on the curbs and gutters in that portion of the city, as well as the city's activity in the direction of clearing the streets and vacant lots of weeds. — San Jose Mercury News, 1911

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Spanish Premier Talks King’s Etiquette

King Alfonso’s recent visit to King Manuel of Portugal was of a private character and that it had no bearing on the matrimonial projects of the Portuguese Monarch – Public domain photo of King Manuel of Portugal, circa 1909

Says Two Kings Never Discussed Matrimony

Spanish Premier Denies Alfonso Visited…

Manuel to Plan for Nuptials

MADRID, Feb. 16. The premier, Señor Maura, declared today that King Alfonso’s recent visit to King Manuel of Portugal was of a private character and that it had no bearing on the matrimonial projects of the Portuguese Monarch.

A member of King Alfonso’s immediate entourage says that the King has expressed himself several times recently as being determined to make an aeroplane fight with Wilbur Wright, the American aeroplanist, who is conducting a series of flights at Pau, France.

The whole Court is opposed to the idea on the ground that it would be a breach of etiquette, but the informant added that when his Majesty makes up his mind to do a thing nothing can stop him. – Los Angeles Herald, 1909

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for New Salad Forks in 1930

Salad forks, since their first arrival on the table in 1885, came in a variety of types and shapes, just as salads themselves do. 

AN EDITORIAL writer in the Los Angeles Times sees a brighter future for Imperial Valley lettuce growers as a result of the recent invention of a new table tool designated to simplify the problem of eating lettuce salad.

The Western Growers Protective association is given credit for introducing the new lettuce fork to a public that has been trying for several years to devise a graceful method of devouring lettuce leaves.

Probably our former fellow-townsman, C.B. Moore, had something to do with this. If he did, we ought to erect a monument to C.B.

FOLLOWING is the Times editorial:

“Not content with starting new religions and ‘new architecture’ and new styles for the flappers, California has invented a new lettuce fork with a blade attachment to cut succulent salads. We are inventing a new etiquette to go with it.

“This naturally cuts the old-timers to the quick. We grow more lettuce in Imperial Valley than anywhere else on the globe and something just had to be done so that so much of it would not be left on the plate. The Western Protective Association has taken the heroic initiative in the matter.

“Heretofore it was regarded in good form to twist the salad into a large gob and thrust it into the maw even as the hayfork jams the grass into the mow of the barn. Not even the best circles could see anything pleasant in the struggle to drape one's facial foliage around these large, unwieldy quantities of fodder.

“But with this new trick salad fork, with a combination like the old jackknife with a corkscrew and fifty-seven other varieties of tools, we are able to inhale lettuce with comfort and stimulate another of California’s products.”

“The silversmiths are also said to be backing the innovation and that means that the best families will lend themselves to the cause. For many of them have stock in the concern or have mines and will be pleased to have old cutlery out of date. 

“California has taken the orange out of the Christmas stocking and got it on the breakfast table. For a time it was in peril of being put up in prescriptions like spinach by the doctors; but it has turned the corner and can be gedunked at the soda fountains. The whole country is alkalizing its system by orange juice and we are picking the profits for our purses.

“Once we got the world full of prunes; but it woke up one morning and turned to fruit cocktail instead. It got grapefruit in its eye and hope in its heart. The great question a few years back was how to eat an orange. But now the spiffy are acquiring lettuce forks and the price of sterling silver is about to take a sudden advance.” – Calexico Chronicle, 1930

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

French Royal Dining History

 

One popular myth regarding Catherine de Medici, is that she introduced ice cream, sorbets and sherbets to the French, after bringing her personal chefs to France upon her marriage to King Henry II. However, that myth is dispelled in both Elizabeth David’s, “Harvest of the Cold Months: The Social History of Ice and Ices” and Esther B. Aresty’s, “The Exquisite Table – A History of French Cuisine.” Quoting “What’s Cooking, America,” ‘Catherine, fourteen at the time, was accompanied by twelve young ladies-in-waiting near her own age, and, undoubtedly, a large retinue that included cooks and servants to wait on the large party that brought her by ship to Marseilles and cared for the travelers on the overland voyage to the French Court. But as for installing cooks at the court of Francis I to serve her own needs – that would have been bringing coals to Newcastle, and unthinkable in any case with a Monarch like Francis I. At that time his court was far more elegant than any court in Italy.’

Napoleon I Bolted Food When He Ate and

Catherine de Medici Was a Heavy Eater

⚜️A 2nd Debut Article originally shared in 2017⚜️

Although furnished as an advertisement, a book has just appeared from an authoritative pen which contains a lot of interesting information on the menus of the Kings of France and how they dispatched them, writes a Paris correspondent of the Philadelphia Ledger: 

The great Napoleon, we are told, did not waste much time at the table. His schedule was three minutes for coffee, ten for luncheon and half an hour for dinner, without conversation. In other words, the author says: “He bolted his food, to which he owed the disease which took him to an early grave.” 

Francois I and Henri II are described as having been only poor eaters; but Catherine de Medici seems to have been, on the contrary, a tremendous gourmand. She was especially partial to kidneys and to a light poultry dish, to which, on one occasion, as a contemporary chronicler records, she did such ample justice that she nearly succumbed. 

Louis XVI, like Louis XIV, who would often have a substantial meal served up in the middle of the night, was a big feeder. He had what was called “the appetite of the Bourbons.” He, like Napoleon, did not eat; he bolted his food. But few people in the audience know what is going on behind the drop curtain, and it is probably just as well they don't. – San Francisco Call, 1911

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

WWI French Rationing Etiquette

“Less Cake for Paris – 

And Tea Shops’ New Closing Days” …

Chef pastry cooks have for centuries been known around the world for their delicious delicacies, as shown in this vintage American advertisement.

PARIS, Thursday. – War economies are to be begun at once in the tea-shops. A meeting of the Pastry cooks' Union of Paris, at which that of Marseilles is also represented, has decided to close all tea shops and pastry cooks' shops twice a week, on Mondays and Fridays. Moreover, the pastry cooks, after consultation with the Minister of Commerce, have decided to bake no more cakes containing cream or iced with sugar. Finally, a resolution was passed that, “except at meal times, no customer will be entitled to sit down to eat cakes.” Presumably, tea-time will be included among meal times. Although it was never actually said in the first place, “let them eat cake” so much for Parisians now.

A great number of Paris laundries are now closing down owing to the shortage of coal, and many laundries are being turned into munition factories. If I may speak for myself, my washerwoman has just announced that she is closing down her laundry till the end of the war, land is going in for munition making as being more profitable. The Union of Master Launderers confirms that a very great many the suburbs. A meeting of the Syndicate de la Blanchisserie will be held next Sunday to consider the situation. —From our own correspondent, the Telegraph, 1/1/1916

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age “Welcome Guests”

“There is a difference between acting as though one had never seen a sugar sifter before, and acting as though one thought this particular sugar sifter a very pretty one.” – A gilded and silver sugar sifter to the right of a cherry fork and to the left of the fruit and berry servers, from the Etiquipedia private library.

 

The Welcome Guest:

Let the Woman Who Aspires to Be One Do All These Things

The ancient law that one must not remark either in praise or blame upon one’s hostess’s belongings, ought to be cut out of every book of etiquette. It may be extremely “good form” for a guest to act as though the loveliest things a woman could place before her are everyday affairs to her, as though the most daintily prepared food was a diurnal happening with her, but it is not good heart. 

There is a difference between acting as though one had never seen a sugar sifter before, and acting as though one thought this particular sugar sifter a very pretty one. There is a happy medium between displaying round-eyed astonishment at pate de foie gras and showing a polite appreciation of it.

As a usual thing, the mere fact that one is a guest means that one’s entertainers have brought forth their prettiest linen and china, their daintiest silver and their clearest glass, to do one honor. It is only courteous to show an appreciation of it all by an admiring word. It is a compliment to the hostess’s culinary skill to ask her for a recipe or to testify in some other way to a liking for her viands.

Of course, every woman of good breeding will be extremely careful to observe the family rules about meals and the like. She will not demand services from the maid which the other members of the household do not have. She will never be late to breakfast, unless it is the rule of the establishment that each one shall breakfast when he or she pleases. She will endeavor to be “one of the family” in her interest in those things which interest the others, and her assumption for the time of all the family ways. 

But she will conscientiously avoid being one of the family, if that means being drawn into family disputes, hearing family quarrels or being treated to a view of the family skeleton. And having once been a guest in a house, no well-bred woman will ever allow herself afterwards to indulge in unfriendly criticism of those in it. – New York World, 1894

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

When Frenchified Terms Bid Adieu

An 1878, gilded age dinner menu written in French, from the famous Delmonico’s restaurant in New York. 

No Longer Must a Tired Hotel Guest Struggle With the Menu; 

French Lingo Will Be Tabooed

ST. LOUIS, Aug. 22. – Guests of hotels and restaurants of the United States will no longer be obliged to adjust their tongues to the unusual French menu terms in order to be high toned but can use the common English terms without violating any rules of bon ton, if proposals are adopted that have been prepared for adoption at the annual convention of the International Stewards Association in session here.

“No longer will the hungry guest be compelled to call for the ‘menu’ and ask the ‘garçon’ to serve him beef ‘au jus,’”said one of the 3001 delegates registered for the convention, “or to bring him ‘cafe noir en demi tasse,’ but can simply say, ‘Waiter, please bring me some beef and gravy, and black coffee in a small cup,’ without giving rise to the suspicion that he is not well versed on good manners and rules of society.” Some of the French phraseology, however, will remain in vogue, as for instance, ‘Pate de Foie’ gras or ‘Filet mignon,’ because of their wealth of meaning.

For various reasons other dishes that derive their names from famous chefs or from their place of origin will continue to be known by their original terms. The principal purpose of proposing the changes on the bill of fare is the desire to eliminate the chance of a plain American citizen is confronted with when he seats himself at a table in an American restaurant seeking some nourishing food.

Enactment of a law providing that all vegetables be sold by weight, a proposal to establish a national training school for hotel cooks will be among some of the most important matters to be brought up for discussion. – By The Associated Press, 1922

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

International Etiquette Satire

When serving the Swiss steak he could dress up in Alpine garb and maybe yodel his way from guest to guest and while serving the Spanish onions he would make up a la toreador (bull fighter) and either whistle in Paloma (the dove) or play it on a Spanish bagpipes —According to Wikipedia Ring Lardner, the author of this article, “was best known for his satirical writings on sports, marriage, and the theatre. His contemporaries—Ernest Hemingway, Virginia Woolf, and F. Scott Fitzgerald—all professed strong admiration for his writing, and author John O'Hara directly attributed his understanding of dialogue to him.”

New Ideas for the Host on Etiquette and Good Manners 

To the editor:

Every little wile the mail brings in letters from admires of mine ask. ing me will I please advice them in regards to matters of etiquette and good manners and etc., and a per- son would think they was enough writers of the fair sex writing on these subjects in various newspapers and magazines without people calling on a man like myself though of course I may say without no fears of contradiction that they's mighty few women in society who is better qualified to advice along these lines as myself as I have give some of the biggest partys in the annals of Long Island and some of my friends calls me the perfect hest in a joking way.

Letters reed, in the last few days has been full of complaints in regards to some of the articles published on the subjects-referred to and the most general complaint seems to be that the women writers lack an originality and can't suggest nothing only the same old stuff and that is why my readers is anxious that l should turn my pen to this subject for a article or 2.

One lady writes me from Iowa that she wants to give a big party to her friends and maybe a few strangers along about the middle of March and as she is a new comer in the town she is anxious to make a impression but says that she ain't been able to find no writer that can furnish her with new idears as practically all of them keeps harping on the old time dinner party like the ones which has been give at exclusive 5th and 6th. ave. homes for the last 20 yrs, where the menu is always the same you might say including oyster soup, salt mackerel. hamburger, baked beans, ketchup. ice cream and cake and a cup of hot coffee.

The lady in Iowa wants to get away from that kind of junk and says would I please try and suggest something in the way of novelty and as several of my other readers may be planning parties themself, I may as well give them the benefit of what I have thought up for the lady in Iowa, or as it has been aptly turned, the Hawkeye state.

An International Dinner

The town where this lady lives has quite a number of immigrants amongst the population and as some of the foreign element is sure to slip in on a occasion like this kind, why it struck me that there could not be nothing more apropos than a International dinner. At an international dinner, the home should be decorated with the flags of all nations and if necessary some of the rooms could even be papered with German marks, rubles and etc… 

The bill of fare for the dinner would be made up of international dishes. Get a good natured waiter and have him dress up differently between every course, so as to represent the nationality of the different viandes. Like for instant when he was serving the Swiss steak he could dress up in a Alpine garb and maybe yodel his way from guest to guest and while serving the Spanish onions he would make up a la toreador (bull fighter) and either whistle Paloma (the dove) or play it on a Spanish bagpipes.

Filling is a suggestion for the complete bill of fare and I suppose that my hostess may half to send out of town for some of the viands but the results will be well worth the trouble.

Russian caviar     Malta milk

India relish      Jewfish

Chinese chop suey

Chile sauce     Irish stew

Italian vermouth      Spanish onions

German fried potatoes

Brazil.nuts    Hungarian galoshes

(Choice) Holland gin or Dutch cheese

Swede potatoes     Scotch

Greece

French pastry         Swiss steak

English walnuts        American cheese

Mexican jumping beans 

Japanese ginrickshas

Java

The composite invitation that would make the ideal menu for a affair like this kind and after the repast the remaining guests could set down for a few rounds of military culture with the tables named after different nations and each table equipped with a appropriate flag. For instance, the French table would have a French flag and vice versa.

It would give a added touch to a dinner of international flavor to send out the invitations in several languages, and I will close this article by giving a sample Invitation in the case the lady in Iowa and other would be hostess is not a accomplished linguist:

“Signora F. H. Goofski hat le honneur to einladen vous to a international dinner party at her doma. 411 rue de Hickory, on le 11 anut at sieben heures P. M. Bringen napkins. $5.00 per plate.” — Ring W. Lardner. 1923

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Vodka and Caviar Diplomacy

An individual gilded age, Versailles pattern caviar spade by Gorham, a large caviar serving spoon in French sterling and horn, and an individual caviar spoon made of horn, circa 1910. – Most caviar servers were, and are still, made of horn or mother of pearl, so that the salt in the caviar does not corrode the silver.

Two Brands of Diplomacy 

Vodka or Lemonade?

When the Russians prepared for the “summit” conference at Geneva they sent ahead their own foods, an army of cooks and wine tasters and two planeloads of vodka and caviar. Obviously they were planning to live high and entertain higher.

When 12 touring Russian farmers visited a typical Iowa farm last week, they strolled down rows of tall corn in the hot sun and crawled through a barbed wire fence to watch a hay-baler.

The delegation carefully inspected the farm and took a good look at the 121 spring pigs and 12 cows, the 48 heifers and 200 pullets.

When the Russians had seen the farm they were invited to rest beneath the shade trees in the farmyard. Mrs. Richard Alleman, the wife of the owner, had a big pitcher of lemonade ready and they all sat in the shade and drank their fill.

Everybody seemed satisfied that international relations had made some progress toward peace down on the lowa farm.

It makes you wonder which is the best diplomacy the vodka or the lemonade variety. – Page of Editorials and Opinions, Opinion Editor, Tuesday, July 26, 1955

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Inappropriate Attire

By 1985, denim had gone mainstream. Designer denim jeans had been the focus throughout the late 1970’s and 1980’s. – Above, a 1985 Gap store advertisement for denim jackets as well as blue jeans~Image source, Pinterest.

Blue jean set will fight to the death over being 'appropriate'

THE two words most likely to start a fight in this society are “appropriate attire.” Never mind issues of morality or politics or religion. "You are what you deck yourself out to be" seems to be our most deeply held belief.

The emotional history of this century can be told in battles over such things as miniskirts and short pants, girls bobbing their hair and boys refusing to cut theirs, and the absence of shoes or the presence of earrings. What keeps the war going is fashion, which alters not only the conventional standard, but also the rebel uniform, thus preserving the illusion that the conflict is ever a fresh one.

Miss Manners has never actually heard anyone come out for the right to wear inappropriate attire. But a great many people (wearing blue jeans and T-shirts) are prepared to fight to the death against the stultifying idea of appropriate attire.

Most restaurants, churches, theaters, schools, offices and individuals giving parties have therefore abandoned the effort of requesting appropriate attire. When some institution does make a feeble attempt to mandate clothing more formal than that worn for the messier active sports, there are cries of violation of individual rights such as used to be reserved for political revolutions.

The United States Treasury Department recently suggested that its male employees have jackets within reach in which to meet the general public, and that its female employees wear dresses, skirts and blouses or sweaters, suits or pantsuits. The two traditional objections were immediately voiced:

That employees ought to be treated as adults. That people should be permitted to express their individuality through their choice of dress.

What Miss Manners hears un-spoken beneath this is the argument that there ought not to be any symbolism connected with dress. If по such interpretations can be made about the choice of clothing, then it stands to reason that each person may be safely left to make his or her choices dictated by individual taste or comfort.

Well and good but she has noticed that the very people who battle clothing standards accept the notion that clothing is symbolic. If anything, it is more of a "statement," not less, to wear sweat pants to the office or to somebody's formal wedding, than it is to dress as expected.

Like it or not, we all interpret clothing choices in terms of age and of willingness to conform to group practices. Dressing up for church indicates respect; for a party, it shows stylistic cooperation with the hosts' plans; for a restaurant or theater, a sense of making a special occasion. Conformity not only in
clothing but in the brand of clothing indicates peer acceptance to school children, who, of course, are outraged at the very idea of school uniforms.

What should work clothing symbolize? That the work is in the hands of responsible adults.

By wearing outfits associated with adolescents or with leisure activities, grown-ups signify that they are not seriously committed to their jobs. And by stressing what they call individuality, they are distancing themselves from representing the organizations that employ them.

In her social life, Miss Manners is not sure she wants to cultivate people who symbolically sneer at their hosts or deliberately down-grade festive events. But she is positive that she does not want to do business with people who signal that they represent only themselves (and could not, therefore, care less whether the company they work for satisfies the customers) and unwillingly at that (because they'd rather be off playing with the rest of the kids). – By Miss Manner, United Feature Syndicate, 1985

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

How Children Learn Ease of Manner

Good manners aren’t only for when “company” comes to visit. ~The mother was stressing the old idea of “company manners,” and expecting the children to put on culture just as they put on clothes for the dinner party. And because they didn't she was deeply grieved and disappointed.

A mother remarked the other day in the course of a conversation on child discipline, “I don't see why it is that my children always act worse when we have guests than at any other time. I'm sure it isn't because they haven't been instructed how to behave.”

Now this mother was perfectly sincere in her remark, yet her own phrasing contains the secret of her distress over her children's behavior. Would a child learn to play the piano by being instructed if he didn't practice playing every day? Yet that mother was expecting just as improbable a performance in behavior. She was stressing the old idea of “company manners,” and expecting the children to put on culture just as they put on clothes for the dinner party. And because they didn't she was deeply grieved and disappointed.

The reason why children of this type act worse when there are guests than they do ordinarily is because of strain and nervous tension. In the mother's anxiety to have affairs move smoothly she has held out threats as to what will happen if all the last minute “Don'ts” aren't observed, and the result has been to create an unnatural condition that is confusing and disastrous to poise and courtesy.

But aside from the mother's embarrassment over slips of etiquette and behavior, this idea of “putting on manners” is very unwise training for children. They gradually learn to act on artificial motives and lose sight of the genuine and vital character traits that are worth while and lasting.

Just the idea of alluding to the various articles of table appointment as “company silver” and “guest linen,” and so on, through all the china and glassware, suggests to the child a feeling of stiffness, and an atmosphere formal and conventional, though he does not analyze it in just those terms.

Why not use the good dishes and linen and silverware occasionally for just the home folks? Then daughter Lois will not cause a panic when there are guests by piping up, “Oh, goody, we have the fruit in the best hand-painted bowl.” If the little ones become accustomed every day to what is good enough for guests, a great deal of strain for both parents and children is bound to be eliminated.

Right in line with this follows the fact that the place to start preparing the child in “company manners” is the first day he sits in his high chair to eat a meal. There is no need for a tot even this age to throw his spoon and cracker on the floor continually, or to upset his broth or porridge. He may as well learn right then not to stand up in his chair, not to put his face down in his plate, and not to scream for what he can’t have. This much at least can then be omitted from the “instructions” when the Browns come over to dine a few years later.

When mother is alone and playing with the babies she can teach them much by pretending visitors. They may come in and call on her and advance and take her hand. It will become natural in a very short time. A mother who includes good manners and polite behavior in the everyday home life will never have reason to force courtesy upon her children.– By Edith Lochridge Reid, 1923

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia