Etiquette of Gloves and Napkin

Etiquipedia agrees with Emily Post on this matter!  — “Ladies always wear gloves to formal dinners and take them off at table. Entirely off. It is hideous to leave them on the arm, merely turning back the hands.”

Ladies always wear gloves to formal dinners and take them off at table. Entirely off. It is hideous to leave them on the arm, merely turning back the hands. Both gloves and fan are supposed to be laid across the lap, and one is supposed to lay the napkin folded once in half across the lap too, on top of the gloves and fan, and all three are supposed to stay in place on a slippery satin skirt on a little lap, that more often than not slants downward.

It is all very well for etiquette to say "They stay there," but every woman knows they don't! And this is quite a nice question: If you obey etiquette and lay the napkin on top of the fan and gloves loosely across your satin-covered knees, it will depend merely upon the heaviness and position of the fan's handle, whether the avalanche starts right, left or forward, onto the floor. 

There is just one way to keep these four articles (including the lap as one) from disintegrating, which is to put the napkin cornerwise across your knees and tuck the two side corners under like a lap robe, with the gloves and the fan tied in place as it were. This ought not to be put in a book of etiquette, which should say you must do nothing of the kind, but it is either do that or have the gentleman next you groping under the table at the end of the meal; and it is impossible to imagine that etiquette should wish to conserve the picture of "gentlemen on all fours" as the concluding ceremonial at dinners. — From Emily Post in “Etiquette,” 1922

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Glove Wear and Care Etiquette

Gloves mar any outfit if they are soiled or shabby. Rips in the fingers can be sewed up neatly and the gloves worn on, but never let a shiny nail be seen peering from your glove finger!

Correctly Fitting Gloves

The rule for a glove is just the opposite of that for a stocking. A glove must not be tight. Gloves should always be worn with daytime costumes, that is away from home, but at present they are seldom worn with evening clothes. Suede is the choice for dress, fabric or kid, except in white, for ordinary wear. Gloves mar any outfit if they are soiled or shabby. Rips in the fingers can be sewed up neatly and the gloves worn on, but never let a shiny nail be seen peering from your glove finger! A too tight glove gives the effect of straining the hand, so it is useless, and fashion does not countenance it. Neither should soiled gloves ever be worn. The washable leathers may be kept immaculate. — The Woman's World Book Of Etiquette, 1928

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Glove History and Etiquette Facts

During the Dark Ages only men wore them. Ladies needed permission from the King to put on gloves. But Catherine di Medici changed all that. Thereafter, gloves became a status symbol among women, with England's Queen Elizabeth I emphasizing her status with more than 2,000 pairs. Today a woman shopping has almost as many kinds, lengths and colors to choose from. And gloves very definitely mark her fashion status.

Do You Have Your Fashion Status Well in Hand?

Choosing a pair of gloves to go with your costume is like selecting a sauce for a very good dish. The wrong choice can spoil everything. Yet ladies can be thankful for such a dilemma because wearing gloves marks their improved position in a man's world.

During the Dark Ages only men wore them. Ladies needed permission from the King to put on gloves. But Catherine di Medici changed all that. Thereafter, gloves became a status symbol among women, with England's Queen Elizabeth I emphasizing her status with more than 2,000 pairs. Today a woman shopping has almost as many kinds, lengths and colors to choose from. And gloves very definitely mark her fashion status.

In vogue are sleeveless dresses topped by sleeveless or short-armed jackets or coats, all of which require gloves to make up the fabric deficit. Glove length is described in terms of buttons (a measuring idea the French devised) even though the gloves often may lack buttons altogether. Each button corresponds to an inch measuring from the lowest part of the thumb seam to the cuff of the glove.

Here are the kinds of gloves your accessory wardrobe should Include:

SHORTY - It stops at the wrist where it may or may not be fastened with a button. The most versatile of all lengths, it looks as well with sleeveless dresses as with long sleeved coats. The trim, style and material determines whether the gloves should be worn with dressy, tailored, day or evening clothes.

SLIP-ON - Primarily a daytime glove, it has no fastening and ranges from three to five button lengths.

GAUNTLET - It Is four to six buttons in length, has a flared cuff, and is pull-on In style. It, too, is primarily a daytime glove.

MOUSQUETAIRE - Lengths range from 8 to 20 buttons and have a buttoned opening on the inner side of the wrist. It is for dressy or formal wear with dresses.

THE PULL-ONS - The length also range from 8 to 16 buttons. They have no opening or fastening. The elbow length size, about 12 buttons (or longer If worn crushed below the elbow) is the season's most popular length because they take up where cape sleeved, or elbow length, sleeves on new style coats leave off. Longer pull-ons are restricted to evening wear.

A mere 75 years ago the act of pulling on long gloves was considered to be too intimate to be done in the presence of a gentleman. Today ladies slip them on and off as unblushingly and as casually as hats. Generally speaking, except on formal occasions when a long glove is an integral part of the ensemble, gloves are removed soon after entering a home, theater or restaurant. At a party it is not correct to do more than sip from a glass with gloves on. However, etiquette today no longer requires a woman to remove her gloves before shaking hands. — The Sun, 1963

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Hand Kisses and Shakes

Chaucer commends his gentle Princess for her white hand and taper fingers and the cleanly fashion in which she dined. Nowadays the modern belle has the finger-bowl to help her, and she can cleanse her fingers after an olive in a bowl of rose-water. It is a curious contradiction that a man takes care of his hand as he drives, runs, or plays ball or cricket, wearing a thick dogskin glove. The Prince of Wales covers his hand from sun and wind, then goes to a ball with his rosy ringers uncovered, except by rings. 

One would think, since the science of palmistry has so become a favorite a pastime, and if there be only a step between divination and prophecy, that the lines formed by an oar, or a ball bat, would confuse the lines of long life, hand fortune, one husband or more, so that the old fashioned, sleeping in chicken skin gloves, would come back again. A soft hand is very comforting to the sick, and a child who is ailing loves the soft hand of his mother on his head. It is a marvelous poultice for his aches and pains. As an object to kiss, a white and well kept hand is very important. The kiss of respect should be imprinted on the hand. It is a continental fashion still and might well be introduced on our shores. The hand is, after all, the natural member to salute. The nerves of touch are most highly developed in the finger, and the charm of the hand is its grasping power, which enables the giver to denote every shade of cordiality, to vary the salute at pleasure. 

There is everything in the hand. It has actioning freemasonry. If only two fingers are extended, if no prehensile thumb completes the maneuver, farewell to cordiality. If a strong hand catches a weak one and gives to it a grip which mashes the bones, farewell to friendship. Let the hand-shake be warm, cordial and welcome—the juste milieu of salutation. The French rarely shake hands, and only with intimate friends. They often give the left hand as nearer the heart, “la main du couer,” they call it. On the Continent the etiquette of hand-shaking is observed with delicacy. No man should assume to shake hands with a lady unless she extends her hand first. It is the privilege of a superior to offer a hand. In a ball-room there is no shaking of hands. The more public the place of introduction, the less hand-shaking takes place. Still, among effusive foreigners, both hands are frequently extended to old friends. 

The Irish hand, among a peasantry who labor from the cradle to the grave, is almost universally small and well shaped. It is a Milesian trait; whether potatoes, bog-tretting, poor living, political disturbances, shillalahs and damp climate improve the hand we know not, but the Irish lass has a pretty hand. No matter how much they cook, wash or dig, tbe knuckles seldom grow to be large and prominent, as in the English and Scotch hand. Tbe American hand is sinewy, and, as we have observed, does not follow the example of the American foot in being beautiful. No doubt the accomplishments are somewhat trying to the hand, such as playing the harp, the zither, the guitar, the banjo. The nails of a musician are apt to betray him. There is an eccentricity peculiar to the handwriting of executive musicians, as witnessed in that part of Beethoven. But this need not be attributable wholly to the use of the hand. 

Chaucer commends his gentle Princess for her white hand and taper fingers and the cleanly fashion in which she dined. Nowadays the modern belle has the finger-bowl to help her, and she can cleanse her fingers after an olive in a bowl of rose-water. It is a curious contradiction that a man takes care of his hand as he drives, runs, or plays ball or cricket, wearing a thick dogskin glove. The Prince of Wales covers his hand from sun and wind, then goes to a ball with his rosy ringers uncovered, except by rings. A young woman, on the contrary, exposes her hand to wind, and sun, and rain. She hardens it with the recklessness of a prizefighter, and when she goes to a ball, she covers it with a glove. This is not the way her predecessor belle has done in the past ages of the world. 

“The hand of a Duchess” has passed into a proverb. The old novelists always gave their heroines white hands; the poets are devoted to white hands and rosy palms. Expressive hands are, perhaps, better than pretty hands, and useful hands are better than either; but young girls who are poetry and romance combined, should not allow their hands to grow too brown and rugged. It is a strange freak of fashion, for if they were Joan of Arc and had to labor in the fields, they would look regretfully at those brown and callous hands. However, work is what you are obliged to do, and amusement, however hard, is what you choose to do, so there is all the difference in the world. As it is, however, the brown hand of an athlete is worth a dozen of the creamy hands of an idler, so we prefer the present habits of our athletic girls. If they cannot be both healthy and happy and have white hands, too, we throw up our hands. —Mrs. John Sherwood in New York World, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Glove Etiquette Ignored by Queen

Despite the Victorian era news reports of Queen Victoria’s odd habits, modern depictions of her do not give an accurate picture. Her non-adherence to the commonly accepted glove etiquette of the day is never accurately represented or discussed.

Queen Victoria at Dinner

The strict ceremonial of the dinners of Queen Victoria has not changed since her assumption of the throne. A quarter of an hour before the time fixed for the repast —generally eight o’clock—all the party invited to dine with the Queen meet in the Grand Salon and form themselves into a half circle about the door where her august Majesty is presently expected to enter. The Queen, on entering, makes a beautiful courtesy, (for which she is renowned, then bows to the gentlemen, and gives her hand to the ladies, who courtesy deeply. She then goes in first to table, accompanied generally by one of her sons. 

If any Imperial or Royal person is present, he sits at her right hand. But even in the ease of Gen. Grant, she placed the Princess Beatrice between them. The Queen never removes her gloves during dinner, except at state banquets. This is a singular piece of etiquette, and one would think it would be exactly the reverse. Her gloves are new, of white kid, embroidered with black, never worn but once, and become, after using, the perquisites of the Ladies-in-Waiting.

 The Queen has a small and beautiful hand. As soon as she finishes a certain “plat’’ every one else stops, as when she finishes her fish every one else stops eating fish, etc... After she has spoken to her guests on either side conversation may become general, but in a subdued tone, always deferring to the Sovereign. Sir Arthur Helps, who was her private secretary, used to tell an amusing anecdote of being snubbed by her for telling a rather funny story down the table, amongst the Ladies-in-Waiting, to relieve the monotony of a rather dreary dinner, when the Queen remarked, — “What is it? We are not amused.” She has, however, a love of fun, and sometimes laughs heartily. – The Morning Union, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Gloves at Tea

If one lady goes to call upon another a short afternoon visit, not one where she is staying at tea, she would not think it necessary to take off her gloves just for the purpose of shaking hands. The impulse of a younger woman coming up to a tea-table where her older hostess is pouring out teas, is to unglove before touching her hand.

Q.  Is it proper for a lady to remove her gloves before shaking hands with any one? Also what about the gentleman in this case? This is a little bet I read your paper and will see your answer when you find it convenient to reply. – “H.G.”

A.  Just regard it from the simple, common sense point of view and you can easily see that it is a question of circumstances. If one lady meets another lady walking, it would be entirely unnecessary for them both to unglove before shaking hands. If one lady goes to call upon another a short afternoon visit, not one where she is staying at tea, she would not think it necessary to take off her gloves just for the purpose of shaking hands. The impulse of a younger woman coming up to a tea-table where her older hostess is pouring out teas, is to unglove before touching her hand. 

The idea behind this is not to take with your gloved hand, the hand of your elder that is bare and busy among eatables. But no particular rule would be broken if you came in just to say a few words, meaning to depart without eating or drinking, and did not take off your glove. Women would not take off a glove to shake hands with men. Men always should, if possible, when shaking hands with women. I don't mean, again, that gloved hand may not meet gloved hand in the street, but that a man takes his glove off to touch a woman's bare hand on entering her house. 

Questions about gloves are asked often in these days, because many women are new to the wearing of evening gloves. When gloves are worn with evening dress they are not taken off at all except when eating. Then they are to be taken off entirely. They always look awkward when tucked in at the wrist. – San Bernardino Sun, 1931

Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Dinner-Sleeve Etiquette Fad

“Just think... I will be a trendsetter a hundred years from now!” – Long before pop singer Madonna made fingerless gloves fashionable in the 1980’s, they were a staple of the British Regency Era women’s wardrobe. They briefly became a dinner party fad of the Gilded Age.

A New “Dinner Sleeve?”

“The most curious sleeve ever designed for fashionable women is the new dinner sleeve, which forms an old fashioned mitt when it reaches the hand, serving as a sleeve and glove in one. It just covers the knuckles, allowing the rings to show to great advantage.” — The Pittsburg Dispatch, 1899

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Women's Gloves

Depiction of a “glove fitting” from 1906 ~ “The average store is sadly deficient in facilities for trying on gloves, and also in the attention paid to fittings.”
– From Shoe and Leather Journal, 1905

Glove Etiquette in Period Dramas from Miss Manners –

"The only place where it seems to be traditional for ladies to eat or drink with gloved hands is in costume dramas. In real life, it was always considered crude, not to mention yucky, but in every period film, television show, play and opera, it is evidently intended to add a touch of what passes for “class.” Miss Manners pities the laborers who were taxed with cleaning those gloves afterward. 

(You are correct that) gloves are worn during dancing, but they had to be removed before touching any refreshments. This was a good argument against drinking when dancing. It would serve Miss Manners right if, after obeying her strict command to remove your gloves, you handed them to her. You might reasonably point out that ball dresses unaccountably lack pockets, and are cunningly constructed so that gloves placed on them when the wearer is seated slip off the lap, thus requiring the wearer’s unfortunate dinner partner to crawl under the table to fetch them. 

If you cannot cram your gloves into your tiny evening bag, where we hope there is no makeup on the loose, you must hold them with your free hand when eating or drinking while you are standing. At dinner, she suggests surreptitiously sitting on them, but please don’t tell anyone she said so." – Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners

Incorrect! Lady Edith sits at the table with gloved hands and a glass of champagne beside her.

More Glove Etiquette:

• Don’t eat, drink, or smoke with gloves on.
• Don’t play cards with gloves on.
• Don’t apply makeup with gloves on.
• Don’t wear jewelry over gloves, with the exception of bracelets.
• Don’t make a habit of carrying your gloves 
• Don't play musical instruments while wearing gloves

Glove Etiquette Violations 

in Period Dramas

A beautiful woman, but the gloves and cigarette, shout, "Tacky!"

All in that attempt to add what “passes for class...” Two much! Two faux pas for the price of one. Both a cigarette and a drink in gloved hands. Both etiquette “no-nos.”

Terribly tacky! Gloves that unbutton... for when a woman wants to throw that drink back or gobble some bon bons, without looking “incorrect.” A fail.

Gloved ones violating etiquette while having tea. Downton Abbey is a repeat “glove etiquette offender” over its six seasons.

It is hard to find examples of someone playing an instrument in gloves, who is not a cartoon character or a cabaret act. So with regard to etiquette, wearing gloves while to playing the piano, is an etiquette “don't.”

Wearing gloves while eating or drinking is a violation of good manners, but...

So is not wearing gloves! To not wear gloves while dancing in the Regency Era, would find a young woman shunned by “good society.”

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Table Etiquette

This post is in honor, and memory, of one of our closest friends and finest contributors, Demita Usher. Her death was sudden and unexpected. Demita had always dreamt of a more polite world, but sadly passed away yesterday. The last post on her blog was the following quote ~ “Life is short, but there is always time enough for courtesy.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
   

• Gloves are not to be worn at the table under any circumstances. 
• No argumentative, or in any way unpleasant topic, should be broached at the table. 
• There should be no difference between " company manners " and those in daily use. 
• The napkin is not folded, but is simply crushed and laid beside the plate on rising. 
• Coffee may be served at any time during breakfast, but should come at the end of dinner. 
• Do not overload the plate of a guest, or press upon any one that which he has once declined. 
• Remember the maxim of Confucius: "Eat at your own table as you would at the table of the King." 
• Never say or do, or countenance in others the saying or doing, of anything rude or impolite at the table. 
• Never notice or comment upon any accident, but render unobtrusively any assistance which may be necessary and possible. 
• The side of the spoon is to be placed in the mouth, except in the case of a man wearing a moustache, when the point of the spoon leads the way. 
• Where wine is served at dinner it may be declined without breach of courtesy, and should no more than any other article be pressed upon the guest. 
• Teach the children to eat at table with their elders, and do it in a dignified manner. 
• It is impossible to foretell what moment may require them to exemplify their home training. 
• Letters, newspapers or books should never be brought to the table, though a very important message may be received and attended to, permission being asked of the hostess.

—From Good Housekeeping Magazine, 1893

  Rest in peace, Demita. Your smile, enthusiasm and grace will be missed by all who knew you!  

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Fashion Accessory Etiquette History

Under Louis the XIV, the custom of the walking stick was introduced to the French court.  It became fashionable for men and women alike to carry the long, slender sticks.  Louis was said to have never been seen publicly without a walking stick. 

Walking Sticks

The walking stick, or cane, has a history that reaches back to biblical times. The Hebrews carried long, crutched sticks like those of the shepherds who attended the flocks. The young Athenian dandies also carried walking sticks while Greece was still an infant civilization. Some were tall like those of the Hebrews; some were short like the modern riding-crop.

Some walking sticks were short, like the modern riding-crop

In Europe is the walking stick probably took the place of the sword when it began to disappear after the age of chivalry. Apparently, however, its use did not become general until the time of Queen Elizabeth, when everyone carried a cane or stick to be fashionable. The celebrated portrait of Charles I shows the king with his left arm akimbo, with his right hand resting on a long walking stick.

"I walk tall and carry a long stick!" Though also used ecclesiastically, etiquette for the use of walking sticks was actually defined at Versailles. No one was allowed to carry a walking stick or cane in the presence of the King. Louis XIV had restricted the use of a walking stick, or cane, to aristocracy alone, and forbade anyone of lower rank from carrying walking sticks in his presence.  He had one walking stick alone that was ornamented with 24 diamonds.

Under Louis the XIV, the custom of the walking stick was introduced to the French court.  It became fashionable for men and women alike to carry the long, slender sticks. The women's walking sticks were invariably decorated with love knots.

"A collector of walking sticks is termed a 'rabologist?!?' Are you certain about that?"

Gloves

Gloves are very old and were invented for the purposes of protection. We find them particularly prevalent among early peoples in cold regions.

  

During the 13th century women began to wear gloves for the purposes of ornament... and still do in the 21st century.  ~  
Glove Etiquette: Don’t eat, drink, or smoke with gloves on.  Don’t play cards with gloves on.  Don’t apply makeup with gloves on.  Don’t wear jewelry over gloves, with the exception of bracelets.  Don’t make a habit of carrying your gloves.  Source~ Maura Graber, The RSVP Institute

The ancient Persians and Romans wore gloves.  And Homer Laërtes  is described as wearing gloves while walking in his garden. Gloves of leather were worn at a very early period in war, and in the chase to protect the hands. In the 8th and 9th centuries the custom of wearing gloves was almost universal in Germany and in Scandinavian countries.

"The universality of human desire for symbolic signs of private emotions is ever standing. The emotion of grief at the loss of relatives and friends by death has found in dress fertile fields for expressing the desire. Black, death's particular emblem, has been used for this purpose certainly since the early part of the 14th century. Chaucer and Shakespeare give occasional allusions to it to use, particularly in the case of the widow. He tells us also of a curious custom of giving away black gloves to be worn "in memoriam. "In 1736 at the funeral of Gov. Belcher of Boston more than 1000 pairs of mouning gloves were distributed. At the funeral of Andrew Faneuil 3000 pairs were given away." From "The Customs of Mankind," Lillian Eichler

From the 10th to the 13th century gloves showed a remarkable development. Gauntlets of leather were worn by men; those in military costume wore gloves the backs of which were covered by overlapping plates. 

Andrew Faneuil... At his funeral, 3000 pairs of "mourning gloves" were given away.

During the 13th century women began to wear gloves for the purposes of ornament, most of them being made of linen and reaching to the elbow. In the 16th-century Queen Elizabeth set the fashion for wearing jeweled and embroidered gloves. In France, under Louis the XIV gloves made of kid made their appearance. The women wore gloves of knitted silk.

In France, the fan reached the height of its development under the reign of Louis the XIV

Fans

Fans have an interesting history.  The first fan was probably a palm leaf or some other natural device appropriated by man to keep away flies and mats, perhaps even to cool the fevered brow in tropical climates. We know that in Egypt, 2000 years ago, fashionable hosts had special servants to stand behind guests and fan them with huge papyrus bands.

Depiction of a Chinese woman holding a fan.

Both men and women carry fans in China.  Many carry with them also a pair of chopsticks talked into the girdle. In Japan the woman does not consider herself well-dressed unless her fan  harmonizes with the rest of her costume.

The Japanese woman does not consider herself well-dressed unless her fan  harmonizes with the rest of her costume.

In France the fan reached the height of its development under Louis the XIV. We read that "fans are invariable accompaniment of feminine costume, and they are of rare beauty, exquisitely painted and mounted on sticks of carved or painted wood, mother-of-pearl, carved ivory, or gold. There were over 500 makers of fans in Paris, and they enjoyed special privileges accorded by the king."

Ostrich fans, to match or harmonize with the costume, are fashionable to-day as they have been for a century.

The fan is still a popular accessory and we find it the "accomplishment of feminine costume" in the ballroom. Ostrich fans, to match or harmonize with the costume, are fashionable to-day as they have been for a century.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia