Etiquette of Forks Resting in Spoons

 

A silent dining signal for the diner next to you using your utensils– From the back cover of the new book, “Yesteryear... More What Have We Here?” - A lovely formal setting for a five course meal (or possibly six course meal, if canapés and champagne are being served prior to seating one's guests), using fine china, crystal and sterling flatware in the Francis I pattern, from the beautiful collection of Lorrie Denning. Flatware is set for only four of the courses. The flatware for dessert, or any course requiring extra flatware, can be brought to the table with the course itself. The glasses set are for water, champagne, a red wine, a white wine, a port wine to go with the dessert and sherry. Sherry is traditionally served with the soup course.

Another Q&A with @Etiquipedia on Instagram 🤔

Hello, I have a question... I understand that the fork resting on the spoon is for oysters. My question is whether there is a specific spoon for that purpose, and if the spoon is there only to serve as a support for the fork and is removed along with the plate once the oysters are finished, or if it is used for the next course.

Etiquipedia’s Reply – There is an interesting history to explain this placement of the oyster fork. It confuses many people. The fork rests there only because when place settings were very wide, due to so many utensils for multi course meals, the fork could be confused as being part of the diner's setting to the right.

Originally, in the U.S., after forks became common place in the early 1800s, up to four or more forks could be found to the left of a place setting. At some point, by the Gilded Age, it was determined by those who were leaders in society, that no more than three forks should be to the left of a place setting. The first fork was then moved to the right of the place setting if there were 3 more forks at the place setting. That means that the first fork could then properly be at the left (if it is one of only 3 forks), at the right, or at right but turned and resting in the soup spoon.

That is the soup spoon. It is not an extra spoon. Its purpose is not to hold the fork, however, if it is there, one can turn a first fork inward and rest it in the spoon for the soup course, to let the person to the right know that it is not his or her fork.

So to answer your query, it is not an extra spoon. It has a purpose, it is just being utilized as a silent signal to those dining on the right hand side. – By Maura J. Graber, November, 2024 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Utensil Signals

Using Utensil Placement 

to

Send Signals to Servers

A Second Debut of a Very Popular Article from 2019

Misinformation abounds on the internet.  This is just as true with etiquette information as it is with any other subject.

When I saw a graphic circulating on social media depicting the positions of dining utensils to signal a message to a server, I had to set the record straight. In fact, fellow Etiquette Enthusiast and Educator, Maura Graber, site moderator and editor of Etiquipedia(c) Etiquette Encyclopedia has been fighting an uphill battle to call attention to a particular false  infographic that appears on dozens of websites in the U.S. and other countries where knives and forks are used. 

The graphic I am referring to illustrates five positions in which you can place your knife and fork to relay a message to your server.  (Two, the Pausing and Finished shown above are correct.)

Three of the five positions illustrated demonstrate very poor etiquette and are actually rude to the server.  

From the Server’s Perspective

The job of your server is to receive your food and drink order, deliver it to your table when ready, and take your plate away when you are finished eating.

Servers are busy -- juggling multiple tables and lots of information truly does take talent.  The “pause” and “finished” utensil positions let her know at a glance whether your table has plates to be removed, or if she can continue with other tasks.

Utensils placed in the “paused” or “resting” position let your server know you are not finished eating and your plate does not need to be removed.

Utensils placed in the “finished” position let your server know you have finished eating and she may take your plate.

Neither of these utensil signals require verbal communication for your server to know what action to take.  In other words, they make your server’s job easier and prevent additional disruptions in your table conversation.

Two – and Only Two - Signals

Dining etiquette involves not only proper use of your utensils while eating, but using them to signal information that makes dining pleasant for everyone. 

Servers appreciate you letting them know what assistance you require from them.  And non-verbal signals are a small but significant part of civilized dining.

However, the only signals your server needs to receive via utensil placement is whether you are pausing during your meal, or whether you are finished with your meal.  There is no tradition anywhere that requires any other signals.  Attempting to do so only causes confusion.

I am joining Ms. Graber and other informed etiquette consultants urging you to ignore any image teaching inappropriate communication to diners and restaurant servers.  Won’t you join us?  

You can download the infographic here that shows correct and incorrect utensil placement signals.

Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sending Signals with Utensils?

Using Utensil Placement to
Send Signals to Servers

Misinformation abounds on the internet.  This is just as true with etiquette information as it is with any other subject.

When I saw a graphic circulating on social media depicting the positions of dining utensils to signal a message to a server, I had to set the record straight. In fact, fellow Etiquette Enthusiast and Educator, Maura Graber, site moderator and editor of Etiquipedia(c) Etiquette Encyclopedia has been fighting an uphill battle to call attention to a particular false  infographic that appears on dozens of websites in the U.S. and other countries where knives and forks are used. 

The graphic I am referring to illustrates five positions in which you can place your knife and fork to relay a message to your server.  (Two, the Pausing and Finished shown above are correct.)

Three of the five positions illustrated demonstrate very poor etiquette and are actually rude to the server.  

From the Server’s Perspective

The job of your server is to receive your food and drink order, deliver it to your table when ready, and take your plate away when you are finished eating.

Servers are busy -- juggling multiple tables and lots of information truly does take talent.  The “pause” and “finished” utensil positions let her know at a glance whether your table has plates to be removed, or if she can continue with other tasks.

Utensils placed in the “paused” or “resting” position let your server know you are not finished eating and your plate does not need to be removed.

Utensils placed in the “finished” position let your server know you have finished eating and she may take your plate.

Neither of these utensil signals require verbal communication for your server to know what action to take.  In other words, they make your server’s job easier and prevent additional disruptions in your table conversation.

Two – and Only Two - Signals

Dining etiquette involves not only proper use of your utensils while eating, but using them to signal information that makes dining pleasant for everyone. 

Servers appreciate you letting them know what assistance you require from them.  And non-verbal signals are a small but significant part of civilized dining.

However, the only signals your server needs to receive via utensil placement is whether you are pausing during your meal, or whether you are finished with your meal.  There is no tradition anywhere that requires any other signals.  Attempting to do so only causes confusion.

I am joining Ms. Graber and other informed etiquette consultants urging you to ignore any image teaching inappropriate communication to diners and restaurant servers.  Won’t you join us?  

You can download the infographic here that shows correct and incorrect utensil placement signals.

Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Faux Etiquette Infographics

The above is etiquette gobbledegook!

“Bring Complaints Book”? This graphic is just more etiquette nonsense!

We’ve addressed these crazy infographics before, but they are multiplying. Most of these pictured are, for lack of better words, etiquette nonsense. Etiquette gibberish.

Someone sent this graphic to me, asking for my thoughts. I think this graphic and others like it, need to be removed from anyone’s site who claims to be promoting or teaching etiquette. I think they are ridiculous. 

Etiquipedia has an open mind and is more than happy to explore etiquette from all over the world, but not in this case. Teaching or promoting silent commands like, “I still eat” “Do not take the plate” or “The meal is over” is questionable at best, incredibly rude and makes extra work for others!

There are only 2 sets of depictions on this infographic which actually mean anything:

1.The positions actually signaled by both depictions of “the meal is over” (though we prefer the word “finished” — unless someone has put you in charge and you cannot help but be pompous —and we also prefer that utensils sit more to one side of the plate, to enable easier and quieter removal for the wait staff).

2. The “I still eat” and “Do not take the plate” depictions, which sound hostile and clunky. We prefer “pause” or “rest position” (though we prefer the “12:00 and 3:00” for one’s knife and “7:00 or 5:00” for one’s fork).  

Such passive aggressive messages, supposedly being sent by “I wait new dish” and “service was bad” are not only cumbersome for graceful plate and utensil removal by the wait staff, but outright insulting, if one were to convey them verbally to those waiting on tables, cooking or hosting.

No restaurant or wait staff would recognize any of the depictions other than the utensil placement  if one is resting or pausing and when one is finished dining. These are the only times utensils can be used  as subtle messaging. Trust us... We’ve asked! And if a waiter or server believes someone is sending non-verbal messages like the overtly rude, “Bring Complaints Book”, let’s just hope the next course arrives in truly edible and sanitary condition.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

An Etiquette Plea

Three of these depictions are not like the others!

Etiquipedia has a polite request...

Can people please stop posting this infographic online? Normally, Etiquipedia has an open mind and is more than happy to explore etiquette from all over the world, but not in this case.

This infographic and all others like it, are, for lack of better words, “a hot mess.” It is etiquette gibberish... Etiquette nonsense... Above all, it is incredibly rude and makes extra work for others.
There are only 2 depictions on this infographic which actually mean anything:

• The “finished” position (though Etiquipedia prefers the utensils sit more to one side of the plate, to enable easier and quieter removal for the wait staff). 
• The “pause” or “rest position” (though Etiquipedia prefers the “12:00 and 3:00” for one’s knife and “7:00 or 5:00” for one’s fork). These are the ONLY 2 depictions anyone would recognize. Trust us... We’ve been asking!

The passive aggressive messages supposedly being sent by “ready for the next plate,” “do not like,” and “excellent” are not only cumbersome for graceful plate and utensil removal by the wait staff, but 2 of them are outright insulting to the chef, host or hostess, if one were to convey them verbally to those waiting on tables, cooking or hosting. Especially, if the one verbally expressing “do not like” and “ready for the next plate” is on the verge of a temper tantrum and over the age of two.

And if one is enjoying several courses, and attempts to send the non-verbal “excellent” or “it was delicious” message on only one empty plate, what, pray tell, are you trying to say to your host or the chef?

This nonsensical graphic is on dozens of etiquette sites. Please, please, do not teach this or use this as a guide. Thank you for taking this plea into consideration.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia