Reversing Roles in Golden Celebration

Fans of the period drama, Downton Abbey, will certainly remember the time lady’s maid, Anna Bates, went into labor and had her baby in Lady Mary’s bedroom, much to the dismay of Carson the Butler.

To celebrate their 50-year relationship as mistress and maid, a 93-year-old Cleveland housewife and her 67-year-old maid decided to swap roles on the day of their “golden anniversary.”

On that day the mistress, served the maid, and the maid did the relaxing. If finding a maid continues to be as difficult as it is today and if maid’s wages don’t drop a little we may find mistresses and maids switching their roles for more than a day.

And why not? Mrs. Brown could lead a life of ease for a year, hiring Mrs. Smith to do all of her work for her. And Mrs. Smith could save her money and the next year hire Mrs. Brown to help her do her work.

We’re getting there by gradual stages, anyhow. In order to keep a maid these days Mrs. Brown assumes a lot of her maid’s responsibilities

She may drive her to and from work. She may let her can for her own family when she is canning for Mrs. Brown’s, and so on.

There was a story in the paper not long ago about a woman who even moved to be nearer her maid’s apartment when she learned the maid was going to quit rather than take a long bus ride every day.

The war has proved that women will do almost anything to have a maid even to snatching them from under the noses of their friends.

So why shouldn't they go the whole way and say, “You do my work this year-or this week-and I'll do yours next?” – By Ruth Millett in the Salinas Californian, 1944

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Etiquette and Well-Bred Edwardians

Out of the 3 Crawley sisters of Downton Abbey, no other but Mary carried themselves with such confidence as she. The rare air of privilege and  feeling of entitlement, simply oozed effortlessly out of every fiber of her being.

A Well Bred Air

It is not merely the etiquette but the tone of good society which should be cultivated by those who are making their way in the world. Ill bred habits of speech, attitudes and tricks of expression will stamp a person, no matter how ceremoniously correct his or her entertainment, how excellent his wine or how irreproachable her costume. – Good Form, Riverside Enterprise, 1911

 

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Etiquette and Inquiries?

Calling cards were not just a method of communicating an introduction or a personal visit. They were used to write personal notes of sympathy, queries as to another’s well-being and even coded messages of one’s departure or return dates. Similar to sending a text today, utilizing the little cards was much quicker than sitting down and composing a letter. There was also no doubt as to who left the card. – Image source, the Etiquipedia  library. 

About Inquiries

If you hear that one of your acquaintances is ill or in trouble it is usual to call at the house to ask how she is and leave a card having “With kind inquiries.” or, “With sincere sympathy.” written on it. You should not go in unless you are specially pressed to do so. 

When your friend is better she will probably send out postcards having, “With thanks for kind inquiries.” written on them. These cards count as a call, and it is then your turn to call again. – Good Form, Riverside Enterprise, 1911

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Edwardian Era Etiquette and Slang

In the classic film, “My Fair Lady,” Audrey Hepburn’s “Elizabeth Dolittle” had to learn, among other things, to gain possession of her “H’s” and stop using slang. In one funny scene, her excitement got the best of her, and her slang colorfully flew out of her mouth. 

Shun Slang

Slang is a thing which can be indulged in only by those who are perfectly secure of their social status, though, on the other hand, an over fastidious pronunciation of words and a studious correctness of articulation are apt to suggest the idea that we have only lately come into possession of our “H’s” and our grammar and have, in consequence, to be guarded in our conversation.– Good Form, Riverside Enterprise, 1911

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Gilded Age Courtesy and the Sexes

Michelle Pfeiffer’s “Countess Olenska” in the classic film based on Edith Wharton’s tale of the gilded age, “The Age of Innocence,” was one young woman who was continually exhibiting rudeness throughout the tale. Above, she is shown arriving late to a dinner party in her honor and blithely unaware of her faux pas; in the film she refused to remove her gloves completely, but merely parroted the sociably questionable action of removing just the glove “fingers” and shoving them into the hands at the wrists at the dinner table; and she abruptly left a conversation with one gentleman, to walk across the room to bend the ear of another gentleman. All were solecisms of the time period. – Image source, Pinterest

When Men Are Rude

“My dear, isn't he the rudest thing you ever saw?” This is shrilled in an indignant nasal twang as a man walks rapidly by two giggling girl’s and does not hold the door back for them to pass.

It does look rude, but they forget that that same man just held back the other door and that they teetered through it without a smile of acknowledgment or the faintest, “Thank you.”

The girl who continually complains that men are growing rude is very frequently rude herself. The girl who is gentle and appreciative generally has no grievance along this line. She has learned that the average man likes to be courteous as much as the average woman wants him to be.

Watch a girl who is modestly gracious. Doors are held open, window shades are adjusted, seats are given up - yes, even this last sacrifice is made - and precedence is yielded her at every step. She does not demand attention, but by her very presence she inspires it. It is not only the obviously cheap girl who is rude. The woman who bears every mark of refinement and wealth will ignore the commonest civilities in a manner that leaves the observer gasping.

Look around you and see the women who are left to struggle with heavy doors and to pull themselves up the high steps of the trolleys and then look at the women who are always helped, always considered, even by the most negligent member of the male sex. – Good Form, Riverside Enterprise, 1911

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Gilded Age Social Season at the Capital

 

 

BEAUTY HARD AT WORK – THE DAILY TOIL OF THE WASHINGTON FASHIONABLE SEASON

Fair Maids and Matrons Who Are "In the Swim" Compelled to Utilize Every Waking Moment to Fulfill Their Social Obligations

SOCIETY'S season at Washington starts with the White House reception New Year’s day, and closes with the beginning of Lent. During that time all is gold and glitter. A senator’s wife who has been at the capital eighteen winters says the average of entertainments now is nearly 500 that she did not during the season. By that she did not mean afternoon receptions, but everything that required a bid, luncheons, teas, dinners, evening receptions, musicales and balls. 

Bless me! you say, there is no woman living who can attend 500 affairs between New Year’s and Lent. And you are right; but there are women who receive invitations to all, and only send regrets to one-fourth. Take one of last year’s debutantes. She kept a diary of her goings, and with one luncheon, two or three teas, as many evening receptions and a dinner here and there, her category summed up 395 entertainments, with a deficit of a third as many to which she had sent regrets. There were only two theatre parties in her list, as she said that was the one form of amusement she had to omit. 

Every society woman omits that, however, and during the season there is less theatre going than in any other city. The debutante whom I have quoted had the task of a Titan, for she must needs make from two to three calls at every house at which she was entertained. First the formal call, then the return, and finally the party call. No woman in Washington, save Mrs. Benjamin Harrison, is so high that she need not pay calls. The square of bristol board tyrannizes over all. 

How did the debutante perform all her duties? By being all ready for the season when it began. Not an inch of ribbon or lace did she buy during that time. She had a maid to care for her clothes, and every moment she was not going she was sleeping. It is an easy thing to sleep from 2 a. m. to 12 m., and that is what a Washington belle always learns to do. Not two score entertainments in a year ever go much beyond 1:30 a. m. Every woman who is entertained, must entertain. A luncheon, a series of teas, a dinner and possibly a ball are demanded at each Washington house. The executive mansion is, of course, the center of gayety. 

During the season there are at least eight formal entertainments there. First the reception New Year's Day, then two receptions in January to the diplomatic corps and the congress and judiciary respectively, and two in February to the army and navy, and last of all to the general public. These five are obligatory, but the President may give as many or as few dinners as he chooses. The table in the state dining room seats from thirty-six to fifty guests. The usual number is four. Two in January alternate weeks with the receptions to the cabinet and diplomatic corps, and two in February to the Supreme Court and congress. Ex-President Cleveland only gave three the first two years of his administration, omitting the last, and inviting whatever senators or representatives he chose to the other three. Ladies, of course, are invited to all these dinners and receptions.

The mistress of the White House has not the care of an ordinary housewife over these entertainments. She gives a little attention to the decorating of the suite of parlors, but her only other duty is to stand at the head of the receiving line and greet the guests, no small task when the throng mounts into the thousands. In addition to formal entertainments the mistress of the White House usually holds drawing rooms every Saturday afternoon, and receives people by appointment nearly every day in the week. It is only by the most careful allotting of time that she can do all that is expected of her.

Until the opening of the season Mrs. Harrison was the mistress of her own time, but the stroke of 11, Jan. 1, made her its slave. Before that time she made informal calls upon the ladies of the cabinet and her intimate friends, went out to little dinners, was seen once or twice a week at the theatres, and seemed not to have a care. Now she is not expected to go or be entertained at any house at the capital. She may transcend the law as Mrs. Cleveland did toward the end of the season, and be present at her cabinet ladies’ Wednesday receptions.

There is not the least bit of Jeffersonian simplicity in White House etiquette. Every year it gains a more ironclad code. Uncle Sam's mails are not retained to carry White House invitations, but mounted messengers fly from Georgetown to Capitol Hill, and from the Potomac to Columbia Heights distributing the cards. And woe betide him who does not send an answer within two days. Nothing but sickness, the death of a near relative or absence from the city can excuse a declination of the president's invitation. His request is a command.

The receptions to the diplomatic corps and the army and navy divide the glory of the winter. A peep into either is like a glimpse of “The Arabian Nights” tales congealed into one. The first is very stately, I assure you. Every diplomat dons his court dress, and the bullion displayed would fill a vault in the treasury building. Then, the swords! They clank in a way that suggests a tourney, and even the most colorless imagination is disappointed when their owners pace pacifically around the the big east room for half an hour and retire. 

The ladies of the corps always wear their most elaborate costumes and finest jewels, and many are the magnificent pairs of shoulders glistening with diamonds upon which the light falls. The question of precedence at this reception used to bother even Presidents, but now the whole affair is ranked by time of service. Friends of the President and his wife and people of high degree are bidden to meet the foreigners. Next to the White House the home of the Vice President will be a center for society this winter.

The position of the wife of a cabinet minister is not a sinecure. They are expected to keep open house every Wednesday until Lent begins, to assist the mistress of the White House at all her receptions, and to carry on their special duty to society by receptions and dinners. They are all expected to call upon Mrs. Morton and the ladies of the Supreme Court and senate, and nearly all of them had their full hundred calls made before Dec. 15. Their daughters usually accompany them on the rounds. The only alleviation they have from the binding rule is that they need not call upon the “day” of each person. 

As they remain but two minutes they can call upon the “day” of each person. As they remain but two minutes they can make from sixteen to twenty-six calls in an afternoon, which means from 3 to 5. Only one thing is incumbent on a senator’s or representative’s wife, and that is to receive Thursday and return all calls made upon her. She need not give a dinner or card reception unless she desires, and not more than a score of senators’ wives and twice as many wives of representatives ever do much more. Much is demanded of the speaker’s wife if she lives in her own house.

Outside of this vast official circle, which includes the diplomatic corps, there is an equally large resident population who, it is conceded, make up the exclusive society of the capital. They entertain in a year even more lavishly than the official circle, for nearly all of the “old families” of the capital have wealth. – Miriam Hamerton, Associated Press, 1891

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Japan’s Manners Steady Even in Crisis

The worst earthquake in Japan’s recorded history left a trail of blazing buildings, inundated coastal communities, wrecked roadways and potentially unstable nuclear power plants. But it barely made a dent in the implacably Japanese trait of exhibiting concern for others even in the worst of circumstances. – Manners and politeness are so important and ingrained in Japanese culture, that they start teaching children healthy social skills early on in their schools.

“Japan’s massive earthquake in 2011 had little effect on the culture’s impeccable manners.” – The world noticed, and this article was just one of many published at that time, highlighting Japanese society’s grace under pressure.

Reporting from Tokyo — She was elderly and alone, injured and in pain. When the massive earthquake struck, a heavy bookshelf toppled onto Hiroko Yamashita, pinning her down and shattering her ankle.

When paramedics finally reached her, agonizing hours later, Yamashita did what she said any “normal” person would do, her son-in-law recounted later: She apologized to them for the inconvenience, and asked if there weren’t others they should be attending to first.

The worst earthquake in Japan’s recorded history left a trail of blazing buildings, inundated coastal communities, wrecked roadways and potentially unstable nuclear power plants. But it barely made a dent in the implacably Japanese trait of exhibiting concern for others even in the worst of circumstances.

The Japanese language is full of ritual apologies, uttered so often as to become almost meaningless: I am about to make a nuisance of myself — please excuse me! Some of this is a matter of mere formality. But at a time of crisis, such politesse can be the glue that holds the country together.

Even though Friday’s magnitude 8.9 quake was shocking and discombobulating, few would imagine burdening a stranger with their anxieties.

On a long flight to Tokyo, amid uncertainty almost until the last minute over whether the plane would actually be allowed to land at the capital’s airport, a fifty-something businessman questioned a seat-mate closely about plans and contingencies: Where are you staying? Why there? Well, the next neighborhood over is nicer. Is someone meeting you, taking care of you?

Only at the tail end of a nine-hour flight did he confide, almost as an abashed aside, that a close relative was missing, and that he would be trying to make his way north, into the tsunami-inundation zone, to determine her fate. He fiddled with his seatbelt, looked around distractedly, and all but coughed out his doubt that he would find her alive.

Some resent the stifling conformity that can accompany social mores such as these. Even in modern-day Japan, speaking one’s mind or making an overt demand can lead to ostracization. Young people, in particular, sometimes feel shackled by rigid conventions of behavior that can seem as arcane as a Kabuki drama.

But in a country where people with a case of the sniffles wear surgical masks in public to avoid infecting anyone, most people seemed determined not to let their anxieties show. That particularly included those attending to customers. “I am trying hard not to let people see how scared I am,” said Masaki Tajima, a hotel clerk in Utsunomiya, north of Tokyo.

Closer to the quake zone, there were cracks in the studied courtesy. At a gas station in Koriyama, about 130 miles north of Tokyo, some customers become anxious and agitated as fuel ran short, attendants said. Kenji Sato, an attendant of 12 years, recited apologies, trying to soothe people. “Sorry, no more gas, very sorry,” he intoned.

Elsewhere, though, the ingrained instinct for orderliness and calm has kept its hold even amid difficult moments. In Tokyo and its suburbs, the quake knocked out much of the usually clockwork-reliable public-transportation system. Yet when trains finally appeared on a few crucial routes, the queue was as orderly as on any mundane commuting day.

Once aboard, people sat quietly, gazing at their cellphones in hope of an elusive signal. “It would be uncivilized to try to push and shove, and what good would it do anyway?” said Kojo Saeseki, helping his wife onto a crowded train on the city’s outskirts. In the city itself, those aboard a nearly empty subway car looked surprised and discomfited when they were asked what had happened to them the day before, but if pressed, they would tell their stories: being trapped in an elevator for hours, or crouching under a desk in a tall building as it swayed like a ship at sea, or seeing a thick pane of safety glass suddenly spider-webbing cracks.

Some were still telling their stories, haltingly, when the train pulled into a station where a small gap presented itself between the door and the platform. And everyone in the car called out to a departing passenger: Kiotsukete! — Be careful! — By Laura King, Los Angeles Times, March 14, 2014 

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A Post WWI Servant and Class Problem

Here's a drawing by John Argens that is sure to please the democratic side of the reader - and as certain to displease his aristocratic side. It shows the servants of the 20th century all giving notice at once, all marching out of thousands of kitchens and back doors and heading for the factory and the office. It shows the master and the mistress in despair; it shows the maid, the butler and the cook holding their heads high and ignoring the loud lamentations; and it shows the spirit of the times a wise gentleman who sits in the employment office of the factory with a cigar in his mouth calmly guiding the servants away from domestic service and into other work that pleases them more. Many will be sad when the servants go. On their shoulders has rested a great weight of disagreeable work, on them has weighed the magnificence of great dinners, magnificent balls and lavish hospitality. But now the simple statistics from the departments and bureaus of labor are showing that the servants are getting out from under. Soon there will be no more servants to be had. They are going rapidly right now. And what's going to happen then?

WHEN ALL SERVANT'S QUIT - WHAT THEN?

THE writer of this article has an uncle who lives in China- with his wife and half a dozen children. He has lived there for twenty years and has returned to the United States only three times in that period. And on every occasion that he and the family have come to their home country they have been extremely glad to go back to China. The wife has always been particularly glad- to leave her native land, her friends, her family and all her girlhood associations and cross the thousands of miles of ocean to live her life in an alien land. But why? Well, the answer is one that many women will understand. It concerns the very simple, very difficult matter of servants.

In China she has many servants, well trained, self-effacing, obedient and grateful. There is a boy for the door, a boy for her husband, a cook, a maid, a laundress, a nurse, a gardener, an errand boy. They demand a small wage, and they stay a long time; and even when they do leave her service it is a very simple matter to secure others to take their places. 

China swarms with possible servants. And when this American woman comes to visit the United States with her six children and her husband - she finds the contrast exceedingly painful. She finds that American life, after that ease, is difficult, distracting, exhausting. She used to be a good democrat, doing things for herself and demanding no assistance. But now she is spoiled. She thinks she must have servants. She can't get them in America, she CAN get them in China, so she prefers to live in the Far East.

HOW different in the United States, so hard to get, so extremely difficult to keep! There was a time in the history of this American republic when there was a great plenty of servants. It was easy to get a good maid, a good manservant, a good cook, easy to turn them off if they did not suit, easy to get others- just as it is in China today.

But it is so no longer. The change began a generation or two ago - just when the great American fortunes were beginning, when the age of manufacture was starting in this country, and when the number of people who wanted servants was immensely on the increase. And just at this point, when the demand for servants became the greatest, the supply of servants became the smallest. 

Consider the statistics published by the New York State Department of Labor, reprinted in a recent issue of the New Republic. In 1910 in that state there were 322,969 women in domestic service. By 1920 that number had fallen to 263,463. Which means that 59,506 women had left the kitchen and the servants’ quarters to earn their living elsewhere. For the figures do not mean that fewer women are working. More women are working than ever before. One out of every five women in the United States is at work, outside the home - a total number of 8,549,399.

What irony is this! The people of the United States lived a quiet life, without very much ostentation, hiring few servants because they had no large fortunes. Along came inventions and machines and manufactures, increasing fortunes and putting luxury within the reach of the people. The newly rich wanted servants. But they found that women preferred to work in factories instead of in kitchens; and though the wealthy folk received their money and their desire for servants from factories, these same factories took away the servants and made them unwilling to do personal or domestic service. So the new rich not only could get no servants for themselves, but their factories took the servants away from the old rich.

BUT what about society? What about the great country homes with their small armies of footmen, maids, valets, chauffeurs and cooks? And what about the small household of the fairly prosperous businessman and his wife who want just a housekeeper or cook - but can't get her, couldn't pay her enough, and never could keep her longer than two or three months? If the rich weren't uneasy these days, why should such a passage as the following appear in a big blue book on “Etiquette,” written by Emily Post and printed recently by Funk & Wagnalls? 

The volume is by “a woman whose authority on the subject is beyond dispute and whose reputation as a writer is of long standing.” She says: “There is an inexplicable tendency, in this country only, for working people in general to look upon domestic service as an unworthy, if not altogether degrading vocation.... So insistently has this obloquy of the word ‘servant’ spread that every one sensitive to the feelings of others avoids using it exactly as one avoids using the word ‘cripple’ when speaking to one who is slightly lame. Yet are not the best of us ‘servants’ in the church? And the highest of us ‘servants’ of the people and the state?”

The lady, to quote the poet, is “beating her wings in vain in the luminous void.” She is arguing with a landslide, reproving the leaves because they drop from the tree in the fall of the year. And she is not correct when she says that it is “in this country only” that the servants, including the cooks, are going. Read what Max Beerbohm, an acute observer, wrote about the scarcity of servants in England as long, at least, as four years ago, when, though their lot was better by far than it used to be, they were becoming fewer and fewer.

IN OTHER words, how is it that servants have so much less unpleasant a time than they were having half a century ago? I should like to think this melioration came through our sense of justice, but I cannot claim that it did. Somehow, our sense of justice never turns in its sleep till long after the sense of injustice in others has been thoroughly aroused; nor is it ever up and doing till those others have begun to make themselves thoroughly disagreeable, and not even then will it be up and doing more than is urgently required of it by our convenience of the moment. 

For the improvement in their lot, servants must, I am afraid, be allowed to thank themselves rather than their employers. The mere Spirit of Time, sneaking down the steps of areas, has worked wonders. There has been no servants’ campaign, no strategy, nothing but an infinite series of spontaneous and sporadic little risings in isolated households. Wonders have been worked, yes. But servants in the position of being a servant lacks CLASS. And class, even loosely defined, means many things. 

It means self-respect, it means a freedom from restraint after working hours, it means independence- even though that independence may mean loneliness in a great city. To have these three rich possessions is to be a human being, however far down in the scale of free society. Not to have them is to be less than a human being, however far one may be up in the scale of servant society. That's how they feel these ones who once were, or might have been, servants. Mrs. Post may put on her injured air, if she wishes. Deserted mistresses may complain that they have always treated their servants “like members of the family.” It will do no good. The servants are going or gone. What will bring them back? How will the housework be done? As Beerbohm asks: “What concessions by the governing classes, what bribes will be big enough hereafter to get that done?”

But the biggest loss of all is the loss of the cook. The mistress can do without her maid, the master can do without his manservant, but the cook - SHE wasn't like the rest of the servants. She was a mistress herself, an artist, a general, a dictator. SHE need feel no qualms of personal service. Here is a work that is much more creative, and ought to command more self-respect, than pulling gloves off of ladies’ plump hands or getting telephone numbers for querulous men. Never mind, the argument will do no good. The cook will not stay; she will not even come. There is more than one fine home down the peninsula these days that is for sale- because its owner cannot find a cook. There has ceased to be a Cook Problem, and there has developed what is frankly a Cookery Problem.

SOMETHING must be done, and, of course, something WILL be done. And since the great majority of people who want servants - the moderately prosperous, not the very rich, who will always have a few servants at least- must have their housework done and their meals prepared, they will do this work themselves. But, since they don't want to do housework, the housework will have to change. 

Many minds will be set to work simplifying the arrangements of the home. Mechanical appliances will increase, methods of food preparation will change. Perhaps all food will come from a central neighborhood kitchen and will be eaten on wooden plates. Sticklers for home cooking will not like this, but will have to bear it. The servant, by going away, will have transferred some of the inconvenience of her station to the shoulders of her former masters. But the masters will try to make their lives easier for themselves than they ever thought of making life for their servants.

Cooking for one household is a hot and wasteful job; it will not be done. Washing the dishes by hand is a dirty and disagreeable job; no hands will touch them in the future. As for those who live in the country - well there was a time when they lived far away, but the automobile changed that. That distance was solved; household work will be solved also. For, since 1900, this has been the servant’s century out; and while she has been out she has been looking for another and a better job - one with more “class,” that is more satisfying to her self-respect. –SPIRIT of the TIMES, 1922

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Etiquette and Invitations by Phone

After well over 100 years, the verdict is still out with many people, Violet! – It is not good form to reply to a written invitation with a telephone message, both because the manner of invitations should always be duplicated and also that it is by no means certain that a hostess will receive a verbal message if it is sent. through a maid.

Invitation by Telephone

CUSTOM is rapidly removing prejudice against the use of a telephone for inviting persons to formal as well as informal gatherings. The fact that a refusal or acceptance is given definitely on the instant is decidedly relieving to the nerves of a hostess, which are strained when she is kept waiting several days or a week for a written, response.

Yet, correct though it is to employ a telephone for social purposes, there have been established certain rules in regard to it, and to offend against them is to show ignorance of etiquette. It is not good form to reply to a written invitation with a telephone message, both because the manner of invitations should always be duplicated and also that it is by no means certain that a hostess will receive a verbal message if it is sent. through a maid.

A recent instance of the truth of this latter fact was shown at a large dinner given last week. The hostess had not heard from the only single woman whom she had invited and the invitations were sent through the mail. Up to the morning of the dinner no answer had come and the hostess telephoned the delinquent. To her amazement she was told by her friend that the latter had telephoned her refusal the day the invitation was received. The message had been given to the maid, the mistress not being at home, and the servant had forgotten to tell it.

The hostess scurried around to fill the vacant place, and at the last minute could ask only an old friend, a married woman, the hostess being obliged to say that there was no seat for the husband and that he was not being asked. The same hostess had on her list several other single women whom she was obliged to entertain through the winter, but none could she bring in at the twentieth hour, and so the seat was wasted. When accepting an invitation over the telephone it is the part of wisdom to follow it with a written acceptance, in which the day, date and hour are repeated. Only in this way can a woman be certain that no error is made in the time, and the sense of security given is worth the effort.

Telephonic invitations will always appear to be informal, and sometimes are, but a woman will have no difficulty in deciding the point if she gives heed to the hour appointed. A luncheon at half-past one o'clock, to play bridge afterward, may be regarded as formal; dinner at any time after a quarter to séven is also formal. Earlier than those hours is considered to be informal. – San Diego Union and Daily Bee, 1911

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Etiquette and U.S. First Ladies

Of her brisk morning walks, “only Mrs. Wilson's closest friends would think it in proper etiquette to engage her in conversation, so that beyond an exchange of ‘good mornings,’ or more frequently just a bow and smile, her walk is uninterrupted.”– Public domain image of former American First Lady, Edith Wilson, photographed in 1915. Formerly Edith Bolling, she was a descendant of the first settlers to arrive at the Virginia Colony. Through her father, she was also a descendant of Mataoka, better known as Pocahontas.

First Lady of Land Takes Pleasure in Much Walking

Mrs. Wilson, who has settled down to the usual routine of each successive Mistress of the White House, is endeavoring also seemingly to give any leisure she may have to a brisk walk every day. Her exercise ground is like that of many other widely known matron or maid, Potomac Park and its neighborhood, and her method is the same, motoring to the start of the walk, and off again up town in a White House limousine when her inclination or pedometer says enough.

Miss Bones is generally along with the President’s wife on these morning jaunts, as well as on many others, and both meet many they know. Only Mrs. Wilson's closest friends would think it in proper etiquette to engage her in conversation, so that beyond an exchange of “good mornings,” or more frequently just a bow and smile, her walk is uninterrupted.

Mrs. Wilson in carrying out the social duties of her position receives callers by appointment on certain afternoons each week. Sometimes her 5 o’clock At Homes of this kind are large, and other times they are quite the reverse. She meets her guests in the red room, where some of the younger military aids make the presentations. A tea table, which either Miss Wilson, Miss Bones Miss Edith Benha presides, is arranged in the window corner. Mrs. Wilson’s taste for flowers is shown by a plentiful grouping of roses in the vases and blooming plants on the mantel.

With the regularity of the weekly entertainment and the fact that the President and his wife are often on the Mayflower for Saturday and Sunday, the latter leads quite as busy a life as any of her predecessors. She maintains, too, it must be remembered, her interest in the activities of church, charity, family and friends, which formerly filled her life. The President lately has enjoyed going to the theater in the afternoons with his wife, once to a musicale and another time to a matinee, and it is said has, because of the many demands on his time, practically abandoned the long walks he formerly took through the city streets. –The Morning Union, 1916

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1916 American Etiquette Humor

Having a good laugh with one’s friends was just as popular back in 1916 as it is today! – College chums in costumes, mugging for the camera in 1916. – Image source, Etiquipedia private library.

 

Some Etiquette Truth Found in These Funnies

“Pop,” said Willie, “what is a diplomat?”

“A diplomat, my son,” answered the wise father, “is a man who remembers a woman's birthday but forgets her age.” – Tit Bits, 1916

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

Live and Learn. “I can’t understand this code of ethics.”
“What code is that?”

“The one which makes it all right to take a man's last dollar, but a breach of etiquette to take his last cigarette.” - Louisville Courier-Journal, 1916

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

View Revised – A handsomely dressed damsel entered a crowded tram-car. A rough-looking old fellow, wearing a dilapidated hat and a suit of homespun clothes, rose to his feet.

“Miss, take my seat. I don't look as well as these ‘ere gentlemen,” he said, nodding to several men, “but I've got more politeness.” Without a word of thanks the young woman sat down.

“Miss,” said the old fellow, with a smile, “I believe I left my tobacco-pouch on the seat. Will you please get up?” No sooner was the seat unoccupied than the old fellow deliberately sat down again.

“B’lieve I'll keep sittin’ here, miss,” he explained. “I’ve got a little more politeness than these ‘ere gentlemen, but I have found out that I ain't got nigh so much common sense.” – Tit-Bits. 1916

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American Royal Maid of Honor

The appointment is to be given to the Countess of Strafford in honor of the signal services performed by her late husband and his family to the Royal family of Great Britain. The Earl of Strafford, it will be remembered was killed almost a year ago by a train, some say by accident, others claim by design

AN AMERICAN MAID OF HONOR

This Coveted Position in Queen Victoria's Household is to be Given to a Former New York Beauty

The news comes from England that an American girl is soon to be appointed as one of the Maids of Honor to Queen Victoria, and that this master stroke of good fortune will fall upon the head of the Countess of Strafford, who was before her last marriage, Mrs. Colgate, widow of a New York millionaire.

The appointment is to be given to the Countess of Strafford in honor of the signal services performed by her late husband and his family to the Royal family of Great Britain. The Earl of Strafford, it will be remembered was killed almost a year ago by a train, some say by accident, others claim by design.

A COVETED POSITION

Few women, even those high in social circles, know the requirements of a Maid of Honor to a Queen. Everyone knows, however, that it is a grand-sounding title and one greatly sought after, since the advantages of such an appointment, independent of the honor, are many.

Two thousand dollars seems a goodly return for three months’ service in the year, and the privilege to enjoy for life the courtesy title of “Honorable,” so one can readily understand why the number of applicants is so great whenever a vacancy occurs among Her Majesty’s eight Maids.

Yet it is quite a mistake to suppose that the duties are merely nominal, The demands on the patience and bodily strength of a Lady-in-Waiting are incessant. Perhaps it will be interesting to follow her day through, and so judge for ourselves.

Only two Maids are in waiting at a time, and these divide the duties between them, in obedience to the Queen's wishes.

To a nervous girl the first day's service in the royal apartments is indeed. an ordeal. As soon as Her Majesty’s private secretary is dismissed, she is summoned to read aloud selections from the morning papers. 

Often the choice is left to herself, and great discrimination and tact are necessary in deciding those paragraphs which will interest and not bore her gracious listener.

Then comes a drive of one to two hours often a very dreary drive in which absolute silence reigns, unless Her Majesty presents a question or desires to engage in conversation,

The Maid of Honor generally takes luncheon with the household, but is often called upon to join the Royal party, where even eating becomes a duty of state.

The customs of court etiquette are very trying to a naturally high-spirited woman. She is not permitted to speak unless spoken to.

TRYING AT TIMES

This is the hardest duty of all the suppression of her own thoughts and opinions, the subduing of impulses and characteristic traits; to be nothing but a cipher in the Royal Court, and an echoer of royal remarks.

After luncheon Her Majesty rests for an hour, and it is the Maid’s duty to see that she is undisturbed, and that absolute quiet reigns in and around the Royal apartments.

When her services are no longer required, she retires to her own suite of rooms, where she is expected to remain within call.

Permission must be first obtained before a Maid of Honor can receive a friend or relative, and on no account may she absent herself from the Castle whilst Her Majesty is within.

The Queen is very particular with regard to dress, and has preference for plain, dark colors for morning use.

Her Maids, as a rule, are careful to consider her taste in all matters where their appearance and dress are concerned. Each must provide herself with a complete set of Court mourning costumes and Court gowns, and as fashions vary, and the Queen is much given to change, the greater portion of the two thousand dollars must be spent on dress.

In the afternoon and evening the Maid may be expected to play and sing, to talk when desired – not a very easy accomplishment – and to otherwise entertain her Royal mistress. Not infrequently she is asked to join the Royal dinner party, and as many things of grave importance are discussed in her hearing, she is bound over to strict secrecy with regard to the doings and sayings at Court.

Thus a Maid of Honor – a woman to whose sex a secret is generally thought to be impossible - must guard every confidence of the Royal family, and lock every secret up safe within her heart: the term, “Maid of Honor,” seeming to have in this case a double meaning.

Perhaps the most trying point about the work of a Maid of Honor is that she is never able to sit down except by the desire of her Royal mistress.

The long hours of standing – so severe on a delicate woman's constitution – are the greatest hardship of the day. much more fatiguing than hours of mental or physical work: for, except when driving or when bidden to join the Royal table, a Maid of Honor may never voluntarily take a seat in the presence of Royalty. – San Jose Herald, 1900

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Royal Etiquette and Photographers

Catherine, the current Princess of Wales, is an avid photographer herself. One cannot imagine her requiring such formality of etiquette as that from Princess and future Queen, Alexandra, nearly 130 years ago, when dealing with a royal photographer in 2025. It would be easier to imagine the Princess discussing camera and photography tips with the photographer. – Image source, Wikipedia

Royalty at the Camera

When the Princess of Wales visits the photographer she usually arranges that her sitting shall take place in the morning. A special studio is set apart for the Princess and other members of the royal family. It is approached by a private door, which leads to an ante-room provided with easy chairs and a plentiful supply of illustrated papers. 

A small chamber is fitted up as a dressing room, and here is to be found a maid from Marlborough House, who has preceded her royal mistress with a dressing case containing, brushes and other toilet accessories. The Princess, having discussed the position in which she is to be taken, arranges herself and the operation proceeds. 

It is the etiquette on these occasions for the photographer to address any remark he may have to make, to the Lady in Waiting in attendance, who in turn addresses the Princess, who replies through her also. But it is, needless to say, that etiquette is dispensed with by the Princess in many cases. – London Letter, 1896

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Etiquette of Edwardian Bowing

Step lively, but never fail to recognize in all public places either those who serve her in any capacity or to whom she stands in the light of a patron!

Bowing

A woman should bow first when meeting men. A well-bred woman never fails to recognize in all public places either those who serve her in any capacity or to whom she stands in the light of a patron.

Under no circumstances can a man refuse to return a woman's bow. The woman having the initiative in this matter may bow or not, as she pleases.– From “Good Form”, 1909

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Etiquette for Eating Green Corn

“… when folks, even the most refined folks - folks that won’t even permit a poodle to sleep with them - start in on their boiled corn part of the menu, past precedent is thrown to the winds. The book of rules is consigned, with all other etiquette, to a warmer place, and every man is content to get his corn off the cob in the fastest and most convenient way in which he is able to operate.” –Even with the plethora of tools and forks for eating corn from the cob, and the seemingly endless 19th century creativity of design elements in making those tools and forks, inventors and designers never quite came up with a solution for making the task of eating corn from the cob appear “civilized.”  Above is a selection of patented tools, including strippers or scrapers, forks and holders, designed for eating corn on the cob.

GREEN CORN – HOW TO EAT IT!

The world is able to classify a man by two things his table manners and the style of his hand baggage. For instance, if, in your travels, you encounter an individual at a hotel who can cover his knife with mashed potatoes to the hilt and then get them all off without injury to his tonsils, you immediately have this man’s social number. On the other hand, if he carries a canvas telescope or “knee knocker” reinforced by a part of his wife’s clothes line, then you are also able to classify him properly.

You may have an inkling of a man's “bringing up” by the tools he chooses in eating his pie, or by the manner in which he muffles his exhaust in eating soup. Yet when it comes to green corn, every known rule is violated.

Some ways for eating certain things are planned for economical reasons. Thus the country hotel keeper serves his olives in a bottle and expects you to get them out with your fingers. He also furnishes you with possibly a grapefruit or orange in the morning and expects you to keep your ears clean with a paper napkin. There are recognized ways of taking soup into the system and these ways all call for a limit to the noise zone.

But when folks, even the most refined folks - folks that won’t even permit a poodle to sleep with them - start in on their boiled corn part of the menu, past precedent is thrown to the winds. The book of rules is consigned, with all other etiquette, to a warmer place, and every man is content to get his corn off the cob in the fastest and most convenient way in which he is able to operate.

No, neighbor, we shall never have to worry about any styles relative to denuding the cob of its succulent kernels. We may have worried whether it is proper to remove jelly from the nose with a fork or a napkin, and it may have annoyed us to remember whether it is better form to sneeze under or over the table, but we shall never have to tax our brain on new rules for eating green corn from the cob. It is a catch-as-catch-can proposition and the farm hand is just as refined and just as mannerly at this delectable pursuit as the guy who learned his table manners from a young woman’s seminary. – Imperial Valley Press, 1915

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Evolving U.S. Women’s Etiquette, 1909

“The old fashioned stay at home woman, who found complete satisfaction and happiness within the four walls of her own house, is almost obsolete. Committees, clubs and social entertainments of all kinds fill a large proportion of the twentieth century woman’s hours.” – Above, Marguerite, the college educated, intelligent, socially and philanthropically busy woman of 1909. 

Concerning Calling

The “afternoon call” is doomed, and few will shed tears over its passing. It is a relic of more leisurely times. With its atmosphere of artificiality and affectation, its babel of tongues voicing meaningless nothings, it was a purely conventional function. Conversation, in the true sense of the word, never flourished there. None went away mentally richer than she came.

To what may we attribute the decline of the afternoon tea party? Some assert that the reason lies in the failure of men to attend these functions. Women, they declare, become bored to death in each other’s society, and so the tea party inevitably tended to disappear. This is far from the truth. Women have never found so much pleasure in each other’s society as they do today.

Others see in it a decline of the social instinct. This, again, is a mistaken view on the face of it. The modern woman is essentially gregarious. The old fashioned stay at home woman, who found complete satisfaction and happiness within the four walls of her own house, is almost obsolete. Committees, clubs and social entertainments of all kinds fill a large proportion of the twentieth century woman’s hours. – From “Good Form,” 1909

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A Table Etiquette Refresher from 1913

“When in doubt, use your fork” is a pretty fair table rule. The knife, of course, is absolutely tabooed except for cutting and spreading. The spoon is used only for liquids and soft desserts. Vegetables served as side dishes are usually eaten with a fork. –Forks at the table were not commonly used in the United States until the early 1800’s. This partial Sears and Roebuck catalog page above was from a 1912 catalog. Inexpensive silver plated knives, forks and spoons were made available to the masses. Just as today, basic table manners were featured in the news, so that every social class could sharpen their utensil skills.

GOOD TABLE MANNERS

It is sometimes difficult to make young people, particularly boys, appreciate the value of correct table manners. “Aw, what's the difference?” they ask when told not to eat with their knives.

The difference is that as a whole table etiquette is based upon the fundamental principles of convenience, neatness and self-restraint. Disregard of it causes the offender to appear slovenly, greedy and inconsiderate of the sensibilities of others, says the Woman's World.

Sit erect at the table. Don’t sprawl with your elbows on the table. Don't attempt to bring your mouth down to your food; raise the food to your mouth.

Don't shake your napkin out with a flourish; unfold it and spread it across your knees. Raise one corner of it to your lips as occasion arises.

In your own home, or in a house where you expect to be a guest for several meals, fold your napkin when you are through with it. If a guest for one meal only, crumple the napkin slightly and lay it unfolded beside your plate. The assumption is, of course, that it will not be used again until it is washed.

Do not break crackers into your soup. Look at the next person you see doing it and observe what an unsavory looking dish it produces. Never dip crackers or bread into any sort of liquid.

In dipping up soup move the spoon toward the outer edge of the dish. Take the soup from the side of the spoon.

“When in doubt, use your fork” is a pretty fair table rule. The knife, of course, is absolutely tabooed except for cutting and spreading. The spoon is used only for liquids and soft desserts. Vegetables served as side dishes are usually eaten with a fork.

In cutting meat, take the knife in the right hand and the fork in the left, cut off a proper mouthful, lay the knife down on the right side of the plate, transfer the fork to the right hand, holding the tines pointed downward, and raise the meat to the mouth.

It sounds slow, to be sure, but rapid eating is neither healthful nor pleasant to watch. – Organized Labor, 1913

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Etiquette for Lady’s Maids and Guests

THE maiden receiving visitors politely informs them that her mistress will be with them in a few moments, calling her by name, thus: “Mrs. Brown will be with you in a few moments,” and never referring to her as “she” or “the lady,” as I have occasionally heard badly trained servants do. – For many centuries throughout time, where there have been ladies of high status, there have been lady’s maids. – This public domain image is a depiction of a French lady’s maid in 1630’s Paris. It was made in the turn of the 18th-19th century, by Georges-Jacques Gatine.

THE “COURTESIES” OF CALLS

IN 1905

Hints for the Lady’s Maids, Callers on the Length of Time to Stay and on Leave-Taking

THE maiden receiving visitors politely informs them that her mistress will be with them in a few moments, calling her by name, thus: “Mrs. Brown will be with you in a few moments,” and never referring to her as “she” or “the lady,” as I have occasionally heard badly trained servants do. 

In some houses, after receiving the cards and taking them to her mistress, the maid does not come back again, many ladies considering this unnecessary. But it is a little more courteous to have her announce that the lady of the house will soon make her appearance, as has just been described, than, in the expressive slang of the small boy, to keep the visitors “guessing” until madame choses to come downstairs.

When the hostess enters, the guests should rise to greet her, while she shakes hands, first, with the elder and then with the younger lady, expressing most cordially her pleasure in seeing them. They all seat themselves, the hostess sitting near her guests so that there shall be no stiffness or too great formality about the occasion.

LENGTH OF VISIT

The visitors should stay from about twenty minutes to a half hour, when they should rise from their seats. It is not necessary for them to say anything about their intended departure: their rising from their seats is a sufficient intimation to the hostess that they intend to take their leave. I once knew a dear old country woman who invariably, after sitting a short time with one, abruptly announced, “Well, I must be a-going.” but, being a great favorite and always urged to stay, she never went until she had repeated the exclamation at least three times.

 Now it is not considered at all necessary for the hostess to urge her guests to prolong their visit. In the case of intimate friends this is often done, but with more formal acquaintances it is thought to be in rather bad taste. She simply rises, again gives her hand and says something to the effect that their coming has afforded her a great deal of pleasure. And, if no other guests are present, she usually accompanies the visitors to the door of the house, although many women, and especially those adhering strictly to old-fashioned ideas of etiquette, insist that the hostess should go with the visitors no farther than the drawing room door. This, however, is now wholly a matter of taste. Personally, I consider the former method much more courteous and cordial; and that, after all, is the main thing.

But it must be remembered that when there are other visitors in the drawing room, or if the departing guest is man, the hostess should never go beyond the drawing room door, for men are supposed to be quite capable of letting themselves out of the house without assistance. Also, the hostess who keeps a butler never goes with her guests to the door, for the butler is always in attendance in the hall when there are visitors.– By Miss Eleanor B. Clapp, 1905

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Edwardian Mourning Attire Etiquette

“It is only in a comparative few cases that the widow's cap is worn now, whereas fifty years ago even, the girl widow wore it as a matter of course.” – Image source, Pinterest

Good Form in Mourning

Personal feeling and expediency are a far larger determining force in the wearing of mourning in these enlightened days than formerly. It is only in a comparative few cases that the widow's cap is worn now, whereas fifty years ago even, the girl widow wore it as a matter of course. 

The fine white linen collar and cuffs, that are so becoming are so fragile also that they require to be changed repeatedly, and thus comes to pass that they are not invariably added to the widow's costume in these utilitarian days. But to be in accordance with strict etiquette they should be worn for one year and a day after the bereavement upon the dress deeply banded with crape and with or without the cap. 

After that time they may be dropped if liked, but it should be remembered that many widows continue to wear them with their second year's mourning. – Imperial Valley Press, 1909

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Edwardian Etiquette for Men’s Gloves

It is considered good form for a man to remove the glove on the right hand before he shakes hands, except when meeting a person in the street. It would make an awkward pause for him to have to stop and take off the glove.

Men's Gloves

When paying a call a man does not keep on his gloves after he enters the drawing room. It is considered good form for a man to remove the glove on the right hand before he shakes hands with any one, except at an evening function, where gloves are worn all of the time, or when meeting a person in the street, when it would make an awkward pause for him to have to stop and take off the glove. – From “Good Form”, 1909

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