Gilded Age Etiquette and Chaperones

Though this was written in the Gilded Age, chaperones were still in fashion until after WWII. This photo (by an unknown photographer) shows Mrs. Chambers (chaperone), Bonnie Mealing, Clare Dennis, Frances Bult, Eileen Wearne, Thelma Kench (N.Z. sprinter) at the 1932 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles, California, USA.
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“Chaperone” or “Chaperon”? “Chaperone” is the modern English spelling of the word and used more often than the older, more antiquated spelling of “chaperon.” – Image source, Wikipedia

The need of the chaperon is recognized in communities where there are large populations, and people are necessarily of many classes and unknown to one another. For this reason the system of chaperonage of the small communities of rural America has not been as elaborate or as strictly adhered to as that of the cities.

The chaperon is the accepted guardian of very young girls, taking oversight of them in their social life as soon as the governess gives up her charge. The chaperon is only a poor substitute for the rightful care of a mother, or takes the place of a mother when the latter cannot be present, or performs in the person of one the duties of several mothers. Young girls should never go about the streets of a city or large town unaccompanied by an older person or a maid. This rule is not so much for physical protection as for the example of teaching her that fine conduct and discretion which will forestall the possibility of unpleasant experiences.

When a group of young people go to some public place of amusement or instruction, an older person should always accompany them. Such an attendant, who should be one of the fathers or mothers of the young people, if possible, would be in so great sympathy with the spirit of the group that his presence would impose no restraint and spoil no fun, yet it would be a curb on undue or undignified gaiety, and a protection against criticism.

The day is not very far distant when it was expected that if a daughter entertained a young man in the drawing-room, her father or mother would be present during the whole of the call. For débutante daughters the custom still holds good. For a daughter who has been out in society for one or more seasons, it seems somewhat rigorous and unnecessary, as the presence of the father or mother for a part of the call serves all the purposes of cordiality, and gives, as well, the young people a chance to talk without constraint of interests which seem perhaps foolish and trivial to any but young people. The wise father and mother or chaperon know when to trust young people, and when it is best to throw them quite upon their honor. It is only by having responsibility for their actions thrust thus upon them, that they ever attain to natural dignity and self-reliance.

It is sometimes permitted to a young woman to be escorted to a party or entertainment alone by a young man, but only by one who is well-known to the family as quite to be trusted, and only to such parties as are presided over by responsible patronesses. This should be exceptional for any but the young woman who has been left without immediate family and who has been already in society more than one season. The duenna young woman carefully guarded in her home. It yet remains true that the independent girl must needs provide for herself a chaperon upon certain occasions, or lose that consideration which she would keep at all costs. A strong character welcomes the aid of a careful observance of conventions.

Even the spinster of recognized professional standing finds herself somewhat restricted in social pleasures. She cannot go out socially with one man more than occasionally; she has little pleasure in going unattended; she can entertain but infrequently and in a small way, if at all, and never without an older married woman to assist her. She may, however, have her regular afternoon or evening "At Home," provided she has with her this friend; and with that friend present, she may entertain a gentleman caller until ten o'clock in the evening, but she may not offer him cigarettes, nor any beverage but tea, coffee, chocolate, or lemonade.

In fashionable life in the cities, the chaperon is an important and ever-present personage. Wherever the young débutante goes in society, to every place of amusement, when walking or driving in the park, when shopping or calling and during her calling hours at home, the chaperon is her faithful and interested attendant. The common usage of smaller towns, seashore places, and country villages differs in degree of attendance.

The only wise rule is to follow the custom of the place in which one may happen to be, remembering always that the principle at the basis of the custom is wise and valuable, and that there should be good and sufficient reason for failing to follow it in its entirety. It is, however, not the letter of the law but the spirit of it which saves. Experience shows that not always the completely chaperoned girl is safe and the quite-free girl in real danger. Everything depends upon the girl, and the spirit of the chaperonage she receives. The relations with one's chaperon should be the most intimate and reliable and trustworthy of one's whole life; or they may be a mere farce and evasion. As a rule, however, too strict observance of the dictates of society in this connection is better than too lax.

The careless way in which many parents allow their sons and daughters to go off with a group of boys and girls of their own age, unattended by any adult, is to be deplored. Among the parents of several young people there certainly is some parent, who cares enough about his children and their associates to become a chum, and be at once a magnet to draw them to more mature and valuable ways of thinking, and a safeguard against that group folly towards which the irresponsibility of youth tends. Until a girl makes her début in society, she is not seen at a party of adults except in her own home, and not there at a formal entertainment unless it be a birthday party, a marriage, or a christening. Even after an engagement is announced, the chaperon is still the attendant of the young couple in fashionable circles, when they go to any place of public amusement.

No woman should permit a friendship to culminate in a proposal of marriage unless she is free to entertain such a proposal and has not decided in her own mind upon a negative answer. – From a 19th C. Book of Manners, by an Anonymous Author

⚜️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Chaperones and Eiquette for Olympics

Did the male athletes have chaperones in 1932? No… 

DALLAS, Aug. 9 (AP). Mildred “Babe” Didrikson, who established new world records in the 80-meter hurdles and the javelin throw at the Olympics, will return home here Thursday for probably the greatest welcome ever extended a Dallas athlete. Office workers in the city's skyscrapers have been collecting ticker tape all week to shower on her. ~ Newspaper clipping from 1932

At the 1932 Olympic Games, Chaperones and Trainers Watch the Girl Athletes

United Press Special Correspondent, Los Angeles, Aug. 5.—The team of Hall and Hall gave the team of Didrikson and Mac Combs a close race to the tape in the 80 meter hurdles for ladies in the 1932 Olympics. Babe Didrikson led her teammate, Evelyn Hall, by inches in the race which set a new world’s record of 11.7 seconds. 

But sharing closely in the first and second places with the two American girls were a husband and a coach. "I’ve always been coached by M. J. Mac Combs,” said Babe. “I pick out what I want to do and he shows me how to do it." Close to home is Evelyn Hall’s inspiration. "Leonard, my husband, started me in my track work and he’s coached me in the hurdles. It's really on account of him I was able to win.” 

The girls aren’t playing lone hands out on the stadium track and in the fencing armory. Coaches and chaperones are jealously guarding the athletes. Mrs. Hiroko Shiramaya, chaperone for the Japanese swimming team, feels almost like a mother to her Mandarin girls. "Every night I go through all their rooms after they’ve gone to bed,” she said. “They aren’t used to the weather here and throw their covers off. I go around twice each night to get them all tucked in.” 

Mrs. Shiramaya gets pretty tired taking care of her brood, but she likes it. “They’re nice girls and are having lots of fun in the hotel with the other athletes. For two weeks before they came to this country they went to a Y. W. C. A. in Japan where they learned table manners and etiquette of this country.” 

Mrs. Ellen Osiier, Denmark fencer and Olympic champion in 1920, has given up the chance for personal glory to chaperone the Danish team and officiate in the fencing matches. "Danish girls aren’t thinking much about anything except competing while the games are going on. Afterwards we will stay here until the games are over, then go home by way of San Francisco.” 

If anyone tries to spoil the athletic ability of Babe Didrikson or the rest of the American track team he must answer to Fred L. Steers. “These girls are just kids and don’t know what it’s all about — all this ballyhoo going on around them. They get along fine on the track and field but back here in the hotel with everyone making heroines out of them, they’re liable to hurt their own chances of winning.” 

P. Grobbelaar didn’t bring Marjorie Clark all the way from South Africa to have her spoil her chances of doing the best she can in the Olympics. So he keeps her from talking to outsiders on her track work. Mrs. Theodore Wright keeps Thelma Kench, sprinter, in tow to keep her from getting homesick for New Zealand. Helene Mayer, German fencer, is shadowed by Mrs. B. A. Mayer of Whittier, with whom she is going to stay between Olympic games and the opening of Scripps college. – By Mary Alice Parent, 1932

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Chaperonage

The Chaperone — Ready to spoil just about everyone's fun! 

Chaperonage in 1899 

The foreign custom that makes a chaperone indispensable where young people are gathered together at places of public entertainment, has long obtained in the cities of the East, and in all conventional communities everywhere. No really fashionable party is made up without a chaperone.

A young woman condemns herself in the eyes of good society who is observed to enter alone with a young man a place of public refreshment, be the restaurant or tea room ever so select. Bred under other conditions of a society so necessarily varying as that in our broad America, a stranger visiting New York, for instance, might readily and innocently make a mistake of this nature, and blush at finding herself condemned for it. In the same category of offenses is ranked that of maidens visiting places of public amusement under the escort of young men alone. Many parts of the South and West allow this to be done with the smiling consent of good society; but in Eastern cities it is considered a violation of good form, and for the comfort, if not the convenience, of the girl considering it, had better be ranked among the lost privileges upon which social evolution may look back with fond regret.

It is always wisest, when a number of young people are to have a party, to ask two or three married women to be present, not only for propriety’s sake, but because there will then be no danger of anything unwished for happening, inasmuch as it is the duty of the chaperones to make all social entertainments smooth and pleasant.

When it is necessary for a girl to pay long visits to a dentist’s office, she should be accompanied either by her mother, or some woman relative, or maid.

The etiquette of chaperonage is much less strict for a young widow than for an unmarried girl of the same age; but it is important and in good taste for a woman who is a widow to be very quiet and inconspicuous in all she does, giving by her behavior no opportunity for criticism. — From Practical Etiquette

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia