Timeless Etiquette Advice from 1914

The bearing should be erect, dignified but retiring, free from all boisterous actions. Never do anything to attract attention.

By Way of Reminder

1. The really attractive girl has become so by a process of thoughtful self-culture.

2. The dressing of the hair shows character. Let it be neat and becoming, whatever the style.

3. The clothes should be tidy and appropriate to time and place, with a touch of style which is never extreme.

4. The bearing should be erect, dignified but retiring, free from all boisterous actions. Never do anything to attract attention.

5. A mild tone of voice bespeaks culture. Loud talking, laughing, shouting, screaming or calling across streets are unladylike.

6. The choicest forms of language are none too good for the womanly girl.

7. Silently rebuke all unkind or unchaste conversation by withdrawing your presence.

8. The well-bred girl never makes a jest of the failings, misfortunes or mistakes of others.

9. Read a beautiful poem or look at a beautiful picture every day.

10. Wrong thoughts mar the face, while pure and loving thoughts give it beautiful lines.

11. An even disposition is an enviable virtue. Our kindliness of manner should triumph over our ill moods.

12. Reserve caresses for the privacy of the home. They are but the froth of affection and are in bad taste in public places.

13. Hold your standard high and seek the company of people who can help you raise it.

14. To treat all with courtesy and consideration is a mark of good breeding.

15. Do some kind act every day, you will pass this way but once. – Girls' Literary Club, 1914

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Martyr to Etiquette

 In silent torture? One would think that the cumbersome clothing alone was silent torture –  At a long dinner, “A hornet got caught under her cape and traveled about, searching for an outlet, stinging as it went.”

In the antebellum days, a charming Virginia hostess “rather than disturb her company” sat still through the long dinner in silent torture. A hornet got caught under her cape and traveled about, searching for an outlet, stinging as it went.

When coffee was served in the drawing room she had to “retire.” Fever came on, and she was really ill, but the force of etiquette and hospitality combined had made it an occasion to die at one’s post.—Good Housekeeping, 1904

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Antebellum Dinner Etiquette, Pt. 3

Etiquette changed over the latter part of the 19th century in the United States. When this book was written in 1855, it was still poor etiquette to use cherry forks or other diminutive forks for eating the small fruits and berries. By the Gilded Age, these forks for fruits were quite proper and sold in sets of 4, 6, 8 and more! – “Fingers were undoubtedly made before forks; but, in most cases, forks are to be used in preference to fingers. But there are exceptions. One never uses a fork for olives, or cherries.”

The table should be set straight and orderly. A table set askew, is provoking to all people of regular habits. The linen upon it should be perfectly clean the finer, of course, the better. The service uniform, and plain white is by many preferred to any print. The knives are to be bright and sharp– the forks of silver, or plated metal, but of the broad, spoon-shaped fashion. Always provide napkins They are convenient in all cases, and in some of absolute necessity. There should be a salt cellar near every person; and no crowding of dishes.

With the simplest dinner, it is well to have the dishes of meat and vegetables, and the condiments, removed, and plates and knives and forks changed, for desert. These matters may seem unimportant; but they are not. Every elegant observance adds so much to the refinement of our lives. Have clear, well-washed, and brightly wiped glasses, for drinking. 

Two persons, very intimate, may drink from the same glass, and may even find a pleasure in doing so, but this intimacy should never be forced upon any one. In all things avoid the necessity of personal contact when it is disagreeable. You have no right to break a piece of bread in such a way as to leave a piece your finger has touched; nor to put your knife in the salt or butter, or your tea spoon in the sugar. There should of course be a salt spoon, a butter knife, and sugar shovel or tongs.

In these little matters, have nice things, or the nicest. White sugar really costs no more than brown; the whitest table salt is cheap enough; and a few shillings saved in an article that is to last you years, and always give you pleasure or pain, is poor economy. If you cannot afford costly material, let the pattern be as elegant as possible.

If needful, learn to carve coolly, neatly, and in an orderly fashion. You will learn more, however, in watching one accomplished dissection, than by all the instructions we can give. But at large tables, all joints, fowls, etc…. are removed to a side table and carved by a servant.

In helping any one to sauce, gravy, or vegetables, place them upon the side of the plate; never upon the article with which they are to be eaten.

When a plate of food is sent you, it is intended that you should keep it, unless you are particularly desired to send it to some person. It is not good manners for you to “pass it along,” but, contrary, quite the reverse. And, when you are on the helped, it is not at all needful that you wait for others. It is indeed a manifest injustice, for your food is cooling, and you sitting like a Tantalus, annoyed yourself, and annoying every one around you. 

Arrange your napkin and begin. Dinner is not a general scramble, in which it is necessary to start fair, like the Welsh congregation at the shipwreck.

Never overload the plate of a guest, or any person you would serve. It is not a delicate compliment. If you are to serve game, or any rarity, of which the supply is limited, use discretion, and “make it go round.”

Fish is never to be cut– use a fish slice or spoon in serving; and as a rule, use a spoon whenever it can be done. In eating, as in everything, do the best thing in the best manner. 

Fingers were undoubtedly made before forks; but, in most cases, forks are to be used in preference to fingers. But there are exceptions. One never uses a fork for olives, or cherries.

Where there are servants to help you, do not trouble those who are eating; but, if you sit near a lady, without watching her plate too closely, see that she has what is needful. Davy Crockett said that General Jackson was the politest man he ever saw; “for,” said he, “when he handed me the bottle of brandy, he looked the other way, so as not to see how much I drank.” Whether this anecdote be true or not, it gives an example of genuine good breeding.

Never press people unduly to eat or drink, or stay. True politeness consists in putting people at their ease, and giving them all possible freedom; but a fussy ceremoniousness is always impertinent.

The host does not send away his plate until all his guests have finished. It would be too strong a hint that they were eating too much, and should have finished.

After soup, where wine is drank, the host gives the signal, by asking some lady to take wine with him. He never asks gentlemen, but may be asked by them.

In sending your plate for anything, leave your knife and fork upon it. When you have finished any course or dish, lay knife and fork together, with the handles toward the right.

A well-trained waiter always brings what you ask for at your left hand, leaving your right free to take it from the salver; and a waiter never touches anything with his hands that it is possible to avoid. (A card or a letter is always brought upon a salver.)— From The Illustrated Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments, 1855

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Antebellum Dinner Etiquette, Pt. 2

At first take claret; with the third course you may venture on sauterne or hock; with the game comes sherry, port, etc...; and champagne with the desert. A fashionable lady at Montreal condensed her opinion of the breeding of a fast American she met into a single sentence: “He is the sort of man, to take champagne wine with his soup.” If you are conscious of being “green,” wait and ripen in the light of good examples around you.

                             

The third course will bring the principal dishes– roast and boiled meats, fowls, etc...; and these are followed by game. There are also side dishes of various kinds. Game comes next; and then the cloth is removed.

There are a few rules which must not be violated. Your knife was made to cut your food with, and is never to be put to your mouth. The four or five pronged fork, now in general use, has this intention if you cannot manage with a fork, try a spoon.

Next comes fish. This you may dress with the proper condiments. There are catsups and sauces especially adapted to it. But don't presume to use your knife, nor to eat any vegetables with it. Take your fork in your right hand, and your bread in your left. Fish does not require cutting. Where fish is served at a small and informal dinner, or on Friday, as a principal dish, it is another affair. You may eat it with vegetables and use a knife; but when it only forms one of several courses, take a little, as of soup, and but once.

When you lay down your fork on the plate, the waiter removes it, and supplies you with a clean plate.

Unless you are with temperance people, or are yourself pledged to total abstinence, you will probably take wine. At the side of your plate you will find five glasses– a small one for madeira, sherry, etc..., a larger goblet for claret, a green glass for hock or sauterne, a deeper goblet for champagne, and another for water; or, the waiter who asks you what wine you will take, will give you a suitable glass. 

At first take claret; with the third course you may venture on sauterne or hock; with the game comes sherry, port, etc...; and champagne with the desert. A fashionable lady at Montreal condensed her opinion of the breeding of a fast American she met into a single sentence: “He is the sort of man, to take champagne wine with his soup.” If you are conscious of being “green,” wait and ripen in the light of good examples around you.

At the first part of a dinner there is much eating and little talking. When the appetite is satisfied this is changed.

Be exceedingly careful never to say or do anything at table which can produce disgust. If needful to remove anything from your mouth, do it carefully with the left hand. But if you eat prudently this will seldom be needful. Never use both hands to carry anything to your mouth. Break your bread, not bite it. Never be seen to pick your teeth. Wipe your nose, if needful, but never blow it at table. If you must spit, leave the room.

Before the cloth is removed, finger glasses, or large green or purple goblets, with tepid water, and a piece of lemon, will be placed by each plate. Don't mistake these for lemonade. Dip the tips of your fingers in the water, and wipe them on your napkin. Wet a corner of the napkin and wipe your mouth. The practice of rinsing the mouth with water from your goblet, and spirting it into the finger glass, is more suited to the privacy of your toilette than to a dinner table.

At the desert, help the ladies near you to puddings, pies, ice cream, confectionery, fruit, etc... Help strawberries with a spoon; but pass peaches, cherries, grapes, and olives, for each one to help himself with his fingers.

It is not customary to give toasts, or challenge people to take wine with you; it may, however, be done quietly and unobtrusively, as a familiar pleasantry.

Formerly, when ladies were supposed to be deficient in intellect, and gentlemen were truly deficient in decency, as soon as the dinner was over, and the gentlemen were ready for drinking, talking, smoking, and vile stories, and viler songs, the lady of the house gave a signal, the ladies rose, the gentlemen also, some one opened the door, and the ladies retired to the drawing room, while the gentlemen enjoyed their own peculiar pleasures. After-ward coffee or tea was served in the drawing room. But now that ladies can talk quite as well on most subjects as their lords, and that gentlemen think it as well to be decent in their own society, ladies remain at the dinner table, take champagne very prudently, if at all; coffee is served last, at the dinner table; and all retire together to the music, conversation, or flirtations of the drawing room.

This is about the routine of a fashionable dinner; and as our hotel keepers and steamboat captains intend to keep up with the fashions, a man who travels, if he goes into no society, properly so called, will do well to understand what is customary.

As the lion is best seen at feeding time, so the perfect gentleman and man of the world appears at best advantage at the table. Eating notably softens the temper and increases the geniality of most persons. If you want a favor of a man, see him after he has dined. The wine, with people who drink, has something to do with this, perhaps.

But while a man is eating, and in the early stages of his feast, he no more likes to be disturbed or annoyed than the lion aforesaid. In the early part of a dinner, then, be very quiet, and very careful of giving offence. Do not venture on a story, and be very sparing of your jokes, until the wire edge of hunger has been taken off.

The table should be set straight and orderly. A table set askew, is provoking to all people of regular habits. The linen upon it should be perfectly clean the finer, of course, the better. The service uniform, and plain white is by many preferred to any print. The knives are to be bright and sharp– the forks of silver, or plated metal, but of the broad, spoon-shaped fashion. Always provide napkins They are convenient in all cases, and in some of absolute necessity. There should be a salt cellar near every person; and no crowding of dishes.

With the simplest dinner, it is well to have the dishes of meat and vegetables, and the condiments, removed, and plates and knives and forks changed, for desert. These matters may seem unimportant; but they are not. Every elegant observance adds so much to the refinement of our lives. Have clear, well-washed, and brightly wiped glasses, for drinking. Two persons, very intimate, may drink from the same glass, and may even find a pleasure in doing so, but this intimacy should never be forced upon any one. In all things avoid the necessity of personal contact when it is disagreeable. You have no right to break a piece of bread in such a way as to leave a piece your finger has touched; nor to put your knife in the salt or butter, or your tea spoon in the sugar. There should of course be a salt spoon, a butter knife, and sugar shovel or tongs.

In these little matters, have nice things, or the nicest. White sugar really costs no more than brown; the whitest table salt is cheap enough; and a few shillings saved in an article that is to last you years, and always give you pleasure or pain, is poor economy. If you cannot afford costly material, let the pattern be as elegant as possible.

If needful, learn to carve coolly, neatly, and in an orderly fashion. You will learn more, however, in watching one accomplished dissection, than by all the instructions we can give. But at large tables, all joints, fowls, etc…. are removed to a side table and carved by a servant.

In helping any one to sauce, gravy, or vegetables, place them upon the side of the plate; never upon the article with which they are to be eaten.

When a plate of food is sent you, it is intended that you should keep it, unless you are particularly desired to send it to some person. It is not good manners for you to “pass it along,” but, contrary, quite the reverse. And, when you are on the helped, it is not at all needful that you wait for others. It is indeed a manifest injustice, for your food is cooling, and you sitting like a Tantalus, annoyed yourself, and annoying every one around you. 

Arrange your napkin and begin. Dinner is not a general scramble, in which it is necessary to start fair, like the Welsh congregation at the shipwreck.

Never overload the plate of a guest, or any person you would serve. It is not a delicate compliment. If you are to serve game, or any rarity, of which the supply is limited, use discretion, and “make it go round.”

Fish is never to be cut– use a fish slice or spoon in serving; and as a rule, use a spoon whenever it can be done. In eating, as in everything, do the best thing in the best manner.

Fingers were undoubtedly made before forks; but, in most cases, forks are to be used in preference to fingers. But there are exceptions. One never uses a fork for olives, or cherries.

Where there are servants to help you, do not trouble those who are eating; but, if you sit near a lady, without watching her plate too closely, see that she has what is needful. Davy Crockett said that General Jackson was the politest man he ever saw; “for,” said he, “when he handed me the bottle of brandy, he looked the other way, so as not to see how much I drank.” Whether this anecdote be true or not, it gives an example of genuine good breeding.

Never press people unduly to eat or drink, or stay. True politeness consists in putting people at their ease, and giving them all possible freedom; but a fussy ceremoniousness is always impertinent.

The host does not send away his plate until all his guests have finished. It would be too strong a hint that they were eating too much, and should have finished.

After soup, where wine is drank, the host gives the signal, by asking some lady to take wine with him. He never asks gentlemen, but may be asked by them.

In sending your plate for anything, leave your knife and fork upon it. When you have finished any course or dish, lay knife and fork together, with the handles toward the right.

A well-trained waiter always brings what you ask for at your left hand, leaving your right free to take it from the salver; and a waiter never touches anything with his hands that it is possible to avoid. (A card or a letter is always brought upon a salver.)— From The Illustrated Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments, 1855

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Antebellum Dinner Etiquette, Pt. 1

Don’t make these mistakes as illustrated above! — And…
“Eat without the least noise. To suck soup into your mouth— to blow it— to tip up your plate— to send for a second plate, are things which might cause either of the ladies near you to faint or laugh, perhaps, behind their handkerchiefs.”

Be punctual when there is eating to be done. The dinner must not be served until every guest has arrived. Who would dare to face a dozen hungry men and women, and be responsible for a spoiled dinner? At a party, ball, concert, etc..., punctuality is of less consequence. Arrive at least fifteen minutes before the time; half an hour is better if you have come a distance, and need ablutions or other preparations, for which there should always be provided the necessary facilities.

When the servant announces that dinner is served, the master of the house presents his arm to the lady who, from age or position, is entitled to precedence. As ladies are not always explicit about their ages, and as our aristocratic distinctions are not very well defined, we may have some difficulty in this respect. As the “master of the feast” leads off the “first lady,” he will do well to invite some gentleman to follow him, who will offer his arm to the lady hostess. Each gentleman then attends some lady, and all assemble around the table. If the dining room is on the same floor, give the left arm; if you are to go down stairs, give the lady the wall.

In some cases, the place of each guest is designated by a card, with his or her name written upon it, beside the plate. There is much skill to be displayed in this arrangement. The lady to be particularly honored sits at the right-hand of the host, the gentleman at the left of the hostess. Then ladies and gentlemen are arranged so as to separate married couples as far as possible, of which the extreme example is the host and hostess, who are opposite each other, and so as to place each man between and vis a vis agreeable women.

You are expected to be very attentive to the lady at your right; to pass anything needful to the lady at your left, and to be very amiable to the lady opposite. But as fashionable tables are well provided with servants, a butler to carve, and a waiter behind nearly every chair, there is little labor, and should be no officiousness.

Sit firmly in your chair, without lolling, leaning back, drumming, or any gaucherie whatever. If a grace is to be asked, give it suitable reverence. Quakers, before eating, make a silent pause, for each person to ask his own blessing. When a clergyman is present, it is a kind of professional insult not to invite him to say grace. With many persons, habitually irreligious, some form of this kind is adhered to. It is good manners to pay a certain respect to all customs.

After grace, or when ready for eating, take your napkin from its ring, or your plate, or the goblet, in which it is folded, unfold and lay it in your lap. The waiter will bring a plate of soup first, of course. You will not refuse it. At a table d'hote, you can, of course, decline it, but at a private dinner party you must at least seem to honor it. If you eat it, do so delicately, with the spoon in your right hand, and a piece of bread in your left. Eat it as it is made, without any addition of condiments. A cook once committed suicide from mortification, because his master put some salt in his soup. He could not survive the mortification of such a professional indignity. Of course, he was a Frenchman.

Eat without the least noise. To suck soup into your mouth— to blow it— to tip up your plate— to send for a second plate, are things which might cause either of the ladies near you to faint or laugh, perhaps, behind their handkerchiefs.

Next comes fish. This you may dress with the proper condiments. There are catsups and sauces especially adapted to it. But don't presume to use your knife, nor to eat any vegetables with it. Take your fork in your right hand, and your bread in your left. Fish does not require cutting. Where fish is served at a small and informal dinner, or on Friday, as a principal dish, it is another affair. You may eat it with vegetables and use a knife; but when it only forms one of several courses, take a little, as of soup, and but once.

When you lay down your fork on the plate, the waiter removes it, and supplies you with a clean plate.

Unless you are with temperance people, or are yourself pledged to total abstinence, you will probably take wine. At the side of your plate you will find five glasses— a small one for madeira, sherry, etc..., a larger goblet for claret, a green glass for hock or sauterne, a deeper goblet for champagne, and another for water; or, the waiter who asks you what wine you will take, will give you a suitable glass. At first take claret; with the third course you may venture on sauterne or hock; with the game comes sherry, port, etc...; and champagne with the desert. A fashionable lady at Montreal condensed her opinion of the breeding of a fast American she met into a single sentence: “He is the sort of man, to take champagne wine with his soup.”

If you are conscious of being “green,” wait and ripen in the light of good examples around you. At the first part of a dinner there is much eating and little talking. When the appetite is satisfied this is changed. — From The Illustrated Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments, 1855

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Coronation of King Charles III

  

The Coronation of King Charles III and Queen Consort Camilla

This coming May, millions of people around the world will gather in front of television sets and computer screens, to watch what to many, is a once in a blue moon event. Like a rather rare celestial event, the coronation of King Charles III and Queen Camilla of England, will be watched with great anticipation, and with many questions in people’s minds.

Who will be in attendance? Will it just be working Royals and the landed gentry? Or will it include commoners or nonworking Royals, who have travelled in for the event? Who will be participating in the ceremony? Will favoured charities have members in attendance? Everyone wants a seat to see the leader of this new slimmed down monarchy crowned King. Who are those favoured few who have already received “save the date” emails from Buckingham Palace. No one knows for certain.

Other questions have had the talking heads on radio, television and podcasts asking about the traditions which have long been the standard for British coronations. Will Charles and Camilla be sticking with tradition? Or will they stray from the norm. Will traditions evolve to include changes in Royal protocol? Many in the news are speculating. But we really won’t know everything until the 6th of May.
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The protocol of coronations in Great Britain goes back over 1000 years.  Gleaning from European traditions, government and religion entwined and evolved over time to bring us what we have seen in the coronation of Queen Elizabeth II in 1953 and soon, King Charles III and his Queen, this May.

What To Expect
What can you expect at a coronation today?  The ultimate guidebook for the Royal family is Liber Regalis (Royal Book), created in 1382. It has assisted members for over 600 years in organising this state event.  This book may have captured elements of the event created by Saint Dunstan for King Edgar’s coronation ceremony at Bath Abbey in 973.  Then in 1066, the crowing of William the Conqueror saw proceedings take place at Westminster Abby, where it remains today. 

When Did It All Start
As Queen Elizabeth II was Lying-in-State and the fully planned State Funeral was being held, the organisation for the crowning of King Charles III began.  The significant players overseeing this momentous event are the coronation committee comprising the Government of the United Kingdom, the Royal Household, the Privy Council and the Church of England.  What do these bodies need to consider when planning a coronation?  The coronation date, its proclamation, the price, who attends, the required furniture, music and the honours conferred to mark the grand occasion. 

Of course, modern safety laws have to be adhered to, so the number of those in attendance has already been slashed by the thousands. Many are already disappointed, fearing they will never receive the coveted email and confirmation of their expected attendance from Buckingham Palace. And if someone does receive a coveted email to attend the coronation, does that mean all is well? Some members of the peerage, who wear their coronets and robes only at a coronation, have waited a lifetime for this opportunity. Will they be disheartened in the end?

Rumour has it that disappointed duchesses have had a traditional key role of theirs dismantled in the coronation ceremony. The queen wants her five grandchildren to take centre stage at the coronation alongside the King’s royal heirs, performing a role previously given to duchesses. This role has in coronations past, been performed as the new Queen is anointed with holy oil. And what of the new King’s pledge to make the coronation more inclusive of other religions? In the ceremony, the Archbishop of Canterbury by tradition, asks the King three lengthy questions. These are specifically regarding the Church of England. The coronation has now been shortened to one hour from the original three hours. Will those questions by the Archbishop be shortened or eliminated altogether? Will they and actually include the mention of other religions?

For more about the Coronation at Westminster Abbey, please go to >> westminister-abbey.org

​The Crowning Event
The main event occurs at Westminster Abbey, where the King will be escorted by carriage from Buckingham Palace. Rumor has it that the very uncomfortable, but exquisite gold carriage, that previous Kings and Queens have used for the ceremony, will not be used in May. Will this have the look of an ordinary, albeit exciting royal wedding, instead of an extraordinary coronation?

Once there, the Procession to the Abbey begins quickly  to move to the Procession inside the Abby.  There begins The Recognition of King Charles III.  After that, one can expect hymns to be sung during and after the Coronation Oath and The Anointing. The Homage is where the highly anticipated and photographed moment of a coronation occurs, where King Charles III is given the Orb placed into his right hand and the Scepter, which he holds with his left hand, as well as golden bracelets and a ring. Once this occurs, the choir will sing anthems, drums beats, trumpets sound, and joyful crying out to mark the crowing of Great Britain's new King. 
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Camilla, The Queen Consort, will be crowned after the Homage takes place.  Once that is complete, the departure will occur, and esteemed guests, family and hosts will make their way from Westminster Abbey to Buckingham Palace to be seen by thousands of onlookers and broadcasted to millions.  The King and the Queen Consort, along with the Members of the Royal Family, will assemble for a perfectly Instagramable balcony appearance.  The day ends with a Coronation banquet.
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Life After The Crown
In the days and months after the Coronation, there will be many public opportunities for the new King and Queen to meet their subjects. These traditionally begin with a Coronation Review of the Fleet, Service of thanksgiving, UK and Commonwealth tours, Coronation portraits, and most importantly, the Investiture of the Prince of Wales. The Investiture tells the world who will be the next in succession to the throne. — By contributor, Elizabeth Soos, at Auersmont.com 

For more about the Coronation, please go to >> cornontion.gov.uk

Contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20+ years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Breeched Boys in Pants

                          

Until the latter half of the 19th century, fashion etiquette in Europe dictated that young boys wear “dresses” until the age of 7 or even 8 years. Some of these early boys dresses still exist, in “Christening gowns” passed down from one family generation to the next. When a boy was finally allowed to wear “breeches” or pants, the had reached the age of “breeching” — an important rite of passage in days gone by. As it was, a variety of styles of long robes were commonly worn by adult males up until the mid 16th century, so boys wearing them would seem natural. During a time period when clothes were very expensive to all but the uppermost classes, dresses were also easier fit on boys and girls alike and had a bit of room for future growth. Breeching was made once boys had long finished toilet training and they had also reached the age when they could easily undo fasteners of many styles of early breeches and trousers. They could be quite complicated as designs changed through the centuries. —

“Breeching was the occasion when a small boy was first dressed in breeches or trousers. From the mid-16th century until the late 19th or early 20th century, young boys in the Western world were unbreeched and wore gowns or dresses until an age that varied between two and eight. Various forms of relatively subtle differences usually enabled others to tell little boys from little girls, in codes that modern art historians are able to understand but may be difficult for the layperson to discern.” — Text and public domain image of a Flemish boy (circa 1625) from Wikipedia.org

The Very First Pair of Trousers

“YOU must know,” said Bessie, “that at that time not one single man or boy in the world wore trousers.” “Oh-h-h-h, Bessie!” said small Bob and Sammie together. “What did they wear?”

Bessie went to the book-case and took down her General History. Then she showed them the draped figures of Greek and Roman senators and sages, and the bare-kneed, sandaled soldiers.

“A little later, they wore clothes like this,” she said, turning to a group of fourteenth century merchants with belted, fur-trimmed robes coming just below the knee. “But nobody in all the world had ever seen a man dressed in what we call pantaloons.”

Little Sam stroked his diminutive, newly-donned trousers with an air of great satisfaction. Bobbie, who was more used to the dignity of wearing them, said: “Go on, Bessie. Tell us about the first pair.”

“That's just what I am going to tell you,” laughed Bessie, “the very first pair of pantaloons that ever were made and why they called them so.”

“Well, you know they didn't have any books to read,” here Bob looked more astonished than when she had spoken of a day without trousers, — and the only way anybody could hear stories was to go to the Miracle Plays and see them acted out, unless they heard them from the troubadours who just went about to tell stories and sing songs; but they generally went only to the great houses.

“About this time, I think, there lived two little boys just as big as you and Sammie. One night their father came home in wonderful excitement. ‘There is going to be a miracle play in the churchyard tomorrow,’ he said.” The boys scarcely thought of asking ‘May we go?’ for, of course, everybody went to the ‘Miracle Plays’,” Bob and Sammie looked at each other as if to say, “What a delightful time to live in!”

“These plays only came but once in a year or so,” said Bessie, “and there was nothing at all to go to besides. No circus, no Sunday school, no school, no junior society; and no church, except the mass, which was said every bit in Latin, so that not one of the people could understand a word. It was a great treat to have a play in their own language, so that they could understand it. Just think, there was not even a newspaper or a printed book in the world!

“Well, our boys went with their father and mother and everybody else to the churchyard. There they saw a great stage built of boards, without any roof or back or side or anything. In front of the stage were several benches for the great folks of the castle, but everybody else stood up. When the time came to begin, a man nailed up a paper on a post that read, ‘This is a forest,’ and the actors came on.

“But our two little boys could not remember much of the play. The only thing they remembered very well was what we would call the clown. He was the funniest figure the boys had ever seen, and all the crowd howled with delight whenever he appeared. And he wore, as the height of all that was comical, the first pair of trousers that ever was made. He was playing the part of St. Pantaleone and that is why to this day the kind of garments he wore are called ‘pantaloons,’ Every time we say the word we are really referring to that old miracle play in the churchyard hundreds of years ago.”

Bessie had finished her story. The boys were quiet for a moment, then Bob exclaimed: “Come on, Sam, let’s have a show. I'll be the clown. See me!” and, catching up the table-spread before Bessie could interfere, he wound it around him after the fashion of a Roman toga, and went dancing across the room.— By Bertha E. Bush, in “The Housekeeper,” June, 1903

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Good Manners and Human Rights, Pt. 2

We knew a lady to give great offense by wearing her gloves at a ball. “She is so stuck up that she is afraid to touch our hands,” they said. In such a case you have two things to choose between. Conform to your company in these trifles; pour your tea into your saucer, take off your gloves, or go elsewhere. Do not mar even a low accord. Dress according to your work; behave according to your company; but still have more regard for your own permanent respect, than a temporary popularity with some casual society.

Good Manners Founded on Human Rights and Conformity of Manners

Liberty is the right of every one to seek his own happiness in his own chosen way, so long as he does not trespass upon the equal right of every other. The Pursuit of Happiness in every being, consists in its efforts to satisfy its natural desires.

In the same way, every organ of the body, and every faculty of the mind, has its rights and its sources of happiness. To close the window of an omnibus or rail car, may be a violation of the politeness due to my lungs, as much as snatching the food from my hand would be a wrong to my stomach. Interrupting a story I wish to hear, is an impoliteness and violation of my rights; it prevents the satisfaction of my faculty of eventuality-as a volley of abuse might be an outrage to my approbativeness.

Let these principles, so briefly stated, be borne in mind, and it will be seen that a Manners Book is truly a work of deep philosophy and profound science; that etiquette is based on principles and laws; that behavior may have its foundation in mathematics; that grace of deportment is a noble art; that from the slightest act of complaisance, to the highest moral duty, the same great principles should govern us.

It has been said that each individual has the right to secure his own happiness in his own way, so long as he does not interfere with the equal right of every other. This is true, but not the whole truth. Each individual does secure the greatest possible happiness to himself, when he promotes in the highest degree the happiness of all other beings. The good of one is the good of all.

It might be supposed that in the solitude of a hermit, the life of a Robinson Crusoe, in the isolation of utter loneliness, a man might be free to do any absurd or outrageous thing he might fancy. True, he may whistle, sing, laugh or shout, without annoying any one; he may cut capers, make grimaces, roll upon the ground; he may wear any clothes or no clothes, since there are no eyes or ears to be offended but his own-perhaps.

This “perhaps” is put in for the benefit of all who believe in the existence of unseen intelligences, who are near us, to guide and comfort us; who, though usually unseen, and consciously unfelt, may yet be often and forever near us. If we admit this belief, we are never alone, but always in social relations that should influence our conduct. It is not to be supposed that spirits have much regard for the observances of conventional etiquette, but it may well be believed that one's guardian angel may be shocked by anything truly unseemly and disgusting.

And, leaving all the unseen intelligences out of the question, there is one who is with us always, by whom we wish to be respected— ourself. A man may be no hero to his valet de chambre, because the person who fills such a post may have no proper idea of true heroism, but every man would assuredly like to be a hero to himself, or at least to have his own respect and good opinion, which he could not do if he allowed himself to behave improperly in his own society.

It is for this reason, that when a man behaves very badly, he is thought to be beside himself, or rather aside from himself, and quite oblivious of his own personality, which is a phenomenon of intoxication, as of other insanity; in which persons do the most unseemly and outrageous things, because they are unconscious of any recognition.

I believe, therefore, that in the heart of a desert, or on an uninhabited island, a true gentleman would preserve all his dignity, and all his propriety and purity of conduct. I am sure that a true lady, in In the same way, every organ of the body, and every faculty of the mind, has its rights and its sources of happiness. To close the window of an omnibus or rail car, may be a violation of the politeness due to my lungs, as much as snatching the food from my hand would be a wrong to my stomach. Interrupting a story I wish to hear, is an impoliteness and violation of my rights; it prevents the satisfaction of my faculty of eventuality— as a volley of abuse might be an outrage to my approbativeness.

Let these principles, so briefly stated, be borne in mind, and it will be seen that a Manners Book is truly a work of deep philosophy and profound science; that etiquette is based on principles and laws; that behavior may have its foundation in mathematics; that grace of deportment is a noble art; that from the slightest act of complaisance, to the highest moral duty, the same great principles should govern us.

It has been said that each individual has the right to secure his own happiness in his own way, so long as he does not interfere with the equal right of every other. This is true, but not the whole truth. Each individual does secure the greatest possible happiness to himself, when he promotes in the highest degree the happiness of all other beings. The good of one is the good of all.

It might be supposed that in the solitude of a hermit, the life of a Robinson Crusoe, in the isolation of utter loneliness, a man might be free to do any absurd or outrageous thing he might fancy. True, he may whistle, sing, laugh or shout, without annoying any one; he may cut capers, make grimaces, roll upon the ground; he may wear any clothes or no clothes, since there are no eyes or ears to be offended but his own— perhaps.

This “perhaps” is put in for the benefit of all who believe in the existence of unseen intelligences, who are near us, to guide and comfort us; who, though usually unseen, and consciously unfelt, may yet be often and forever near us. If we admit this belief, we are never alone, but always in social relations that should influence our conduct. It is not to be supposed that spirits have much regard for the observances of conventional etiquette, but it may well be believed that one's guardian angel may be shocked by anything truly unseemly and disgusting.

And, leaving all the unseen intelligences out of the question, there is one who is with us always, by whom we wish to be respected-ourself. A man may be no hero to his valet de chambre, because the person who fills such a post may have no proper idea of true heroism, but every man would assuredly like to be a hero to himself, or at least to have his own respect and good opinion, which he could not do if he allowed himself to behave improperly in his own society.

It is for this reason, that when a man behaves very badly, he is thought to be beside himself, or rather aside from himself, and quite oblivious of his own personality, which is a phenomenon of intoxication, as of other insanity; in which persons do the most unseemly and outrageous things, because they are unconscious of any recognition.

I believe, therefore, that in the heart of a desert, or on an uninhabited island, a true gentleman would preserve all his dignity, and all his propriety and purity of conduct. I am sure that a true lady, in the privacy of her own apartment, is just as much a lady, as sweet, and delicate, and refined, and every way beautiful, as in the parlor where I met her for a morning chat, or in the drawing-room where she is the cynosure of the evening party. Because everywhere the free being acts out his true nature. His life is instinctive and genuine; and his training has perfected his capabilities, so that habit is a second nature, which he does not violate. The true lady or gentleman is so under all circumstances; others act a part, but they must do this, and if from attraction, the true is developed in them, and they become what they wish to be thought, and then aspire to be.

A man wishes to suit his action to the company he is in, or to get out of it as soon as possible. If with noisy people, he too must make a noise, or suffer, or leave. He must be gay with those who laugh; sad with those who weep. A certain conformity of manners and life is necessary to politeness. One does not carry the style and dress of the Fifth avenue into a rustic country house. It would be very snobbish to do so. The dress and manner of a wedding are not suited to a funeral. When the king turned his tea into his saucer, contrary to his own custom and all etiquette, because two country ladies did so, whose hospitality he was enjoying, he was more than a king— he was a true gentleman.

This conformity depends upon the law of harmony. Music is the key of social science. If I sing with other persons, I must sing the same tune, in the same pitch, or I am a nuisance. My tune may be better than theirs; I may pitch it to a better key; but if I have come to them, I must con form to their expression until I can bring them to mine, or I must leave them.

It is, in this way that refinement may become a miserable affectation; and a well bred man, in some social spheres, a nuisance in others. We knew a lady to give great offense by wearing her gloves at a ball. “She is so stuck up that she is afraid to touch our hands,” they said. In such a case you have two things to choose between. Conform to your company in these trifles; pour your tea into your saucer, take off your gloves, or go elsewhere. Do not mar even a low accord. Dress according to your work; behave according to your company; but still have more regard for your own permanent respect, than a temporary popularity with some casual society.

The true harmony is that of a man’s own nature. When all his own faculties are in accord, like the strings of a well-tuned harp, he is ready for everything that can contribute to his enjoyment. Such a man, true, self-loyal, tuned up to the concert pitch of his best life, is in harmony with universal nature, fitted to enjoy all melodies in every scale, and unmoved by the vulgar discords around him.

There is thus a higher standard of morals and manners than an observance of the tastes and wishes of those around us. There are rights relative; but there is also a right absolute, or an equilibrium and harmony of rights, which is the true point of dignity and manliness. In the person it is symmetry— in the carriage, ease— in relations, harmony — in results, happiness.— From The Illustrated Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments, 1855

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Good Manners and Human Rights, Pt. 1

Liberty is the right of every one to seek his own happiness in his own chosen way, so long as he does not trespass upon the equal right of every other. The Pursuit of Happiness in every being, consists in its efforts to satisfy its natural desires.

Good Manners Founded on Human Rights 

IT is becoming every day more evident, that all real things on this planet are based on certain principles of right or justice, which are adapted to the true nature and proper condition of all men and women. Arbitrary regulations, whether of manners or morals, are of little value, if they are not in accordance with these universal laws. For every possible requirement there must be some good reason. A law that is not founded in the natural principles of justice, is void from the beginning; or becomes of no effect, or obsolete, as soon as the emergency has passed for which it was ordained.

“Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness,” Mr. Jefferson, are very comprehensive terms; but each includes the others; and each includes all rights. The right to live includes the right to all the conditions necessary to the most perfect development of the being and capabilities. Liberty is the right of every one to seek his own happiness in his own chosen way, so long as he does not trespass upon the equal right of every other. The Pursuit of Happiness in every being, consists in its efforts to satisfy its natural desires.

Every faculty and every organ has its own special rights. The right not to be offended— the right to gratification and pleasure. Take the senses, for example. Taste has the right not to be compelled to eat unsavory food; and the right to seek for gustatory enjoyments. The parent who compels a child to eat a piece of fat pork, or any other viand loathsome to its unperverted taste, violates the rights of this sense. It is violated wherever men are deprived of healthy food, and fruits of delightful flavors. The host who provides good food, and the cook who prepares it, exercise the politeness of taste, and satisfy the rights of appetite.

The smell has its rights, but they are everywhere violated. Whoever fills the air I must breathe with unpleasant odors, is guilty of a wrong. If the smell is merely unpleasant, it is an impoliteness; if unwholesome, it is a crime; and, as a general law, unpleasant odors are also unwholesome. Poor nose! Its rights are little recognized. Our streets are filled with nauseous odors; and the personal uncleanliness of many persons is an outrage to this sense. But of this hereafter.

Sight has a right to beauty, symmetry, and elegance of form; harmony of colors; grace of movement, and every pleasing quality. It has a right to fine scenery, noble architecture, elegant furniture and decorations, to exquisite works of art, and to all possible beauty of person, costume, and adornment. Its rights are denied by deprivation of these enjoyments, and it is outraged by every obtrusion of ugliness.

Hearing has the right to sweet and melodious sounds, and the grand harmonies of musical art: it is offended by noise, confusion, and all harsh, dissonant, and repulsive sounds.

If we suffer, it is probably for our own offences; with what justice, then, can we inflict our evils upon others? If you have a heartache, and any one has contracted to give you sympathy, it is your right, perhaps. You need not trouble the whole world. So if you have a toothache, let it be a private matter between yourself and your doctor or dentist. — From The Illustrated Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments, 1855

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Cutlery and Peas

A typical Eighteenth century place setting 

Historical Reconstructions – Cutlery and Peas

In a recent blog my brother raised the question of why do we eat peas by pressing them on the back of the fork? To answer this question we need to consider the history of both forks and peas!

First peas, this useful vegetable has been cultivated in Britain for hundreds of years, but before the eighteenth century they were not eaten green. They were harvested and dried and formed an important source of carbohydrate in the diet. Whole dried peas, or pea flour, were cooked in a variety of ways. A very common dish was peas pudding or peas pottage, this had the advantage that it could be cooked then eaten cold, it would ‘come again’ as the saying was, become even tastier when it had been allowed to rest in the pot for a few days. Hence the rhyme

Peas pottage hot, Peas pottage cold, 

Peas pottage in the pot nine days old.

Some like it hot, Some like it cold, 

Some like it in the pot nine days old.

Then, during the eighteenth century, potatoes were grown widely and took over from peas as the main source of vegetable carbohydrate in the diet, whilst new varieties of peas were developed and eaten green, especially with duck. But how did you eat these new, tiny, vegetables?

Forks had only become widespread in Britain in the late seventeenth century, but they were two pronged. This pair of tines made them very effective at picking up pieces of meat and vegetable that can be pierced, but not really peas. So how were peas eaten, I had long puzzled over that, ever since I first saw a set of eighteenth century cutlery, then I found a wonderful passage in Cranford (written in 1851) which explained everything. The young narrator had been taken on a visit to an old fashioned farmer, they sat down for dinner;

When the ducks and green peas came, we looked at each other in dismay; we had only two-pronged, black-handled forks. It is true the steel was as bright as silver; but what were we to do? Miss Matty picked up her peas, one by one, on the point of the prongs, much as Aminé ate her grains of rice after her previous feast with the Ghoul. Miss Pole sighed over her delicate young peas as she left them on one side of her plate untasted, for they would drop between the prongs. I looked at my host: the peas were going wholesale into his capacious mouth, shovelled up by his large round-ended knife. I saw, I imitated, I survived! My friends, in spite of my precedent, could not muster up courage enough to do an ungenteel thing; and, if Mr Holbrook had not been so heartily hungry, he would probably have seen that the good peas went away almost untouched.

A two tined fork, probably continental

This is possible, after a little practice I found that it is easy to use a rounded ended eighteenth century knife to lift peas up to the mouth. However the diner has to lean forward to eat the food, and this is not that comfortable in the costume of the period, tight waistcoats and jackets for the men and stays for the women tend to encourage an upright stance. Over time additional prongs were added to the fork to give the three or four tined version we use today. A tidier, more effective, indeed more genteel, method was developed. By pressing the peas on the fork the cutlery could remain in the hand all the time, and there would be no need to alter the angle at which it was held. Food could be combined before it was placed in the mouth, a piece of duck as well as peas for example. Also it meant that there was now no need to put the knife in the mouth, this rapidly became something that ‘is not done’, indeed some people have expressed shock and horror at the idea that Jane Austen might have put her dinner knife in her mouth .

Round ended knife, British but marks very worn, Spoon is English from 1807

Across the Atlantic, peas had been eaten on the knife as they had in Britain, however it seems that there they didn’t take up the new fashion. The multi-tined fork arrived but, until well into the nineteenth century, eating with the knife was still common practice in the United States, to the horror of visitors such as Charles Dickens. Eventually Americans learned just to use the knife for cutting and spreading, and took to using the fork to scoop up peas and other food. Tossing the fork from hand to hand as one early twentieth century commentator said.

So that was one change that affected the way we ate two hundred years ago. There are others, when you look at the way the place was laid you might be able to spot a few, and I will consider these in my next post. — Reprinted with permission from Gordon Lepard. com via The Curious Archaeologist 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Etiquette of 1624

Ferdinand II was Holy Roman Emperor, King of Bohemia, Hungary, and Croatia from 1619, until his death in 1637. He was the son of Archduke Charles II of Inner Austria and Maria of Bavaria. The “Hofburg” translates as "Castle of the Court.” Built during the Middle Ages, “it was initially planned in the 13th century as the seat of the Dukes of Austria, the palace expanded over the centuries, as they became increasingly powerful. From 1438 to 1583, and again from 1612 to 1806, it was the seat of the Habsburg Kings and Emperors of the Holy Roman Empire, and thereafter until 1918 the seat of the Emperors of Austria. Since then the palace has continued in its role as the seat of the head of state and is today used by the Austrian Federal President.” – from Wikipedia, public domain image

 

Here is a curious extract from the Court regulations of the Hofburg for the year 1624 on the etiquette to be observed by officers when invited to the Royal table. 

The regulation begins by stating that officers usually behave under such circumstances “with great politeness and good breeding, like true and worthy cavaliers,” but that the Emperor thinks it necessary to issue the following directions for the use of inexperienced cadets:

“1. Officers should come to the palace handsomely dressed and not enter the room in a half drunken state.

“2. When they are at table, they should not rock about on their chairs nor sit back and stretch out their legs.

“3. They should, not drink after each mouthful, as by so doing they will very soon get drunk, nor drink more than half a glass at a time, and before drinking they should wipe their lips and mustachios.

“4. They should not put their hands in the dishes nor throw bones under the table.

“5. They should not lick their fingers nor drink so brutally as to fall off their chairs.” – Newcastle News, 1900

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Mark Twain on Etiquette

“Garish vulgarity taints what is regarded, commonly at least, as the ‘best society.’ How much richer may we get before degenerating into utter savagery?”   – Mark Twain’s and Charles Dudley Warner’s 1873 novel, “The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today,” satirized the era from the late 1800’s to the early 1900’s. It was a period of great division in the United States, between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have nots’ — a period when serious social problems and changes were marked by a thin vermeil gilding, amid great wealth inequalities.

Mark Twain, at a dinner in New York talked on etiquette. “I once read a book of etiquette, and still remember many of

the rules. The most important rules were these:

“How to accept a proffered cigar.– Slip the right hand into the box, draw forth two, place one absently in the upper pocket of the vest, insert the other between the lips and look inquiringly around for a light.

“How to leave a room properly.– Open the door, place one foot over the sill, follow it up closely with the other foot, and then, turning slightly, shut the door.

“How to accept a dinner invitation. – Eat a light breakfast and no lunch.

“How to accept an invitation to drink.– Look careless, Say, ‘Don't care. if I do,’ and fix the gaze on the other side of the room while the liquor is being poured into the glass. This will assure you a full portion.” – San Jose Mercury News, 1906

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1960’s Hotel Etiquette Advice

Desk Clerk Etiquette – “When you say ‘May I help you?,’ look as though you mean it. Personal conversations by telephone or with the staff will slow up traffic. Your alert attention to each request, no matter how trivial, will be a self-starter toward promotion. 
– Image from “The ABC’s of Courtesy for Hotels and Restaurants”

The Letter “D” – Desk Clerk, Detective, Dispatcher, Door Man

Desk Clerk

Every guest wants something at the desk - usually at the same time. You will need to know each station at the desk, so that you may be of help no matter how far afield the request. Remember, you are the only representative of the hotel many guests see or speak to. When you say “May I help you?,” look as though you mean it. Personal conversations by telephone or with the staff will slow up traffic. Your alert attention to each request, no matter how trivial, will be a self-starter toward promotion.


Detective

House that is –Presumably no one knows you, but actually many guests innocent of any offense - can spot your quiet confidence and alert inspection. You are invaluable for security. By being courteous in questioning you can maintain confidence in your service.


Dispatcher Elevator

Guests are prone to wander aimlessly and then suddenly “heave to” with the crowd. That fraction of time between one elevator and the next becomes vital. Your job is to protect their safety from overcrowding with such smiling assurance they are convinced that there is a something special about “The next elevator, please.”


Door Man

Since you are the first member of the staff the guest sees, you have a great responsibility to make him welcome and set in motion the pleasant and speedy service he expects. Your cordial greeting, your help with his luggage, your assistance in his crab-like emergence from car or taxi - all of these services are automatic to you but highly personal to him. Let him feel that he has made the day a success for you and the hotel. Who knows? Someday he may.

When the crowd collects and everyone wants a taxi, pray for patience and a parade of cabs, but get them in rotation no matter what may slip into your hand. – From the 1962 book, “The ABC’s of Courtesy for Hotels and Restaurants,” by Janet Lefler 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia