Etiquette for Table Decor

Candles are used only on the evening dinner table. Generally speaking, the preferred arrangement for candles is a balanced arrangement on either side of the centerpiece.

The Decorative Motif

This includes the flower or fruit arrangement, candle equipment, compotes if you use them, and other purely decorative items.

There's no reason why you shouldn't arrange them as soon as you have put on your cloth or placemats and before you set the individual places, if it is easier for you. I prefer to do it last, since I can arrange my flowers and other decorative items and place my candles according to the empty space that is left and see that they are in proportion to and do not overbalance the table-setting as a whole.

It is important, especially on a small table, to keep your central arrangement low, so that diners may see each other across the table and carry on a conversation if they wish.

Candles are used only on the evening dinner table. Generally speaking, the preferred arrangement for candles is a balanced arrangement on either side of the centerpiece. If you are setting a narrow refectory-type table you may place them at either end.

The arrangement of accessory decorative pieces such as compotes or added containers of flowers or fruit, figurines and so forth, must depend on the length and size of your table. 

Remember that crowding and overdisplay is awkward; it's poor taste and bad design. Space is important. It is restful to the eye and a foil for the beauty of your accessories and equipment. You will never go wrong if you set your table with restraint and simplicity. This is a good rule to remember. — Helen Sprackling, 1960

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Setting the Perfect Table of 1941

TABLE SERVICE

Table linen is the first thing to consider in setting the table and of course should be well laundered. Doilies are quite appropriate to use for informal luncheons and dinners and may be of either linen or lace. Colored linens are used only for luncheon or breakfast. For the more formal service the table may be completely covered with a linen or banquet cloth or an elaborate lace cloth, which should be placed on a bare polished table and not over colored cloth.

The napkins should match the linen in color, if not in material. Breakfast and luncheon napkins may be small, but dinner napkins should be properly from 18 to 20 inches square. They are usually placed to the left of the silver or may be put on the service plate; however, unless the table is crowded, the former is preferred. Napkins may be folded in a triangle for lunch or breakfast but for a dinner are usually folded very simply. If folded in rectangular shape, they are placed with the open lower corner nearest the plate to facilitate handling. Never stand a napkin up on the table.

Tea napkins are from six to nine inches square and are passed with the tea plate or cup and saucer. Cocktail napkins are either six inches square or rectangular in shape and are passed when a cocktail is served away from the table. Table decorations should be kept simple. A centerpiece is al ways appropriate; however, it should be kept low, not obstructing the view across the table. For special occasions, other types of decorations may be used, such as an attractive arrangement of fruit or vegetables. Crepe paper centerpieces are never in good taste unless the party is for children or when the occasion is extremely informal.

Candles have no place on the luncheon or tea table unless they are lighted and the room darkened by drawing the shades. Candles lend an air of friendliness and cheeriness to any room and should be placed at an attractive distance from the centerpiece to give balance to the table. 

SILVERWARE

Silverware, whether of plate or sterling, should be kept well polished and courses should not be included in the menu if the proper silver to accompany them is not available. However, through popular usage, a spoon may easily be substituted for a cocktail fork, unless serving fish. The dinner, luncheon or salad fork may be served with the dessert course, if necessary. For informal entertaining at home, not more than four to six pieces of silver (not counting the oyster fork) should be laid on the table at one time. These generally consist of knife, fork, salad fork and spoon. If necessary, additional pieces may he placed on the table before the course is served. For example the silver for the dessert may he brought in on the plate or laid on the table before it is served. The bread and butter spreader may be laid on the bread and butter plate and the cocktail fork or spoon may be on the plate on which the cocktail is placed.

The general rule for the position of flat silver on the table is one inch from the edge and vertical to the edge of the table. placing it in correct sequence as used, beginning from the outside and working toward the plate, The knives are laid cutting edge toward the plate next and to the right of the plate. The spoons are placed next the knife, bowls up and parallel with the knife. If soup is to be served, the bouillon, cream soun the large soup spoon is placed on the outside, next the teaspoon. Forks are placed on the left of the plate, tines up. If the salad is served Western style (before the main course), the dinner fork is placed next the plate and then the salad fork. If the salad is to be served with the main course or after the main course, the salad fork is put next the plate.

The butter spreader may be placed in a variety of ways, one l being to lay it on the top or right side of the bread and but ter plate with the blade toward the center of the plate. The cocktail fork or spoon is placed on the cocktail plate, parallel to the other silver on the table. The water glass or goblet is placed above the tip of the dinner knife. If other glasses are used, they are placed to the right of the water glass or in a line slanting from the goblet to the right. Bread and butter plates are placed above the tines of the forks, on a line with the water glasses.

Salt and pepper containers may be placed at either end of the table within easy reach of the guests; if individual salts are used, they may be placed for each cover or between every two covers. The cream and sugar may be put on the table; the letter is always filled with lump sugar if to be used for a hot beverage. If coffee is to be served only with, or after the dessert course, the cups and saucers and creamers and sugar bowl are brought on with the course they are to accompany.

Service plates are of a large size and are placed at least one inch from the edge of the table at each cover, directly opposite the ones across the table, if set for an even number. These remain on the table for the opening course, whether it is cocktail, soup or salad course served separately before the main course. Place cards are best placed above the plate and usually used at a more formal affair as a matter of convenience in seating the guests.

Chairs are set just far enough away from the table so the line of the table cloth is not broken. For the buffet service of dinner, luncheon or supper, the guests help themselves and the silver, china and glasswar needed are put on the table. The silver may be arranged on the table near the plates that it is to accompany. – Shinsekai asahi shinbun [New World Sun], 1, January 1941

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Emily Post on Candles and Smokers

One of the better known writers on manners, with her first book of etiquette published in 1922, is Emily Post. Though she died in 1960, her extended family (most notably her late-granddaughter in-law, Elizabeth Post) has successfully continued on with her legacy of  nearly a century of etiquette books, news columns and social media contributions. – Above, “Emily Post” by Miguel Covarrubias for Vanity Fair, December 1933 
– Image source, Pinterest 

From “Good Taste Today” 

Dear Mrs. Post: Will you please tell me, first if it is proper to use unlighted candles (in candelabra) on the buffet merely as decoration? Second, if it is proper to use them then, should the candles be new or should they be lighted and snuffed out, leaving chaired ends?  

Answer: If by a buffet you mean a sideboard, candelabra are suitable decoration. There is no rule about burning off the candles, but if you did this the candelabra would at least look as though they were sometimes used on the dining table and merely stood on the sideboard between while. Candles are, of course, always put on an evening buffet table and lighted beforehand unless in summer when the evening meal begins in daylight.  

Dear Mrs. Post: How can I be courteous about letting visitors in my house know that I do not like cigaret smoke? Any one using strong perfume is supposed to be showing very bad taste, and yet cigaret smoke smells equally strong, to say nothing of smoke-drenched clothes worn by the inveterate smokers. When I have to spend a day or evening with smokers, I am completely seasick. 

Answer: If people you care very little about are the smokers, the solution is simple enough since you need not continue inviting them to your house. If, however, all the people you like best smoke, you will, I am afraid, have to accustom yourself to smoke or resign yourself to loneliness. On the other hand, I think it only fair to mention that your friends should in their turn show reasonable consideration for you. 

Every smoker should realize that smoking at a dining table, which has not been furnished with ash trays and cigarets, is a breach of etiquette. After the meal, of course, the question of courtesy goes into reverse and those who dislike smoke are unhappily for themselves expected to tolerate it. One thing that might help you, if you have not already discovered it, is to remove the dead ends constantly from the ash trays or better still, get especial ash receivers with water compartments beneath trap tops which prevent that stale smell, which is more than likely the cause of your feeling of seasickness. —Emily Post, 1939

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia