1920's Etiquette Becomes Law

1920's etiquette for making boys making calls on girls.

Don't Toot the Horn When Paying Calls

When you go calling, ring the door bell; don’t toot the horn. This has long been a matter of etiquette. Now North Carolina is going to have it a matter of law. 

A recent law in the state makes it unlawful to use the horn for any other means than a warning device, or to make any unnecessary noise, loud or harsh other than a reasonable warning. Does this mean a warning to get out of the way or a warning that the boy friend has arrived and is waiting? – The Healdsburg Tribune, 1927

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Delineator's "Lessons in Etiquette"

It could be called tact... If you know a fat girl with a slim sister, always mistake the fat one for the slim one, and vice versa. 

• When a lady gives you her seat in a street car, thank her, but in such a manner that she will not be emboldened to open a conversation with you. 
• Going down the aisle of a theater allow the lady to precede you, unless you are attending the play alone. In that case you go first. 
• When some one calls you by phone and says: "Do you know who is talking?" and you answer that you do not, and the person continues to ask if you don't or can't guess, utter a joyous peal of laughter and say you know it is the sanitarium. Then hang up the receiver. 
• If you are walking along the street, carrying packages in both hands, and meet a lady who speaks to you, hold the packages in your teeth while you lift your hat to her. 
• If you know a fat girl with a slim sister, always mistake the fat one for the slim one, and vice versa. 
• When waltzing with a lady who steps upon your toes, it is nice, if you have a wooden leg, to keep the foot of that leg where she will step upon it oftenest. You can do this unobtrusively with a little practice. — The Delineator, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Response and R.S.V.P. Etiquette

A reception or a tea does not require a formal reply. If the invitee cannot go, he may send his card to the hostess. 

Folks — Let the Hostess Know

By Evelyn Prentiss

According to the etiquette book an invitation to a reception or a tea does not require a formal reply. If the invitee cannot go, he may send his card to the hostess. However, folks have recently begun to show a considerable degree of individuality in this matter. 

Hostesses of recent functions of the sort have been surprised at the various types of acknowledgments received, from women who are considered authorities in Sacramento on such subjects.

Some write formal acceptances or regrets Some, who find at the last moment that they are unable to attend the party, telephone this information to the hostess. Others mail their calling cards to indicate that, they will not attend. 

Still others send their cards by messengers at the time of the party or give them to a friend who is going. Sometimes a note is penned on the back of the card, giving the reason for the failure to attend. 

Some simply ignore the invitation entirely, and the hostess has no way of knowing whether it was received or not. Such a divergence of form must indicate a dissatisfaction with the existing rules, and it is interesting to note what a few of Sacramento's most prominent society women think about the matter. 

What They Say...

Mrs. C. E. V. Saunders: In my opinion, it is inexcusable to ignore any sort of invitation. Although it is within the bounds of etiquette to merely send cards to the hostess of a tea at the last minute, if the prospective guest knows ahead of time he cannot attend, it is certainly more thoughtful and courteous to let the hostess know, before she makes her arrangements with the caterer. 

Mrs. Rudolph A. Herold: I think it would he a good idea to have invitations carry the R. S.V.P., as do other types of bids. A few hostesses have recently adopted this plan. However. this precludes the delightful informality of just being able to “drop in,” one of the charming features of such an affair. 

Mrs. Grove L. Johnson: All invitations should he acknowledged as promptly as possible. It is only courteous and gives the hostess ample opportunity to make her preparations. 

Mrs. D. A. Elndley: True manners consist in consideration of others. Anything that will make the path of the hostess more smooth is the courteous and proper thing to do. 

Mrs. J. C. Cany: I think the hostess appreciates knowing ahead of time how many of her prospective guests cannot come. Of course, there are always some who plan to go but are prevented from doing so at the last minute. In that case, the only thing to do is to send cards by messenger. However, if those who are sure they cannot be present write their regrets several days ahead of time, a fair estimate can be made of the number, and this is a great convenience to the caterer. 

Mrs. Charles E. Virdcn: For any formal invitation, a formal response is proper. Custom sanctions the sending of cards at the last minute, but it is a much better plan to inform the hostess ahead of time if one cannot, attend. For those who attend, no other acknowledgment is necessary. 

Mrs. Homer E. McKee: I consider it a great slight to ignore a bid. The hostess has no way of knowing whether it has gone astray or the recipient wishes to snub the sender. The custom of advance acknowledgments is growing, and is a very pleasant, one, I think. —Sacramento Union, 1922

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

For Etiquette Critics of Americans

“Bad manners here in America have been attributed to various causes. First of all, the hurry of the life in which most people live. Often it is a kind of fictitious hurry, but the effect on one's manners is the same.” –1912 

Fashion Arbiter of 

“New York 400” on Criticism of America's Manners and Etiquette 

AMERICANS are said to have bad manners, as a rule. Foreign visitors always make that criticism, and Mr. Townsend Martin was asked if he thought the criticism was just. “Bad manners are not characteristic of American only—though I admit among a certain set they are flourishing at present.” said Mr. Martin. "There is a sort of epidemic of bad manners among the same class all over the world. It seems to be the fashion to have bad manners just now, just as at other periods it was the thing to have the most perfect and exquisite manners possible.”


Like a pendulum the fashion swings between the extremes of bad manners and of the most polished, exquisite courtesy, which we now call the ‘old school,’ showing just where the pendulum is at present. During the time of Charles II of England, bad manners reached their apotheosis, and again after the French Revolution. Whenever manners have become absolutely impossible, the pendulum swings back again and gradually the ideal of what we call good manners and courtesy prevails again. Manners will grow worse before they get better, I think; the pendulum has not swung far enough.


Various Causes 

Bad manners here in America have been attributed to various causes. First of all, the hurry of the life in which most people live. Often it is a kind of fictitious hurry, but the effect on one's manners is the same. There are always a few who belong to the 'old school,’ no matter what the fashion is. Good manners take time and many people feel they haven’t time to spare. At the club I frequently hear the older men complaining of the lack of manners of their own sons and of the younger generation generally. They sometimes attribute it to the prevalence of sports, but personally I think it is only the swinging of the pendulum. When we have reached the extreme of bad manners we'll swing back again, and 'good manners' will become more fashionable.


On the whole, even our worst manners are not so intolerable as the bad manners of other days, when, for instance, etiquette demanded that the host and his guests should drink in excess. There is much less drinking in society nowadays than ever before. Good manners in former times were confined exclusively to the small select aristocratic classes. Their treatment of their social inferiors lacked every element of kindness, politeness or good manners. Yet these people— I'm speaking of the time of Louis XIV of France —were celebrated for their perfection of etiquette and all the forms of manners.


Manners are more uniform today and more democratic and less confined to one class alone. When the pendulum has swung forward, ‘bad’ politeness decreases among all classes of society. That is the condition at present,” Apropos of Mr. Townsend's comments on bad manners is the laxity displayed by greeting acquaintances. Few women know how to bow graciously and yet formally when introductions are made. They give a curt little nod, while the men no longer salute each other, or even women, except in a casual sort of way, as if it were too much of an effort. Perhaps it is the prevailing hurry in which we all live that makes men tip their hats instead of lifting them, and hurry and thoughtlessness are, the cause of most breaches of etiquette which make up the sum of our bad manners.


Thoughtlessness makes the boy forget the cigarette between his lips when speaking to a woman, and in his desire to hasten her steps he catches her under the arm and yanks her off the car, greatly to her own discomfort. On her part she takes out her powder rag and daubs it over her nose, pats her hair, fixes her frock and finishes her toilet in public, probably at the theater, without being conscious that this is in bad form.


A Few More 

“She sits with her knees crossed and assumes attitudes which she has seen on the stage, and if they are not correct for her she does not know it because she has no set standards of etiquette or good form. She is generally not quite sure how to introduce people and passes her mistake off with a cough.


“The formulas of introduction are: Introducing a man to a woman, 'Mrs. or Miss B——. may I introduce Mr. S ?' or, 'I want you to know.' or 'May I present Mr. S ?' A foreign critic has made fun of the fact that every American woman said, 'I'm glad to meet you.' when he was introduced to her. “How did she know she was glad or delighted to meet me?” he inquired quite justly. When she feels any doubt on the subject she need only repeat his name and bow. It is not necessary to shake hands on being introduced, except when there is some special reason for cordiality.” –  Los Angeles Herald, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Gentleman's Etiquette Views

Frederick Townsend Martin was a New York City writer and advocate for the poor, circa 1900

Frederick Townsend Martin on Etiquette

TALKING —  “Thoughtlessness makes the boy forget the cigarette between his lips when speaking to a woman.” “The laxity of manners displayed when greeting acquaintances is greatly to be deplored.” “Good manners take time, and many people feel that they haven't the time to spare.” “There is a sort of epidemic of bad manners among the same class all over the world.” 

MEETING —  "Perhaps it is the prevailing hurry in which we all live that makes men tip their hats instead of lifting them.” “Hurry and thoughtlessness are the cause of most breaches of etiquette which make up the sum of our bad manners.” “Men no longer salute women except in a casual sort of way, as if it were too much of an effort.” “Few women know how to bow gracefully, yet formally. They give a curt little nod.”

WALKING —  “It is seldom nowadays that you see a couple walking together correctly.” “Generally the young man is holding on to one of his companion’s elbows, or one is striding ahead of the other,” “There are, however, always a few who belong to the ‘old school’ no matter what the fashion is.”

ALIGHTING —  “In a desire to hasten her steps the escort yanks his companion off the car, greatly to her discomfort.” “At the club I frequently hear the older men complaining of the lack of manners of the younger generation.” "It seems to be the fashion to have bad manners just now, just as at other periods it was the thing to have the most perfect and exquisite manners possible.” — Los Angeles Herald, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Advice from 1910

True courtesy consists not in forms alone, but in forms made living by the spirit of goodwill, are facts that we have much lost sight of in our admiration of fashion and wealth... ~ Gilded age table top silver and gilt fashions for the serving of eggs at breakfast, from 1910

The Morning “Chit-Chat”

When the question of a certain point of etiquette arose among a group of us the other night the lady who always knows somehow, spoke up: “This is the way it looks to me," she said, and we all listened, as we always do when this sweet oracle speaks. “This is the way it looks to me. I think you should go first because that's the common sense way, and a teacher I had once told me that if I were ever in doubt about any point of etiquette to think ‘which is the common sense’ way, and let that decide it. ‘For every point of etiquette,’ he said, ‘No matter how foolish it seems, is built originally on some good reason, and often you can find out the proper thing to do by looking for the reason.’”

Doesn't that appeal to you as a pretty good test to apply when you are in an etiquette quandary? It does to me. And here's another. When you are in doubt as to which of the two things is proper to do, do the kinder and it's 10 to 1 you will be doing the right one. I know a little country girl who, when she dined for the first time at a stylish city home, was very much puzzled as to whether she ought to say, "Thank you" when the maid bought the serving of soup around to her place.

She decided that it would seem countryfied to do so, and received her plate in silence. She says she will never forget the flush of shame that swept over her when the mistress of the home thanked the maid, as she received her plate. If the little girl had done the kinder thing, she would have done the right thing, and she says she will never again depart from that criterion.

Speaking of that incident reminds me, by the way, of a home at which I visit, where it is the invariable custom for the master of the house, no matter what guests are present to serve the mistress of the house first. In this way she sets the example when there's any doubtful point of table etiquette, so that all her guests need to do is watch her. Isn't that an exquisite bit of thoughtfulness? To me, it seems a custom that ought to be adopted everywhere.

That there can be no really good manners without the goodness of heart, and that true courtesy consists not in forms alone, but in forms made living by the spirit of goodwill, are facts that we have much lost sight of in our admiration of fashion and wealth, but they are sterling facts just the same.

Let me commend to the young person who wants to be well-bred. Lord Chesterfield's most excellent definition of good breeding: “Good breeding is a combination of much sense: some good nature, and a little self-denial for the sake of others, with a view to obtain the same indulgence from them.” —Ruth Cameron, 1910

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The First Etiquette Encyclopedia

For the most part, Emily Post’s book, “Etiquette” is Emily Holt’s “Encyclopedia of Etiquette” reworked and slightly updated...

According to a “New Yorker” article, “Emily Holt’s popular ‘Encyclopaedia of Etiquette,’ first published in 1901, was more than five hundred pages. By contrast, Emily Post said that she wanted to write a small book, a ‘sensible book,’ because ‘the whole subject can be reduced to a few simple rules.’ Post worked on ‘Etiquette’ for nearly two years... Somewhere along the way, Post either changed her mind or simply lost sight of her original goal. By the time she was finished, ‘Etiquette’ ran to two hundred and fifty thousand words, took up more than six hundred pages, and was even larger than Holt’s ‘Encyclopaedia.’For the most part, Post’s book is Holt’s ‘Encyclopedia’ reworked and slightly updated.” ~2008, The New Yorker

Encyclopaedia of Etiquette

The general impression of so-called books of manners is that to have a copy in one's possession means that he or she is deficient in the qualities that go to guests: rules for dancing a german and leading cotillions: proper form in connection with weddings, theatre parties, visiting and house parties, receptions, musicales, garden parties, funerals and christenings.

The latter part of the book is devoted to some words to bachelors on the lines society dictates their hospitalities shall be conducted: the proper dress and etiquette to be followed in writing, driving, golfing, and bicycling: a few rules on correspondence: and last, hints for the dress and duties of servants and the social position of children.

The volume is supplemented by an alphabetical index for convenient reference and has nine half-tone reproductions of photograph especially taken to explain the text in relation to dinners, weddings and liveries. (Published by McClure, Philadelphia & Co., New York. Price $2.) –Originally published in the San Francisco Call March 17, 1901 under "Writers of Books"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia