British “Court Etiquette” Caste System

“The British have a way of adjusting these matters, and fixing the social status of all classes, from Princes and peers to peddlers and paupers, which is really stunning. They classify the entire population, with remorseless exactitude, in one hundred and twenty eight classes, beginning at the throne as the topmost round of the social ladder…”

BRITISH ETIQUETTE

Where Professional Men Stand in the Phalanx of English Society

It is a great satisfaction to know exactly where one stands in the grand phalanx of society — whether one is a general, colonel, major, captain, lieutenant, sergeant, corporal, high private or camp follower in that host composed of many grades. The British have a way of adjusting these matters, and fixing the social status of all classes, from Princes and peers to peddlers and paupers, which is really stunning. 

They classify the entire population, with remorseless exactitude, in one hundred and twenty eight classes, beginning at the throne as the topmost round of the social ladder, and ending at the work house, or thereabouts. 

According to this nicely graduated scale of precedence, untitled men of letters are very, very low people. They belong to class one hundred and twenty-three, only five degrees above zero. For the benefit of all low-caste Americans who may contemplate a visit to England, we give the subdivisions of their “fardowners” of class 123, officially announced in “Court Etiquette:” 

“Class 123. Professional gentlemen — Solicitors, attorneys, proctors, engineers, architects, medical practitioners, (not being physicians), artists, literary men, merchants, master-manufacturers, scientific professors, and others not engaged in manual labor, farming of land, or retail trade.”

We don’t as yet understand the niceties of precedence quite as well as our transatlantic cousins; but we arc getting along pretty well for new beginners. We know enough already to place the drones of our hive before the working-bees. — Amador-Ledger Dispatch, 1890

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Brit Manners According to Frenchman

It is not etiquette to blow one’s nose, to spit, to sneeze. What is one to do? Is it etiquette to have a cold?  –Public domain image of Jules Lecompte, French author and wit from the min 19th century.

English Etiquette

Jules Lecompte, a French wit, gives this description of English etiquette: 

• It is not etiquette to blow one's nose, to spit, to sneeze. What is one to do? Is it etiquette to have a cold? 
• It is not etiquette to talk loud, even in Parliament; 
• to walk in the middle of the street; 
• to run to get out of the way of a carriage. You must let yourself be ran over. 
• It is not etiquette to close a letter with a wafer, for then people say that you send them your spittle; or to write without an envelope. 
• Neither is it etiquette to go to the opera with the smallest flower or stripe upon your waistcoat or cravat; 
• or to eat soup twice; 
• or bow first to a lady; 
• or to ride in an omnibus; 
• or to go to an evening party before ten or eleven o'clock, 
• or to a ball before midnight; 
• or to drink beer at dinner without immediately returning the glass to the servant. 
• It is not etiquette not to shave every day, (the majority of Frenchmen, it must be remembered, never wash their face but when they shave, and shave, if at all, but every second day,) 
• or to be hungry, 
• or to offer to drink to a person of high rank, 
• or to be surprised when the ladies leave the table at the dessert. 
• To wear black in the morning or colored clothes in the evening is not etiquette. 
• To address a lady without adding her christian name, 
• to speak to a person to whom you have not been introduced, 
• to knock gently at a door, 
• to have a splash of mud on your boots, no matter how bad the weather, 
• to have copper (penny) in your pocket, 
• to wear your hair cut short, 
• or a grey hat, 
• a silk handkerchief, decoration, a great beard, or even a little one - all this is quite contrary to etiquette. – From the Shasta Courier, 1853

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

She Wouldn’t Tolerate Etiquette Breach

Georgiana, the most famous Duchess of Devonshire, as portrayed by Kiera Knightly in the period drama, “The Duchess.” – Georgiana was known as “The Electioneering Duchess” due to her insistance on being publicly vocal about her political beliefs. A little more than a hundred years after Georgiana’s death in 1806, the early 20th century Duchess of Devonshire may have been in support of women’s votes, but was clearly in support of good manners in her home.

Women Guests Cry, “Votes!” 

and are Banished 

Duchess of Devonshire Won’t Tolerate Breach of Etiquette

LONDON, June 17.– There was a meeting at Devonshire House today of the Colonial Nursing Association. Princess Henry of Battenberg was present. While Lewis Harcourt, a member of the Cabinet, was speaking, two suffragettes interrupted him with their cry of, “Votes for Women.”

The Duchess of Devonshire reminded the women they were guests in the house and in the circumstance she had no alternative but to request that they withdraw. The women were led from the room.– Chico Record, 1912

🗳Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

House of Lords’ Etiquette Ruling

 

A new Duchess of Norfolk was introduced in 1905 – LONDON, Jan. 19.-England's premier nobleman, the Duke of Norfolk, was today married to the Hon. Gwendolin Mary Maxwell, who thus takes her position at the head of English official society. her position being only one step below rovalty. The Duke of Norfolk is in his 57th year and is very wealthy. His first wife was a daughter of Baron Donington and died in 1887.

The latest pamphlet published by the commission of historical manuscripts in London contains the following interesting and curious travesty on etiquette: “The Duke and Duchess of Norfolk, having been summoned to appear before the House of Lords in 1692 in order to plead their suit for divorce, it was debated whether the Lord Chancellor, sitting as Chairman, should lower his dignity by bowing to the Duchess and speaking to her only with his cap in his hand. This question was argued for several days in the House of Lords until debate exhausted itself and several duels resulted. At length it was decided that the Lord Chancellor should first receive the bows of the Duke and Duchess and return them with uncovered head and after that he should replace his cap.” This rule was followed to the letter and is still adhered to today when similar contingencies arise. – Triplicate, Volume XVIII, 1897

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Minutiae of Gladstone’s Life

“His dinners are selected to his taste. He takes soup, fish (if it is to his fancy), but usually dines off one dish, which he selects and does not depart from. He is very fond of rice pudding and prunes and rice, and upon either of these, but more especially the former, he would, if the etiquette of the dinner table permitted it, make an entire meal.”– Public domain image of William Ewart Gladstone

Gladstone’s Life: The Great Statesman's Simple Habits. Plain Food, Plenty of Sleep

Mr. Gladstone is in the best of health, sleeps remarkably well, and, so far from having shown signs of decreasing vitality through an inability to maintain an appetite for food, the right honorable gentleman en joys his meals with the zest of a young man. When he rises he invariably takes a tepid bath, and every morning before breakfast while at Biarritz he attended church, and since his return to London has frequently taken a little walk in the grounds of Downing street. His first meal usually consists of a hard-boiled egg, a slice of tongue, with tea and toast. After breakfast he devotes him self to his correspondence, and for several hours is busy with his private secretary and receiving such political callers as may arrive. 

For luncheon Mr. Gladstone takes cold meat, milk pudding and cheese. He drinks a couple of glasses of light wine, and some times finishes with a glass of port. At 5 o'clock, if disengaged, he has afternoon tea. His dinners are selected to his taste. He takes soup, fish (if it is to his fancy), but usually dines off one dish, which he selects and does not depart from. He is very fond of rice pudding and prunes and rice, and upon either of these, but more especially the former, he would, if the etiquette of the dinner table permitted it, make an entire meal. 

He drinks claret, and to his cheese has a liberal glass of port wine. Half of this he takes with his cheese, and sips the remainder in conversation over dessert. When dining out Mr. Gladstone takes two or three glasses of champagne, concluding, as usual, with port. He does not drink coffee because it is seldom made to his liking, and being astringent keeps him awake. 

While at Biarritz a rule was made that Mr. Gladstone should be left alone at 10 o'clock every night. This rule is likely to be adhered to still, and the other evening, while the guest of a friend, he left at a quarter past ten and was in bed fifteen minutes later. Mr. Gladstone has, with very rare exceptions, always slept well and for some time was in the habit of remaining in bed until noon. This was when he felt fatigued or desired to think out some matter which specially engaged him. But at Biarritz he never lay in bed but once and that was two days before the time fixed for his departure, when he was attacked by a cold in the head and reverted to his old rule, kept his bed for twenty-four hours and thus regained his usual health. 

Since the right honorable gentleman returned to London he has risen early, and is as vigorous and hearty as his friends could wish. Mr. Gladstone lives very plainly, his regimen being guided by authority. but his appetite in London is good. On one occasion at Biarritz he was asked how he slept, to which he replied gayly, “Well, I have done my nine hours.”

His memory is as keen as ever, and at the Biarritz dinner-table, as when he dines at home or with friends in London, he was the life of the party. On one occasion when Mr. Tollemache was present there was a discussion about classics, and Mr. Gladstone quoted not single lines of Greek, but whole passages. On the voyage from Calais, the channel was very stormy, and Mr. Gladstone lay down, but did not suffer from seasickness. The reports of his ill health and lessened vitality have caused the Downing-street postbag to be unusually heavy, and a great deal of ill-afforded time has consequently been expended in refuting these idle inventions.– St. Jame's Gazette, 1893

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Fans of Prince Forget Manners

Abbas Hilmi Pasha, the last Khedive and second Viceroy of Egypt
–Public domain image, 

The other Eastern Prince now in Europe, the Viceroy of Egypt, has been mobbed in London. The unfortunate man went to the Zoological Gardens, and in a moment became an attraction greater then even the monkeys or the cockatoos. Whether the hippopotamus from the banks of the Nile recognized his Sovereign Lord or not we cannot say, but the well-behaved public gave chase to the new lion and pursued him down all sorts of avenues and walks until, as we read, he regained his carriage, scared and breathless. So much for the politeness of Londoners. The Horse Guards had better detach a squadron to assist the Viceroy in his explorations of the English metropolis, or he may go away with the impression that the manners of the people are modeled upon the habits of the wild beasts in their show gardens.– New York Times, 1867

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Old World Cereal Etiquette

A British made, transfer ware shredded wheat bowl in blue and white. It’s in the George Jones Abbey 1790 pattern, circa 1920’s to 1930’s.

One of the old-world ways to eat the cereal or porridge was to serve with it individual bowls of creamy milk. A small portion of the hot porridge was then taken up on the cereal spoon, this was dipped into the milk bowl, and the two eaten together. The portion of porridge was taken up on the side of the spoon nearest the person, and the milk was dipped up from the farther side.

The dainty eater did not allow the side of the spoon that touched the lips to go into the milk. This method of eating the break fast porridge is used in Canada, in Great Britain, and here and there by individual families in the United States. But the general fashion in this country is to pour the milk or cream over the cereal in its own dish.

No food, liquid or solid, should be sipped or eaten from the point of a spoon, whether teaspoon or dessert spoon. Everything is eaten from the side of the spoon only.

The spoon should never be left in the coffee cup, or in a scooped-out melon, but should be removed and placed on the saucer or the fruit plate. The spoon may be left in the cereal dish. — Mary D. Chambers, 1923

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Future Queen Invents Teapot

Princess Mary of Teck became Queen of the United Kingdom and the British Dominions, and Empress of India, from 6 May 1910 until 29 January 1936, as the wife of King-Emperor George V.
–Photo source, Pinterest

 

A new “hygienic” teapot is the invention of a woman, and a royal woman at that, Princess May of Teck. She has just exhibited the pot in the group of nursing and sick-room appliances displayed in London previous to their forwarding to the Columbian Exposition. 

The model is in plain silver and made in two sections, the upper one of which is the receptacle for the tea. This is furnished with a double and extremely fine sieve, through which the water poured in at the top filters so slowly, that by the time it has reached the lower section all the good quality of the tea is extracted. The principle is quite similar but an improvement on the Japanese teapots, with perforated cups, sold here in New-York. – The New York Times, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J, Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Improving Soviet Etiquette and More

In 1969, publishers Funk and Wagnalls came out with a replica edition of Emily Post’s 1922 book, “Etiquette” for $10.00– for $6.95, they also came out with Elizabeth Post’s revised 12th edition of the same book. A writer compared the two books. – Photo above, Elizabeth Post, circa 1969

In a Manner of Speaking, Etiquette in Soviet Is Improving

SOCIAL behavior in at least one Socialist state is undergoing an unmistakable refinement, according to the woman who has updated Emily Post's “Etiquette.” Elizabeth Post, whose husband is a grandson of Emily Post, made the observation following a recent European tour.

“A realization that tourists are being alienated has prompted campaigns in the Soviet Union to improve the service of waiters, taxi drivers and bellboys,” said Mrs. Post. But, she added, the over-all attitude remained “just plain unhelpful.” Mrs. Post also said that attempts were being made to glamorize the assembly-line approach to weddings and that the Soviet Government was encouraging engagements – complete with formal announcements – something previously considered unnecessary and bourgeois.

In Germany, the second stop on her tour, she found that United States servicemen and their wives could upset the local population by seemingly small matters – by having cookouts or washing cars on Sunday (the Germans observe the Sabbath strictly) or by leaving clothes lines up with no clothes on them. In England, her last stop, she found things had changed vastly since Emily Post used the British as the models of formal behavior. She found them as relaxed as Americans, and more interested in discussing the miniskirt than manners.

Mrs. Post plans to write a book about “individual differences in etiquette abroad” for the benefit of travelers. She feels it is important because “if we have better manners on a big scale, we will have less war and more understanding.” Her updating of Emily Post's “Etiquette” is published by Funk and Wagnall. Pocket Books will publish a condensed version next month.

When Emily Post was asked to write the original book, which was published in 1922, she is reported to have sniffed and said: “It’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of.” It was only when she was shown some manuscripts and found them to be unduly concerned with salad forks and impressing the neighbors that she capitulated. “I got involved somewhat by mistake – just as Emily did,” Mrs. Post said recently, from behind her desk at the Emily Post Institute in the Pan Am Building. 

“The Institute decided, not long after Emily's death in 1960, that the book should be updated. Several writers were tried but they either wrote well and knew nothing about etiquette or vice versa. One night my husband brought home one of the manuscripts to look at,” she continued. “He showed it to me and, without thinking, I said I could do it better myself.”

Now that her four children are grown, Mrs. Post can devote time to answering the many letters received on etiquette questions at the Institute – most of which are from women. Meanwhile, Mr. Post is more concerned with equipping heavy-duty trucks. He is president of Hobbs Equipment in Norwalk, Conn. “Etiquette isn't going out of style, judging by the tremendous amount of interest people show in it,” Mrs. Post said. “It's just that the emphasis has changed – and should have changed. It used to be rather a rigid business. I think the basis now is consideration.”– By Nan Ickeringill, NYT, 1967

Etiquette Enthusiast©, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and a Dinner with the Queen

In her youth, Victoria was reprimanded for her tendency to eat too much and to gobble. There was no privacy for a Queen in waiting and the grisly realities of 19th-century digestive problems were agonised over by everyone – including Victoria’s mother, her uncle Leopold and Lord Melbourne, the prime minister. The young Victoria herself fretted over her weight – at her very slimmest, she was just over seven stone. After Albert’s death, she became a trenchant if joyless eater, ploughing through course after course, still gobbling. The weight piled on. A politician forced to endure a meal with the old Queen wrote that it was a dismal experience: “I personally never heard her say anything at dinner which I remembered the next day. Her manners were not affable; she spoke very little at meals, and she ate fast and very seldom laughed.” Her physician Sir James Reid left detailed notes on the weary regularity of the Queen’s problems with flatulence, bowel irritation and stomach upsets. – The Guardian on Annie Gray’s Book on Queen Victoria, 2017

Regarded from a gastronomic point of view, it appears that there is nothing particularly, desirable in dining with the Queen, although it is a privilege much coveted by ambitious men. A distinguished divine, who occasionally preaches at Windsor, and dines and sleeps there afterward, said the other day that the dinner was a remarkably unsatisfactory affair to a hungry man. It is not etiquette to continue eating of any particular course after the Queen has partaken of it to her satisfaction; and as Her Majesty eats very little the courses are harried over. 

After dinner there is hardly time to take even one glass of wine before coffee is brought in. The Queen does not put her cup on tbe table, but sips a little as the servant holds it on the salver. Then Her Majesty rises, and of course the guests all rise and stand back from the table. The Queen the makes the round of the room, stopping to talk a few minutes to any one of the guests whom she may delight to honor, and then goes out, leaving the guests to amuse themselves as they like for the evening. – Hour, 1880

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

British Etiquette Advice of 1900

It is not etiquette to ask a woman’s age, the price of her bonnet, or the name of her dressmaker. It is not etiquette to introduce disagreeable subjects, such as premature burial, vivisection, dissection, mother-in-law, Parliamentary patriotism, and disinterested charity.

Miss Beatrice Knollys, who has many friends in this city, and who is the writer of many of the little dialogues which have been published from time to time in “The London World,” “Black and White,” and other periodicals, has brought out a brochure, with advice on “The Gentle Art of Good Talking.” 

Some of the hints in making conversation can well be taken by many people in society. Here are a few:

• It is not etiquette to talk of the Ten Commandments. It is unpardonably personal.  

• It is not etiquette to talk to a widow or a widower about second marriages, for you only make them fib faithfully over the dear departed. 

• It is not etiquette to ask a woman’s age, the price of her bonnet, or the name of her dressmaker. 

• It is not etiquette to introduce disagreeable subjects, such as premature burial, vivisection, dissection, mother-in-law, Parliamentary patriotism, and disinterested charity. 

• Give a person a higher title than he owns. 

• Mistake a cad for a gentleman, a plain woman for a beauty, a silly man for a celebrity, any woman for a photographed star, any man (especially a clergyman) for a soldier. 

• Talk shop to the young men or the young women who have just entered into their new career. They will be delighted, for no one loves shop conversation so much as those who are only on the doorstep of it.” 

This is a key, possibly, to the average British conversation. – The New York Times, 1900

 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Edwardian London Club Etiquette

The most famous American Duchess of them all, Consuelo Spencer-Churchill, Duchess of Marlborough, was a member of the prominent American Vanderbilt family. Her marriage to Charles Spencer-Churchill, 9th Duke of Marlborough became an international symbol of the socially advantageous, but loveless, “Dollar Princess” marriages, which were so common during the Gilded Age.

The American Duchess, followed by her motor, led Miss Cochon of Chicago out St. James Street. “Oh, there’s the Duke!” cried Miss Cochon of Chicago as they passed Brooks club, but the Duchess said hurriedly: “Don't look at him, my dear, or he will cut you. Don’t you understand club etiquette?” “No; not if it differs from other etiquette.” “Well,” said the Duchess, “it differs altogether. The club, you see, originated in London. The club has been defined as the weapon wherewith the savage keeps the white woman at a distance. In club etiquette, women are ignored. As you pass White's or the Carlton, the Junior Carlton or Brooks, you will see your best friends, top hat pushed back and hands folded on stick, glaring solemnly at you from this window or from that, but your best friends won't speak to you. It isn't club etiquette. And if you spoke to them it would be a worse faux pas than if you appeared at court under the influence of liquor.”—Cincinnati Enquirer, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Of Manners and British Mashers

Since Victorian times, “mashers” were those who socially displayed no manners. Mashers could be male or female. And there were plenty of both. Female mashers tended to dress in masculine clothing. Male mashers dressed to the nines and were something akin to “lounge lizards” – they were smarmy and always on the make.

LONDON STREET ETIQUETTE

Home Office Aide Sets Forth the Methods of a Masher

London, Nov. 18 — It is neither insulting nor likely to cause a breach of the peace if a woman speaks on the street to an unknown man or a man speaks to a woman in a fashionable part of London, according to Sir Ernley Blackwell, legal assistant to the Under-Secretary of the Home Office. He gave evidence today at the first public sitting of the government committee to investigate the problem of street offenses. “In the West End of London,” he said, “A man merely takes off his hat to a girl and makes some passing remark. That is neither insulting nor threatening.” To this description of the methods of a London masher he added: “But the law extends in villages in the London area where the conduct may be very different.” –NYTimes, 1927

Tidbits of Victorian Etiquette

 
According to Judith Martin, aka “Miss Manners,” during the 1800s, “... until well into the century, lower- , middle- and rural upper-class Englishmen ate with their knives, and that until the latter part of the century, when a fork was used, it was used in the same manner as Americans use it today, switching it back and forth from right hand for eating to left hand when something was being cut.

Judith Martin, the etiquette columnist of The Washington Post, at a 1981, four-day symposium, especially on a subject as esoteric as “Dining and Drinking in the 19th Century,” noted that the Victorians kept erecting bigger and bigger hurdles in manners “so that they could sneer at those not familiar with them. There was never a period of time when the right way and the wrong way was stronger than during the Victorian era,”  she said. “Someone was always doing something wrong so it kept life interesting.” 

Some of the Victoriana she offered was that dinner guests were never assured of getting a napkin and therefore advised to use the edge of the tablecloth or a handkerchief, that until well into the century, lower- , middle- and rural upper-class Englishmen ate with their knives, and that until the latter part of the century, when a fork was used, it was used in the same manner as Americans use it today, switching it back and forth from right hand for eating to left hand when something was being cut. She looked back nostalgically at some Victorian practices, among them the professional guest, a man who was hired to come to dinner if someone dropped out unexpectedly.— The New a York Times, 1981

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Improving Etiquette by Dueling?

It is argued that the abolition of dueling causes English women to be treated with less respect than in former days, and thus it is indirectly the origin of the suffragette movement. A step back toward those chivalrous, romantic days has been taken in the preparations now in progress for a special exhibition to illustrate the history of swordsmanship, with the object of popularizing the sword in England. 

— Photo of a “Dueling Sword” from Pinterest 

English Movement to Revive Dueling

Well-Known Men Believe That It Would Improve Manners and Discourage Divorce

LONDON, Jan. 26. — In these days of continued novelties and of the revival of many old things, there is not much room left for real surprises, but a surprise is certainly furnished by the statement, made apparently quite seriously, that certain well-known Englishmen are not only in favor of the revival of the duel, but will do their best to bring such a revival about.


It is argued that the abolition of dueling causes English women to be treated with less respect than in former days, and thus it is indirectly the origin of the suffragette movement. A step back toward those chivalrous, romantic days has been taken in the preparations now in progress for a special exhibition to illustrate the history of swordsmanship, with the object of popularizing the sword in England.


It is claimed by the promoters — many of whom are prominent men in English society— that the revival of dueling in England would be associated with the following beneficial results:
1. Better manners and more civility.
2. The purity of the home.
3. The practical abolition of divorce.
4. A higher moral standard.
5. Less friction and rivalry between the sexes.
6. A finer physical standard for all who practice fencing.


Most of the gentlemen who will take part in the celebration, which will be a matinée, are members of the Actor's Sword Club, and the scenes illustrating the history of the duel will be based on a series of famous fights taken from both history and fiction. Sir George Alexander kindly has kindly loaned St. James's theater for the matinée, but owing to the elaborate preparations necessary, the performance can hardly be given before next May. Duels of all periods will be fought, and special ‘quarrel dialogue’ suitable to the period will be written by well-known authors to lead up to each fight. This ‘quarrel dialogue’ will require very careful writing, for a grievance or insult that would have stung an ancient Roman to the quick might not be enough to base, say, a modern French duel upon.


“We shall overcome this difficulty,” said Gerald Ames, “by facing our quarrels upon the honor of women, in which cause man has been prepared to shed his blood throughout the ages. Nowadays woman is not treated with the respect and reverence that was her right in the old days when most women had a champion who was prepared to draw his sword for her honor. If you take a lady out to supper and some cad of a man takes it into his head to annoy her with his insolent staring, she has no redress, and you have no means of punishing him. If dueling were recognized and practiced in England that sort of thing would be stopped and a lady could walk out alone without fearing the insolent advantages and attentions of the cads who infest our streets to-day.


“But apart altogether from the social advantages of dueling, sword practice, or fencing, is quite the finest exercise there is for keeping a man or woman fit. Lord Halsbury, Lord Desborough, Lord Howard, de Walden, and the Speaker (Mr Lowther) are among our best-known fencers. They have all promised their patronage, and among those who have already promised to help are the amateur champions and ex-champions, Norman Forbes, Ben Webster, Justin Huntly McCarthy, Jerrold Robertshaw, Athol Stewart and Col. Matthew. Egerton Castle will act as ‘chorus’ between the scenes, and explain the development of the weapons and the rules of fencing of the period.”— The New York Times, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Changed for WWI

And George V also wanted Brits to quit drinking alcohol during WWI — “It is no longer according to etiquette to place any wines or liquors on the table whenever King George is a guest at military messes or with the fleet, says The Spectator, which is conducting an active campaign for prohibition during the war.“

The King's Host's Also Abstain

No Wines or Liquors at Messes Where George is Guest

London, March 30— It is no longer according to etiquette to place any wines or liquors on the table whenever King George is a guest at military messes or with the fleet, says The Spectator, which is conducting an active campaign for prohibition during the war.

The King's order, barring the use of alcoholic beverages in his palaces during the war, is being adhered to rigidly. No wine is served, even at dinner parties at Buckingham Palace or at Windsor.

The Spectator recalls the fact that after the King's accident in France, when he was thrown from his horse, his physicians prescribed a small amount of wine. As soon as the doctors orders were withdrawn, however, the King renewed his abstinence. The New York Times, 1917

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

British Manners for the 1990’s

Author Drusilla Beyfus’s book “Modern Manners; the essential guide to living in the 90s” is “a mixture of common sense and understanding of other people’s sensibilities, an attitude which helps make everyday life a more agreeable and urbane “Strict etiquette would decree that men open doors for women, period, but at the workplace hierarchy is likely to change the rules. If opening a door can be done without too obviously drawing attention to a woman, it would be polite to make a gesture.”

The British Got a Guide to Modern Manners in 1992

Should modern man still open the door for today’s liberated lady? What is the polite way of establishing your new partner’s sexual health? And how does one tackle the age-old dilemma of eating peas gracefully?

Help is at hand. From the nation ever conscious of the rules of etiquette, where social class is still betrayed by calling the lavatory the toilet, comes a new British guide to modern manners.

But its 350 pages of advice encompassing behavior in the presence of royalty, writing love letters and how to cope with “unpleasant bodily functions” are not meant to be a set of intimidating rules.

Rather, the publishers say, author Drusilla Beyfus’s book “Modern Manners; the essential guide to living in the 90s” is “a mixture of common sense and understanding of other people’s sensibilities, an attitude which helps make everyday life a more agreeable and urbane experience.”

So, using portable telephones in restaurants gets a firm thumbs down, eating or drinking in the street is deemed offensive, and replying to business invitations by fax machine is considered “a touch casual.”

But how about the English gentleman who may be confused by conflicting signals on the battlefield of sexual equality? Beyfus offers this guidance:

“Strict etiquette would decree that men open doors for women, period, but at the workplace hierarchy is likely to change the rules. If opening a door can be done without too obviously drawing attention to a woman, it would be polite to make a gesture.”

It is certainly acceptable for a woman to ask a man for a date but if she wants to pay, she should only do so discreetly.

Women should give up their seats on trains or buses to “frail males” and likewise a “stalwart male should be prepared to move over and give his seat to another of his sex, perhaps laden with babies and baggage.”

On table manners Beyfus, former editor of Vogue magazine, says the British are world leaders “with their emphasis on order, restraint and grace.”

Her tips:

* Never start eating at a dinner party before all the guests are served, whatever the pressure.

* Corn on the cob is “a messy business” and is not recommended.

* Peas are “the very devil to eat elegantly,” she says. “You may spear a few on the prongs of the fork or press some on to the back of a fork using a knife as a pusher. Using the fork as a cradle for the pusher is considered unmannerly.”

The royal section, vetted by Buckingham Palace, warns women never to overdo a curtsy and says men should bow from the neck rather than make a sweeping gesture.

At a time when Britain’s 1,000-year-old monarchy is rubbing shoulders increasingly with commoners, there is reassurance for anyone playing host to a Queen or Prince.

In class-conscious Britain, it has been said, good manners can amount to making people of lower class feel ill at ease.

Beyfus counters that class distinctions are fast breaking down. Social mobility and the get-rich-quick 1980s have made many of the old standards of behavior disappear forever.

But in her ideal world, good manners are exemplified by the traditional reserve of the British, who have a reputation for not losing their temper, who sacrifice plain speaking to diplomacy and for whom politeness in affairs of the heart is the better part of passion.

The delicate issue of lovemaking in an age of AIDS should be tackled tactfully but without flinching. “Nor should a lover feel offended if asked to use a contraceptive or give an account of their sexual health. Women carry condoms out of common sense.”

Still on physical etiquette, Beyfus notes that “oddly enough stomach rumbles are usually passed over in silence.”

“If a person suspects they are going to fart, their best move is to try to step away from the group,” writes Beyfus. — By Jill Searjent, Reuters, London 1992

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Fit for a Queen

What to do if the Queen drops by...

Your jubilee street party is going swimmingly but suddenly you come face to face with the sovereign herself. Mark Oliver seeks advice on how to behave from etiquette expert Drusilla Beyfus

Photo source, Instagram 

The stakes are arguably even higher if you're an arch-royalist, and are at a street party partaking in those golden jubilee shenanigans. Imagine: you're just munching a hotdog, hands caked in ketchup, when there's a blur of Daimler, a flash of brooch, and suddenly Her Majesty is upon you.

To help us navigate the minefield of royal protocol, we sought the views of the wonderfully named Drusilla Beyfus, author of Modern Manners. Ms Beyfus says: "Pictures of so-called real people with the royals always look so strained because people are still very intimidated."

But she stresses that royalty are much more relaxed these days and there's no reason to panic. Ms Deyfus has met the Queen and insists she was very nice and she says that with just a few pointers, you too can avoid ending up in the Tower. So do I have to curtsey, or is that just for women?

Ms Deyfus says: "For men, you should give a short bow from the neck. But don't go too low. You don't want to appear too theatrical." Or look like you're having a laugh.

"Women can curtsey, and most women do. These days some women don't curtsey but that's alright too and won't cause any great offence," Ms Beyfus says. Debrett's website says the correct form of address is "your Majesty" or "Ma'am".

However, it is bad form to offer the sovereign your hand to shake. Ms Beyfus says: "The thing is, she would probably just shake it if you did but it's best not to. It's very unlikely she would, but if she offers you her hand, then you should shake it." Just try to avoid crushing the royal digits.

Ok, you've survived initial contact. With a little bravery you could try and speak. Ms Beyfus says that in the past it would not have been proper to say anything. "These days you are most likely to be 'presented', for example if you are introduced by the organiser of the street party, and then you just bow or curtsey and say what you are going to say," she explains.

"She's very easy to talk to. But you can't talk for long, and can probably only get one thought out before she moves on. Everything is scheduled very exactly as we saw with the Queen mother's cortege arriving at precisely at Westminster Abbey at midday. People would love the Queen to sit down and chat at their street party but she won't do that."

So how do you choose what to say in your nanosecond of opportunity? Ms Beyfus says: "Of course, the subjects you think you should not mention, you probably should not. Should you mention Sophie Wessex's miscarriage? I think not."

But the Queen may do the running for you - she is after all well practised in the art of small talk. Ms Beyfus says she might always hit you with the classic "and what do you do?" question but this is less likely in as casual a context as a street party. Ms Beyfus says: "The Queen is usually very well briefed about the area, so may very well have some informed comment to make."

But what about food? Should you offer her a cucumber sandwich? Should there be a desperate scramble for a gold platter of Ferrero Rocher?

"I'm not sure about that. She's got a pretty good figure. You shouldn't really offer her food, but I think if you were to say 'here's one of our currant buns' or offered her some special jubilee cake, she may have a nibble." The most decorous thing would be to run it past her lady in waiting.

Now we turn to the really tricky stuff - how do you cope with the Duke of Edinburgh? What if he has you in the crosshairs for one of his trademark cheeky comments?

Ms Beyfus says: "I think it's very difficult and there are no real ripostes to those funny remarks. What I would say though is that they rarely seem to be at individuals. The slanty-eyed thing and remarks like that seem to be made as statements."

Also you may bear in mind that Mr Freedland has warned that you have to careful because Prince Philip often takes what you said and throws it back at you like it was the "most gormless thing" that had ever been said. So be careful with any quips about the bunting.

Finally, what about streaking? Is there any way of carrying it off without imperilling good form? "No, I don't think so," Ms Beyfus says. — The Guardian, 2002

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Etiquette of Changing Fashions

The new freedoms of women after World War I brought the “flappers” and their shorter hemlines, bare legs, and bare-backed dresses. These styles brought new problems in etiquette... “Several nights ago a dozen barelegged and bare-backed women surprised an exclusive west-end restaurant by appearing on the dance floor. Customers who remembered the Victorian days gasped and several of them hurriedly left ... Complaints were dispatched!”

Half Dressed Women Annoy London Police 

(By United Press) LONDON, July, 27 — The Lord Chamberlain's office was given a new problem in etiquette today, involving the appearance of women dancers without stockings. Several nights ago a dozen barelegged and bare-backed women surprised an exclusive west-end restaurant by appearing on the dance floor. Customers who remembered the Victorian days gasped and several of them hurriedly left the place. Complaints were dispatched to the Lord Chamberlain's office in an effort to force a decision on whether bare-legged women could dance in cabarets. The bare-leg fad has gained popularity among office women, tennis players and suburban shop girls. — 1931

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Georgian Etiquette for Gentlewomen

Gentlewomen, the first thing you are to observe is, to keep your back straight, and do not lean your elbows on the table.
—Photo source, Fanpop

How To Eat 

Social Etiquette Advice, circa 1831

An English magazine has brought to light a “Manual on Social Etiquette” which was promulgated many years ago. We give an extract or two: “Gentlewomen, the first thing you are to observe is, to keep your back straight, and do not lean your elbows on the table. Discover not by any ravenous gesture your angry appetite, nor fix your eyes too greedily on the meat before you as if you would devour more that way, than your throat can swallow.”

In another page: “Do not eat spoon-meat so hot that the tears stand in your eyes, or that thereby you betray your intolerable greediness. Do not bite your bread, but cut or break it, and keep not your knife always in your hand, for that is as unseemly as a gentlewoman who pretended to have as little a stomach as she had a mouth, and, therefore, would not swallow her peas by spoonfuls, but took them one by one, and cut them in two before she could eat them.”

Gentlewomen are further instructed: “Fill not your mouth so full, that your cheeks shall swell like a pair of Scotch bagpipes.” Gentlewomen are also pleasantly put on their guard against the possible perpetration of certain minor misdemeanors: “You will show yourself too saucy by calling for sauce on any dainty things. Avoid smacking in your eating. Forbear putting both hands to your mouth at once; nor gnaw your meat, but cut it handsomely, and eat sparingly.” The latter admonition is addressed to what the author styles “the female younger sort,” but always gentlewoman born and bred. — From “Public Opinion” periodical, 1863

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia