Royal Summer Party Etiquette

The Royal Butler, Grant Harrold (pictured), has revealed his insider tips for the perfect royal etiquette for your summer parties.

From a former Royal butler – “…you've been you’ve been using your napkin all wrong!” Insider tips on how to get YOUR summer party etiquette spot on

A summer party doesn’t need to be hard work, even if you choose to include some formal touches. According to butler Grant Harrold, who spent many years with the Royal Household, the basic rules are rather simple.

Did you know there is a specific way to lay your serviettes, for example? Or whether or not you need to hold up your pinky when holding a teacup? These tips and tricks will ensure all guests know exactly where they are now that the summer dining season has arrived.

If you're planning to celebrate this summer, you might want to brush up on your napkin-folding techniques. With years of experience serving the royal family, follow these tips and your party is sure to be a success.

 

1. How to set your napkins

If you're going to be serving food at your summer party, then napkins are a must. The Royal Butler said there's a specific way to lay napkins that is true to royal etiquette.

The first thing to keep in mind is that napkins should be folded in half. But, there's a catch. The crease should face towards the gentleman, and away from the lady.

'This is because ladies traditionally apply lipstick. By folding the napkins in a certain way, they can lift up one corner, dab their lips, and then place the napkin back down to conceal their lipstick stain.'

The napkin crease should face away from the lady so they can lift up one corner, dab their lips and put it down in a way that hides their lipstick stain (stock image)

2. How shall we snack?

'On a royal sofa, bowl foods and canapes are permitted' Grant says. This is great news for bank holiday celebrations, as your guests can enjoy 'picky bits' fit for royalty in true British style.

However, while bowl foods and canapes are a great choice to snack on, the Royal Butler says to make sure you don't make a mess and watch out for any crumbs!

Your guests can enjoy 'picky bits' fit for royalty in true British style according to the Royal Butler.

3. Pinky finger or no pinky finger? That is the question

The tradition of holding out your pinky finger while drinking tea or coffee is a common practice that many people associate with proper etiquette.

However, the Royal Butler sheds light on the true origin of this tradition.

'Holding a pinky is a myth' he says, 'It goes back to the days when cups did not have handles. I tell people who do this that they are not testing the wind direction, they are enjoying a cup of tea or coffee.'

So, no need to hold out your pinky finger while you sip tea over the summer holidays!

There's no need to hold out your pinky finger while you sip tea over the bank holiday (stock)

4. How should guests sit on the sofa?

Sitting on the sofa like a royal is no straightforward task, the Royal Butler says.

'Before sitting down, use your calves to gently touch the front of the sofa. This ensures that you're in the right position to sit down with grace, and also helps to prevent any accidental missteps.

'When sitting down on the sofa, be sure to keep your back straight and your posture upright. Once you're seated, you can raise yourself slightly and push yourself back onto the sofa to achieve a comfortable and relaxed position.

'Try not to cross your legs whilst sitting on the sofa, unless it's a less formal event.

Sitting on the sofa like a royal is no straightforward task, the Royal Butler says.

'If possible, limit the number of people sitting on the sofa to two. As the Royal Butler says, 'two is company, three is a crowd.'

He added: 'When it comes to handbags and accessories, make sure they're not causing any unnecessary clutter. Place handbags on the floor, and if you would like to keep a small bag with you, consider placing it behind your back or on your lap.'

5. What time should guests arrive?

According to the Royal Butler, your guests should arrive at the exact time given. However, in some cases, a delay of up to ten minutes may be acceptable.

'If your guests are going to be any later, they should inform you in advance' says Grant.

According to the Royal Butler, your guests should arrive at the exact time given.

Grant Harrold was talking in partnership with Delcor, the British furniture maker. – From an article in MailOnline.com, July, 2023

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Coronation Street Party Etiquette

British markets and online sites are bursting with street party treats, drinks and festive decor. For over a century, street parties in England have been localized festive celebrations for Coronations and Royal weddings. The British love these street parties are use them to mark all kinds of special occasions and build community spirit with one’s neighbors at the same time. —Image source, Instagram

How About Some Royal Manners for the Coronation of Charles III and His Queen?

Grant Harrold was butler to Prince Charles at Highgrove from 2004 to 2011. For a well-mannered Coronation street party, he says everyone should be invited ‘and that means everyone’.

Don't be a fancy-dress fascist, he says: ‘Not everybody is comfortable with fancy dress, so if you do want a theme, make it clear the dress code is optional with a “or come as you're comfortable”. There's nothing worse than making your less-showy guests dread the day.’

And have a team of hosts. 'The King is an excellent host because he's always thinking of others and making sure everyone feels personally welcomed.

‘At my job interview, he served me tea and biscuits himself.

‘Get a team of hosts together and space them out evenly along the tables. It's their responsibility to make sure everyone in their section has their glass topped up, plenty to eat and is feeling included in any conversation or games.’

Don't forget to lay your tables: this isn't a school canteen: ‘Not only will a fully laid table look wonderfully inviting, it's also the best way to ensure everyone seated has a glass, plate, cutlery and napkin.’

Grant’s biggest bugbear is people who text at the table. ‘Only get your phone out to take pictures and videos of all the fun going on around you. And if you really can't manage to keep your phone on silent, at least set your ringtone to God Save The King.’

And don't let everyone just sit next to their pals: ‘The temptation at a party like this is to make a beeline for the neighbours you know best, have a riotous time and ignore everyone else. But a street or village party is a brilliant chance to build a sense of community. The royals are consummate minglers and always opt for “how nice to see you” as an opener.

‘They also talk to the guest on their left during the main course, and the one on their right during pudding.’ — From Mail Online, April 2023

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Cheese Etiquette

“A French host will always serve some cheese with the evening meal. We tend to eat cheese before the sweet, because having any after dessert is a bit more difficult to enjoy. The host will serve around four cheeses with some baguette, which is eaten with red wine - white wine would be a crime. There are no chutneys, no tomatoes, grapes or apple that goes with it like you have in England. It is a simple mouthful of bread and cheese, not even any butter.” – Eric Charriaux in MailOnline.com

Most people understandably don't think there are many rules for eating cheese, but that couldn't be further from the truth. The etiquette pitfalls are actually numerous, varying from deploying the incorrect condiments and slicing the cheese the wrong way.

Eric Charriaux and his business partner Amnon Paldi own Premier Cheese, which supplies cheese to the restaurant and hotel industry, as well as a range of fromageries called La Cave á Fromage. Here Charriaux explains some of the rules the French have when it comes to eating cheese, starting with how you should always have enough for a selection to offer unexpected guests.

According to Charriaux, “Most French people have their own plastic or wooden container with a selection of cheeses that are ready to be eaten, in case of guests. They will be in a good ripe condition, from a market stall, a farm or a  cheese monger, who usually only sell local cheeses.” Not only does your range of cheese mark you out as a connoisseur or not, but the point during the meal that you serve them does too, as well as what they are served alongside. 

A French host will always serve some cheese with the evening meal. “We tend to eat cheese before the sweet, because having any after dessert is a bit more difficult to enjoy. The host will serve around four cheeses with some baguette, which is eaten with red wine - white wine would be a crime. There are no chutneys, no tomatoes, grapes or apple that goes with it like you have in England. It is a simple mouthful of bread and cheese, not even any butter.”

Now, if your host has gone to such lengths to serve the cheese course in the correct manner, it is only right to enjoy their offerings with the proper etiquette and there are a couple of crucial points to follow, including never, ever cutting the nose (the centre piece) off a triangle brie. 

Charriaux says that cutting the nose off the brie is very bad manners. “You should never cut a triangle by the tip, because then someone will only be left with the outer rind and nothing else. That will trigger terrible comments from people around you.

“The other main point to remember is that if there is blue cheese on the board, it has to be eaten last because of the power of the other cheese. If you eat the blue cheese first, it demonstrates that you have a weak palette. The most important thing to know is this though - cheese is something be enjoyed with good friends.” — Daily Mail Online, 2016

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia