Rules for Perfect Guests

Author of “In the Royal Manner,” Paul Burrell is a former footman to the late-Queen Elizabeth II and butler to the late-Princess Diana. Though Diana died over a quarter century ago, her enduring popularity has been a constant. It has fueled worldwide interest and exhibits of her personal belongings and wardrobe, which had been auctioned off for numerous charities. Due to her beauty, charm and service to her country, throughout her time as a member of the British royal family, like the late-Queen Elizabeth II, Diana remains an international icon.– Image from an exhibit of Diana’s items, Diana collectibles and framed news’ accounts from Etiquipedia’s personal library and the Etiquette Sleuth blog

MIND YOUR MANNERS, PLEASE

 OR, 

THE ART OF BEING THE PERFECT GUEST

Imagine now that you are going to a party. I have compiled this guide around common etiquette dos and don'ts. Some are more obvious, but others I'm sure will surprise you.

It is advisable to be punctual at an engagement, although it is acceptable to be 10 minutes late, but no more. Traffic and taxis can delay and hamper anyone's arrival though. If you want to take someone with you to the event, it is common courtesy to check with your host beforehand. (If you are hosting a party, and one of your guests brings a friend, there is nothing you can do about it other than to greet them warmly, then address the situation with your inconsiderate guest at a later date.) 

It is polite to take along a small gift for the host or hostess such as flowers, after dinner chocolates, wine or champagne. I have often found a perfumed candle to be a guaranteed success.

There are a few basic rules which should be observed at any dining table.

• Unfold your napkin once you are seated and place it on your lap, and use it to wipe your mouth and fingers during the meal. At the end of the meal it is polite to leave the napkin tidily on the place setting - not scrunched up on the floor!
• The host will always give you a clear indication of when to start the meal. They may begin with a few words of welcome, or Grace, and traditionally the lady sitting on the right of the host is served first, then the rest of the table in a clockwise direction. 
• A knife and fork should be held with the handles in the palm of the hand, forefinger on top, and thumb underneath. Forks should not be turned over unless tackling peas, rice, sweetcorn kernels, or suchlike, in which case transfer the fork to the right hand. 
• At an informal meal, buffet or barbecue, it is of course perfectly acceptable to eat with just a fork.
• It is unwise to use your bread to mop up sauces, although this is customary in other parts of Europe.
• A sweet can be eaten with a spoon and fork, or just a fork if it is of cake-like consistency.
• Rest your knife and fork in between mouthfuls by leaning the knife and fork on the edge of the plate. Only when you have finished should you place them side by side in the centre of the plate.

Should your host present a completely inedible dish, I would suggest that the best course of action is to at least make some attempt at disguising your disgust. Cut it up and move it around your plate a little - perhaps no one will notice. More obviously slurping, burping, picking teeth and licking fingers are particularly unattractive, although it is acceptable to pick up meat on the bone such as chicken legs and spare ribs. It is the only way to eat them. Have a napkin and finger bowl on standby for messy fingers.

Remember that you haven't been invited to dinner just to eat, the evening would be more enjoyable if you made polite conversation, however small, to those sitting on your right and left, and make sure you give both sides equal attention. Don't talk with your mouth full, or sit with your elbows on the table. – From “In the Royal Manner,” by Paul Burrell, 1999 

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Regency Era British Silver

Before mass production of table flatware, people needed to bring their own utensils with them to dinners and when traveling. – What Have We Here? A Regency Era, mother of pearl handled, pocket or travel fork, by Aaron Hatfield, in 1818 – The Prince Regent later became Great Britain’s, King Geaorge IV

On Regency Era British Flatware and Its Supporting Manufacturers

Although during the latter part of the eighteenth century Sheffield had taken most of the cutlery manufacturing away from London, the capital still maintained its role as the main showcase for the domestic market. Many of the cutlery companies of Sheffield and Birmingham felt obliged to have London showrooms.

In the earlier part of the century, the extravagant taste of the Prince Regent and his love of food reflected itself in the gifts he gave to members of his court and to his friends. Beautiful sets of cutlery, such as oyster knives, personalised with his crest and contained in a sumptuous box lined with tinsel paper, were among his favoured presents. The box- making industry, as part of the expanding gift business, was one of the most important ancillary trades in Sheffield. A number of companies made boxes for sets of dessert knives and forks, given as presents but seldom used by the recipient

Carving sets were another popular nineteenth-century gift. In earlier times to be assigned the office of Carver' at a rich man's table was considered a honour, a position of great importance which required skill and dexterity. It was a tradition which lasted until quite recently, although to a much lesser degree, when even in modest households the task of carving the joint (however small) on a Sunday was a ritual accomplished by the head of the family.

The market for carving sets flourished in the nineteenth century and once again the Sheffield cutlery trade met the demand, manufacturing attractive cased sets of carving knife, fork with patented finger-guard and sharpening hone and sometimes specialist game carvers. These sets, often of huge proportions, would have handles of stag or ivory, although later on in the century this was substituted by Ivorine, a trade name for Celluloid. Commemorative carving sets made for the upper end of the market, had ivory handles often carved in the likeness of Victoria and Albert, or of other famous people, such as Wellington and Shakespeare. – From “British Cutlery, An Illustrated History of Design, Evolution and Use”, York Civic Trust, 2001

Reminder: We have a free webinar on Dining According to Hollywood and Dining Etiquette as Presented on Film! You can watch it live on September 23rd at 4:00 pm PST (Pacific Standard Time). We have a limited number of viewers who can attend via Zoom, however, if you are registered and cannot watch the event live, you’ll be sent a video link to watch a copy at your leisure. Link to the Free Webinar –– https://events.humanitix.com/dining-according-to-hollywood-the-art-of-dining-on-film Please email any questions to: theetiquettechannel@gmail.com

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Pineapple Etiquette

This magnificent work of art is part of a set of four: “A set of four silver-gilt dessert stands, each comprising a pierced dish with palmette border, supported in a pineapple leaf bracket above six scroll branches with vine leaf dishes. The stem is cast in the form of an amphora, flat chased with angels and scrolling foliage, on a spirally fluted drum, surrounded by cast figures of Bacchus and two dancing maenads. On a circular base with scroll feet and acanthus leaves.

“These stands were described in the Rundells' invoice of 1811 as '4 very superb and elegant Ornaments for the Desert consisting of Groups of figures to receive Pine apples', although at that date they were not completed. The various elements were probably assembled over the next few years - they were finally delivered to Carlton House in 1817, with the branches arriving two years later. It is likely that the figures were designed by Flaxman. The final bill for the dessert stands has not been traced but later inventories state that they cost £1538 11s 8d.

“The Grand Service is the magnificent dining service of silver gilt commissioned by George IV, when Prince of Wales, from the Royal Goldsmiths Rundell, Bridge & Rundell. The initial commission was made in 1806 and the first delivery took place in 1811.” For more on these fabulous and exceptional works, see the website for the Royal Collection Trust

Pineapples make a particularly decorative feature with their hint of the exotic. At the Palace, they have always played a large part in the dessert course. Charles II is depicted in a painting receiving a pineapple from one of his gardeners. For a time this painting was thought to represent the first pineapple grown in England, but in fact it is too early for this to be the case. The fruit must instead have come from the West Indies.

John Evelyn, who waited on the King at a banquet held for the French Ambassador in 1668, recorded in his diary that the King offered him a taste of a pineapple from his own plate. Evelyn was rather disappointed with the taste, saying 'It has a grateful acidity but tastes more of the quince or the melon. He excused its flavour, attributing it to the distance the fruit had travelled. Pineapples are represented in the silver and porcelain services created for George IV and William IV respectively.

George IV's coronation banquet, held in Westminster Hall, London, also featured pineapples. The menu of the third course of the dinner shows that the pineapple was placed directly in front of the King during the meal. The Earl of Denbigh, who waited on him, records in his description of the banquet that 'Lord Colchester was my assistant carver and cut up a pineapple weighing 11 pounds.' — From “The Royal Table: Dining at the Palace,” by Kathryn Jones, 2008

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Regency Era Place Settings

Regency place setting, c.1810 — Photograph: Jeremy Phillips for Fairfax House, York Reproduced by kind permission of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. 

In 1811 the Prince Regent commissioned Rundell, Bridge & Rundell to provide a ‘Grand Service’ for his residence at Carlton House. Comprising over 4,000 pieces, this was sufficient to provide a gilt place setting for 180 guests at both first and second courses.

All the great silversmiths of their day played their part, with plates by Digby Scott, forks and spoons by Paul Storr, verrières and covered dishes by the Smith Brothers and coasters by Phillip Rundell.

The Prince also bought superb linen from Coulsons, the Irish linen weavers at Lisbon and glass from Perrin, Geddes & Co. of Warrington. The wine glasses have a curious and seemingly over-elaborate engraved star shaped base, which makes little sense when seen standing on a table. The glasses are being cooled in the verrière, and it is clear that the guest is meant to be presented with the base of a wine glass shaped and faceted in the form of a garter star.  — From “British Cutlery, An Illustrated History of Design, Evolution and Use”, York Civic Trust, 2001

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Georgian Era Place Settings

Late Georgian table-setting, c.1790 — Photograph: Jeremy Phillips for Fairfax House, York.

By the end of the eighteenth century the English ceramic factories were producing a high standard of porcelain for the dining room table, competing at all levels on quality and price with foreign imports. This superb gilded plate by Chamberlains Worcester, c. 1805, has the coat of arms for Thompson of York. Bill Brown's attendant knife and fork (B253) is remarkably up to date in style and shape, although it was made in Sheffield in the 1760s.

Notice also the marvelous ‘Beilby’ wine glass made for John Thomas, Bishop of Rochester, and the neoclassical silver-gilt candlesticks by John Scofield, 1780.

Manuals of instruction at this time indicate that it was acceptable for a bottle or decanter to be placed on the dining-room table and this example, of mullet shape, is engraved on the body with an uplifting motto: ‘Old Brown and Good Company’. — From “British Cutlery, An Illustrated History of Design, Evolution and Use”, York Civic Trust, 2001

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Queen Victoria’s Entertaining Savvy

The ambassador, having mentioned in the morning that his birthplace was Furstenberg, the Queen had recalled to mind a service of china never used, and for nine years put away and forgotten by every one but herself, which had been manufactured there, and was decorated with painted scenes of the town and its vicinity. She knew exactly where it was and how It looked, and by her order it had been produced and used at dinner—surely a very pretty attention from a royal hostess, as well as something of a feat of memory in a royal housekeeper. – An antique Furstenberg china hot chocolate pot. Furstenberg china is the second oldest porcelain company in Germany and its antique pieces are highly collectible.

Victoria as a Housekeeper 

England’s Queen Demands Good Service, but Pays Employees Liberally

The sound business capacity and marvelous memory for details which serve Queen Victoria so well in her greater office of sovereign, do not fail to render her successful also in her lesser one of housekeeper. She is the mistress of palaces, castles and country houses, and, although the actual daily housekeeping is, of course, done by deputy, the royal head of the establishment remains ever in a very real sense the mistress. She perceives immediately anything amiss, and perceives also the remedy. She is a kind but also an exacting mistress, and as she pays well, and never fails to consider a reasonable excuse, quite properly demands good service and tolerates no shirking. 

A recent little volume upon her private life relates several entertaining household anecdotes of the royal lady's ways. She has, it seems, a dislike of cold meat, which she never eats, but etiquette demands that at luncheon a side table shall stand ready, provided with cold fowl and a cold joint, no matter what daintier hot food the dining table may offer. Like every good housekeeper, the Queen knows and remembers her valuable household possessions, and is fully aware of their individual merit and the places where they ought to be kept. She does not know them all, for they number thousands, but hundreds of them she does know, and elaborate catalogues are kept of the rest—furniture, bric-a-brac, china, glass, silver, draperies, and other furnishings—by her order, and in large leather bounds books provided in accordance with her ideas. Only a small proportion of her many hundred articles for table service are actually in ordinary use, and she is in the habit of using but three of her many services of plate and china at Windsor Castle. 

But once, after a talk with the German ambassador, who was visiting her, the members of the Queen’s household were surprised on coming to the table to behold strange china set before them, each plate adorned with landscape paintings. It soon appeared that, the ambassador, having mentioned in the morning that his birthplace was Furstenberg, the Queen had recalled to mind a service of china never used, and for nine years put away and forgotten by every one but herself, which had been manufactured there, and was decorated with painted scenes of the town and its vicinity. She knew exactly where it was and how It looked, and by her order it had been produced and used at dinner—surely a very pretty attention from a royal hostess, as well as something of a feat of memory in a royal housekeeper. –Placer Herald, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia