Etiquette in a Covid-19 World

Etiquette-fully Doing What's Best for Your Health and Safety

Our accustomed work availabilities, personal services, shopping routines, opportunities, schedules, deliveries, get-togethers, savings accounts, parties, eating out, routine health visits . . . the list goes on -- all but disappeared within a month.  As society is adjusting, we’re observing angst in simple communication of needs regarding individual and family health concerns.

Today’s health and safety issues loom large, reflecting widespread fear and concern about public policies and outcomes.  Disconcertingly, civil conversation can seem reserved only for those holding similar views.  Deeply-held beliefs about our safety and health loom large, and can affect our civility towards others, obstructing or interfering with constructive discourse or simple statements and requests regarding one's health needs.

Asking for What You Need

We're hearing a lot of un-etiquette-ful comments these days outside the margins of expressing one's personal needs.  Do any of the following comments sound familiar to you?

Stating a health need, but prefacing or adding an opinion or belief about reality.

• “The virus is real, not a national conspiracy, so I want some social distancing if you don’t mind!” 
• “I want my deliveries placed on the bottom step not close to my front door, as delivery people are sources of infection.”
• “Get a proper mask or stand further away from me.”

Demands and accusations.

• “I don’t care what the store manager says, you don’t have the right not to wear mask and serve the public.  Fact is, you’re breathing on my food as you’re ringing it up!”   
• “You have no right to open your restaurant, as someone is bound to get sick with the virus.” 
• “I don’t wear a mask, and you’re nutty to be pushing all this fear.”

Blurt-outs 

• “You’re crazy going to a restaurant and risking infection.  Do you really think that is wise?”  
• “Isn’t it now a bit of over-reaction to stick to quarantine rules and refuse to go out until there is a vaccine?”
• “You can’t make me come to work until you prove that I am safe.”

There is no better time than now to ask Etiquette to come to our rescue!  After all, you should be able to state what you believe is best for you or a family member in your charge, directly and respectfully.  

Asking directly, clearly and kindly for what you need is etiquette-ful.

• “John, you’re a little close for me.  Let’s stand further apart.”
• “Family, I want to develop a TV use schedule, as I need one half hour for myself for some exercise video time.”
• “I hear your apology for standing too close.  I will stand back a little and help out, too.”
• “Ginny, I’m so grateful you can babysit for me again.  I hope you don’t mind my asking, for your reassurance that there be frequent hand-washing.”
• “Hey guys, if we’re going to get together, just know my boundaries include social distancing—with love, of course!” 
• “I know you and friends don’t wear masks, but I know you will honor my request that when we’re together, we all do.”

Civility Self-checks

“Etiquette can be at the same time a means of approaching people and of staying clear of them.”

~ David Riesman

Is the issue at hand a matter of “live and let live?”
Whether vendors are wearing face masks is not a confrontational issue.  Instead of arguing with those who aren’t wearing face masks, simply choose to shop elsewhere.

Ask yourself, “Am I being ‘recognizably respectful’ to others?” 
For example: Assume you are sheltering at home, and your washing machine has gone out.  You notify the company of your health safety expectations, instructing that anyone who enters your home must wear a mask, put on fresh gloves in front of you, and wear the shoe covers that you’re providing.  Acknowledge you are adding burden and that you appreciate their care and concern for your health.  Your gratitude might extend to a hand-written note.

Am I being cool, calm, and collected?
If you sense that emotion is involved, take a pause and think through what you want to convey.  Active listening and an encouraging statement may be just the right thing to do.

The person with whom you are speaking may have a completely different perspective and mindset on what the situation at hand is.  That person may be in the same position as you, trying to figure out how to ask for something regarding her own health and safety or needing to be respected for a different view on what’s being called for.

For all of us, things can seem a bit too much.  It may be helpful to remember that though our current generation has not dealt with a pandemic, humans have dealt with them before.  Then, as now, everyone did the best they could to get through it.  The most important thing is, they got through it.  And we will, too.

                                           

 Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

Etiquette. Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Simplest Are Most Widely Used

Historians believe the use of chopsticks began because of the way Chinese food is prepared. Generally meats and vegetables are cut into small pieces before being served which eliminates the need for a knife at the dinner table. Usually about eight inches long, chopsticks are normally made of wood or bamboo, although modern ones may be made of plastic. More elaborate pairs are made of enameled wood, ivory or bone, and have even been known to be made out of gold, brass and silver.

Chopsticks Came First

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K’uai-tzu are the most widely used eating utensils in world

To those unfamiliar with Oriental terms, k'uai-tzu might sound like the name of a new martial art or next season's replacement for television’s, “Kung Fu.” But it is actually the name of the second most popular eating utensil in the United States, and by a wide margin, the most widely used eating utensil in the world. K'uai-tzu (pronounced kwi-zu), or chopsticks, were used in China in the fourth century 8.C., long before Europeans stopped eating with their hands. “Today, chopsticks remain the most popular eating utensil in China, Japan, Korea, Vietnam and other East Asian countries influenced by Chinese culture,” says Chun King consultant Ms. Anne Byrd. “Here in the United Stales, they rank behind the knife and fork in eating utensil popularity.” 

Historians believe the use of chopsticks began because of the way Chinese food is prepared. Generally meats and vegetables are cut into small pieces before being served which eliminates the need for a knife at the dinner table. Usually about eight inches long, chopsticks are normally made of wood or bamboo, although modern ones may be made of plastic. More elaborate pairs are made of enameled wood, ivory or bone, and have even been known to be made out of gold, brass and silver. “Through centuries of use, chopsticks have also been associated with many superstitions or practices,” Ms. Byrd points out.

Chopsticks have been used as gift items between friends sometimes decorated with inscribed poetry or painted with good luck designs. A gift of chopsticks to newlyweds suggests a wish that the couple will quickly have children. “Also, it is still common for a pair of chopsticks to be placed upright in the bowl of rice offered at a memorial service for the dead,” adds Ms. Byrd. “The chopsticks thus mark the sacredness of the offered rice, and also are a sign to prevent the coming of evil spirits to disturb the peace of the dead.” 

The word “chop” is derived from k'uai, which means “quick” or “speedy,” but many people experience just the opposite when they use them. But mastering the Oriental art of chopsticks is not difficult, as some believe. All it takes is practice. Beginners can learn to best maneuver chopsticks by starting with frozen egg rolls, heated crisp and savory. After a little practice, separate items such as chow mein noddles or Oriental dinners can be tried. – Desert Sun, 1979

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

Social Etiquette and Masked Messaging

Wearing face masks has become de rigueur Covid-19 etiquette for many around the world. They are being worn for one’s piece of mind, safety and health. But as Gabriella Kanyok explains, they can damage an important part of human communication. — This piece of textile covers half of our face, taking away what we have developed over centuries, our visual cues, which are part of our everyday interactions. By wearing a mask, our communication tool-kit is partially dwindled away. The movement of our lips, our facial expressions remain hidden. Our face as a whole is the gateway, which shows the reality of our feelings and mood, and is the focal point. With a global effort to defeat Covid-19, we have currently lost part of this focal point of that kind of communication, which only increases the distance between us, and slows down communication. These times, I would say, the mask protects us and alienates us at the same time.

Smile and the world smiles with you. Unless you’re wearing a mask, because then no one in the world can see you smiling, so they don’t smile with you, or if they do, you will never know it for sure. We don’t realize how many times we wear a smile a day: when we greet someone, when we express appreciation, when we like something, when we're embarrassed etc... Smiling is particularly important in the human gesture system. A smiling person makes a very positive impression and is extremely attractive. On the other hand, there are many different types of smiles, which are particularly important while interacting with each other.

Nowadays, we wear more often protective masks than our smile. This piece of textile covers half of our face, taking away what we have developed over centuries, our visual cues, which our part of our everyday interactions. By wearing a mask, our communication tool-kit is partially dwindled away. The movement of our lips, our facial expressions remain hidden.

Have you thought about that yet? Yet non-verbal cues play a central role in shaping our relationships, and right now, when we talk to someone, we don’t know how the other person feels, we can’t read his face, we don’t know what his intentions are. The eye is a mirror of the soul… but our eyes alone are not sufficient for the purpose. The movement of our eyebrows carries so many different meanings (confused, angry, surprised etc...), and shouldn’t be taken for granted. 

Our face as a whole is the gateway, which shows the reality of our feelings and mood, and is the focal point. We have currently lost part of this focal point of that kind of communication, which only increases the distance between us, and slows down communication. These times, I would say, the mask protects us and alienates us at the same time.

Furthermore, communication, and human to human interactions are not just transactional exchanges. The aim is to build relationships, and connect with each other, which is challenging these days. If the situation remains for months, then perhaps we need new, socially distanced non-verbal cues, otherwise how could we bring the message across? Will this be the new normal?

We don’t know it yet, but what we surely know is that currently we cannot rely on the non-verbal cues. What we could do is to clarify, and make sure that our messages are going across. 

Gabriella Kanyok is a diplomatic protocol, etiquette and communication expert with more than 10 years' experience in working with EU institutes, NGOs, internaionalorganisations, and supporting professionals. She not only advises and trains government- and EU officials, and businessmen in the field of diplomatic protocol and business etiquette, but she leads the communication department of an international organisation. Gabriella holds a Master’s degree in International Studies, and a Master’s in Protocol, Diplomacy and Cross Cultural Relations. She speaks Hungarian, English and French, and is currently learning Mandarin Chinese.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

How Forks Replaced Knives

The fork was originally, and up to very modern times, used only to hold meat and other pieces of food, while the knife was cutting them. The putting of it into the mouth instead of the knife was only an afterthought, due probably to the unclean appearance of the knife blade after it had been used to shovel into the mouth, gravies, egg yolks, acids, etc... – Photo by site editor Maura J. Graber

Questioning the Fork: 

The Origins of This Very Useful Article and Why it Replaced Eating From Knives

One of those heterodox fellows, who may be found to question everything, asks upon what  sound principle is the law founded that forbids the putting of the knife into the mouth in eating. Why should a plate of steel, he asks, be interdicted from an office that the same steel, bifurcated, trifurcated or quadrafurcated, may properly perform? There is no objection to be made on the score of cutting one’s mouth, for in all ages of the past, when everybody ate with the knife, nobody ever cut his mouth. This heretic asserts that a certain consistency of food can be ‘‘hoisted,” as a western man would say, much more readily by a knife than by a fork. Of course, you can get the bulk of a mashed potato or turnip by dexterously fishing with a fork, but you can do it much neater and in better time with a knife, he continues; and thru the knife will secure all the gravy, which is mostly sifted out by the operation of the fork, and one thus loses the richest part of the meal. 

It is a matter of history that knives played an important part in domestic life long before forks were invented, and that when first the latter implements appeared, it was considered a mark of effeminacy or ultra refinement to use them. To such a degree was this prejudice against them indulged in France, that in the Sixteenth century the use of forks was considered sinful in monasteries, and the monks split up into two parties on the question. Forks originally came into use to save the fingers from soiling, and Italy was the first place where they were used. Ben Jonson writes of “the laudable use of forks brought into custom here as they are in Italy, to the sparing of napkins.” Some time later, a writer praises the King of Hungary for eating without a fork without soiling his clothes. An old writer explains why the Italian used the fork by saying that he could not “endure to have his dish touched with his fingers, seeing that all men's fingers are not clean alike.” 

But the fork was originally, and up to very modern times, used only to hold meat and other pieces of food, while the knife was cutting them. The putting of it into the mouth instead of the knife was only an afterthought, due probably to the unclean appearance of the knife blade after it had been used to shovel into the mouth, gravies, egg yolks, acids, etc... For this reason, silver forks were made; they are cleaner than iron and steel forks. Every step, then, from the original use of the fork as a substitute for the fingers, to its more extended use a substitute for the knife, together with the employment of silver in place of iron, has been dictated by cleanliness. —Good Housekeeping, 1880

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Well Bred Table Etiquette of 1901

Do not leave your spoon in your tea cup. Do not sip your tea or coffee with a spoon. Do not drain the cup.

Table Etiquette: 

How to Eat According to the Rules of Good Breeding

• Do not leave your spoon in your tea cup. 
• Crack the top off your egg instead of peeling it. 
• If you have bacon or fish, have a separate plate for your bread or toast and butter, but not when only having boiled eggs, which require very careful eating, by the by, as nothing looks so nasty as yolk of egg spilled all over the plate and egg cup. 
• Do not sip your tea or coffee with a spoon. Do not drain the cup. 
• For fish do not use a dessert knife instead of the fish knife. If there be no fish knife, use a small crust of your bread, but leave that piece of crust on your plate. Do not eat it afterward, as so many people do. 
• Do not be dainty and fringe your plate with bits of meat. Eat what you can and put any skin or bone on the edge of your plate in one little heap, which moves down from the edge when you have finished. 
• Do not crumple up your table napkin. If you are only a guest for the day, do not fold it up, but if you are staying on and in a quiet household, fold it up. If you are staying in a big house where everything is done “en grand prince,” do not fold it up. Just place it on the table when you leave, as in rich establishments, there are clean table napkins every day. 
• After eating it is well before you drink to wipe your lips, otherwise you leave a smeary mark on the glass. 
• Do not gulp liquids and bolt food. 
• Do not masticate or swallow audibly. 
• Do not pile your plate with food or grasp your knife, fork or spoon as if it were a weapon of warfare. 
• Do not crumble the bread by your side or drain your glass to the last drop. 
• On the other hand, do not be affected and eat as if an appetite were a crime, drink as if you were a dicky bird, and hold your knife, fork and spoon as if they were red-hot needles. – Hanford Journal, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Edwardian Brits’ Etiquette Supremacy?

With the Continental eater, the knife enters into conversation. It is retained in the gesticulating hand, it is raised imploringly to the celling, and — heaven!— it is brought into strange circles of argument. It is used to point the conclusion at the very breast of the fellow diner. When you see a man waving his knife at table, you may be sure he is an alien. “We wear no swords here,” as Sir Lucius O'Trigger says, nor do we argue with knives at table. – London Chronicle, 1907

Good Table Manners are the Art in Which the English Claim to Be Supreme

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They Sneer at Other Nations Germany, France and America, Say the Britons, Cannot Compare With Them in Good Form at Meals — Use of the Knife, Fork, Spoon and Napkin

Let it be admitted that our army is a failure, has never won a victory and never will; admitted that our navy would have difficulty in sweeping six combined great powers off the sea; admitted that we cannot act up to the French standard or trade up to the German or hustle up to the American or cheat up to the Greek. But we cherish our little pride and prejudice. The Englishman regards himself and is generally regarded as the best dressed man in the world. He also plumes himself on having the best table manners. To the Frenchman may be conceded the supremacy in the preparation of food, while the production of it owing to the decay of our agriculture, may be left to such outlying places as Siberia and Chicago.

But when it comes to the eating of food the Englishman asserts his supremacy, for if the highest art be to conceal art the highest etiquette of eating should be the triumphant pretense that one is not eating at all. And here the Englishman wins. He can eat his way through a seven course meal quite unobtrusively. It was not always so.

Lord Chesterfield, as I have been reminded by Mr. Philip Wellby's edition of the “Advice to His Son,” sketches the awkward man who “holds his knife, fork and spoon differently from other people, eats with his knife to the great danger of his mouth, picks his teeth with his fork and puts his spoon, which has been in his throat twenty times, into the dishes again. If he is to carve, he never hits the joint, but in his vain efforts to cut through the bone scatters the sauce in everybody's face. He generally daubs himself with soup and grease, though his napkin is commonly stuck through a buttonhole.”

That napkin is a test of table manners, and the nice conduct of the napkin caught the attention recently of the German Emperor, who saw one of his guests tucking the napkin under a chin. “Do you want to be shaved?” was the Imperial question. England's supremacy— in the matter of soup— lies in the spoon. An Englishman is taught to take soup from the side of the spoon. And he is the only man on earth who emerges from soup with the white shirt front of a blameless dinner and without the aid of a tucked napkin. He lays the napkin across his knees and uses it when necessary without ostentation.

That discreet conduct of the knife is the Englishman's pride and prejudice at table. There is no nation which (in its upper middle classes) reaches the English standard of the nice conduct of the knife, though we are assured that in the highest circles— among ameers, shahs, sultans, dukes and millionaires—there is a beautiful uniformity of deportment. Our insular instinct is to make the knife as inconspicuous as possible, for there is some suggestion of brutality in the slicing of bits of corpses that are doomed to keep our rile bodies alive.

No such feeling restrains the German eater, and the French diner is scarcely less sensitive. The German who feeds in the average restaurant will shovel his food into his mouth with the blade of his knife and when in a difficulty, will cram it down with the handle, nor has he the least scruple about depositing the rejected residue upon the floor. Moreover, with the Continental eater, the knife enters into conversation. It is retained in the gesticulating hand, it is raised imploringly to the celling, and — heaven!— it is brought into strange circles of argument. It is used to point the conclusion at the very breast of the fellow diner.

When you see a man waving his knife at table, you may be sure he is an alien. “We wear no swords here,” as Sir Lucius O'Trigger says, nor do we argue with knives at table.

The English knife, with all its blood thirsty suggestions, is reduced to the lowest and least obtrusive office. It is not even dug into the salt cellar, for England has reached the delicacy of salt spoons, and only in a Soho restaurant will she give you the real savor of the continent by providing salt cellars without spoons. You shove your knife into the salt and dream of Paris, Bohemia, the gypsy life in which “you dip your fingers in the pot.”

England has suppressed the knife at table. The Englishman does not use it for argument or menace or persuasion or even for the taking of salt. His table manners enjoin that the knife shall never be raised. The properly conducted knife at table never reaches forty-five degrees above the horizontal.

Unfortunately the American goes a little too far in the desire to avoid the obtrusive use of the knife and takes refuge In obtrusive concealment. Many Americans will slice their meat with the knife, lay the knife by the sitle of the plate and put the pieces into the mouth with the fork held in the right hand. Now, this is injustice to the knife, which has its modest function.— London Chronicle, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

The Right Table Etiquette

“All sorts of small relishes, like radishes, olives, salted nuts and bon-bons, are eaten from the fingers, but this must be done very daintily.” 

Doing the Right Thing at the Right Time 

is the Giveaway

“A man by nothing is so well betrayed as by his manners.”— Spenser 

THERE are many persons who feel that a man’s table manners are an index to his general good breeding. If he handles his knife and fork in the way that is accepted as “correct” they will put him down as well bred until they have very conclusive evidence that he is not; but if he shows ignorance of, or indifference to, this accepted method then it will take much to make them believe that he has any claim to good breeding. This may be unfair, but it is true. 

Here are some of the things that convention requires us to remember in our manners at the table: 

• The salad is cut with the side of the fork and then eaten from the side of the fork. 
• Fish, soft entrees and, in fact, anything that does not absolutely demand the use of a knife, are separated into small pieces by the use of the fork, which is most excellent, as the knife at its best is a most ungainly utensil. 
• That you should never mash your food with your fork and never sit with your fork or knife upraised, like a telegraph pole. 
• That when not in use, either knife or fork must be laid on the plate at one side. 
• Never tilt your fork and knife on the sides of your plate, that is, with the handle on the tablecloth on either side and the tips on the edge of the plate. 
• That every time a course is removed you should lay the knife, fork or spoon used in eating it on the side of the plate. 
• Do not cross knife and fork on the plate, but lay them side by side. 
• In eating soup, custard, fruit, or any dish which demands a spoon, be sure you sip the food noiselessly from the side of the spoon, never from the tip. 
• Never dip your individual fork or spoon into a dish that is passed to you, but always employ the fork or spoon which will be found on the tray beside the dish, or on the dish itself. 
• All sorts of small relishes, like radishes, olives, salted nuts and bon-bons, are eaten from the fingers, but this must be done very daintily. — By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1921

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Knife Etiquette

We have all seen humorous pictures of the uncouth man who sits waiting for his plate with his knife in his right hand and his fork in his left, points upwards. See that you don't let yourself look so ridiculous. 

The Right Thing at the Right Time with the Knife

“Since trifles make the sum of human things.” —Hannah More

DON’T hold your knife at table as if you contemplated cutting your way through a barbed wire entanglement with it. Take it no further down toward the blade than is necessary to hold it securely. In fact, it is a mistake to let your fingers rest anywhere but on the handle, save that the index finger may be placed on the edge of the dull side. When you have finished with a course in which a knife is used, place the knife across the side of the plate with the sharp side of the blade toward the center. 

If you are dining with your family and send your plate to the carver for a second helping, the knife and fork should be placed in this way, not removed and laid on the butter plate, much less held in mid-air. Never hold the knife in the hand, save when using it. Some persons, you know, forget that they have it in their hand and raise it in an awkward fashion with the point of the blade ceiling-ward. We have all seen humorous pictures of the uncouth man who sits waiting for his plate with his knife in his right hand and his fork in his left, points upwards. See that you don't let yourself look so ridiculous. 

Never use a knife in eating salad. Do not use a steel knife in eating fish. Some persons would say, never use any knives at all with fish, but it is quite all right to use a silver knife and small silver knives are especially designed for the fish course. In the ordinary household where fish is served as a substitute for the meat course, it is served with the usual knife and fork, but this knife should not be of steel. Do not use a knife when eating desserts, although in some provincial hotels, the waiter will give you a knife and fork with pie. A small knife may be served and used with cheese. When this is done, cut off a bit of cheese and place it by means of the knife on the wafer with which it is served and then convey the wafer to your month by means of the left hand. 

Never, never use your knife as an implement with which to assist food on your fork or to scout about your plate the last morsels. In fact, the knife should not be used at all for potatoes or other vegetables, these being broken entirely by means of the fork. If no butter knives are used, it is quite all right to use the dinner knife for buttering bread. Remember, however, never to spread more than a small morsel at a time, and never wipe off gravy or other food on a slice of bread by way of polishing your knife before using it on the butter. — By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1922

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Marie Antoinette’s Etiquette vs Anglomania

“For my own part, I prefer to eat lettuce salad with my fingers rather than with a fork, and Queen Marie Antoinette and other ladies of the Eighteenth century were of my way of thinking. If the ladies could only see how pretty is their gesture when their diaphanous forefinger and thumb grasps a leaf of delicate green lettuce, and raises that leaf from the porcelain plate to their rosy lips, they would all immediately take to eating salad à la Marie Antoinette.”
– Photo of Kirsten Dunst as Marie Antoinette from Pinterest 

Anglomania in Eating 

_______________________

Some Plain Talk About the Finicky Ways of “Overly Dainty” People

The Anglo-Saxons are afraid to use their fingers to eat with, especially the English. Thanks to this hesitation, I have seen in the course of my travels in the Old World, many distressing sights. I have seen a lady attempt to eat crawfish (écrevisse) with a knife and fork, and abandon the attempt in despair. I have also seen men in the same fix. I have seen—oh, barbarous and cruel spectacle!—Anglo-Saxons, otherwise apparently civilized, cut off the points of asparagus, and eat these points only with a fork, thus leaving the best part of the vegetable on their plates. As for artichokes, they generally utterly defeat the attacks of those who trust only to the knife and fork. 

Fingers must be used for eating certain things, notably asparagus, artichokes, fruit, olives, radishes, pastry, and even small fried fish; In short, everything which will not dirty or grease the fingers may be eaten with the fingers. For my own part, I prefer to eat lettuce salad with my fingers rather than with a fork, and Queen Marie Antoinette and other ladies of the Eighteenth century were of my way of thinking. If the ladies could only see how pretty is their gesture when their diaphanous forefinger and thumb grasps a leaf of delicate green lettuce, and raises that leaf from the porcelain plate to their rosy lips, they would all immediately take to eating salad à la Marie Antoinette. Only bear in mind, good ladies, that if you do wish to eat lettuce salad with your fingers, you must mix your salad with oil and vinegar, and not with that abominable ready-made, white “salad dressing,” to look upon which is nauseating. 

May heaven preserve us from excessive Anglomania in matters of table service and eating. The English tend to complicate the eating tools far too much. They have too many forks for comfort, and the forms of them are too quaint for practical utility. Certainly silver dessert knives and forks are very good in their way, because they are not susceptible to the action of fruit acids, but it is vain and clumsy to attempt to make too exclusive use of the knife and fork in eating fruit. Don’t imitate, for instance, certain ultra-correct English damsels who eat cherries with a fork and swallow the stones because they are too modest, or rather too asinine, to set them out on to the plate. Eating is not a thing to be ashamed of. 

To thoroughly enjoy a peach you must bite it, and feel the juicy perfumed flesh melt in your mouth. But let the Anglomaniacs say what they please, there is no necessity of sticking a fork into the peach, and peeling it while so impaled, as if it were an ill-favored and foul object. A peach is as beautiful to the touch as it is to the eye; a peach held between human fingers has its beauty enhanced by the beauty of the fingers. However dainty and ornate the silver dessert knife and fork may be, it always irritates me to see people out up their peaches, or pears, or apricots, or what not, into cubes and parallelepipeds, as if dessert were a branch of conic sections. 

Imitate Marie Antoinette, ladies; use your fingers more freely: eat decently, of course, but do not be the slave of silly Anglomania or Newport crazes. To eat a pair or an apple conveniently, cut it into quarters, and peel each quarter in turn as you eat it. The  peach, too, can be cut into quarters, if the eater is timid. Apricots do not need peeling, nor plums either. Would you be bold enough to peel a fresh fig, or to touch such a delicate fruit even with the purest silver instruments? —Theodore Child in Harper’s Bazar, 1890

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Soup

For Continental or American Dining, the spoon is dipped away from those dining, then brought to mouth level, and the soup sipped from the side of the spoon bowls. — “Hold your spoon on, or in, your hand, not under it. Do not grasp spoon or knife or fork as if you feared they might escape from you. Hold your spoon and fork in eating something, as you ought to hold your pen in writing. Do not put the spoon into your mouth, but drink from the side near the point.”

In how to serve and eat a dinner, a writer in the “Congregationalist” says of the first course at dinner; Never refuse soup, and never ask for a second helping. “He was such a fellow, now, as would ask for more soup at dinner,” was the condensed criticism passed upon some one by a famous English exquisite; and really it is more comprehensive than would appear on the surface, since one person at the table may keep all others waiting if he asked for a second dish of soup. 

If you wish for more salt, and have an individual cellar and no spoon, do not take the salt in your thumb and fingers; and do not after taking it on the end of your knife, perform upon the knife with your fork or spoon a tattoo. Shake the salt from your knife silently at all times; but do not take the trouble to shake it all over your plate of soup, as if it were solid, when one stir-about is all sufficient to season it to its remotest corner. At all times be sure to keep your fork out of your salt-cellar. 

Never crumble bread into your soup, and do not butter the bread you eat with it. Do not perform a circle all round the plate at every spoonful. Dip from the middle of the plate, and do not tip it to get the last drop. Be careful not to make the least sound with your lips in eating soup, or anything else; the clatter of knives and forks and dishes, and the sound of scraping, are not to be tolerated among refined people. 

Hold your spoon on, or in, your hand, not under it. Do not grasp spoon or knife or fork as if you feared they might escape from you. Hold your spoon and fork in eating something, as you ought to hold your pen in writing. Do not put the spoon into your mouth, but drink from the side near the point. — The Morning Union, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Eating from Knives

A 19th century fork and knife set, featuring steel tines on the fork and a wide, dull and flat steel knife blade. Many who were unfamiliar with utensils and their expected dining usage, found this type of knife blade ideal for not just cutting with, but eating from.

Unlike contemporary table knives, those of the 18th and 19th century had dull and wide, flat blades. Usually they were steel. Many who were unfamiliar with utensils and their expected dining usage, found the knives ideal for not just cutting with, but for eating from. By the mid-1800’s, etiquette books encouraged diners to stop the practice of eating their food from their knives. As etiquette books are often ignored, small numbers of several generations continued the practice. 

A most popular food with which to show off one’s knife dining skills was peas. Many people practiced lining peas carefully upon a steel knife blade, to “pour” into their mouths, much to the chagrin of spouses and parents. A few uncouth, but industrious people even invented and designed special, “pea knives.” It took, as gentle reminders, repeated news and magazine articles over the years to finally get the practice all but abandoned. Two such articles are below:

Eating With a Knife is Not Insanity

LOS ANGELES, Mar. 4 (AP)—Eating with a knife is not insanity. Mrs. Kathryn Brown contended it was, in contesting the will of her sister, Mrs. Margaret Dillon, who left her $25,000 estate to her 12-year-old grand niece, Margaret Keating, of New York. Mrs. Brown testified Mrs. Dillon, although well reared, had been eating with a knife and suffered from a delusion that she was an experienced driver, despite the fact that she owned no car. A superior court jury yesterday found Mrs. Dillon was not insane and upheld the terms of her will. — San Pedro Pilot News, 1931

Gossip of Railwayman

Frederick Shoup of the Passenger Department of the Southern Pacific is a man of many parts. He is not only said to be good looking, but has so persuasive a tongue that it would enable him to sell gold bricks, even to Hetty Green. “Etiquette and table manners are all based on common sense,” remarked Frederick to Charles Burkhalter and John Ross, with whom he was dining at Fresno. “For instance, the reason why a man does not eat with his knife is because he is afraid of cutting his lips.”  “Well, that is true,” replied Burkhalter, as he lifted the duck on which Shoup was feasting from Fred’s plate to his own.  “You see how simple it is.” Shoup rambled on, “Why don't we use a fork for our, soup? Why? Because the fork I could not scoop up enough of the soup.” “Well that is an idea,” observed John Ross, the great chocolate expert, as he appropriated Fred’s vegetables. “Everything is based on common sense,” continued the orator. “Why do we have napkins?” “Why?” asked Burkhalter, as he emptied Fred’s pint of Chianti. “To remove the stains of food from our fingers and mouths.” “Well, are you through talking?” said Burkhalter. “It is time to get to work.” “Work,” shouted Shoup, “why, man, I have had nothing to eat.” — San Francisco Call, 1908

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Defining Edwardian Etiquette

Ask yourself the question. “What is it that binds society together?” and we get the answer, “the unwritten laws of etiquette.” What would we be without them? Where would be the check on rudeness and bad manners, and those people of whom unfortunately there are plenty, who are only polite because they are obliged to be so? Obliged? And by what? By these social laws, that we call, for want of a better name, “etiquette.” Without such an unwritten law they would behave as rudely and as disagreeably as their elemental impulses dictated.

— photo source, Pinterest

From the Social Mirror

The Standard dictionary defines etiquette as “the formalities or usage required by the customs of polite society or professional intercourse; the conventional ceremonial of polite society” and we have accepted such a definition without question until we read the following words of a well known writer, recently written upon the “Sins of Etiquette.”

“Etiquette is the foolish and insincere science of ceremony. From a mere conventional form, it has degenerated into tyranny.” Later when alluding to social life, she says: “Etiquette has the appetite and talons of an eagle, and civilized mankind is its prey.” 

Such radical assertions cause us to stop and think just what etiquette is, what it really means to us as an individual and as members of cosmos society. We cannot help but wonder just what society would be like in all its ranks, and just what sort of manners would be prevalent amongst its various members, if the restraining influence of etiquette were removed and everyone could do exactly as he or she saw fit; If, in fact, every person was a law unto himself or herself in all daily matters that have to do with social life. 

Ask yourself the question. “What is it that binds society together?” and we get the answer, “the unwritten laws of etiquette.” What would we be without them? Where would be the check on rudeness and bad manners, and those people of whom unfortunately there are plenty, who are only polite because they are obliged to be so? Obliged? And by what? By these social laws, that we call, for want of a better name, “etiquette.” Without such an unwritten law they would behave as rudely and as disagreeably as their elemental impulses dictated. 

These social laws or “etiquette” as we term them, have not been made at any given period nor laid down by any one person, class or people, but have grown into their present form, bit by bit as the necessity arose for their use and as time and custom required. We look them over closely and find that scarcely one of them as practiced today can really be called useless, foolish or unnecessary. Like so many other things, the laws of etiquette should be used and not abused; but, of course, this is what many people seem to forget. 

There are some who are absurdly formal, even among old friends, but theirs is the fault, not the social laws which they have followed too strictly. Laws of etiquette have not been made so hard or fast that they cannot be relaxed when among our friends, with whom too much ceremony is foolish. Etiquette is made up of social obligations that none of us can deliberately neglect without risk of being considered discourteous, and I doubt if there are many of us who agree with the quoted writer’s definition of meaning of the term “etiquette.” — The Humboldt Times, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

One’s Manner vs Manners

“A man who thrusts his knife into his mouth or sticks a piece of bread on the point of a fork into the platter of roast meat or chicken, may have every virtue in the calendar, yet the fly in the pot of ointment spoils the sweetness of the whole. He offends the accepted canons of good society.” 

From the Society and Gossip Section

A Piece from Margaret Sangster

“The word ‘politeness’ carries with it a hidden meaning of elegance find of the ease that is acquired by mingling with one’s fellows,” says Margaret Sangster in “Good Manners for All Occasions,” published in the Christian Herald. “It springs from the Latin polio (smooth), and smoothness is gained not by seclusion, but by the attrition of the city, by the reciprocity that needs must be exercised where people meet one another often, and there must be mutual concessions that there may be peace and agreeable living together.

“A rough diamond is valuable, of course, but its value is greatly increased when the tool of a cunning workman has brought out its beautiful possibilities, shown the immortal fire under the shining surface and made every point a star. A man who thrusts his knife into his mouth or sticks a piece of bread on the point of a fork into the platter of roast meat or chicken, may have every virtue in the calendar, yet the fly in the pot of ointment spoils the sweetness of the whole. He offends the accepted canons of good society.

“A subtle distinction exists between manner and manners. The first is often inherited; it is made up of innumerable little peculiarities that belong to the race and family. In a well known romance the hero is a man well born and of aristocratic traditions, but illiterate and unversed in the ways that had been the natural expression of character in his family for generations. He is a day laborer on the soil that was once his and that has been wrested from him by fraud. Yet though his manners are sometimes flawed by ill temper and discontent, his manner is noble. It is the grand manner of his father. 

“Manner shows what spirit we are of. It is the temper of the steel. Manners have to do with our dally conduct. A man or woman who is familiar with etiquette to the least detail, may have an awkward, defiant or self-conscious manner that will be a fearful handicap in business success and detract from the enjoyment one may look for in hours of leisure.” — Los Angeles Herald, 1905

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette Versus Club Comfort

It was Bernheim in 1904 who, according to the story, so far violated all precedents of summer etiquette, as to dine at the club one evening last summer, in his shirt sleeves. While the attire above may still not be allowed in the club dining room, over one hundred years later, most clubs have relaxed their dress codes a bit and many allow men to dine Informally in their shirt sleeves.

Club Man Dined in Shirt Sleeves

Warm Evening Cause of a Shock for Members

——————————————————

Sharp Note Sent to the Offender Divided Country Organization Into Two Opposing Factions

It is a question of summer etiquette, but it is mighty disturbing to the Century Country Club of White Plains, N. J., even though there are snow drifts on the golf links in the winter wind whipping shrilly up and down the Landers Road. And the question is:

“Ought a perfect gentleman in the presence of ladies, one being his wife, dine at his club on a hot summer’s night in his shirt sleeves? And if he oughtn’t and does, should the house committee, if they also are perfect gentlemen, take the erring member to task in a typewritten letter, dictated to a stenographer?”

Like every great question, this will never be settled until it is settled right.

Question’s Two Sides

The first part of the question has been raised by the house committee, of which Albert M. Wittenberg, wholesale coal dealer, is chairman, which includes Harry H. Meyer, president of the club and member of the stock exchange house of Sellgman & Meyer; Benjamin Stern of Stern Bros.’ dry goods firm, and Harry Rindskoff.

The tail end of the question has been raised by Henry C. Bernheim. It was Bernheim who, according to the story, so far violated all precedents of summer etiquette, as to dine at the club one evening last summer, in his shirt sleeves.

How It All Happened

According to Bernheim’s friends, he and his wife visited the club one afternoon last August. Bernheim played several sets of tennis. When the play was over he and his wife decided to dine at the club, and he ordered the dinner served on the veranda. When it was announced that dinner was ready it appeared to Mr. and Mrs. Bernheim that they were the only members in or about the house. After they sat down Bernheim felt the heat was oppressive and, always mindful of the courtesy due from a husband to his wife, he asked Mrs. Bernheim if she would mind if he dined without his coat. Mrs. Bernheim, having wifely sympathy for her husband, and having, moreover, some real knowledge of how well her husband, who is still one of the younger alumni of Columbia, looked in tennis flannels minus a coat, said she didn't mind in the least.

Finical Male Person About

Therefore Mr. and Mrs. Bernheim had a delightfully comfortable and quiet dinner, supposing they were the only persons except the servants in the building. It happened, however, so Bernheim’s friends assert, that there was a finical male person in the house who is so great a stickler for form that he wouldn't shock himself by appearing even before his wife without a coat. He saw the Bernheims dining and promptly reported to the house committee that the Bemheims were in utter ignorance of the first principles of propriety.

The house committee, or some of its members, particularly Harry H. Meyer, the club's president, were properly shocked and resolved that strong measures should be taken at once. The shirt sleeve habit must be nipped in the bud: It is asserted that the shock sustained by Mr. Meyer was so powerful as to pass clean through him and penetrate the feelings of some of the rest of the committee.

Bernheim Gets a Letter

This would appear to be true, for not long afterward Bernheim received a note typewritten on the club paper, which read in substance as follows:

“Dear Sir— The house committee has been informed that you recently dined at the club in the presence of ladies in your shirt sleeves. This is to inform you that such conduct will not be tolerated.”

The letter was signed with the name of Albert W. Wittenberg, club secretary. Underneath the name was “Per G.” “G,” it is said, was the initial ot the stenographer.

When Bernheim got the letter, he became a good deal hotter than he was on the night of the dinner. He lost no time in replying that he felt quite willing to admit it was hardly good form to sit down at dinner in one’s shirt sleeves, but he regarded the language of the letter as highly impertinent.

To this the house committee, or somebody representing it, replied to Bernheim that it was impertinent to call the committee’s language impertinent, and asked him to withdraw his impertinent impertinence. Up to a late hour tonight, Bernheim hadn't withdrawn anything. — Los Angeles Herald, 1905

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Ramadan

It is best to wish your Muslim counterpart a “Ramadan Mubarak” (Blessed Ramadan) or a “Ramadan Kareem” (Generous Ramadan) at the start of this holy month. Moreover, since fasting is observed as a religious sacrifice, it is also proper to wish Muslims a “Seeyam Ma’boul” (an Accepted Fast) throughout the month.

Understanding Your Muslim Colleague During Ramadan

Islam is an Abrahamic religion, founded by Prophet Muhammad in the 7th century A.D. Followers of the Islamic religion are called Muslims. As a community, Muslims are quite diverse; their ethnic background includes Arabs, South Asians, Southeast Asians, Africans, Europeans and Americans. Muslims comprise about one fourth of the world population.

In the professional world, to recognize the nuances and commonalities within such a varied community, it is vital for non-Muslims to understand and appreciate the fascinating rituals and cultural traditions which Islam is based upon. In particular, to empathize with your Muslim teammates during celebrations such as Ramadan and Eid El Fitr, following are nine tips to help you better connect with them.

1. What’s So Special About Ramadan?

Ramadan is the ninth Lunar month of the Islamic calendar during which Muslims observe fasting (Sawm) from the break of dawn (Fajr) till dusk (maghrib). The sanctity of this period is linked to the fact that the Qur’an’s revelation to Prophet Mohammad began in the month of Ramadan. Hence, throughout this period, Muslims focus on spirituality, self-reflection, prayers and recitation of the Qur’an. Moreover, as the rewards of all good deeds accomplished during Ramadan are multiplied, Muslims then engage in more acts of kindness along with more compassion towards the less fortunate and devote more time to charity work. Furthermore, fasting during Ramadan is one of the Five Pillars of Islam. Therefore fasting, for an exemplary Muslim, is a religious duty.

Throughout the month of Ramadan, the usual three meals per day are replaced with two: one eaten before the Fajr, called Suhoor and another meal eaten at sunset, marking the break of the fast, and called Iftar. While fasting, Muslims must avoid moral misconduct, refrain from eating, drinking, smoking, and even abstain from physical pleasures. For Muslims around the world, fasting teaches self-awareness, discipline, self-control, patience and compassion.

2. Not all Muslims Practice their Faith in the Same Manner

Although observing the fast during Ramadan and practicing daily prayers are expected, some Muslims may not observe these rituals according to Islam. This shall not be viewed negatively for it is common to have non-observant believers in all religious faiths.

Therefore, should your Muslim colleague be not fasting, avoid inquiring about it. Reasons could be personal or may vary following an illness, a pregnancy condition, or traveling purposes. As a team leader or a coworker, don’t presume how your Muslim counterpart is expected to practice her/his religion. Remember that almost no one likes to be told how to observe her/his religion. Therefore, refrain from asking about prayer preferences or details about fasting rituals and wait rather until your Muslim colleague initiates the need to do so. Only then can you look for ways to provide them with a private room for praying, or review their work schedule and discuss alternative timetables for the fasting month.

You might also get across a Muslim female colleague showing up to work without wearing any makeup or possibly covering her hair during the holy month. There is no need to speculate about these temporary lifestyle changes. The conservative appearance simply reflects a modest attitude throughout the fasting period when conversations are toned down, while spirituality and humility are further emphasized. Moreover, Muslims at work may also practice cross-gender physical and social distancing, for hygienic reasons, respectfully avoiding halitosis. These are all plausible behavioral changes you might encounter during the Ramadan period. However, keep in mind that they may vary according to your Muslim counterpart and the culture of the organization.

3. Happy Ramadan vs. Ramadan Mubarak

Non-Muslims making good wishes for Ramadan oftentimes think of it as a religious holiday similar to Easter. In some ways that is true. As the Lent observance during this Christian holiday ends with Easter Sunday celebrations, so does the Fasting of Ramadan end with Eid El Fitr holiday. However, since the latter is not originally a Western tradition, greetings for this occasion must be expressed and addressed in ways appropriate to Islam. Therefore, it is best to wish your Muslim counterpart a “Ramadan Mubarak” (Blessed Ramadan) or a “Ramadan Kareem” (Generous Ramadan) at the start of this holy month. Moreover, since fasting is observed as a religious sacrifice, it is also proper to wish Muslims a “Seeyam Ma’boul” (an Accepted Fast) throughout the month. As fasting ends with Eid El Fitr, the best wishing terms then are, “Eid Mubarak” (Blessed Holiday) or “Eid Fitr Sa’eed” (Happy Eid Fitr), which are said once the Eid is declared by the religious leaders at the end of Ramadan and the start of Shawwal month. Certainly, Muslims are grateful for “Happy Ramadan” wishes, but using the right terminologies is not only an indication of your cultural intelligence, but also a highlight of your impressive soft skills!

Moreover, for Muslims, no relation is taken to the next level if the basic values are not met. Muslim communities are founded on trust, honor, respect, integrity and social bonding. Interfaith awareness is therefore key with potential Muslim prospects, whereby well wishes for Ramadan are opportunities to build professional relationships wisely and reinforce existing ones respectfully.

4. Variable Date of Ramadan Each Year

The Islamic Calendar comprises twelve months, follows a lunar cycle and is shorter than the Gregorian one. Unlike Christmas, Ramadan holiday migrates through the seasons and falls 11 days shorter each subsequent year. Accordingly, Ramadan period for the year 2021 is expected to be around April 13. Moreover, when the month of fasting occurs in the winter time, the days are shorter with an earlier sunset, so the breaking of the fast becomes easier.

In addition, the start of an Islamic month is indicated by the sighting of Hilal (the crescent moon) and lasts till the next new sighting of the moon. The precise timing is announced by the Mosque Leader or the Moon Sighting Committee. The fasting period always ends with the celebrations of Eid El Fitr, consisting of family gatherings and important festivities enjoyed for a few days at least. Given the holidays of Ramadan, asking for a day off from work, yet undecided about the date itself, is very common. For no one can tell the exact date until one or two days before the sighting of Hilal. Therefore, it is best to anticipate the imminence of a short break for Muslim team members around the holy month of Ramadan and organize the office schedule accordingly.

5. Being Inclusive

During Ramadan, life for the rest of us continues as usual, professionally. We sleep all night, have breakfast in the morning and go to work all energized. Typically, we may also schedule business meals with clients or other team members as well. Although there is no written law stating that we shouldn’t do otherwise, while Muslim colleagues are fasting, we could avoid planning lunch or dinner meetings, given the circumstances. If such business meals are crucial for the closing of a deal or a preference initiated by the client, then the fasting colleague may choose to skip it discreetly. However, whenever possible, it is best to empathize with Muslim coworkers during that particular month and consequently omit the meals when conducting meetings.

Occasionally, organizations offer snacks during office meetings, such as cookies or cakes. Once again, out of consideration for our fasting counterpart, it may help to skip generous hospitality during the Ramadan period. Companies must not feel obliged to adhere to such adjustments. However, these kind and thoughtful gestures go a long way, as they reinforce trust and nurture relations among peers.


6. Being Flexible

As humans, we get empowered physically by nourishment. Hunger brings down our energy level and this in turn reduces our concentration and overall productivity throughout the day. This explains why some may fall ill while fasting, from time to time, and may be required to eat then. Should this be the case, it is not the call of a non-Muslim team leader to suggest the breaking of the fast. In this event it is up to them, as Muslims, to make that decision, based on their health situation, religious values and personal convictions. Whenever your fasting colleague feels or looks tired, be patient and caring, show warmth and find solutions together. Getting enough sleep is crucial for physical health and mental well-being. Therefore, you could propose late morning shifts for them, enabling them to have enough rest before coming to work or even skipping the lunch breaks to leave the office earlier. It may even be appropriate to have them work from home at times, depending on their responsibilities or job description. The essential part is to realize the need for flexible work hours and make the necessary adaptations to cope with this particular situation.

7. Being Courteous

Some job descriptions require employees to work past sunset, which marks the time when fasting is broken. It is customary to eat dates to revitalize the body with sugar and minerals, along with drinking water to replenish it with hydration. Show sympathy to the Muslim employees in your team when the sunset hours are nearing: after fasting for the whole day, people need a break to boost their workplace effectiveness. It might also be a kind gesture to offer complimentary dates or dried fruits along with water or fruit juice to everyone, while initiating a few minutes pause for the whole team. This encourages more bonding among peers by sharing that special moment together, to better understand the concept of fasting and realize the importance of it. Moreover, as Muslims celebrate Eid El Fitr with their families, empathizing with them is not only considered a thoughtful act but also an occasion to foster a healthy work environment and to promote collaboration based on humane interactions.

8. Being Invited to an Iftar Meal

Oftentimes Muslims like to invite friends over for an Iftar meal. If you get invited, then consider it as an honor and accept it graciously. Punctuality is crucial at iftar meals. Arrive on time or even about ten minutes earlier to prevent delays in breaking the fast, keeping in mind that your host hasn’t eaten since sunrise. Once you’re there, make sure to follow suit to smoothen things up. So, when you’re offered dates with water, juice or sometimes Arabic coffee, accept it for you are there to share the experience, even if you haven’t fasted like your host. Once seated to eat the feast, it is well mannered for you to pass on the food to Muslims at the table first, or even wait for the host to initiate the start of the meal before you begin to eat. Since it is highly unlikely to serve alcohol at an iftar meal, avoid therefore jokes related to alcohol and Islam, and surely refrain from offering wine bottles as a gift to the host. Instead try to offer desserts to be shared at the meal, or sweets such as assorted dates or stuffed dried fruits which are greatly consumed during that month. As iftars are communal meals, expect to meet family members as well. Keep your conversations friendly yet respectful, your language decent and your comments appropriate. The aim of fasting during Ramadan is for spiritual renewal and not for dietary purposes. Hence, it’s best to shy away from comments about weight loss or physical appearance. Even if your intention is sound, eschew comments such as “You look much better ever since you’re fasting!” Iftar meals are completed with abundant fruit platters along with lavish and flavorful desserts, sometimes followed by tea. At this point the hospitality of iftar comes to its end. Thereby don’t overstay and leave before the start of the night prayer. It is best for you to thank your generous host for the feast you were served and initiate your departure gracefully.

9. Cultural Intelligence about Ramadan

Not everyone at work is necessarily exposed to Islam. Managers or company leaders must ensure that team members are acquainted with Ramadan practices. Employers must encourage diversity within organizations, fostering an inclusive work place environment, and endorsing cultural awareness trainings for employees. Non-Muslims must respect the sanctity of this holy month showing their Muslim counterparts empathy, patience and compassion.

Organizations prosper, managements succeed and employees thrive when all values and differences, including religious traditions, are respected and accommodated. This is so, surely not with the aim of spreading or imposing a certain belief over another, but rather for harmonizing the team, creating a tolerant culture and motivating employees to keep their identities while feeling safe and respected for who they are and what they represent as individuals.

Meet our newest contributor, Irma Vartanian Balian, founding Director of ProtocolWise ™. She has lived in North America, Europe and the Middle East. Her rich cultural background, her commitment to excellence, along with her expertise in Protocol and Soft Diplomacy, equipped lrma to provide valuable advice to her clients while putting them at ease. Irma trains leaders, corporate teams, diplomats, individuals, families and professionals, both regionally and internationally with assurance and professionalism.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia