Etiquette and Typed Personal Letters

 Even Emily Post was known to type personal correspondence in the 1930’s and 1940’s. It stands to reason that her etiquette books were sanctioning it, as well, at that time. As someone with arthritis, Etiquipedia has, at times, handwriting which is illegible and approves of typing one’s personal correspondence if one feels a letter will be too poorly written to read. — Above, a letter from Emily Post to a friend in 1940, from the Etiquipedia private library and future Etiquette Museum

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DEAR ANN: My handwriting is the worst I've ever seen. It is illegible and looks like the scribbling of a child. Because of this, I type all letters, invitations, thank you notes, and condolence messages. Last week a friend criticized me because I had typed a letter to a mutual friend whose husband passed away. She said it is better not to send any message than a typed one. Will you express your views on this subject? — Rozelle

Dear Roz: The old hide-bound rules of etiquette are fast bowing to common sense. And I say it's about time. It is better to send a typed note that can be read than a hand-written one which is illegible. — Ann Landers, 1969

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Social Slobs Have No Manners

Children should understand from an early age that notes of thanks should be written when gifts are sent or given to them. It’s heartbreaking when parents who have attempted to instill good manners in their child, or children, watch them ignore what they have been taught. It’s a shame they won’t discover that good manners can open doors and bring a wealth of opportunities into a young person’s life.

The Parents of a Social Slob

Dear Ann Landers: Our experiences in parenthood lead us to believe that whoever wrote "as the twig is bent..." was a bachelor. We have bent a lot of twigs through the years, but eventually they grew in the direction of their choice once the pressure of bending was released.

Being the parents of children who are social slobs is an embarrassment. We know we aren't the only ones, so perhaps this letter will end up on some refrigerator doors and bulletin boards. Here's the message: 

Dear Friends and Relatives: We know that not one of you who sent gifts for our son's 18th birthday and high school graduation has heard from him. We are deeply ashamed but decided not to nag him about it. We feel it is high time he accepted responsibility for his own thank-you notes. 

In the future, please do not feel obligated to send him a gift. Chastise him or continue your generosity as you wish. Also, if he doesn't RSVP to an invitation, invite someone else and notify him the day before the party that his place has been filled. Stop including him. If he doesn't return your calls, replace him with a more responsive friend and companion. 

We have done what we can to teach this young man decent manners, which are nothing more than consideration for others. When HE can't collect postal insurance without the embarrassment of asking if HIS gift arrived, maybe he will get the message. We are, of course, His Parents

Dear Parents: Thanks for a terrific letter. I applaud every word of it and recommend that others who find themselves in your position follow your example. — By Ann Landers, 1983

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Bar Etiquette Advice from 1990

Rockland, N.Y. won a baseball pool at the local pub. When he went to pick up his winnings, the bar owner asked if he was going to buy a round for the bar. He replied, “Why should I?” I don't know these people. The owner suddenly had an attitude problem and said, “That's not proper bar etiquette.” The question: “Was the bar owner right?”

Person, Place and Win Total Determine Bar Etiquette

Dear Readers: A while back I confessed that I didnt know much about bar etiquette and asked for some guidance from my savvy faithfuls. The heft of the mail convinced me that I had led a very sheltered life. 

Rockland, N.Y. won a baseball pool at the local pub. When he went to pick up his winnings, the bar owner asked if he was going to buy a round for the bar. He replied, “Why should I?” I don't know these people. The owner suddenly had an attitude problem and said, “That's not proper bar etiquette.” The question: “Was the bar owner right?” 

Here’s what the readers say: 

From Boston: “That bar owner was looking to beef up the day’s take. The standard practice is to buy drinks for the other members of the pool, not for every person in the place.” 

Hampton Roads, Va.: “I blew a lot of money in bars before I sobered up six years ago. Theres no such thing as bar etiquette. People do what they want to do. If a guy wins the pool and feels like buying drinks for the house, OK. If not, thats OK, too.”

 

Pittsburgh: “I owned a tavern and have run hundreds of pools. (In some states pools are illegal so both buyers and sellers have to be careful.) Normally, the bartender gets 5 percent of the winnings. The winner can buy drinks for the house if he wants to. Its not expected. The drinks could easily cost more than the winnings, and he might wind up in the hole if he's not careful.” 

Brooklyn: “Unfortunately, I happen to know a lot about bar etiquette.My advice to Rock (the guy who wanted to keep all the winnings) is to watch the game at home and go to the bar to collect at 10:30 the next morning.” 

Cincinnati: “Only a fool would offer to buy drinks for the house. I’ve seen this done and do you know what happens? The beer drinkers switch to Scotch and the winos suddenly develop a taste for double strawberry daiquiris.”

Burlington, Vt.: “I resent the bar owner trying to make the winner of the pool feel guilty. The winner is under no obligation to buy anybody anything. I’ve made that scene plenty and I wouldn't spend $50 on drinks for strangers unless I had won a pool at least three times that amount. A fool I am not.” 

Sacramento: “If a bartender handles the pool, he is entitled to a 10 percent tip. I’m in a few pools around town and one of them keeps 20 percent out for the United Way. Please don't use my name if you print my letter. My husband doesn't know I do this. He would be mad as hell.”

San Diego: “That cheap bum in New York burned me up. I’ll bet he wont be invited to be a part of any more pools. Word travels fast in the tavern circuit and guys who cheap out get passed over.” 

Orlando: “A few years ago in Las Vegas, after I lost my limit of $200, 1 stopped in a bar to drown my sorrow. I spotted a slot machine and bought a half dozen $ 10 rolls of quarters. Of course I lost it all. Like the drunk who goes from scotch to wine, I bought six $10 rolls of nickels. After getting down to my last roll, bells rang and neon lights flashed all over the place. I had hit the jackpot $450! When I handed the bartender $10, the guy next to me said, You must be from out of town. It’s customary to give the bartender 20 percent. I picked up the $10 bill, put down a $20 and walked out. Did I feel guilty? Nah!”

 From Ann Landers, syndicated advice columnist, 1990

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Weighing In on Monetary Displays

Cash and checks should never be displayed. The sealed envelopes, however, could be placed among the other gifts with a line written across the envelope. 

Dear Ann Landers: I know you don't write an etiquette column but since your advice is rooted in common sense I'm hoping you will consider my letter in that category and sneak it through.

My grandparents are giving my fiancé and me a substantial check for a wedding gift. His parents are doing the same. We are planning to display our wedding gifts and don't know what to do about the checks.

Is it proper to display checks or cash? It hardly seems in good taste, but then it's unfair to those who give such a gift if nothing is said or shown. How should this sticky wicket be handled? - UPPA TREE

Dear Uppa: Cash and checks should never be displayed. The sealed envelopes, however, could be placed among the other gifts with a line written across the envelope. Sample: "With love from Grandmother and Grandfather Jones." The amount, of course, would not be mentioned.

— By Ann Landers, 1963

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Cocktails and Being Well Bred

The guests consumed a great deal more liquor than the hostess expected. After the last guest left, she found three cigarette holes in the carpeting and one bad burn the length of a cigar on the fireplace mantel. – On a side note, the gloved woman to the far right should not be gloved while drinking. That is simply “tacky.” – photo source Pinterest

Agony Aunt, Ann Landers, Gives Her Thoughts on Being “Well Bred” vs Being Polite

Dear Ann: I know your column does not deal with problems of etiquette, but this falls in the category of human relations. Please suggest what I should do. We gave a party last evening for fifty friends. It was a cocktail affair with an informal buffet. Everyone seemed to be having a fine time, although I must say they consumed a great deal more liquor than we expected. After the last guest left, I found three cigarette holes in the carpeting and one bad burn the length of a cigar on the fireplace mantel.  

Only one man could have burned the mantel and I know very well who he is. I have a hunch about the holes in the rug, too. Shall I phone these people and suggest they do something about “making, this right”? Bear in mind, our friends are all people of means who have had good upbringings. In fact, they are considered very well bred. –Upset Hostess

Ann’s Answer: Don’t call your friends and suggest that they pay for damages done during a party. This is just further proof that even the “well-bred” have a tendency to get crumby when they drink too much. When you invite guests to your home, you naturally assume they will not devalue the property. When “well-bred’’ people do damage, they offer to pay for it. Why don’t you review your guest list for next time. – Ann Landers, 1958

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Staircase Etiquette

“The woman should go UP the stairs first, but the gentleman should lead the way down the stairs.” 

Dear Ann Landers: My boyfriend and I have been arguing about something for a long time. We've consulted etiquette books and have found nothing to settle the question. Who should go up the stairs first – the man or the woman? And who should go down first? He says the woman should go first, always. Is he right? –Staircase Sadie 

Dear Staircase: He's only half right. The woman should go UP the stairs first, but the gentleman should lead the way down the stairs. A staircase presents the hazard of a fall. Women have a way of falling up the stairs as well as down. If the man is behind her on the way up he ran catch her. If he is ahead of her on the way down, he ran break her fall. – San Bernardino Sun, 1965

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia