Gilded Age Etiquette of Audiences

In 1896, a question of the etiquette of audiences arose in New York…

A question of the etiquette of audiences arose once in New York when the Symphony society’s concert was given. Mr. Joseffy played the second Brahms concerto, which threw the audience into a state of intense enthusiasm. He was called out a dozen times, and yet the audience persisted in its applause. Finally Mr. Damrosch, the conductor, made as if to proceed with the programme, but the audience kept up their applause. Mr. Damrosch waved his baton and began the next number. The sounds of the orchestra were drowned, however, by the noise of the audience. Mr. Damrosch then rapped sharply upon his desk, and the musicians and the audience both became silent. He turned to the audience and gave them a sharp rebuke for the manner in which they had conducted themselves, saying to them that to ask a pianist, no matter how much he might have pleased them, to add to his exhausting labors after playing such a concerto was neither an appreciation of his art nor an evidence of good manners. The audience very sensibly accepted the rebuke, and the performance went on. – The Hanford Journal, 1896

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1960’s “Sidewalk Santa” Etiquette

Kris Kringle has to be a model of diplomacy. One cardinal rule forbids the Santas from promising children they will get the gifts they ask for. But at the same time, Santa must send the youngsters away “hopeful and happy.”

Sidewalk Santas Need More Than “Ho-Ho-Ho!”

It takes more than an ability to voice a hearty “Merry Christmas, ho-ho-ho” to make a good sidewalk Santa Claus, according to the Volunteers of America. The 2,000 Santas on duty across the United States for the Volunteers, also must master rigid rules of sidewalk etiquette.

The Kris Kringles attend special schools where they are taught the “do’s and don’ts” of their profession before they can receive their red costumes, white beards and chimneys.

The Schools for Santas are directed by Col. John Ford, National social welfare organization, who said “it’s vital that Santa is exemplary. We insist that our Sidewalk Santas not only are courteous, but live up to what children have been told by their parents,” Ford said.

Kris Kringle has to be a model of diplomacy. One cardinal rule forbids the Santas from promising children they will get the gifts they ask for. But at the same time, Santa must send the youngsters away “hopeful and happy.” Other rules formulated by the Volunteers of America for its Santas cover the range from sweet breath to sweet disposition.

“Keep your breath clean avoid eating garlic or onions and do not eat, drink or smoke while on duty.” is one of the basic commandments. The Santas also are advised to be courteous and pleasant at all times, to avoid arguments or disputes and to avoid obstructing traffic.

Most of the Sidewalk Santas are older men. Some have themselves been rehabilitated by the Volunteers of America in the program supported by funds collected during the Christmas season. But the campaigns, which date. back to 1901, play a much bigger role.

They provide free Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners to thousands of homeless individuals and needy families in cities across the nation and holiday baskets of food, fuel and toys to families. The funds collected in the chimneys also help support the Volunteer's year round social welfare program. – New York (UPI), 1961

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Kid’s Etiquette in the 1980’s

You don't sleep in tents and cook hotdogs on a grill at these camps; you take dance classes and learn “the right way to do things.”

Courtesy Camps

What comes to mind when you think of summer camp? Daddy Long Leg spiders? The time you short-sheeted your counselor's bed? Whatever you think of, it probably deals with lots of dirt, and lots of fun.

But what would you do if you found out you were spending the summer at a "manners" camp? You don't sleep in tents and cook hotdogs on a grill at these camps; you take dance classes and learn "the right way to do things."

One of these camps, The Emily Post Summer Camp, meets at the Breakers Hotel in Palm Beach, Florida. The session lasts for four days. Kids take dance classes to learn both old-fashioned and modern dancing. They learn telephone manners, how to write thank you notes, and how to behave properly at the table. They even have time left over to swim and play games!

But not all the kids who go there are happy about it. Barbara Smart, who handles public relations for the camp, says "It would be fibbing to say that they're all delighted to be here. None of them are kicking and screaming. but it may be the step just before that." Smart says the kids end up enjoying the camp, though: "They have two hours of class and the rest of the afternoon free they may not have been to a place like the Breakers before. and they make lots of friends here."

Christopher Brett, a thirteen year old from Palm Beach, went to the camp last year. He liked it so much, he's going back this year. "It was really fun, but at the same time you got to learn all this stuff. I think it was funner than other camps, especially at the place it was."

Another camp, the L'Ecole des Ingenues, in Atlanta, Georgia, takes manners even more seriously. The camp director. Anne Oliver, calls it "more than just an etiquette camp." It's more like an old-fashioned finishing school for teenage girls. They learn how to act when they go to the ballet, which fork to use during a meal, the proper way to behave at tea time and other social events.

Oliver says there is an "etiquette epidemic" right now. When the camp started in 1976, fewer people were interested in manners. "When I opened, parents were sending their daughters. Now, almost ten years later, the girls are asking to be sent." – By Julie Langsdorf for Gannett News Service, 1985

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Cross Cultural Etiquette in 1985

Many things have changed, and have gone in and out of fashion over the past 40 years, but good manners are always in style. Social media is full of etiquette and cross cultural tips. It pays in many ways to study up on any possible cultural differences before you travel to another country. – Image source, Instagram

Time To Get Some Etiquette

I’ll bet you think you already know good manners. You put your napkin on your lap, keep your elbows off the table in fact, you probably know how to behave perfectly, if you must. But here comes the hitch – manners are different in every country! Oh no! How are you supposed to know what to do in Hong Kong? Or India? Or Germany? 

Here are a few rules to follow:

• Let's say you've just arrived in Hong Kong. You want to say. “Hi! How are you?” to the hotel clerk. Since Hong Kong is a British colony, they understand English greetings, but it is better to use Chinese greetings. So, like the Chinese, you say “Have you eaten rice yet?”
• Next you go to India. Better stop whistling. it’s rude to whistle in India! You better not slap your Indian pals on the backs either; they don’t see it as a friendly gesture like we do.
• Now you're in Germany. Don’t cut your fish and potatoes with a knife. Just use a fork. If you want to chew gum, you better do it in private. It’s impolite to chew in public. Most people don't wear sneakers except for playing sports; so put away your Nikes!
• Let’s go to Egypt now. When’s dinner? Sometimes Egyptians don't eat till 10:30, or even later! You'll probably get lots of food once you do get served, though. Don’t feel pressure to eat everything on your plate. The host might think you didn't get enough.

Don't worry about remembering all these rules, though. You'll do fine in any country if you pay attention to what people there do. – Julie Langsdorf in Pennywhistle Press, 1985

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Christmas Greetings

A personal message on a late 19h century photograph served as a Christmas card– “The experts urge us not to add greeting cards to our Christmas list of woes. ‘I've never gotten offended by not getting a card,”  ~ Image from the Etiquipedia private library

Keep Christmas greetings brief, experts say

The Do’s and Dont’s of Sending Greetings

If you've had triplets in Brooklyn but haven't told a buddy in Biloxi, go ahead, break the blessed event in your Christmas blurb. Otherwise, please spare the details.

“Some kind of megalomania seizes people at this time of year. They write all kinds of things they wouldn't dream of telling you,” says “Miss Manners” Judith Martin. "If you're going to write a letter, for heaven's sake, write a letter."

A card-carrying greeting card-hater, the syndicated columnist says the holiday season is one exception: if it's done “write.” The only yuletide words she sends come from her own pen, but Martin says painted cards are proper as long as you at least sign your name.

And about that trail of names you'll soon pull out with the artificial tree. “If your husband says, ‘I thought they were friends of yours,’ and you say, ‘I thought they were friends of yours,’ maybe it's time to drop them,” Martin says.
“Eventually, they'll do the same,” adds another Queen of Courtesy, Elizabeth Post. Post, author of “Etiquette: A Guide to Modern Manners,” has her list down to 80 names. And most years, her message benefits UNICEF or another charitable organization that puts out cards.

The experts urge us not to add greeting cards to our Christmas list of woes. “I've never gotten offended by not getting a card,” says Joseph Gonzales, of Masterpiece Studios, a card company out with a brochure called “Christmas Card Etiquette.”

Other do's and don'ts:

• DON'T use a Christmas card to announce your wife just died. Also, no fa-la-la-la-la's to anyone in mourning. Choose a card that says something like “Peace on Earth,” but…
• DON'T kick in condolences.
• DO save it for another season, if you must send off-color jokes or dirty messages.
• DO give your postage meter the day off. Stamps are more festive.
• Send cards to business contacts, but…
•  DON'T overdo it - you won't spruce up your image if the recipient doesn't remember who you are. And…
• DO sign all cards.

–By Jane Gottlieb, Gannett News Service, 1987

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Tips for Santa Claus

Knowledge of Santa Claus etiquette comes in handy when dealing with children of all ages and from all backgrounds. Children have unlimited imaginations and will ask seasonal, stand-in Santas all sorts of questions. The answers need to be plausible.

Temporary positions now available: hearty chuckle required. Must believe. At Western Temporary Services, the call has gone out, as it does every holiday season, for Santa Claus impersonators. Many applied and 28 were chosen to staff various shopping malls beginning today.

“We hand-picked these guys from about 280 applicants,” said Jan Squires, area manager for the employment agency. “We get a lot of down-and-outs and ask them why they want to be Santa. If they say they need the bucks, they're not our guy. They've got to believe in Christmas.”

Western has been in the rent-a-Santa business for 17 years, providing 3,000 artificial St. Nicks to stores and private parties. This season's newly anointed Santas, a rather young and lean crowd, gathered at Western Services on. Wilshire Boulevard recently for a quick course in Santa etiquette.

• They received instructions on how to answer the likely questions that would come their way, such as where does Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer loiter while Santa is slipping down the chimney?
• “Don't say the roof. They might try to climb up,” said one veteran Santa. “Just tell 'em Rudolph's visiting friends at the zoo and he couldn't make it to the store.”
• To preserve Santa's image, strict rules governing Santa conduct are issued. There's a ban on smoking or alcohol on the job, on eating cheeseburgers, on wearing the distinctive red suit in the car. “The point is never ruin the illusion,”Squires said. “These children need to believe in you.”

Wilmer Drake, a 20-year veteran of the role, admits there are pitfalls. Some kids wet Santa with their tears because they're scared, he said. Others get so excited they wet Santa from the other end. For their efforts, Drake and his colleagues get $30 per six-hour day. – Los Angeles, AP, 1985

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Gloves in Space?

The first female who orbited in space was Russian cosmonaut, Valentina Tereshkova, in 1963. She was just 26 years old when she piloted the Vostok 6 spacecraft around Earth alone. She orbited Earth for 48 hours. It’s not known whether she ate with disposable plastic gloves on while orbiting our planet, but as early astronaut foods were dispensed by toothpaste-style tubes, Etiquipedia is wondering if the gloves would have been a necessity or not. Dining in weightlessness creates special challenges and great strides have been made in foods since the first pioneers went into space. We aren’t sure if gloves ever actually entered into the dining picture.

With Gloves On

NEW YORK (UPI)- —When a fashionable female accepts a spin in a spaceship, she will have to reverse one bit of etiquette. She'll eat with gloves on! 

Air Force space scientists at least, figure that for short space hops a disposable plastic mitten can be worn at mealtime. This reportedly will eliminate the need to wash the hands after meals. – 1961

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Cultural Deafness

The above exercise wear is inappropriate outdoor and indoor attire for many activities and in many countries, yet cluelessly worn by women as appropriate attire in numerous places…. Educate Yourself: Research the customs, traditions, and values of the places you plan to visit. Leverage online resources, including personal travel vlogs, for firsthand insights.

Cultural Differences: Silent Barriers

Imagine this: you’re at an airport, and you walk into the restroom only to see people washing their feet in the sink. Or you’re exploring the streets of Egypt dressed in tight shorts and a crop top or wearing a short skirt and a tube top in India—only to feel out of place or even attract unwanted attention. Perhaps you’re in Italy, frustrated because you can’t find American-style deep-dish pizza or fast-food hamburgers.

These are real scenarios I’ve actually witnessed:

1. At the airport, travelers from Saudi Arabia en route to Tajikistan via Kuwait prepared for afternoon prayers by washing their feet, as is customary in mosques. 
2. On the streets of India, some visitors strolled in what could only be described as “beachwear,” puzzled by the persistent stares and catcalls from local men.
3. And in Italy, an Instagrammer expressed disappointment over the lack of Americanized food options.

These moments serve as reminders of the importance of cultural awareness and respect when travelling. Understanding local customs, dress codes, and traditions can enhance your experience and help you engage meaningfully with the places you visit.

What is Cultural Deafness?

Cultural deafness refers to the inability to understand or appreciate cultural differences. It often arises from a lack of awareness and can lead to misunderstandings when cultural norms, customs, and traditions are not researched or respected.

Viewing one’s culture as superior can lead to judgment of other cultures based on personal norms and values. You can’t, and really shouldn’t, expect your pizza in Italy to taste like your local pizza parlor’s pizza, if you’re not already living in Italy.

Why Does Cultural Deafness Happen?

Several factors contribute to cultural deafness:

• Ethnocentrism: Viewing one’s culture as superior can lead to judgment of other cultures based on personal norms and values.
• Lack of Research: Failing to study a destination's culture can result in missed opportunities to appreciate local customs and beliefs.
• Stereotyping: Making broad assumptions about groups based on limited information or preconceived ideas can hinder meaningful intercultural interactions.
• Communication Barriers: Language differences, nonverbal cues, and cultural nuances can create misunderstandings.

How to Overcome Cultural Deafness

To combat cultural deafness, it’s essential to develop cultural competence. Here’s how:

• Be Open-Minded: Embrace cultural differences with curiosity and a willingness to learn.
• Ask Questions: Speak to others who have travelled to your destination and learn from their experiences and motivations.
• Practice Empathy and Patience: Strive to understand different perspectives. Cultural competence is a skill that develops over time.
• Educate Yourself: Research the customs, traditions, and values of the places you plan to visit. Leverage online resources, including personal travel vlogs, for firsthand insights.

I recently came across two fascinating social media accounts that highlight cultural and linguistic differences in the United States and United Kingdom. 

• Steve Ford, a native English teacher with over 30 years of experience, runs @englishwithsteveford, where he helps people understand the nuances of the English language and its regional variations. For instance, he explains how the British term "courgette" translates to "zucchini" in both the U.S., and I must say Australia too, showcasing subtle yet important linguistic distinctions. 
• Meanwhile, @landontalks, hosted by Landon Bryant, dives into the unique customs of the Deep South in the United States, from funeral procession etiquette — where it's customary to pay respects even if you didn’t know the deceased — to the pre-Thanksgiving cousin meetings, which are navigated carefully to avoid upsetting your “meemaw” (grandmother). 

These creators brilliantly illustrate how language and culture shape everyday life, offering valuable insights for anyone interested in cross-cultural communication. Well worth following!

Navigating Cultural Differences: Solutions for Real-Life Scenarios

Traveling to different parts of the world often presents cultural surprises, and knowing how to navigate them respectfully can make all the difference. Let’s revisit the scenarios above and explore thoughtful solutions to each:

• Washing Feet in an Airport Sink : For Muslims, washing feet is part of the ritual purification (wudu) before prayers. This practice is essential in preparation for spiritual activities, even in unconventional settings like an airport.
• Solution: I am actually very surprised that this particular airport in Kuwait – an Islamic country, did not have a designated wudu area for their customers. Perhaps that could be a consideration of airport management at Jezerra Airways.
• Wearing Inappropriate Attire in Conservative Countries: In countries like Egypt and India, modesty in clothing is deeply rooted in cultural and religious values. Revealing clothing may be perceived as disrespectful or out of place, drawing unwanted attention.
• Solution: Before travelling, research the cultural norms for clothing. Pack modest attire like long skirts, loose pants, and tops with sleeves for conservative regions Smartraveller.gov.au says this about dressing in Egypt during Ramadan: “Dress conservatively. Knee-length or longer dresses and long sleeves are preferable for women, and men should not wear shorts outside tourist areas. Respect religious and social traditions to avoid offending local sensitivities.” 
• Expecting Americanized Food in Italy: Italian cuisine is a point of national pride, with authentic dishes often far removed from American adaptations. Expecting fast food or American-style pizza misses the essence of Italy’s culinary heritage.
• Solution: Embrace the opportunity to explore the local cuisine. Research traditional dining and approach it with an open mind. If you crave familiarity, seek international dining options, but don’t let this limit your experience of Italy’s rich culinary culture.

We Hear You!

By cultivating cultural competence, we can bridge gaps in understanding and celebrate the diversity that makes travel so enriching. After all, it’s the differences in culture that make exploring the world so tantalizing and exciting!

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia