Etiquette Pre-Marriage and Post

Why is it that a man will liberally sprinkle his conversation with “thank you.” and “I beg your pardon.” before marriage, and when the glamour of the honeymoon has faded into the past forget to assist his wife with her coat? What is the reason that a woman will spend an hour at her toilette before meeting her fiancé, and when married will appear positively unattractive?

Manners and Married Life

Why is it that a man will liberally sprinkle his conversation with “thank you.” and “I beg your pardon.” before marriage, and when the glamour of the honeymoon has faded into the past forget to assist his wife with her coat? What is the reason that a woman will spend an hour at her toilette before meeting her fiancé, and when married will appear positively unattractive?

I fear that the answer is in the fact that somewhere in either person’s conduct there is a lack of good breeding. Just because a person is married is certainly no excuse for a neglect of the ordinary social customs. Indeed, a lapse of good manners in the behavior of married people always fills me with disappointment and dread for the years in the far-away future.

It is the first step that counts. Never let yourself forget that you owe to your husband a consideration and politeness equal to, if not surpassing, that given to others: check your first impulse to answer him rudely: think twice before you act once when a wish to be impolite arises.

There are many little rocks upon which the happiness of married life comes to grief. First, there is the question of letters. Now, a letter that your husband receives belongs to two persons, to him and to the writer. His marriage has nothing to do with this, and the conventional understanding must not be undermined by a wife reading her husband's correspondence when the fancy strikes her. This rummaging propensity is ill-bred. The wife who complains that her husband never tells her anything will never win his confidence by reading his letters unasked.

Frequently there is an exchange of confidences in the first weeks of married life in which every memory, every past love affair and all friends and relatives are discussed. And frequently these easily made confidences are returned under the guise of chastisements in moments of irritation. A sufficient amount of reserve is lacking in this mode of action, and reserve is the sign of good breeding. Every little thing should not be told to the husband or wife. Remember that an account of past affairs involves the other person.

Bad temper is an evidence of bad manners in an aggravated form. Married people should exercise self-control just as carefully as those in single-blessedness. In closing, let me urge that politeness be emphasized in married life with the same care that occurs in the days before. A pardon should be asked of one's husband just as quickly as of the grocer: an entrance to his dressing room should be preceded by a knock just as surely as that to a guest’s room. 

The great wheels of married life will move infinitely more smoothly if urbanity be the guiding thought. Be polite, even to your husband! Consider his feelings and his opinions as carefully as you do those of his nephew. Let there be an amiable manner at breakfast when alone with him as well as at dinner when guests are present. Never allow the familiarity of married life to breed a contempt for good manners. –Chico Record, 1909

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia