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Dutch Etiquette of Ladies and Gentlemen
in Holland of 1884:
Ungallant Street Manners of the Men… An Engaged Couple... Woman at Home…
The Dutchwoman lives in constant fear of insult; and when she is out on the street she acts as if she was afraid that her ursine brothers were going to bite, paw or hug her. Not that the men are dangerous, for rarely it is heard that the bears have bitten. Look out on the street and you will see that the ladies walk in the road and the gentle- men on the sidewalk. Always so, no matter how muddy or dusty the road is, or how many teams are passing. Watch them, and you cannot help but notice that the gentlemen and ladies never speak to each other on the street. That would be a breach of etiquette that society would hardly pardon. Even when a man meets his wife he is not permitted to ask what he shall bring home for dinner!
The gentleman bows first. the same as in France, and a lady may have bows from any number of men whose names she does not even know. And the bowing is a marvel! The forehead almost touches the kees in the act, and there is no half-way work about it-no nodding or a sweeping touch of the hat, but an entire removal of the hat to supplement that intense bow. Everybody bows, then take off their hats to one another and profoundly bow.
Your friend's coachman or lackey does the same toward you as his master does, and the servants are just as polite to each other. A lady is bowed to by all the friends of her father, husband or brother; and your housemaid's friends as well. Every man bows to the house of his lady acquaintance when he passes; bows, smiles, and raises his hat, no matter whether the ladies are visible or not. They return the bow with an over- polite bend of the whole body.
If a lady, alone or accompanied by other ladies, must needs enter a con- fectionery, a library or other place where men will naturally go, and finds a gentleman or two there, she will re- tire as precipitately as if she had seen a case of small-pox. The men know this, but unless my lord, the man, has quite finished his business he will not retire. The lady retreats in a most undignified manner, and the human bear finishes. his book or his chocolate, even though the lady is waiting at the door for him to leave.
As soon as a young lady becomes engaged she has to take the young man around to call on all of her friends, sweetly introducing him to all as her promised husband. After that they pay visits together like a married couple, with the difference that unlike man and wife they sit hand-in-hand, and speak with the utmost pride of their engagement. A hug or a kiss are very common in those days of courtship; but when marriage comes the two are as stiff to each other in company as strangers would be, and they address each other in company as strangers. would, and they address each other as mynheer and meyrouw.
But a change comes over the woman at home. No longer is she the afraid body of the street. She has at hand the kettle of hot water, the flat irons and the other articles of defense that a woman can use if necessary, and no longer does she fear the bears. She is quite “at home.” She does not put herself to any trouble for the sake of her guests. In the morning she never dresses for breakfast, but comes to the table en demi-toilet, her hair on the crimping pins, a calico gown loosely buttoned over skirts by no means new, with no collar, her shoes unbuttoned and frequently without stockings. After breakfast it is quite a while before she gets dressed, and meantime if she receives callers she goes into the parlor in her breakfast toilet.– Springfield Republican, April 1884
If a lady, alone or accompanied by other ladies, must needs enter a con- fectionery, a library or other place where men will naturally go, and finds a gentleman or two there, she will re- tire as precipitately as if she had seen a case of small-pox. The men know this, but unless my lord, the man, has quite finished his business he will not retire. The lady retreats in a most undignified manner, and the human bear finishes. his book or his chocolate, even though the lady is waiting at the door for him to leave.
As soon as a young lady becomes engaged she has to take the young man around to call on all of her friends, sweetly introducing him to all as her promised husband. After that they pay visits together like a married couple, with the difference that unlike man and wife they sit hand-in-hand, and speak with the utmost pride of their engagement. A hug or a kiss are very common in those days of courtship; but when marriage comes the two are as stiff to each other in company as strangers would be, and they address each other in company as strangers. would, and they address each other as mynheer and meyrouw.
But a change comes over the woman at home. No longer is she the afraid body of the street. She has at hand the kettle of hot water, the flat irons and the other articles of defense that a woman can use if necessary, and no longer does she fear the bears. She is quite “at home.” She does not put herself to any trouble for the sake of her guests. In the morning she never dresses for breakfast, but comes to the table en demi-toilet, her hair on the crimping pins, a calico gown loosely buttoned over skirts by no means new, with no collar, her shoes unbuttoned and frequently without stockings. After breakfast it is quite a while before she gets dressed, and meantime if she receives callers she goes into the parlor in her breakfast toilet.– Springfield Republican, April 1884
🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
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