Foolish Social Advice

Was this foolish advice? No. It was merely foolish to categorize it under “Ballroom Etiquette.” This was clearly good versus bad etiquette or manners, anywhere.
 The vulgarities were numerous with Madame Olenska. She was flirting with her longtime crush and her cousin’s fiancé, Newland Archer, in the 1993, gilded age tale, “The Age of Innocence” –
“… never descend into the commonplace vulgarity of flirting with another girl’s lover- even if you are old acquaintances. Try to realize what your own feelings would be under similar circumstances.”

It would be interesting to know just what social experiences those amiable society editors of a certain class have enjoyed who give advice to their readers like that contained in the following quotation:

“Do not excuse or forgive too readily any undue familiarity on the part of your partner. Remember, he may be almost a stranger to you, and you may never meet again. If you are tired and prefer to miss a dance, sit it out with your partner if he suggests it, you are bound to him for the time. Never make the gross mistake of sitting it out with another man. 

“No matter how much you may prefer the society of one particular man, never let your manner show it, but be pleasant, affable and smiling to all alike. Above all, never descend into the commonplace vulgarity of flirting with another girl’s lover- even if you are old acquaintances. Try to realize what your own feelings would be under similar circumstances.”

The foregoing is run under the caption of “Ballroom Etiquette,” and it is given for what it is worth to the readers of these columns. However, we believe that every young woman who has delight in attending ballroom functions should simply realize the fact that there is no such thing as “ballroom etiquette” any more than there should be “dining-room” etiquette or bedroom etiquette, or even etiquette in the much abused hall bedroom inhabited by unfortunates whose purses are far from heavy with this world’s wealth. 

There is only one way to conduct oneself in the ballroom, and that is according to the instincts which are inherent in every rightminded person. A great deal of harm is undoubtedly done through just such advice as that which we have quoted by raising false ideals and ideas as to peculiar methods of conduct. – Humboldt Times, October 1904

  🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia