Gent’s Bathroom and Toilet Etiquette

Though not mentioned in Peter Post’s book, there has been great discussion over the years on social media, and in news, on the correct way to hang roll of toilet paper... Whether the paper should hang down in front or hang in back of the roll. When toilet paper rolls were first patented in 1891, the drawing accompanying the patent shows how to place the toilet paper properly for the greatest ease in using the paper. It’s over the front of the role and hanging down in front. It does not hang in back or underneath.

The Toilet Seat

We now come to the all-important issue of the toilet seat. Here's the scenario: it's three in the morning, and your dream's been pretty good. But now you're awake, and you realize that you really need to go to the bathroom.

You carefully slip out of bed-woe to you if you wake her-and head into the bathroom with one thought: to get your business done and get back to bed. The problem is that now, at the ungodly hour of three A.M., you are facing a crucial etiquette challenge: remembering to put the toilet seat down.

Here are the two transgressions you can make in this befuddled state, in order of their seriousness:

TRANSGRESSION 1- You lift the toilet seat, do your business, and then pad back to bed without putting the seat back down. Maybe you just forgot. Or maybe you were feeling a little lazy. "It's only fair," you think to yourself. "I raised the seat— she can lower it." Wrong. This issue has nothing to do with division of labor. When nature calls at an ungodly hour, and a woman settles sleepily into a sitting position, she expects that seat to be down. Anything other than that is a very rude surprise. Think about it: Would you like to sit on the rim?

TRANSGRESSION 2- You forget to put the seat up before relieving yourself. Remember, it's dark, you're sleepy, and even at high noon your aim isn't always perfectly true. That seat isn't dry and clean as a whistle and your wife rises and heads to the same toilet, frankly, I can think of many other places I'd rather be.

Of course, you know the right thing to do in both situations. But merely knowing isn't enough. There are some tasks that men are absolutely required to perform in order to make life easier and more trouble free for everyone. This is one of them. Sometimes avoiding trou ble is the best reason of all for doing the right thing.

Toilet Paper

No one should have to face this sort of thing first thing in the morning. Only two or three sheets were left on the roll. No spare was in sight, and my wife was blissfully asleep.

We all know what it feels like to be in that situation. As men, we should always make a point of knowing where the spare roll of toilet paper is kept, and bringing that spare roll within arm's reach whenever the current roll starts running low. (Many households keep a spare roll nearby at all times, in a knit cover or in some other convenient container.)

Even better: when the roll actually runs out, don't rely on your wife to pop the new roll into the dispenser, but play the unsung hero and do it yourself.

Personal-Care Items

The bathroom is also the ultimate domestic litmus test for how well you and your partner respect each other's "things" and each other's privacy.

Take toothbrushes, for instance. My toothbrush is mine-it's got my own personal germs on it, and I don't want anyone else's joining them there. Your significant other may feel the same way I do. If you suddenly discover you can't find your own toothbrush, before going ahead and grabbing your wife's you should consider exactly how she's going to feel about someone else using her toothbrush. Even if you really think she won't mind, the considerate thing to do is to check anyway by asking her. A trip to an all-night drugstore or missing one night's brushing is better than time spent patching bruised feelings.

The same goes for all other personal-care products, including hair brushes, razors, lotions, and deodorants. Take the time to fully acquaint yourself with your partner's personal idiosyncrasies in these areas, and respect his or her preferences at all times. Sometimes it's better not to "share."

Privacy

The subject of bathroom privacy is more delicate and somewhat more abstract than other bathroom etiquette issues, but it's no less important. When you're living alone, you can leave the door open while you do whatever is necessary and it won't change the universe one bit. Once you begin living in a shared space, however, a closed door becomes important. This is true when you are using the bathroom yourself, and even more true when your partner is using it. A closed door is an unspoken request for privacy, and it should be honored at all times. — From Peter Post’s, “Essential Manners for Men,” 2003

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia