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| People can judge others within a matter of just a few seconds. One’s posture and bodily behavior when making personal calls to the homes or businesses of others, will reveal more about a person than many realize. – “… if you will persist in little frills like polishing your nails on the tea cloth you are very apt to be called ‘peculiar,’ and that word, by the way, covers a multitude of sins and a variety of meanings. Just because you are going elsewhere and want your nails to retain their gloss does not excuse you from converting your hostess’ drawing-room or dining-room into a manicure shop... Crossing the feet or knees is tolerated these days, but she is a wise lassie who does not assume this position too frequently. In the first place, like all habits, soon grows on one and develops side issues. The next thing the hands are clasped over the knees and before you realize it you are rocking away and displaying an amazing amount of ankle and fluff-fluff that is anything but the acme of modesty.” |
Occasionally you hear someone solemnly declare, with a wise wag of the head and a knowing smile, that first impressions are all important, in fact, everything. No one would deny for a minute that they are lasting, but the length of their duration depends largely upon circumstances. The wise old philosopher hit the nail squarely on the head when she told her son that “it makes a big difference whether you see the light hair fluffin’ ‘round her face when you’re settin’ beside her on a moonlight night or in a mornin’ from across the breakfast table.” She realized that circumstances alter cases, and that what could be done with perfect propriety one day could also be an outrageous breach the next.
The age of pinafores is obviously the one where “do’s” and “don’t’s” flourish and even run riot, but somehow or other long after this stage has been successfully passed, new conditions bob up serenely and one is forced to admit that just about everything under the shining sun, no matter how simple, needs explicit and definite instructions or else one is up in the air to the amusement of kind and sympathetic friends and the everlasting chagrin of one's self.
If you would be popular, Miladi, let me tell you a few plain truths. Never let yourself be caught laughing at the embarrassments of others. In the first place it is beastly rude and you’re cutting a sorry figure in the eyes of every well bred person that chances to be about, and in the second place, it is worse than bad policy. There is bound to be a ripple of amusement and at such a time a kindly understanding nod will soothe and smooth away a myriad of woes and in a twinkling you will have gained a friend who will be ready to swear by you for ever more.
These days so much liberty is given one that it is more or less difficult to know just where to draw the manners line. For years it has been considered a breach of etiquette to put an elbow on the table, but to put both up and calmly survey the territory was just about the limit and showed a distressing lack of training and discipline.
Such is not the case nowadays, although, to be sure, it is not considered the pink of perfection for formal occasions. But at teas and even at cafes and restaurants it fails to rouse the faintest interest and no one gives it even a passing thought. Unless, perhaps, the attitude is very confidential, and suggests an animated flirtation.
Just why people see the faults of their neighbors so plainly and remain in blissful ignorance of their own is a mystery that has never been fathomed. Miss Knocker confides to a favored few that her best friend is a charming girl, only she feels rather sorry for her because she has some peculiar mannerisms. For instance, she slides down so far in her chair and assumes such a slouchy attitude.
Such is not the case nowadays, although, to be sure, it is not considered the pink of perfection for formal occasions. But at teas and even at cafes and restaurants it fails to rouse the faintest interest and no one gives it even a passing thought. Unless, perhaps, the attitude is very confidential, and suggests an animated flirtation.
Just why people see the faults of their neighbors so plainly and remain in blissful ignorance of their own is a mystery that has never been fathomed. Miss Knocker confides to a favored few that her best friend is a charming girl, only she feels rather sorry for her because she has some peculiar mannerisms. For instance, she slides down so far in her chair and assumes such a slouchy attitude.
Ten to one Miss Knocker is complacently sipping tea with her own feet extended half way across the room, tripping everyone who passes by, but she would be indignation personified if any one dared call her crude or even suggested that her feet were not being properly trained in the way they should go.
And that reminds me, don't take the trouble to say disagreeable things about your friends and earn the name of “knocker.” Life really is too short, and besides, your delightfully attentive audience is skillfully drawing you out and making you say twice as much as you intended or really mean, and some fine day it will come back to you tenfold. In short, in all probability you will be taxed with maliciously spreading a story and when it is retold you'll have strenuous difficulty in recognizing even the shreds of the original.
Of course, if you will persist in little frills like polishing your nails on the tea cloth you are very apt to be called “peculiar,” and that word, by the way, covers a multitude of sins and a variety of meanings. Just because you are going elsewhere and want your nails to retain their gloss does not excuse you from converting your hostess’ drawing-room or dining-room into a manicure shop. If you feel that a wee rub is absolutely essential to your happiness do it as quickly and as quietly as you can and without attracting any more attention than is positively necessary, for grooming one's self in public is strictly forbidden in polite society.
While you want to be simple in your manner there is such a thing as being overtrained in this very simplicity. Crossing the feet or knees is tolerated these days, but she is a wise lassie who does not assume this position too frequently. In the first place, like all habits, soon grows on one and develops side issues. The next thing the hands are clasped over the knees and before you realize it you are rocking away and displaying an amazing amount of ankle and fluff-fluff that is anything but the acme of modesty.
And after all it's so easy to avoid Blunderville. Just stop and think twice and during that time pay strict attention to your neighbors, for it’s always safe when in Rome to do as the Romans do. If they are slow to act gain time by some hook or crook, and lo and behold, your problem will be successfully solved and no one but yourself need ever be the wiser.
So if you're in doubt at any time remember one simple, almost childish rule. Keep your eyes and your ears wide open and your mouth discreetly closed, and as sure as fate you’ll come out on top of the pile and land high and dry.– San Francisco Call, 1904
And that reminds me, don't take the trouble to say disagreeable things about your friends and earn the name of “knocker.” Life really is too short, and besides, your delightfully attentive audience is skillfully drawing you out and making you say twice as much as you intended or really mean, and some fine day it will come back to you tenfold. In short, in all probability you will be taxed with maliciously spreading a story and when it is retold you'll have strenuous difficulty in recognizing even the shreds of the original.
Of course, if you will persist in little frills like polishing your nails on the tea cloth you are very apt to be called “peculiar,” and that word, by the way, covers a multitude of sins and a variety of meanings. Just because you are going elsewhere and want your nails to retain their gloss does not excuse you from converting your hostess’ drawing-room or dining-room into a manicure shop. If you feel that a wee rub is absolutely essential to your happiness do it as quickly and as quietly as you can and without attracting any more attention than is positively necessary, for grooming one's self in public is strictly forbidden in polite society.
While you want to be simple in your manner there is such a thing as being overtrained in this very simplicity. Crossing the feet or knees is tolerated these days, but she is a wise lassie who does not assume this position too frequently. In the first place, like all habits, soon grows on one and develops side issues. The next thing the hands are clasped over the knees and before you realize it you are rocking away and displaying an amazing amount of ankle and fluff-fluff that is anything but the acme of modesty.
And after all it's so easy to avoid Blunderville. Just stop and think twice and during that time pay strict attention to your neighbors, for it’s always safe when in Rome to do as the Romans do. If they are slow to act gain time by some hook or crook, and lo and behold, your problem will be successfully solved and no one but yourself need ever be the wiser.
So if you're in doubt at any time remember one simple, almost childish rule. Keep your eyes and your ears wide open and your mouth discreetly closed, and as sure as fate you’ll come out on top of the pile and land high and dry.– San Francisco Call, 1904
🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
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