Thursday, November 29, 2018

Georgian Tea and Beverage Etiquette



A copy of Marie Antoinette’s “trembleuse” for drinking hot chocolate. The wealthy could afford to drink chocolate and have the proper accoutrements for drinking it. – “By about mid-17th century the new beverages were being drunk in England, and by the 1690’s were being sold in New England. At first chocolate was. preferred, but coffee, being somewhat cheaper, soon replaced it and in England gave rise to a number of public places of refreshment known as coffee houses. Coffee was, of course, the primary drink of these establishments, but that tea also was available is indicated by an advertisement that appeared in an English newspaper in 1658.”

In 18th-century America, the pleasant practice of taking tea at home was an established social custom with a recognized code of manners and distinctive furnishings. Pride was taken in a correct and fashionable tea table whose equipage included much more than teapot, cups, and saucers. It was usually the duty of the mistress to make and pour the tea; and it was the duty of the guests to be adept at handling a teacup and saucer and to provide social “chitchat.” Because of the expense and time involved, the tea party was limited to the upper classes; consequently, such an affair was a status symbol. The cocktail party of the 20th century has, perhaps, replaced the tea party of the 18th century as a social custom, reflecting the contrast between the relaxed atmosphere of yesterday with the hurried pace of today.

The Americans “use much tea,” noted the Abbé Robin during his visit to this country in 1781. “The greatest mark of civility and welcome they can show you, is to invite you to drink it with them.” Tea was the social beverage of the 18th century; serving it was a sign of politeness and hospitality, and drinking it was a custom with distinctive manners and specific equipment. Most discussions of the commodity have dealt only with its political, historical, or economic importance; however, in order to understand the place tea holds in this country’s past, it also is important to consider the beverage in terms of the social life and traditions of the Americans. As the Abbé Robin pointed out, not only was tea an important commodity on this side of the Atlantic, but the imbibing of it was an established social practice.

An examination of teatime behavior and a consideration of what utensils were used or thought appropriate for tea drinking are of help in reconstructing and interpreting American history as well as in furnishing and re-creating interiors of the period, thus bringing into clearer focus the picture of daily life in 18th-century America. For these reasons, and because the subject has received little attention, the present study has been undertaken.

Tea had long been known and used in the Orient before it was introduced into Europe in the early part of the 17th century. At about the same time two other new beverages appeared, chocolate from the Americas and coffee from the Near East. The presence of these commodities in European markets is indicative of the vigorous exploration and active trade of that century, which also witnessed the successful settlement of colonies in North America. By about mid-17th century the new beverages were being drunk in England, and by the 1690’s were being sold in New England. At first chocolate was preferred, but coffee, being somewhat cheaper, soon replaced it and in England gave rise to a number of public places of refreshment known as coffee houses. Coffee was, of course, the primary drink of these establishments, but that tea also was available is indicated by an advertisement that appeared in an English newspaper in 1658. One of the earliest advertisements for tea, it announced:


“That Excellent, and by all Physitians approved, China Drink, called by the Chineans, Tcha, by other nations Tay alias Tee, is sold at the Sultaness-head, a Cophee-house in Sweetings Rents by The Royal Exchange, London.”

For a time tea was esteemed mainly for its curative powers, which explains why it was “by all Physitians approved.” According to an English broadside published in 1660, the numerous contemporary ailments which tea “helpeth” included “the headaches, giddiness, and heaviness.” It was also considered “good for colds, dropsies and scurvies and [it] expelleth infection. It prevents and cures agues, surfeits and fevers.” By the end of the 17th century, however, tea’s medicinal qualities had become secondary to its fashionableness as a unique drink. Tea along with the other exotic and novel imports from the Orient such as fragile porcelains, lustrous silks, and painted wallpapers had captured the European imagination. Though the beverage was served in public pleasure gardens as well as coffee houses during the early 1700’s in England, social tea drinking in the home was gradually coming into favor.  


The coffee houses continued as centers of political, social, and literary influence as well as of commercial life into the first half of the 19th century, for apparently Englishmen preferred to drink their coffee in public rather than private houses and among male rather than mixed company. This was in contrast to tea, which was drunk in the home with breakfast or as a morning beverage and socially at afternoon gatherings of both sexes, as we see in the painting ‘An English Family at Tea’. As tea drinking in the home became fashionable, both host and hostess took pride in a well-appointed tea table, for a teapot of silver or fragile blue-and-white Oriental porcelain with matching cups and saucers and other equipage added prestige as well as elegance to the teatime ritual.

At first the scarcity and expense of the tea, the costly paraphernalia used to serve it, and the leisure considered necessary to consume it, limited the use of this commodity to the upper classes. For these reasons, social tea drinking was, understandably, a prestige custom. One becomes increasingly aware of this when looking at English paintings and prints of the early 18th century, such as Family Group, painted by Gawen Hamilton about 1730. Family members are portrayed in the familiar setting of their own parlor with its paneled walls and comfortable furnishings. Their pet, a small dog, surveys the scene from a resting place on a corner of the carpet. Teatime appears to have just begun, for cups are still being passed around and others on the table await filling from the nearby porcelain teapot. It seems reasonable to assume, since the painting is portraiture, that the family is engaged in an activity which, although familiar, is considered suitable to the group’s social position and worthy of being recorded in oil. That tea drinking was a status symbol also is indicated by the fact that the artist has used the tea ceremony as the theme of the picture and the tea table as the focal point. 

Eighteenth-century pictures and writings are basic source materials for information about Anglo-American tea drinking. A number of the pictures are small-scale group or conversation piece paintings of English origin in which family and friends are assembled at tea, similar to Family Group, and they provide pictorial information on teatime modes and manners. The surroundings in which the partakers of tea are depicted also reveal information about the period and about the gracious living enjoyed in the better homes.Paneled walls and comfortable chairs, handsome chests and decorative curtains, objects of ceramic and silver and glass, all were set down on canvas or paper with painstaking care, and sometimes with a certain amount of artistic license. A careful study of these paintings provides an excellent guide for furnishing and reconstructing period rooms and exhibits, even to the small details such as objects on mantels, tables, and chests, thus further documenting data from newspapers, journals, publications, and writings of the same period.

In America, as in England, tea had a rather limited use as a social beverage during the early 1700’s. Judge Samuel Sewall, the recorder-extraordinary of Boston life at the turn of the 17th century, seems to have mentioned tea only once in his copious diary. In the entry for April 15, 1709, Sewall wrote that he had attended a meeting at the residence of Madam Winthrop where the guests “drunk Ale, Tea, Wine.” At this time ale and wine, in contrast to tea, were fairly common drinks. Since tea and the equipment used to serve it were costly, social tea drinking was restricted to the prosperous and governing classes who could afford the luxury. The portrayal of the rotund silver teapot and other tea-drinking equipment in such an American painting as Susanna Truax, done by an unknown painter in 1730, indicates that in this country as in England not only was the tea ceremony of social importance but also that a certain amount of prestige was associated with the equipage. And, the very fact that an artist was commissioned for a portrait of this young girl is suggestive of a more than ordinary social status of the sitter and activity depicted.


In Susanna Truax, an American painting dates 1730, on a beige, marble-like table top beside Susanna – who wears a dress of red, black, and white stripes– are a fashionable silver teapot and white ceramic cup, saucer and sugar dish. 

English customs were generally imitated in this country, particularly in the urban centers. Of Boston, where he visited in 1740, Joseph Bennett observed that “the ladies here visit, drink tea and indulge every little piece of gentility to the height of the mode and neglect the affairs of their families with as good grace as the finest ladies in London.” English modes and manners remained a part of the social behavior after the colonies became an independent nation. Visitors to the newly formed United States were apt to remark about such habits as tea drinking, as did Brissot de Warville in 1788, that “in this, as in their whole manner of living, the Americans in general resemble the English.” Therefore, it is not surprising to find that during the 18th century the serving of tea privately in the morning and socially in the afternoon or early evening was an established custom in many households. 

The naturalist Peter Kalm, during his visit to North America in the mid-18th century, noted that tea was a breakfast beverage in both Pennsylvania and New York. From the predominantly Dutch town of Albany in 1749 he wrote that “their breakfast is tea, commonly without milk.” At another time, Kalm stated: With the tea was eaten bread and butter or buttered bread toasted over the coals so that the butter penetrated the whole slice of bread. In the afternoon about three o’clock tea was drunk again in the same fashion, except that bread and butter was not served with it. This tea-drinking schedule was followed throughout the colonies. In Boston the people “take a great deal of tea in the morning,” have dinner at two o’clock, and “about five o’clock they take more tea, some wine, madeira [and] punch," reported the Baron Cromot du Bourg during his visit in 1781. The Marquis de Chastellux confirms his countryman’s statement about teatime, mentioning that the Americans take “tea and punch in the afternoon.”

During the first half of the 18th century the limited amount of tea available at prohibitively high prices restricted its use to a proportionately small segment of the total population of the colonies. About mid-century, however, tea was beginning to be drunk by more and more people, as supplies increased and costs decreased, due in part to the propaganda and merchandising efforts of the East India Company. According to Peter Kalm, tea, chocolate, and coffee had been “wholly unknown” to the Swedish population of Pennsylvania and the surrounding area before the English arrived, but in 1748 these beverages “at present constitute even the country people’s daily breakfast.” A similar observation was made a few years later by Israel Acrelius: Tea, coffee, and chocolate are so general as to be found in the most remote cabins, if not for daily use, yet for visitors, mixed with Muscovado, or raw sugar. America was becoming a country of tea drinkers. Then, in 1767, the Townshend Act imposed a duty  on tea, among other imported commodities. Merchants and citizens in opposition to the act urged a boycott of the taxed articles. A Virginia woman, in a letter to friends in England, wrote in 1769: ... I have given up the Article of Tea, but some are not quite so tractable; however if wee can convince the good folks on your side the Water of their Error, wee may hope to see happier times.

In spite of the tax many colonists continued to indulge in tea drinking. By 1773 the general public, according to one Philadelphia merchant, “can afford to come at this piece of luxury” while one-third of the population “at a moderate computation, drink tea twice a day.” It was at this time, however, that efforts were made to enforce the English tea tax and the result was that most famous of tea parties, the “Boston Tea Party.” Thereafter, an increasing number of colonists abstained from tea drinking as a patriotic gesture. Philip Fithian, a tutor at Nomini Hall, the Virginia plantation of Col. Robert Carter, wrote in his journal on Sunday, May 29, 1774: After dinner we had a Grand & agreeable Walk in & through the Gardens—There is great plenty of Strawberries, some Cherries, Goose berries &c.—Drank Coffee at four, they are now too patriotic to use tea. And indeed they were patriotic, for by September the taste of tea almost had been forgotten at Nomini Hall, as Fithian vividly recounted in his journal: Something in our palace this Evening, very merry happened—Mrs. Carter made a dish of Tea. At Coffee, she sent me a dish—& the Colonel both ignorant—He smelt, sipt—look’d—At last with great gravity he asks what’s this?—Do you ask Sir—Poh!—And out he throws it splash a sacrifice to Vulcan. Other colonists, in their own way, also showed their distaste for tea. Shortly before the outbreak of the American Revolution there appeared in several newspapers an expression of renouncement in rhyme, “A Lady’s Adieu to Her Tea-Table” (below), which provides a picture of contemporary teatime etiquette and equipage.


A Lady’s Adieu to Her Tea-Table

FAREWELL the Tea-board with your gaudy attire, 
Ye cups and ye saucers that I did admire; 
To my cream pot and tongs I now bid adieu; 
That pleasure’s all fled that I once found in you. 
Farewell pretty chest that so lately did shine, 
With hyson and congo and best double fine; 
Many a sweet moment by you I have sat, 
Hearing girls and old maids to tattle and chat; 
And the spruce coxcomb laugh at nothing at all, 
Only some silly work that might happen to fall. 
No more shall my teapot so generous be 
In filling the cups with this pernicious tea, 
For I’ll fill it with water and drink out the same, 
Before I’ll lose LIBERTY that dearest name, Because I am taught (and believe it is fact) That our ruin is aimed at in the late act, 
Of imposing a duty on all foreign Teas, 
Which detestable stuff we can quit when we please. 
LIBERTY’S The Goddess that I do adore, 
And I’ll maintain her right until my last hour, Before she shall part I will die in the cause, For I’ll never be govern’d by tyranny’s laws.
From "Tea Drining in America: Its Etiquette and Equipage" 
By Rodris Roth

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette 

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Profiles in Etiquette – Letitia Baldrige

Known as the ‘doyenne of decorum’ and as a social secretary to American First Lady, Jacqueline Kennedy, Letitia Baldrige was one of the chief arbiters of good manners in modern America. Described in a 1978 Time Magazine profile as a “superbly energetic amalgam of feminist and Tasteful Lady.” Baldrige embarked on a career that took her from diplomatic cirlcles, to the White House and on to a long career advising business executives on the finer points of etiquette and social graces, all starting decades before women talked about “having it all,” and at a time when many of her female colleagues were afforded few professional opportunities. She authored numerous books and articles on etiquette and social graces over her long career. “Discourtesy and arrogance were not requirements for a career of similar accomplishment,” she would later advise executives in her role as a maven of etiquette. Baldrige died in 2012, at the age of 86.

     On Social Etiquette

If you ever find yourself sitting across the dinner table from Jacqueline Onassis or Robert Redford, don’t ask about a job for your n'er-do-well cousin. That’s one of the worst things you can say to a celebrity, says Letitia Baldrige, social secretary at the Kennedy White House, in the new edition of "The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette" (Doubleday). 


Here’s more advice from Baldrige on keeping your foot out of your mouth in such situations: 

  1. Don’t be a critic. Say something nice about the celebrity's latest movie, play, TV appearance or corporation.
  2. If you can say something intelligent about the person’s profession, by all means come out with it.
  3. Discuss the celebrity's outside interests, including charitable activities.
  4. That does not include the person’s outside amatory or pecuniary interests. Never pry into a celebrity's personal life with questions on such subjects as marriage or income. 
  5. If speaking with an actor or actress, suggest a character from a great book that the person could play well. 
  6. Never tell the celebrity that he or she looks much younger and thinner in real life than on stage or screen. ("You will make him think he looks old and fat to the people who see him on camera and on the stage ”) 
  7. Never criticize the person’s colleagues or fellow performers. ("Even if he agrees with you, he will have to come out in their ardent defense.") 
  8. Don’t make the person feel inadequate or unprepared by posing questions on subjects outside his or her areas of expertise. ("If he is a performing artist, don't ask him some intricate question on international foreign affairs... Likewise, one does not ask a Cabinet officer what he thinks of the latest underground movie one may have seen.")– 1978


Etiquette and Manners Have Differences

NEW YORK (AP) Could you differentiate between “etiquette” and “manners”? Letitia Baldrige in her revised book on etiquette says, "Etiquette has to do with when you wear white gloves and how to unfold a napkin on your lap. 

Real manners are being thoughtful toward others and doing nice things for others. “Manners really matter, they stem from kindness. Etiquette can be a bit starchy,” she said. – The Desert Sun, 1981

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Monday, November 26, 2018

Will Rogers on Washington Etiquette

Henry Lewis Stimson, was an American statesman, lawyer and politician. Over his long career, he emerged as a leading figure in the foreign policy of the United States, serving in Republican and Democratic administrations. He served as Secretary of War (1911–1913) under President Taft, Secretary of State (1929–1933) under President Hoover, and Secretary of War (1940–1945) under both Presidents Franklin D. Roosevelt and Truman.


Rogers Remarks About Social Ratings 


NEW YORK, April 3. (To the Editor of The Sun): We used to brag on the fact that, unlike England, we had no different classes or ratings in this country, and here Secretary Stimson is called on to referee a bout in Washington’s table etiquette. Washington can't go out to dinner till they decide who shall sit next to who at the diplomatic dinners. They ought to feed ‘em Los Angeles style, slip everybody a plate and if they can't find the grub, why he wouldn't be much of a diplomat. I attended a gridiorn dinner where the President was, and they seated the diplomats according to what they owe us. England, France, Belgium and Italy were near the President, and the nations that didn't owe us a cent were at the foot of the table. I told ‘em “You all better borrow something or you will never meet Coolidge.” Yours, Will Rogers in the San Bernardino Sun, 1929

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Etiquette of Gracefulness


“Of course, you have been told, not only by me but by many others, to balance a large book on your head. It certainly will do much to restore evenness and grace to your walk. When you stand, stand erect, let your mind call your body to "attention"; When you sit, compose your hands, relax your body, be sure that your feet are neither in your own nor anyone else's way. The old etiquette bars the crossing af ankles, but I think most of us do, and I think, too, it is rather more graceful than to place both feet on the floor. If you think about what you are doing you will speedily develop good posture and bearing, and this is not the least of beauty.” – Helena Rubinstein



Do You Stand and Walk with Proper Grace?

By Helena Rubinstein 

Florenz Ziegfeld, who selects the loveliest of lovely girls each year for his musical comedies and revues, claims that there is nothing so rare as the young woman who stands, sits and walks with poise and grace. The average woman, I know does not. Perhaps she does not think of it. I am sure that we should not see so many awkward , almost repulsive positi0ns , if the world were full of mirrors. Do you think, for instance, that a woman would sit with her knees apart if she knew how ugly it was? Do you think she would still insist on very short, very tight skirts, if she knew that when she sat down they rode way up and exposed her knees and thighs? I think not not if she realized that there were probably six girls in a hundred who have really pretty knees, and no girl who can look anything but a little blatant, a little common, a little ugly when she assumes these positions. 

Standing seems simple enough, doesn't it, but I am sure that half of the world, fully half of the time, stand a little crooked, the weight shifted over one hip. If you see it, you won't do it. It is most ungraceful. And then we come to walks. In southern Europe, Hawaii, and the South Seas, women have an exquisitely beautiful carriage. They have learned to walk evenly and smoothly through, balancing weights on their heads. Their limbs are lithe and free, their movement beautiful. The Indians have the same splendid carriage, but we, who are of the effete civilization, have sacrificed much to high heels, binding garters and tight skirts. 

Of course, you have been told, not only by me but by many others, to balance a large book on your head. It certainly will do much to restore evenness and grace to your walk. When you stand, stand erect, let your mind call your body to “attention”; When you sit, compose your hands, relax your body, be sure that your feet are neither in your own nor anyone else's way. The old etiquette bars the crossing af ankles, but I think most of us do, and I think, too, it is rather more graceful than to place both feet on the floor. If you think about what you are doing, you will speedily develop good posture and bearing, and this is not the least of beauty. – San Bernardino Sun, 1928

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Champagne and Stemware Etiquette

Table setting etiquette advice from a mid-20th century Canadian table setting book, “Glamour and the Hostess”  

The advice and illustrations above and below are from “Glamour and the Hostess: a guide to Canadian table setting. With general table setting rules, family meal service, details of family service, setting the formal dinner table, formal luncheon service, hostess pointers, special occasion tables, wedding anniversary parties, flatware for every occasion...” by Marie Holmes. This is a great vintage book for etiquette book collectors like myself, and for those who wish to be precise when setting their tables.

Berries and sorbet are served up alfresco, in a champagne coupe-style glass. Holding it by the stem with one hand, while eating from the glass, with an ice cream fork or spoon in the other hand, helps keeps the sorbet cold and the glass from tipping over onto the china plate and table. – Photo and text, the RSVP Institute of Etiquette  


In the 60 or 70 years since this book was written, champagne “flutes” and “tulip shaped” champagne glasses, have become much more popular than the champagne “coupe” glass (shown at the top of the diagram above), which has more or less been relegated to the elegant serving of sorbets, desserts, or even offering up butter “balls,” small amounts of sauces or condiments at the table. 


As the shape of a glass is designed to affect the aromas, flavors and finish, the bowl of a “tulip-shaped” champagne glass is now the preferred style glass for more discerning champagne drinkers. Ultimately, though, the glasses you choose to set on your table, whether they are beloved family heirlooms or a special gift from a friend, are like your choice of plates and flatware, a matter of personal preference and taste. 



Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 



Stemware and Brandy Etiquette

Only three sizes are necessary to complete a basic stemware place setting: a water goblet, an all-purpose wine glass and a champagne flute. Nice additions to the basic three are the cordial glass and the brandy snifter.– Like vodka or whiskey, brandy is a “distilled spirit.” Because of this, cocktail glasses can also be used when drinking brandy, however a ballon snifter is the best choice. Known for its large “bowl” and almost nonexistent stem, a snifter allows the aromas and flavors to blossom and build inside the glass, so that the drinker gets a more enhanced experience. The brandy snifter is the lone exception to the stemware etiquette rule, “Stem always, bowl never.” The snifter is best cupped in the palm of the hand, with the shortened stem in-between the middle and ring, or middle and index fingers. The hand’s warmth transfers easily through the glass bowl, enhancing and releasing a brandy’s aromas. When lifting a snifter of brandy to drink, the aromas have had the room to expand. After warming the glass in your hand, taking the briefest whiff before sipping your brandy, makes the complex flavors easier more discernable and pleasurable.


 Crystal Stemware... The Glass with Class

Crystal stemware and weddings are intrinsically linked, whether in festive table settings or in wedding gifts. However, selecting the right stemware from the many sizes and shapes available can seem complicated. Typically, a manufacturer might offer as many as nine different kinds of stemware in each of its patterns. They are (in descending order of size) the water goblet, burgundy, white wine, hock, sherry and cordial. In addition, the champagne flute or saucer-shaped champagne coupe and the brandy snifter are often also part of the set. Only three sizes are necessary to complete a basic stemware place setting: a water goblet, an all-purpose wine glass and a champagne flute. Nice additions to the basic three are the cordial glass and the brandy snifter. 


Since these latter two normally are used after the meal, they do not have to match the principal stemware pattern. Don't think of the norms as rules, however, says Barbara Tober, editor of Bride's magazine, because almost any glass can be used for any occasion. She offers these guidelines: For maximum enjoyment of wine, choose a glass with a clear bowl generous enough to hold at least four ounces of wine. Select a gracefully-shaped glass to present a pleasing appearance on the table, and one that is comfortable to hold. The key to getting maximum enjoyment from your crystal, however many pieces you may have, is to use it for a variety of beverages and food. For example, Claude Loisel, president of Cristalleries de Saint-Louis, says the water goblet can also be used for iced tea, soda and juice. lt can even hold red wine, if a very large glass is desired. 

Wine glasses are the most diverse of all crystal, since they vary in size and shape according to the type of wine to be served. When only one size is purchased, normally it will be the burgundy glass which can be used for red and white wines. The champagne glass is particularly useful, since champagne figures prominently at life’s celebrations. Nowadays, the saucer-shaped bowl that used to be popular has been superseded by the flute (known as a tulip when the rim curves slightly inward). The elongated shape and narrow mouth prevent champagne bubbles from dissipating too rapidly. Alice Kolator, of Lenox China and Crystal, advises taking the dinnerware into consideration when choosing the crystal pattern. “Look at the two patterns in a place setting to make sure they complement each other.” she suggests.– By Barbara Mayer, AP Newsfeatures, 1989

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 


Gilded Age San Francisco Etiquette

It is etiquette to acknowledge all invitations to functions. If a lady sends out an invitation to attend a reception, it would be proper to acknowledge the same and advise the hostess whether the party invited will be present. 

Answer to Query by a Call Reader 


For E. P. T., of San Francisco: If people that you are acquainted with meet a loss by death, and you think anything of such people, it would be proper for you to write a letter of condolence. You should confine yourself to a few words of sympathy. If the life of the person just gone has been a beautiful one, some allusion to that will be proper, but do not offer anything that would seem like preaching a sermon or deducting a moral.

And... P. P. C. cards are not sent out when the party leaves the home for a short visit in the country. Such are used only when the person contemplates an absence from home for a long time, such as a tour of continental Europe or a visit to some other State, which may be of six months' duration or even longer. It is the duty of the person intending to absent himself or herself for a prolonged period, to make a call of adieu on friends, and if such are not at home then the visitor leaves a pour prendre congé card. – 1898


For J. H. of San Francisco:  It is etiquette to acknowledge all invitations to functions. If a lady sends out an invitation to attend a reception, it would be proper to acknowledge the same and advise the hostess whether the party invited will be present, so as to give an opportunity to arrange for the number who will attend. – San Francisco Call, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thursday, November 22, 2018

17th C. Scottish Dinner Etiquette


The close of the feast was the most curious thing about it. The tablecloth was removed, and on the table were put a “towel the whole breadth of the table and half the length of it, a basin and ewer to wash, then a green carpet laid on, then one cup of beer set on the carpet, then a little long lawn serviter plaited over the corner of the table and a glass of hot water set down also on the table; then be there three boys to say grace—the first, the thanksgiving; the second, the Pater Noster; the third, prayer for a blessing of God’s church...” – Painting titled “The Chef” by an unknown 17th C. artistSource Wikimedia Commons

Manners at Table – The Etiquette of Eating in the Seventeenth Century

An account of hospitality in 1620 gives a good idea of the manner in which a country gentleman of the period lived. Dinner and supper were brought in by the servants with their hats on, a custom which is corroborated by Fynes Moryson, who says that, being at a knight’s house, who had many servants to attend him, they brought in the meats with their heads covered with blue caps. After washing their hands in a basin they sat down to dinner, and Sir James Pringle said grace. The viands seemed to have been plentiful and excellent— “big pottage, long kale, bowe of white kale,” which is cabbage; “brach soppe,” powdered beef, roast and boiled mutton, a venison pie in form of an egg, goose.

Then they had cheese, cut and uncut, and apples. But the close of the feast was the most curious thing about it. The tablecloth was removed, and on the table were put a “towel the whole breadth of the table and half the length of it, a basin and ewer to wash, then a green carpet laid on, then one cup of beer set on the carpet, then a little long lawn serviter plaited over the corner of the table and a glass of hot water set down also on the table; then be there three boys to say grace—the first, the thanksgiving; the second, the Pater Noster; the third, prayer for a blessing of God’s church. The good man of the house, his parents, kinfolk and the whole company then do drink hot waters, so at supper, then to bed, the collation which (is) a stoupe of all.”— Scottish Review, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dining Etiquette~Soup to Nuts

Cake is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful, and then eaten with fingers or fork.
Apples should be pared, cut into small pieces, and eaten with finders or forks.

Artichokes are eaten with the fingers, taking off leaf by leaf and dipping into the sauce. The solid portion is broken up and eaten with a fork.


Asparagus stalks may be taken between the finger and the thumb, if they are not too long, or the green end may be cut off and eaten with a fork, scraping off with the knife what is desired from the remaining part.

             
Banana skin should be cut off with a knife, peeling from the top down, while holding in the hand. Small pieces should be cut or broken off, and taken in the fingers, or they may be cut up and eaten with a fork.

Bread should be broken into small pieces, buttered, and transferred with the fingers to the mouth. The bread should be placed on the small plate provided for the purpose.


Cake is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful, and then eaten with fingers or fork.


Celery is eaten with the fingers.


Cheese is first cut into small bits, then placed on pieces of bread or cracker, and lifted by the fingers to the mouth.


Corn on the cob is eaten with the fingers of one hand. A good plan is to cut off the kernels and eat them with the aid of a fork.


Crackers should be broken into small pieces and eaten with the fingers.


Eggs are usually broken into a glass and eaten with a spoon.


Finger-Bowl: The fingers should be dipped in the water and gently rubbed together, and dried on the napkins.


Fish should be eaten with a fork held in the right hand and a piece of bread held in the left hand. The bones should be removed from the mouth with the aid of a fork or with the fingers. If by the latter, great delicacy should be used.


Fruit (all raw fruit), except melons, berries, and grapefruit, are eaten with the fingers. Canned fruits are eaten with a spoon.


Grapes should be eaten one by one, and the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the half−closed hand and then transferred to the plate.


Knfe and Fork: The knife is always held in the right hand, and is only used for cutting the food. The fork is used not only in eating fish, meat, vegetables, and made dishes, but also ices, frozen puddings, melons, salads, oysters, clams, lobsters, and terrapin. The knife should never be used to carry food to the mouth.


Lettuce leaves should not be cut, but folded up with a fork, and then lifted to the mouth. In the event of these being too large for this treatment, they should be broken into suitable pieces with the fork.


Olives are eaten with the fingers.

                                         

Oranges served in divided sections, sweetened, and the seeds removed, should be eaten with the fork. If served whole, cut into suitable portions. Remove seed and skin.


Peaches should be quartered and the quarters peeled, then taken up by the fingers and eaten.


Peas are eaten with a fork.

Plums should be eaten one by one, and the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the half−closed hand and then transferred to the plate.


Salt is best taken up with the tip of the knife.


Salted Nuts are eaten with the fingers.


Seeds should be removed from the mouth with the aid of a fork, or dropped into the half−closed hand.


Soup should be taken from the side of the spoon without noise and without the plate being tipped. Men with mustaches are privileged in this respect, and may take the soup from the end of the spoon.


Spoons: The spoon should never be in the cup while drinking, but should be left in the saucer. It is used in eating grapefruit, fruit salads, small and large fruit (when served with cream), puddings, jellies, porridges, preserves, and boiled eggs.


Table Etiquette: It is correct to take a little of all that is offered, though one may not care for it. Bend slightly over the plate when carrying the food to the mouth, resuming upright position afterward.


When drinking from a cup or glass, raise it gracefully to the mouth and sip the contents. Do not empty the vessel at one draught.


Guests should not amuse themselves by handling knife or fork, crumbling bread, or leaning their arms on the table. They should sit back in their chairs and assume an easy position.


A guest at a dinner should not pass a plate or any article to another guest, or serve the viands, unless asked to do so by the hostess.


Upon leaving the table, push the chair back far enough to be out of the way of others.


Accidents, or anything that may be amiss at the table, should be unobserved by a guest unless he is the cause of it. In that event some pleasant remark as to his awkwardness should be made and no more. The waiter should attend to the matter at once. If a fork or a spoon is dropped it should not be picked up by the guest, but another used, or ask the waiter to provide one.


Conversation: Aim at bright and general conversation, avoiding all personalities and any subject that all cannot join in. This is largely determined by the character of the company. The guests should accommodate themselves to their surroundings.


Toothpicks: Toothpicks should not be used in public. If necessity requires it, raise the napkin over the mouth, with the hand behind it, using the toothpick as quickly as possible.



Wine: A guest not caring for wine should turn down his glass and leave it in that position, or a mere sign of dissent when it is offered is sufficient.



From The Book of Good Manners, W.C. Green

Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Monday, November 12, 2018

Etiquette, Insults and Duels

“Prior to its demise a ‘Royal Code of Honor’ existed and was adhered to by dueling Principals and Seconds. The code stated, ‘No duel can be considered justifiable, which can be declined with honor, therefore, an appeal to arms should always be the last resource.’” according to historian, Geri Walton – Dueling is said to have thrived for nearly three hundred years, but it’s believed the practice ended in 1852, the year of the last recorded English duel. Dueling was outlawed in France in the 17th century, but it stopped very few men. It's estimated that between 1685 and 1716, French officers alone, fought in as many as 10,000 duels, which led to over 400 deaths. Dueling in the US was not uncommon in the West and South, even after 1859, when 18 states had outlawed the practice, but it became a thing of the past in the United States by the early 1900’s.

Defending One’s Honor


The much-talked-of duel between Prince Henry of Orleans and the Count of Turin was fought in Paris at 5 o'clock yesterday morning. It is of little interest to Americans whether the Frenchman or the Italian was the victor in this combat, but it shows conclusively that the matter was a more serious affair than the comments of the English press would imply.

The usual mode of dueling in France, which consists of using sharp-pointed florettes on which buttons are attached one and a half inches from the point, was entirely set aside and rapiers were used instead. Rapier and saber duels are considered in Europe, fully as dangerous as pistol duels, and it cannot, therefore, be said that this affair was anything but a mortal combat.

According to the Code of Honor acknowledged in all Continental armies, no officer of one array is allowed to say anything to a representative of the press detrimental to the honor of another army. Prince Henry, when making his famous criticism of the Italian army in Abyssinia, knew full well that he was committing a breach of etiquette which could not result in anything but a challenge from a representative from the insulted army.

The Italian honor having thus been vindicated, the little episo will be talked of for a few days in France and Italy, and then be entirely forgotten. That any international or even diplomatic controversy should arise from this affair is entirely out of the question, even if Prince Henry should be so unfortunate as to pay with his life for his indiscretion. – San Francisco Call, 1897


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Washingtonian Society Etiquette

Hosting afternoon teas was one of the social duties of Congressmen and their families. Life could be exceedingly onerous for Congressional wives in the Victorian era Washington social scene –“It is optional with Senators and Representatives, as with all officers except the President and members of the Cabinet, whether they shall ‘entertain.’ There is a vast expense in all this, but that is not all. The labor and fatigue which society imposes upon the ladies of the family of a Cabinet officer are fairly appalling. To stand for hours during receptions at her own house, to stand at a series of entertainments at the houses of others whose invitations courtesy requires should be accepted, and to return in person all the calls made upon her, are a few of the duties of the wife of a high official. It is doubtful if her husband, with the cares of state, leads so really laborious a life. In Washington society one end of a card turned down denotes a call in person.” –E.B. Duffy
 

House Speaker and Mrs. Henderson have precipitated another squabble in connection with social precedence at Washington and not a few old-fashioned citizens there are once more unwilling listeners to discussion of what the ultra-fashionables regard as an important issue. Rules of society etiquette at the capital, as interpreted by those who take a deep interest in such matters, provide that the Speaker must not be invited to meet other members of the House. Therefore, he and Mrs. Henderson have refused several invitations to dinner where another was to be the honored guest, and as a result there is quite a tempest in the social teapot. – Los Angeles Herald, 1900

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sunday, November 11, 2018

More Parent’s Etiquette Advice

POINTS FOR PARENTS
                                                                        By Edyth Thomas Wallace 

Children respect parents more for being fair than they do for being always right.
  • Not This – Mother: “I can't see myself apologizing to a child because I thought he took money from my purse. Anyway, my talk on honesty won’t hurt him.”
  • This – Mother: “Son. I want to apologize for insinuating that you took money from my purse. I remember now that I paid the paper boy with it.” – 1952

More than most people, parents need to remember that strong emotion and clear thinking cannot function at the same time.
  • Not This – Father: “Now don’t go off to your room and sulk. Come back here and we'll settle this thing right now.”
  • This – Father: “Let's wait and talk this over later, Son. We are both angry now and can't think clearly.” –1954


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Saturday, November 10, 2018

Parenting Etiquette Advice

POINTS FOR PARENTS
By Edyth Thomas Wallace 


An important factor in teaching children to be non-Interrupting listeners is giving them the opportunity to live with adults who are, themselves, this sort of person.

  • Mother (Interrupting): “Say ‘he’ not ‘him’, Son . . . Don’t talk so fast . . . You said that before ...”
  • Mother: “You told the story of the movie so well, I almost feel as though I had seen the picture, too.”

Both parents and children grow mentally when they continue to learn.


  • Mother: “I don’t see why grown ups ever want to go to school again. When I finished college I was glad enough to put my books away for keeps.” 
  • Mother: “I have decided to lake one of these courses in art. You are growing up so fast, I'll want something to do after you leave.”


Both children and parents are happier when parents recognise and accept Individual differences.

  • Mother: “I don’t see why you always have to be on the go or have a gang here. Why can’t you settle down and read or play happily alone as your brother does?”
  • Mother: “This is Tom, who likes active play with his gang and this is Jim who likes quieter things. They are very different and it’s interesting to have them so.”


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia