Friday, October 20, 2017

Presidential Etiquette and Politics


Some men do not seem to consider that the President's Cabinet is his family, just as a general officer's staff is his military family – Oregon’s Cape Kiwanda... A gorgeously stunning beach, where “Pacific Slopers” can contemplate Washington D.C.’s Presidential etiquette. Or not.



Senator Williams, of Oregon, may well exclaim " Save me from my friends!" Well meaning friends they were, to be sure; but when they went in procession and asked President Grant to put the Senator into his Cabinet, they unintentionally committed a breach of etiquette, incurred the Preidential displeasure and thereby jeoparded whatever chances the distinguished Oregonian had for a seat in the Executive councils. 

Some men do not seem to consider that the President's Cabinet is his family, just as a general officer's staff is his military family; so, when the luckless Pacific-Slopers bolted into the private family sitting-room (so to speak), of the President, and asked that their friend be adopted into the domesticity thereof, they were guilty of an enormous breach of decorum, and unwittingly invited the severe snubbing they received. The President ought, however, to consider that the breezy manners of "the Pacific Slope" are not specially refining, and that the backwoods and the sage-brush may turn out very skillful politicians, but not men who are au fait in all the "social amenities." – Daily Alta, 1871


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Divorce Court Dress Etiquette

In Hollywood’s Golden Age, quickie divorces in Nevada were almost de rigeur. To fill the need of stars, starlets and socialites, luxury “Divorce Ranches” sprung up in the state, so that one could fulfill a six-week residency there, before getting a divorce granted. From the 1930s to the early 1960s, Nevada (Reno, in particular) earned the distinction of being the divorce capital of the United States, and those presiding over the courts were alarmed at the frequent lapses in the dignity and etiquette of their courtrooms.


Decorum to Reign in Nevada Divorce Courts

LAS VEGAS, Nev., Sept. 18 – Movie stars and socialites who stream to this desert resort to shed their husbands were warned today to conduct themselves like ladies in divorce court. Judges A. S. Henderson and Frank McNamee, alarmed at frequent lapses in dignity of their courtrooms, placed an especial taboo on dark glasses, the traditional Hollywood disguise. 

“The light in the courtroom is not of sufficient strength to bring discomfort to the eyes,” they ruled. They also banned bare midriffs,slacks and shorts. “No epidermis, except that ordinarily exposed to public view by discreet citizens, will be allowed to be displayed in the courtroom,” they said. The bailiff was instructed to “dispense with leniency in enforcing fundamental rules of etiquette and good behavior.” – San Bernardino Sun, 1946


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Applauding Royal Court Etiquette

An Italian coloratura soprano of great international fame, Madame Tetrazzini's voice was remarkable for its phenomenal flexibility, thrust, steadiness and thrilling tone. She enjoyed a highly successful operatic and concert career in the U.S and Europe, from the late Victorian Era to the 1920s.


In her last year of residence in America, Madame Tetrazzini, has added much to her English speaking attainments and she now acquits herself delightfully in general conversations. She is persistent in using English words and when these fail her, her dramatic art is brought into use and she acts out the word. As we pulled into the station on the way to Los Angeles the bell on the engine clanged monotonously and she was reminded that in Italy the bells hang in church towers, "We have no bells on our trains there,” she said, "but only" and then the word "whistle," not coming readily to her tongue, she puckered up her lips and emitted a low, melodious imitation of a train whistle. 

Describing her Continental experience last summer the diva mentioned her singing at the opera during the coronation ceremonies in London, She described the wonderful floral decorations of the theater itself and then the astounding display of jewels as they appeared upon English royalty and the men and women representing the foreign courts during that remarkable pageant. The jewelled headresses of the Indian princes, Maharajas and other notables received vivid description from the singer and then she alluded laughingly to the incident of her own appearance when despite Court decorum and in defiance of rules of etiquette, the King and Queen clapped their hands enthusiastically and brought forth a demonstration of applause otherwise unheard of in that performance. Madame Tetrazzini explained that applause on such grand occasions is not customary and occurs only when led by the members of the royal family, so that her ovation earned an extra fame for her. “They said I had a wonderful claque,” said she, "with the King of England to lead it.” – Los Angeles Herald, 1912


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia 

White House Etiquette and Tone

Hamilton Jordan, President Carter’s “right hand man.” – “The White House yesterday issued a 33-page white paper contradicting a published account of a Jan. 27 barroom occurrence in which presidential aide Hamilton Jordan was slapped by a young woman. The account in Sunday's Washington Post Magazine asserted that Jordan was struck after spitting his drink down the woman's blouse. "I did not say or do anything that night to any woman that was improper, and I categorically deny that I spat my drink on anyone. I did have an unpleasant encounter with a woman at the bar, but it was not precipitated by me of anything that I had done," Jordan said in a statement released by the White House...” – Portion of a Washington Post article, February 21,1978

A Timely Historical Etiquette Post:

“Didn’t You Know, My Dears?” 


WASHINGTON - “You won't find it listed in the U.S. Constitution or in the transition team’s notebook, but one of the highest duties of a new President apparently is to uphold, enhance and adorn the social life of Washington. I am quite sure Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter and all the President’s men scarcely gave that a thought before moving into the White House. Now they are having to give it more time and attention than they would like. Believe me, it is a no-win proposition. I say that because of the latest federal flap over the tavern tribulations of Hamilton Jordan, the President's prominent non-chief of staff and man about town. But Jordan is only a recurring cross the Carters have to bear. 


There have been others and there will be more. For reasons rooted in local tradition, members of the First Family and the White House staff are supposed to be models of decorum and Emily Post etiquette. They are expected to be versed in the social graces and protocol; to remember what to do with a fork and what not to do with a finger bowl; to know when it is all right to go tieless and shoeless; that it is never alright to get pickled in public. This city is as stuffy as any other in America. It has its own ‘standards’ of acceptable conduct, born of a peculiar mixture of politicians, bureaucrats, diplomats, lobbyists and the press, all of whom coexist in a useful but fragile social relationship that is subject to shattering every four years. It does not react warmly to those who buck the system or offend its practitioners. 

Politically speaking, the Carter crowd already has discovered that Washington does not adjust easily to those who come in as ‘outsiders’ and want to stay that way. As even Jordan admits, the Carter administration wasted a lot of valuable momentum its first year because it thought it was unnecessary to first learn how the rest of political Washington works. Socially speaking, the same is true. In its own way, Washington is as provincial as Plains, Ga., although I doubt any of its social lions or lionesses would admit it. Lusting in one’s heart or in private is fine, even for a ranking White House official, but heavens, not in a public place like Sarsfield’s singles’ bar or at a posh Barbara Walters dinner party. The trouble is that Washington expects, even wants, those who live and work in the White House to be like the preacher’s family in a small town: above reproach. The White House is the sun of the local solar system. Everything here revolves around it, socially as well as governmentally. It sets the climate in which Washington lives. But expecting local folk to be always happy with the social tone set by the White House, is as futile as expecting people to be happy about the weather. 

During the Eisenhower years, when I first came here, nobody accused administration officials of risqué behavior. But, my, how they grumbled about the stodginess of the White House social scene. Dullsville was replaced by Camelot when the Kennedys came in. Washington was entranced, intrigued and enlivened by the social style of the young President and his Jacqueline. The Johnsons set a more down-home and boisterous pace, but it was still judged to be within the Washington tradition. The Nixons tried hard but it came off as too much pretension, while the Fords’ social example was rated as sort of a Grand Rapids version of the LBJ era. The social tone being set by the Carters is more permissive, more do-your-own-thing, than Washington society would like. And that goes equally for Amy reading a book at a State Dinner or boozy bar-hopping by Jordan, Jody Powell and top presidential assistants. 

Mr. Carter came to town determined to govern more openly than any president before him. His Cabinet members and high appointees were to have no conflicts of interest, no hidden motives, no cozy deals out of public view. His style of governing was going to be like living in Macy’s window. But Washington, and perhaps a good part of the country, would prefer it if the Carter people would behave in public as though they were living in Macy’s window. Perhaps Mr. Carter is of a mind to insist on that, if only to protect himself from the political embarrassment of social misbehavior. It is not terribly uplifting for the country when the President’s White House legal counsel has to be sent out, on government time, to take a sworn statement from a bartender that the President’s highest assistant did ‘no spitting, no touching’ during an altercation with a young woman at the bar.” – Editorial in The Desert Sun, 1978


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. Japanese Etiquette

Table etiquette has elaborate rules, which high-bred ladies and gentlemen must strictly follow. A maid-servant always waits, kneeling, at a short distance, before a clean pan of boiled rice, with lacquered tray, on which she receives and delivers the bowls for replenishing them. Fragrant green tea is always used at the end of a meal, but sugar and cream never.

The Japanese Home:
The Dwellings and the Domestic Life of the Quaint People

If a man of taste should enter a Japanese parlor he would not fail to be surprised at the display of marvelous and exquisite taste. Yet I have often heard the sayings of foreigners that "the Japanese house has no furniture and is absolutely cheerless and empty." This is quite wrong. I must say that they have no taste of the Japanese art, for the men of taste are agreed in saying that the art of decoration in Japan is excellent. If anyone has some taste in this art, he will perceive that the hanging picture on the toko wall, elaborate arrangement of flowers, pictures on the framed partitions and all decoration, however trifling, reveal infinite taste.

The tastes of the Western people differ so much from ours that the decoration in the chambers seems almost childish to the Japanese eyes. The gorgeous display of colors in their rooms would please our children to look at. Drawingrooms piled up from corner to corner with toys, shells stones, dishes, spoons and different novel things always remind us of our curio-shops, a bunch of flowers is stuck in a vase without form and without order. The pictures in the rooms hang perpetually, though the face of nature and feeling of man chance from time to time. All these sights which we are accustomed to see in the European house excite in us nothing but wonder. Yet this is the taste of the Western people; we have no right to criticize it.

In Japan, the family never gathers around one table as the European or other Asiatic peoples do, but each person has his or her own separate small table, a foot square and a foot high, and always highly decorated. When they take their meals they kneel upon the mat, each taking his table before him. The little lacquered table generally contains a small porcelain bowl, heaped up with deliciously cooked rice, and several lacquered wooden bowls containing soup or meat, and numbers of little porcelain plates with fish, radishes and the like. The way of cooking, of course, is entirely different from the European. 

Two pretty chopsticks, made of lacquered bamboo or wood, silver or ivory, are used, instead of knife, fork and spoon, and all people use them with great skill. All foods are prepared in the kitchen so as to avoid any trouble to use knife and fork. Soup is to be drunk from the bowl by carrying it to the mouth by hand, in the same way as people drink tea or coffee. Table etiquette has elaborate rules, which high-bred ladies and gentlemen must strictly follow. A maid-servant always waits, kneeling, at a short distance, before a clean pan of boiled rice, with lacquered tray, on which she receives and delivers the bowls for replenishing them. Fragrant green tea is always used at the end of a meal, but sugar and cream never. — Harper's Bazar, 1895


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Second Class Rail Etiquette


1840’s depictions of Third, Second and First Class Railroad car in Great Britain – It was only in the 1840s that a law was passed to ensure third-class carriages were covered. These drawings of 1st, 2nd and 3rd class railroad cars appeared in the Illustrated London News in 1847 – from UK.gov
  

Travel in Second-Class Cars

Editors Press: —As we have much pride in the good name that the young and growing State of California should bear, I will endeavor to point out one step that we, as well as the older States are taking, which it would seem a little thought might show unprofitable and ungenerous, if not inhuman, wicked and immoral in its tendency. I refer to second-class railroad travel. Most of the railroads have provided themselves with a plain, cheap car for each passenger train, to which they invite the emigrant, the common laborer, and all who may feel, from necessity or otherwise, obliged or inclined to economize. That is all well. Now we would invite the readers attention to the daily picture presented in this second-class car. 


The outside appearance is quite plain, needing no other sign to indicate to the traveler which one in the train it is. As you enter you find plain seats, may be cushioned, and may be plain boards, with equally cheap finish of inside work generally. That too, is all well. Seated in this plain car may be seen men of all nationalities, and possibly among them as pure hearts as can be found among the passengers of the ears before or behind them. We also find lady-like looking young women and quite frequently the mother with her precious charge of children, with a heart yearning for good influences to aid her feeble hands in teaching sobriety, good language, and decorum. But the opposite is true of the picture which this car presents. It is made the receptacle of all the bold drinking, profane language, and unmitigated old pipes, and cigars , struggling over each other for mastery in the amount of smoke they may be able to get into a small coach. To add further to the imposition on the better portion of the inmates of the befogged car, many passengers from first-class coaches feel an apparent pride in retiring to a second-class car to indulge in all those ungentlemanly and filthy habits.

We believe this state of things is unprofitable to railroad companies, as it is certainly unpleasant to many who travel in such cars. It drives many of the better class of poor from these thoroughfares and we believe its reformation would be attended with results similar to those which were noticed in the reform of the postal system. When the Government charged twenty-five cents for letters the poor could send but few, making very limited interchange of thought, and not paying mail expenses. But when the postage was reduced to three cents, a revenue sprang up. All can now afford the gratification of a correspondence. Now suppose the same watchfulness by the conductors in the second-class car, as in the first, in regard to etiquette. The mighty people, the masses, would travel; gaining information and paying back in cash. All railroad men who become instrumental in abating the nuisance complained of, and aiding the poor, but highminded, to travel in your plain but respectable second-class cars. –Way Side, 1871



Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Dog Owners

A reminder to the dog owner who doesn't think enough of his pet to train it properly, that he’d better keep the little chap on his own premises (or car, as the case maybe) until he can teach him sidewalk decorum.

Dog Petiquette

In Denver, Colorado, a grocer, who knows both dogs and human beings, installed hitching posts for dogs outside his store. He put leashes on the posts long enough so the dogs were comfortably tethered, but short enough so they couldn't get near enough to each other to scrap. And he put locks on the leashes, so that fine breeds, as well as mutts, would be safe while their owners shopped. That grocer must have pleased many citizens who owned dogs and a great many more who didn’t. For however much we love our dogs, they don't belong in grocery stores, nuzzling the fruits and vegetables and shedding hair indiscriminately, however unintentionally. 

In New York, and unfortunately in only a very few other cities, street signs warn strollers, “Curb Your Dog.” It is a reminder to the owner who doesn't think enough of his pet to train it properly that he’d better keep the little chap on his own premises until he can teach him sidewalk decorum. A cleaner, pleasanter community might result locally if such hints were to be taken seriously here. And if organizations in putting our best foot forward both for the benefit of local folk and for visitors among us, don’t push the idea as a good one, we'd be surprised. – Sausalito News, 1941


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Etiquette and Pre-Schoolers

Little children have no appreciation of social usage. Indeed they have no use for it whatever, as yet they have a long way to go into their social development, before parents can expect them to defer to another child simply because he happens to be a guest. Lessons in fair dealings come first; etiquette can wait until the child is ready for it.

Your Child
By Jane Coward

When little Judy, who was visiting, decided that she wanted the toy with which three-year-old Allen was playing. Allen’s mother called him aside and whispered that he was the host and must let his guest have whatever she wanted. Just as any other normal youngster would have done under the circumstances, Allen refused. Then, after some pleading on mother's part, he reluctantly handed his toy over to his little friend, but promptly slapped her. It so happens that the toy in question was Allen’s favorite. But even if it weren’t a favorite plaything, a toy always seems more desirable to a youngster when another covets it. This always makes him feel proud of his ownership. And it won’t do any good to criticize the sudden change by saying, “You never cared for the toy before!” He cares for it now, and that will be enough to make him feel and behave with possessiveness where it is concerned. 

At no time should parents insist upon drawing room decorum for pre-school-age youngsters toward their little guests. Little children have no appreciation of social usage. Indeed they have no use for it whatever, as yet they have a long way to go into their social development, before parents can expect them to defer to another child simply because he happens to be a guest. First, they must learn to get along with little people. For this they have to learn respect for property, to take turns, to share things. Disagreements like the one described above between Allen and Judy are bound to arise wherever youngsters meet, whether at the playground, in nursery school or at each other’s homes. And the person in charge must be prepared to deal with them on a basis of equality. Judy, for example, might have been urged to offer a toy to Allen in exchange for the one which he was using. No matter that he was her host. It takes years for children to learn give and take, and training has to be pursued diligently as opportunities arise. Lessons in fair dealings come first; etiquette can wait until the child is ready for it. – Madera Tribune, 1942


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Monday, October 16, 2017

Taxi Cab Etiquette

“Now there is just one thing more. The eternal question of the tip interjects itself. I have become a slave to the *tip habit, but I have regulated the system in my indulgence. I follow the old rule, and the only proper one, of giving the chauffeur not more than 10 per cent of the cost of hire for the time in which the machine has been in use. This is a custom that should be observed with iron clad firmness, and it will no doubt save many embarrassing situations.” from 1910  
 * The tip percentage has gone up in 107 years. In 2017, it is recommended that drivers should be tipped 15% to 20% of the fare.

Miss Rose Stahl Explains What Is Deemed Proper Way to Use Them...
Gives Views For Those Who Have Adopted Latest Model of Conveyance

Etiquette, of whatever kind, has existed since time began, and the development of ideas and the establishment of customs have brought about consequent changes in the rules that govern manners. In every department of conduct, some law is laid down that directs the proper way to do a thing. At the table a general code of etiquette prescribes the use of the salad fork, when the entree course is served; another set of rules gives the gentleman his cues for walking with a lady on the street and the personal decorum of a traveler upon a railroad train is fashioned after a long line of precedents that point to the right thing to do, under each and every circumstance. In the old days of the coach and four, etiquette played an important part in the coaching parties. 

When cities were built, and the hackney coach came into vogue, the code of manners was modified to suit the situation. The auto brought its set of rules and they obtain today, while all the world and the cartoonists speculate in thousands of ways of what will constitute bad manners and what will give evidence of correct breeding when the avenues of transit will fashion their crazy courses through the whirling eddies of the air. In so simple a proposition as the propcr conduct in the use of a taxicab on an afternoon in a big city, a recent discussion revealed a surprising ignorance among the ladies of a well known club as to what was right and what was wrong in entering or leaving the meter governed taxi. Miss Rose Stahl, the leading lady of James Forbes’ comedy, “The Chorus Lady,” who was elected to membership in the organization upon her return from her London engagement explained what she considered the ins and outs of the methods a lady should observe. 

“As we all know, America is not the home of the taxicab," said Miss Stahl in an interview yesterday. "It first saw the light of day in Paris and London and was immediately accepted by the ladies of those cities as quite the proper thing. But being a novelty, more or less, the ladies began to use it with no regard for the etiquette which should govern those who are wont to spend our afternoons calling upon friends or shopping in the downtown districts. I was agreeably surprised to note that my sisters in New York and the other large cities of the United States, where the taxicab has come to stay, know what to do and when to do it, when it comes to riding in the nervous little machines. 

Tips on Entering

"To my way of doing the thing the proper way, is to enter the cab with as little ostentation as possible. This gives ease and grace and creates the minimum amount of notice from the curious, who are bound to stand by and witness the performance. "Upon alighting, do not look about you up and down the street, to see if you are noticed. Step quickly to the center, read it and ascertain the amount of the fee you owe, pay it and be gone. Now there is just one thing more. The eternal question of the tip interjects itself. I have become a slave to the tip habit, but I have regulated the system in my indulgence. I follow the old rule, and the only proper one, of giving the chauffeur not more than 10 per cent of the cost of hire for the time in which the machine has been in use. This is a custom that should be observed with iron clad firmness, and it will no doubt save many embarrassing situations.”

 Confusion is Certain  

“It seems peculiar, doesn't it, that so trivial a thing as the entrance of a lady into a taxicab should foster such a confusion of ideas as seems to exist, but it’s certain.” Miss Stahl then rang up Franklin 123 for an Alco taxicab, and as she was leaving the hotel said: “Now if you will come along I will explain what I mean.”– San Francisco Call, 1910


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Wealth

By the 1890s, the center of fashionable Newport, and its famous 400, was Ochre Point, Ocean Drive and out Bellevue Avenue, where the nouveaux riche were all building their “palaces.” –Good manners are not the exclusive property of the wealthy. Good manners do not discriminate between the “haves” and the “have nots.” This gent was actually lamenting the stilted snobbery, not the actual etiquette of the wealthy.

Wealth vs. Happiness
A Millionaire  Sighs for Freedom From Conventionalities

“I never realized more forcibly that wealth does not bring happiness than one day at Newport,” said Austin Corbin, the millionaire banker and President of the Reading Railroad. “I had been moving along the fashionable drives scanning the faces of the passers-by. All were evidently bored to death. The ladies, arrayed in richest carriage toilets, seemed afraid to move lest they should disarrange their apparel. Not a ripple of laughter did I hear. All seemed to have arrayed themselves in their best and gone out to drive because it was a duty they owed to their social position to be seen among the other fashionables. Everybody's spirits seemed completely bowed down beneath the weight of fashion, decorum and etiquette, so inseparable from wealth. 

“Leaving the four hundred element I drove to an unfashionable and remote part of the beach. There in an eligible-situation, at just the right distance from the water for enjoyment, I saw a neat cottage adorned with the legend, ‘Mrs. O'Donnelly's ladies’ and gents’ boarding-house. Terms, $6 per week.’ A number of athletic young men and a bevy of buxom, rosy cheeked young girls were congregated on the porch and lawn. What a contrast the charmingly, healthful and natural appearance of these young people to that of the blighted, artificial victims of fashion I had just left. They were all in negligee costume, and merriment, playfulness and health sparkled in every eye and rang out heartily from every lip. „ “‘Oh.’ I thought, “if I could only escape from the fashionable prison, called a hotel by courtesy, where I am confined, with what inexpressible joy I would board at Mrs. O'Donnelly's.’”—Pittsburg. Dispatch, 1891


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Jeffersonian Etiquette and Style


Manners and Customs at the White House at the Beginning of the 19th CenturyWhen Jefferson became President, and shocked Mr. Merry with his morning slippers!  The new British diplomatic representative to the United States, Anthony Merry, and his wife were shocked and insulted when the president received them in worn clothing and slippers. In December 1803 at a formal dinner in the White House, no one offered to escort Mrs. Merry to dinner. In the dining room, Merry and his wife had to scramble for places at the table in competition with the other guests. Others had the same experience. Read more on Jefferson’s “Pell-Mell Etiquette” here.

The habits of the last century in respect to decorum were just receding ; men were — for better or worse — ceasing to occupy themselves about peronal externals, and the customary suit of solemn black was only just coming into vogue. The old regime was dying, and its disappearance was as conspicuous in England as in France, in America' as in England. This is easily illustrated. If we were to read in some old collection of faded letters a woman's animated description of a country visit paid to one who seemed the counterpart of Addison's Sir Roger de Coverley, we should naturally assume that the date and address of the letter must be very far away in space and time. 


Suppose that the narrator should tell us of a fine country house, surrounded by lofty elms forming two avenues, the one leading to the high road, the other to the village church. There are family portraits in the hall, a book-case containing the first edition of the Spectator, and a buffet of old plate and rare china. The guest remains over Sunday, and her host, wearing wig and cocked hat and red cloak, escorts her down the avenue of elms through the rural churchyard to the village church. At every step they pass villagers,who make profound obeisance, and at the conclusion of the service the whole congregation remains standing until this ancient gentleman and his friends have passed down the broad aisle. Who would not fancy this a scene from some English hamlet in the days of Queen Anne? Yet it all look place in the present century, and in the quiet village of Harvard, Massachusetts, little more than thirty miles from Boston, and now only noted as the abode of a little Shaker community and the scene of Howell's "Undiscovered Country." 

The narrator was the late Mrs. Josiah Quincy, and her host was Harry Bromfield, elder brother of the well known benefactor of the Boston Athenaeum. He was simply a "survival "of the old way of living. He spoke of State Street as King Street, and Summer Street as Seven-Star Lane, and his dress and manners were like his phrases. Such survivals were still to be found, here and there all over the country, at the precise time when Jefferson became President, and shocked Mr. Merry with his morning slippers, and Mr. Sullivan by opening his doors to the world. 

Thomas Jefferson's way of living in Washington exhitbited a profuse and rather slovenly hospitality, which at last left him deeply in debt. He kept open house, had eleven servants (slaves) from his plantation, beside a French Cook and Steward and an Irish Coachman. His long dining-room was crowded every day, according to one witness, who tested its hospitality for sixteen days in succession ; it was essentially a bachelor establishment, he being then a widower, and we hear little of ladies among its visitors. There was no etiquette at these great dinners ; they sat down at four and talked till midnight. 

The city of Washington was still a frontier settlement, in that phase of those outposts when they consist of many small cabins and one hotel, at which everybody meets. The White House was the hotel ; there was no "society" anywhere else, because nobody else had a drawing-room large enough to receive it. Pennsylvania Avenue was still an abyss of yellow mud, on which nobody could walk, and where carriages were bemired. Governor Morris, of New York, described Washington as the best city in the world for a future residence. " We want nothing here," be said, "but houses, cellars, kitchens, well-informed men, amiable women, and other little trifles of this kind, to make our city perfect." -T. W. Higginson, in Harper’s Magazine, 1884


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Society’s Evils

Depiction of a Victorian Era lounge lizard, flirting with two young women. – “These gross breaches of decorum and violations of the rules of decency, cannot be taken notice of by those who are subjected to the inconvenience and mortification arising from such reprehensible acts.” 

Evil Society

It has been a subject for complaint, and very justly too, from those who have brought their families here, of the many occasions on which virtuous females are unwittingly insulted or placed in disagreeable and unpleasant predicaments by the rudeness and ill manners of the many loafers and unworthy characters who now infest our community. The many men who openly indulge in acts of licentiousness, publicly violate the rules and usages of decent society, and who are palpably guilty of the most inexcusable breaches of decorum and good behavior, must eventually hide their diminished heads, cover their deeds with darkness, or conform to a system of morals that now governs our most worthy and refined communities. 

There are, very unfortunately, many persons among us who apparently have nothing else to do but to idle away their time in hanging around bar-rooms or standing on street corners and public places, whistling for want of thought, and vulgarly staring into the face of every female who passes by. We have heard numberless complaints from our most respectable and worthy citizens, whose families in walking through our streets are subjected to the impudent stare, licentious criticism or ribald jest of some loafer whose daily haunts are the card table and the rum shop. And again, many whose families visit places of amusement or popular assemblages, are to be thrown in company with brazen-faced harridans and depraved characters whose presence, pollutes the atmosphere of all public places in the city. 

The habits contracted by many persons who were here at an early day, have not been corrected by the better influences now prevailing and many are so lost to shame and so far forgetful of self-respect as to form associations which their early education would have taught them to shun with the greatest care. The most charitable supposition would lead us to believe that a residence here of a few years without the benefits to be derived from refined and moral associations might have had sufficient influence to make one forget the duties he owes to himself and society. 

These gross breaches of decorum and violations of the rules of decency, cannot be taken notice of by those who are subjected to the inconvenience and mortification arising from such reprehensible acts. As evil they will naturally grow, small by degrees, and beautifully less as our country grows older and will eventually disappear before the irresistible force of public opinion. The rudeness of society, the unsettled condition of the country, or the long absence from domestic comforts nnd restraints, by conventional rules of civilised communities, should never for a moment make a gentleman forget what is becoming of himself and due to those around him. – Daily Alta, 1852


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Children’s Social Etiquette Education

Any attempt at overdressing is at once frowned upon by wealthy mothers of today, and it would surprise many a poor mother to see the garments that the rich children, whose inheritances are matters of almost national gossip, wear habitually. Plainness, when it does not mean ugliness, is what is insisted upon! 

Their Dress and Deportment - Work Time and Playtime - Childish Manners and Development

The small child of today begins her social education when she is six or eight years old by going to the juvenile dancing or gymnasium class. A most successful Swedish teacher in New York, who has the names of many prospective little millionaires on her books, says that she endeavors to teach her small charges that they must strive to do as she instructs because they are gentlewomen, and that being gentlewomen, they cannot possibly be guilty of the many breaches of manners and decorum that are all too often indulged in by heedless childhood. 


At the gymnasium, a little bloomer suit of white Henrietta or cashmere or mohair is worn, with white stockings and white canvas rubber-soled shoes. Boys and girls stand side by side and learn the same exercises, and the nursery maids stand outside and follow the lesson throughout, so that they may intelligently aid the little pupils in practice at home. The dancing class is a part of the regulation gymnasium curriculum, aud such of the little folks whose parents desire it are taught solo dances, which really bring out quite a little of the child's personality.

At an entertainment where children undertook all of the performance, one little girl appeared in a dance and chorus which did not take very well, and so was not encored. At its conclusion she betook herself to her mother's box and watched the part in which her cousin appeared. This was wildly encored, and the mother feared that her small daughter's feelings might be hurt. But the little one smiled and said: "What do you think, mother; they made Maisie's class do their dance three times over. I guess they did not do it quite right the first time, and so they had to do it over again. 

Very quickly do the youngsters nowadays appreciate what is good form in dress and other matters. Any attempt at overdressing is at once frowned upon by wealthy mothers of today, and it would surprise many a poor mother to see the garments that the rich children, whose inheritances are matters of almost national gossip, wear habitually. Plainness, when it does not mean ugliness, is what is insisted upon. 

For the dancing school the favored style is a fine lingerie frock, with delicately tinted or white hair ribbon, and sometimes a sash. Either white or black silk stockings aud black patent leather slippers are worn, colored footwear being considered in very poor taste. Colored silk stockings or slips are permitted only to girls who have seen at least a dozen summers: they are supposed to find no place whatsoever in the wardrobe of her younger sister. – Los Angeles Herald, 1906


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Salad Etiquette

The Waldorf’ Astoria’s maître d’hôtel, Oscar Tschirky is credited with creating the Waldorf salad. After working at other establishments, including Delmonico’s, he retired in 1943, after working at the famous New York hotel  for 50 years.

Everything About Salad Etiquette
🥗 Questions and Answers on Salads 🥗 


Q. Should one eat the lettuce or salad green under the salad? 
A. Yes. It is part of the salad, is intended to be eaten, and polite guests will eat at least a little. 

Q. May lettuce be cut with a knife? 
A. Yes, if necessary—providing the knife has a sliver blade. (This custom arose because steel knives turned black.) Most hostesses serve salad that does not require cutting, but in many homes a salad knife is always provided with leafy salads. 

Q. May salad be served with the meat course ? 
A. Yes, a simple tart salad may be served right with the meat course. The individual salads are placed at left of dinner plate. When salad is a separate course, place it directly in front of the guest, after removing the dinner plate. 

Q. Where does the salad fork go, in the table setting? 
A. The salad fork goes to the left of dinner plate, then come the meat fork and left of that the fork for fish or entree. If a salad knife is used, it goes at right, next to the plate. 

Q. May salad be passed? 
A. Yes, and this is an effective way to serve salad at a party or buffet supper. Be sure, however, that each individual salad is easy to remove from the platter. 

Q. Is salad ever eaten from the dinner plate ? 
A. When garniture salad is served, such as a bit of slaw or similar mixture, to accompany meat or fish course, it may be eaten right on the dinner plate —either taken with a spoon or served as a garnish. 

Q. Must salad always have a plate to itself ? 
A. For parties, such as bridges, teas or luncheons, what the restaurants call a “club plate” may be used—the salad (in lettuce cup or shell) is then right on the large plate, with the other foods grouped on the same plate. 

Q. Should dressings be passed, even when the salad has been prepared with salad dressing? 
A. This is at the discretion of the hostess. Some salads are served without dressing, so that their beauty of arrangement will not be marred, and these require the passing of dressing. Too, some guests may prefer more dressing, and it is courtesy to permit them to have it. — Coronado Eagle and Journal, 1938


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Friday, October 13, 2017

Victorian “Mashers” Lacked Manners

Old family photos show that dressing in drag for fun is nothing new. But to dress as the opposite sex, simply to shock, “go slumming” or to get away with rude behavior, is unacceptable.

Rudeness and Victorian Female “Mashers”
The well-bred young woman, shedding good manners and decorum for “fun.” 

Saving her petticoats, retained apparently out of respect for the law that prohibits interchange of costume by the sexes, the female masher is a little man. She is stiff and starch, well set up, and all over buttons. Her hat is made at a man's shop, so is her trim little jacket, so are her innumerable waistcoats, so apparently are her boots. She is essentially tailor-made from head to foot. When the weather is gusty, she covers all over with a tailor-made tight-fitting coat, to which a certain swagger is imparted by the use of the now preposterous and most hideous swaying crinolette. If manners oft proclaim the man, costume certainly advertises the woman ; so the female masher does not assume masculine attire without imitating parrot-like the affectation of her evident model. 

On the pier and promenade of to-day, the man is not in it. It is the woman who laughs loudly, talks at the top of her voice, takes the pavement, and elbows the crowd to the right and to the left. The female masher is neither polite in her manners nor select in her conversation. As a very slight acquaintance she will communicate suspicious stories to a perfect stranger, and there is no slang or popular vulgarity with which she is not acquainted. In a dogcart at the station, she takes the reins ; in the yacht she handles the tiller. She whistles as she walks along the pier, and hitches up her clothes as if she were a sailor. At a dance in the assembly rooms at night she evidently finds the opposite sex so insipid that she seizes upon the first girl she comes across, and whirls her around the room. The ordinary, well-behaved and courteous man finds the "female masher" the most difficult person to contend with, for when she is rude — as she very frequently is — there is necessarily no reply. She can insult and injure without any chance of a "setting down" from any one, unless he be old enough to be her father. 

Such a rebuff one of these impudent minxes received in my hearing the other day at a seaside railway station. A female masher of a pronounced type, after swaggering about a railway station, walking like a dragon, and flourishing a stick instead of a parasol, was anxious to enter a train from which an elderly gentleman was handing his gray-haired wife with her innumerable impediments. The process was too tedious for Miss Masher, who observed far too audibly to her companion, “Well, I suppose when these people have got out we shall be allowed to get in.” There was a malicious sneer in the delivery of this sarcasm which would have frightened a younger man. But the old gentleman was equal to the occasion. “My dear young lady,” said he, “a little patience will do you no harm. In fact, if you practice patience it is possible that some day you may get a husband, though I should venture to consider that it was no desirable event.” Then taking off his hat, he retired with his wife and her parcels. But “Miss Masher” was far too pachydermatous even so much as to notice or appreciate the rebuff. 

She entered the carriage in which I happened to be sitting, and proceeded as follows : She first took up the newspapers which happened to be there and flung them into another seat, occupying, why I cannot conceive, the seat opposite to me.  “I don't know what these papers are, or whose they are, and I don't care,” was her first remark, although as I was the only other occupant of the carriage, it would not have been difficult to solve that problem. The conversation she indulged in with her friend was the reverse of edifying, being a coarse mixture of slang and somewhat vulgar repartee. I am not naturally over-scrupulous or over-modest, but I was obliged to stare out of the window in order to pretend not to appreciate the brazen conduct that, had it been recognized and laughed at, would have been rewarded with a sneer or a scowl, for “Miss Masher,” although she takes enough liberties herself, never allows one. 

During the remainder of the journey my edifying companion employed herself by whistling popular airs and by ruching up her dress in order to pull up her stockings — an occupation harmless in itself, but scarcely in accordance with the decorum of a public conveyance. Now, I was curious to ascertain the habitat of this young lady. Who could she be?! To what class of society could she belong? She was evidently a lady born, if not a lady bred. She was no frequenter of the music halls, where such manners are applauded as something vastly witty. Judge of my surprise when she stopped at a railway station close to the abode of a popular nobleman, and was driven off in the private omnibus attached to the mansion. If, then, such young ladies set so unenviable an example, it is small wonder that the masherdom of society in its most pronounced form should be imitated by other girls and women equally arrogant and equally vain. “Miss Masher,” of Folkestone and Eastbourne, is reproduced in a still more masculine fashion at Margate and Yarmouth. – London Truth, 1883


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Study Etiquette, Say Peace Officers

The wise man is polite to the traffic cop. By the law of compensation, the wise traffic cop should be polite to the passerby.

Pays to be Polite to Peace Officers; 
He Studies Etiquette...

CHICAGO, Aug. 4.--The wise man is polite to the traffic cop. By the law of compensation, the wise traffic cop should be polite to the passerby. Patrick Sheehy, T
raffic Officer No. 4598, believes this statement works both ways. He has $25.00 to prove it. When Patrick was given his whistle and a busy corner in the Chicago Loop he had a pretty good training in traffic regulations. But one day he read in a magazine about a bride who was embarrassed because she didn’t know which foot to put first in walking down the aisle to the altar. The left foot is correct, of course. "So I started to study etiquette. Now I am sure of myself, and whenever a motorist attempts to get past me, I never lack words to tell him about it.” 

Sheehy is given credit for being the "Politest Policeman" in Chicago police headquarters, and in the Chicago police bulletin. Another reward came the other day, and Sheehy said it happened like this: “A man came up and asked me where he could buy a box of grape fruit and a cheap straw hat. I told him. Then he asked me how high the Masonic Temple was, and I told him. I was going to tell him some interesting stuff about the League of Nations and the Panama Canal, but he would not listen. He went away, and came back in a few minutes with $25.00.” — Red Bluff Daily News, 1921


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Sunday, October 8, 2017

Manners, Morals and More

Teachers assist children to develop good manners and morals; they help in problems of social adjustment; they impress upon them the fundamental concepts of democracy; and in the stresses of this war-torn world, they attempt to keep the children well-balanced emotionally.


Speaker at Parent Teacher Meeting

Donald Drummond, acting principal of the Grammar and Junior High Schools, gave an interesting and enlightening talk on “The School’s Service to the Community” at the regular monthly meeting of the Parent-Teacher Association on Monday evening, October 23, in the High School library. He described the far more than “Three Rs” which teachers of our public schools teach the young people of the community who are in their charge for the better part of the day. 

They check on their physical health; they assist them to develop good manners and morals; they help in problems of social adjustment; they impress upon them the fundamental concepts of democracy; and in the stresses of this war-torn world, they attempt to keep the children well-balanced emotionally. The Association agreed with the speaker that Coronado is particularly fortunate to have efficient teachers with real responsibility in their work of supplementing home training for the benefit of both individuals and community. – The Coronado Eagle and Journal, 1944

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Friday, October 6, 2017

Ride-Share Etiquette

"To make this awkward situation a little more comfortable, there are manners that do apply. Every rideshare experience is completely different from the rest, so assumptions and expectations should never be made." - Lauren Freeman for The Corsair

Carpooling and Ride Sharing...
The Do's, Don'ts and Mannerisms

1. Make sure you have the cash squared away at first. Don't make them drive around looking for your ATM. 

2. Ask before eating, in the person's car. Maybe they are vegetarian and don't want to breathe in the smell of your Big Mac. 
3. Make sure they have enough room in the car for your belongings. Don't plan thinking that the driver will take your dog and two duffle bags. 
4. Don't plan on making multiple stops. Bring snacks and go to the bathroom right before. 
5. Keep up a conversation, don't just listen to your iPod and talk in the phone. Unless of course the driver doesn't want to talk. 
6. On top of that, don't discuss politics or religion. You should have learned that with your dinner table manners. 
7. Do have good taste in music. If you can't name all four of The Beatles, then let them pick the music. 
8. Do not make an unwanted sexual advances, unless that's the driver's preferred payment policy. 
9. No playing with the windows or heating system. Ask before you turn the A/C system to the same temperature as the Antarctic. 
10. Before you start packing community bowls, ask if they are 4/20 friendly. They might not want their car turned into a hotbox.
                                                                    – From The Corsair, 2009

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Thursday, October 5, 2017

Praising Halloween Etiquette

1950's 'Trick or Treaters' – If children will be saying "trick or treat" make sure they also say, "please" and "thank you."
And how does one manage kids with sensory issues at Halloween? The best way to prepare a child who is on the spectrum (ASD) for Halloween is to first ask them if they want to do it. They may not want to 'trick or treat' but they may want to still be involved in having a costume and being there to receive 'trick or treaters' as opposed to door knocking. Make sure you purchase a costume ahead of time to ensure that they get used to the feeling of the fabric and walking in the costume. Also consider buy a costume with a mask so if they decide they don’t want to get into costume they may still decide to wear a mask. If they decide they do want to 'trick or treat' then there are a couple of things you can do to help ensure they are properly supported. Social stories are a great way to begin and you can either write your own or at least support the idea of 'trick or treat' in reality by planning a route on paper together and then pacing it out before the big night. -  
tips from BrisbaneKids.com.au


Word of Praise

Dear Editor: A word of praise for the smaller children is, in my opinion, never out of place; in fact, praise would be given anyone should he or she merit it. Therefore, I think the children who took part in the Halloween Art Contest sponsored by the Healdsburg Rotary Club and the Healdsburg Chamber of Commerce, should be commended and praised for their good manners and behavior during the contest. 

I was with them a great part of the time, so I know they were great. On Halloween night there were well over 100 children that stopped at our house for “trick or treat.” Each one said “thank you” as they left. So I for one have nothing but a word of praise for Healdsburg's well behaved children. They deserve it. –R.L. Whitwell to the Healdsburg Tribune, Enterprise and Scimitar, 1955

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia