Monday, April 28, 2014

Etiquette for Mustaches, Beards and Soup

"There is no worthier accomplishment for a man with a moustache than to take soup in an inoffensive manner… and by no means should the moustache be used to strain the soup." Cornelia Dobbs’ 1908 "Guide to Manners"
Example of a U.K. made, all silver moustache spoon, c 1880s ~ English author and poet, Rudyard Kipling once wrote of a woman who had complained that being kissed by a man who'd not wax his mustache was like "eating an egg without salt".
Throughout time, mustaches, or moustaches, if you will, have fallen in and out of fashion. In the 1800s, mustaches were worn by the most prominent of men, including several U.S. Presidents and other world leaders of the era.
Russian Tzar Nikolas II
                                                 
A few weeks before he was elected President, Lincoln received a letter from Grace Bedell, an 11-year-old girl from Westfield, New York, who urged him to grow a beard to help him get elected, to improve his appearance. In Lincoln's response of October 19, he gave no promises, but a month later allowed his beard to grow. By the time Lincoln left his Illinois home to start his inaugural journey to Washington, D.C., he wore a full beard. The trip took him by rail through New York state, stopping briefly in Westfield on February 16. Once at the train station, he called into the crowd for Grace. A small boy, mounted on a post, with his mouth and eyes both wide open, cried out, "there she is, Mr. Lincoln," pointing to a beautiful girl, with black eyes, who was blushing all over her fair face. The President left the car, and the crowd making way for him, he reached her, and gave her several hearty kisses, and amid the yells of delight from the excited crowd, he bade her good-bye. From news accounts of February 20, 1861
U.S. President Grover Cleveland
A British "Improved" Moustache Spoon, in 1879, by T.P. Lomas


Great Britain's King Edward VII
U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt
In the late 1800s and early 1900s, dining etiquette dictated that one have the correct utensils and other accoutrements at the dining table to be fashionable.  Men with food in their mustaches were not fashionable in the least, so spoons and guards were invented for them. 
Throughout time, mustaches, or moustaches, if you will, along with beards, have fallen in and out of fashion. In the 1800s, they were worn by the most prominent of men, including several U.S. Presidents and other world leaders of the era. In following "beard etiquette," don't trim your beard too closely to your face. Do not allow it to move wildly down your neck either. Find the style that suits you best by asking those who you are closest to and whose opinions you trust.
         
A beard softener patented in 1918 ~ "The beard should be carefully and frequently washed, well trimmed, and well combed, and the hair and whiskers kept scrupulously clean by the help of clean, stiff hair-brushes, and soap and warm water. The style of the beard should be adapted to the form of the face; but any affectation in the cut of the beard and whiskers is very objectionable, and augurs unmitigated vanity in the wearer. Long hair is never indulged in except by painters and fiddlers. The moustache should be worn neat, and not overlarge." From Frost's By-Laws of American Society

Though mustaches and beards have made comebacks over the years, everything for mustaches except for mustache cups, seemed to fall out of favor until the 1970s.  Still, the inventions to hold a man's mustache up while he ate or drank, and their explanations, or descriptions, never fail to amuse.

"The object of my invention is twofold this first, to provide a detachable and easily applied protector for the moustache in the shape of a tubular case, in which it may be enclosed, that's keeping the ends and tips out of the mouth while eating; second, to so construct the said protector as to render it useful when properly applied for the purpose of training the moustache in an upward direction towards the ears, thereby imparting to the face a gay and pleasant expression." Inventor, V. M. Law


Soup Etiquette

"Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache is better for the health." ~Salvador Dali

Soup is the first course. All should accept it even if they let it remain untouched, because it is better to make a pretense of eating until the next course is served, than to sit waiting, or compel the servants to serve one before the rest. Soup should not be called for a second time. A soup-plate should never be tilted for the last spoonful.” John H. Young , “Our Deportment” 1879

“It is considered vulgar to take fish or soup twice. The reason for not being helped twice to fish or soup at a large dinner-party is, because by doing so you keep three parts of the company staring at you whilst waiting for the second course, which is spoiling, much to the annoyance of the mistress of the house. The selfish greediness, therefore, of so doing constitutes its vulgarity. At a family dinner it is of less importance, and is consequently often done.


"It will consequently be seen that the user of my adjuster may conveniently at mealtime drink tea or soup or other similar beverages without having his mustache dripping and looking very disgusting as it is very common with gentlemen burdened with excessive growth of hair on the upper lip." J.J. McCallum 


You will sip your soup as quietly as possible from the side of the spoon, and you, of course, will not commit the vulgarity of blowing in it, or trying to cool it, after it is in your mouth, by drawing in an unusual quantity of air, for by so doing you would be sure to annoy, if you did not turn the stomach of the lady or gentleman next to you. 

Be careful and do not touch either your knife or your fork until after you have finished eating your soup. Leave your spoon in your soup plate, that the servant may remove them.”Arthur Martine, from “Martine's Hand-book of Etiquette, and Guide to True Politeness” 1866
“Never blow your soup if it is too hot, but wait until it cools. Never raise your plate to your lips, but eat with your spoon.”
Cecil B. Hartley “The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness"


“In taking any liquid either from a spoon or drinking vessel, no noise must ever be made.” Emily Post, 1922
Reed and Barton reissued these left-handed and right-handed mustache spoons for men in the 1970s, when mustaches made a comeback.

Push your soup spoon from the front of the bowl away from you to catch a mouthful. Bring this to your mouth and tip the soup in from the side of the spoon; don't try eating with your spoon at 90 degrees to your mouth. Don't suck or slurp. Tilt the bowl away from you in order to get the last few spoonfuls. Put your spoon down while you break off pieces of bread. Leave your spoon in the bowl, not on the side plate, when you have finished." Debrett's

The earliest U.S. patented mustache spoon ~ "The cover by covering the greater portion of the bowl what is being brought to the mouth, obviates all liability of spilling the soup, medicine, or other liquid, and furthermore, prevents the mustache, when such as worn by the person using the spoon, from coming in contact with and being soiled by the contents of the spoon, such contents being passed into the mouth through the space or opening at 'b', at the outer and or side portion of the bowl."
An 1879 Mustache "Cup and Glass" ~ "The cinema villain essentially needs a mustache so he can twiddle with it gleefully as he cooks up his next nasty plan."~ Mel Brooks
Thick soup served in a soup dish is eaten with the soup spoon. If you want to get the last bit of it, there is no impropriety in tipping the dish away from you in order to collect it at the edge. Indeed you are paying a subtle compliment to your hostess by this demonstrating how good it is. Drink thin soups and bouillons served in cups, as you would tea or coffee, ;but if there are vegetables or noodles left in the bottom, eat them with the spoon, rather than struggle unattractively to make them slide from the cup into your mouth." Book of Common Sense Etiquette, 1962 

The Handled Soup or Bouillon Cup. Soup or bouillon served in a handled cup or even in a small cup-size bowl (Oriental fashion) is drunk. If there are dumplings or decorative vegetables or other garnish floating on top, these may be lifted out first with the spoon before the soup is drunk. Noodles or other things which may be in the bottom of the cup are spooned up after the liquid has been drunk. How to hold cups. A handled cup is held with the index finger through the handle, the thumb just above it to support the grip, and the second finger below the handle for added security. The little finger should follow the curve of the other fingers and not be elevated affectedly. It is incorrect to cradle the cup in one's fingers if it has a handle. This is done only when the cup is of Oriental style without handles." Amy Vanderbilt
By far, the "Moustache Guard," shown above, is a personal favorite of ours ~ "To all whom it may concern: Be at known that I, Virgil A Gates, of Charleston in the County of Kanawha in the state of West Virginia, have invented a new and improved device for holding the mustache out of the way in eating or drinking, which is fully described in the following specification in which I call a 'Mustache Shield.' Every gentleman who wears a moustache must have experienced the great inconvenience it causes in eating and drinking, especially in eating soups and other kinds of food of similar consistency."
Above, an 1877 mustache cover for cups.  below, a traditional porcelain mustache cup with a sterling mustache comb.




Thanks to our contributors Demita Usher of "Social Graces and Savoir Faire," Maura Graber of "The RSVP Institute of Etiquette," and Antoinette of "Etiquette Facts"


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator for Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia

Saturday, April 26, 2014

In Quest of Telephone Manners for the Modern Age

"Is this an instrument of communication or torture?"Lady Violet from Downton Abbey
“The universal use of the telephone is another factor in the modification of social customs. Among familiar friends, the little chat over the 'phone largely takes the place of the informal call. Also, invitations to any but strictly formal functions are now sent by telephone, if agreeable to both parties; though it is still considered better to adhere to the more respectful written form if there is any doubt about the new way being acceptable to the party of the second part. While I counsel conservatism in these changes, I am convinced that the new dynasty of wire and wireless is destined to dominate us; and as discovery continues and inventions multiply, the time is near when immediate communication will be had at long range; possibly telepathy—who knows? Or, possibly tele-photography with it—why not? Then, the slow, laborious writing of messages will be as much out of date as the super-annuated stage-coach.

But—not yet; we are still in the process of evolution. It is still safe to heed Pope's famous advice:

  "Be not the first by whom the new is tried,
  Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.”
 Agnes H. Morton's  “Etiquette” from 1900

The telephone is a nuisance and no one denies it, but it is a necessity also and no one denies that, either, and one of the greatest conveniences in an age of great conveniences. Some of the disagreeable features connected with it cannot be done away with but must be accepted with as much tranquility as we can master, like the terrific noise which an aëroplane makes or the trail of smoke and cinders which a railway train leaves behind. The one who is calling, for instance, cannot know that he is the tenth or eleventh person who has called the man at the other end of the wire in rapid succession, that his desk is piled high with correspondence which must be looked over, signed, and sent out before noon, that the advertising department is waiting for him to O. K. their plans for a campaign which should have been launched the week before, that an important visitor is sitting in the library growing more impatient every minute, and that his temper has been filed down to the quick by an assortment of petty worries. (Of course, no office should be run like this, but it sometimes happens in the best of them.)

Some one has said that we are all like islands shouting at each other across a sea of misunderstanding, and this was long before telephones were thought of. It is hard enough to make other people understand what we mean, even with the help of facial expression and gestures, and over the wire the difficulty is increased a hundred fold. For telephoning rests upon a delicate adjustment between human beings by means of a mechanical apparatus, and it takes clear thinking, patience, and courtesy to bring it about.

"The Book of Business Etiquette," by Nella Henney, 1922


“There are two things that are as important to me as the bed in the bedrooms that I furnish, and they are the little tables at the head of the bed, and the lounging chairs. The little table must hold a good reading light, well shaded, for who doesn't like to read in bed? There must also be a clock, and there really should be a telephone. And the chaise-longue, or couch, as the case may be, should be both comfortable and beautiful.”
 From 1913's “The House in Good Taste” by Elsie de Wolfe


"Cell phone etiquette rules are still in their infancy, or possibly 'toddler years,' even though cell phones have now been with us for three decades.  It has only been in the last dozen years or so that their use has been so ubiquitous among old and young alike.  One can still go by the telephone etiquette rules, camera etiquette rules, and even videotaping etiquette rules of yesteryear, as a basic guide.  At the heart of those etiquette guidelines, one can see that they are still applicable in present day situations." Maura Graber, The RSVP Institute of Etiquette 

Emerging Talk-Rules: 

The Mobile Phone

Bringing one's phone along to a party wasn't always as simple as it is today.
Suddenly, almost everyone in England has a mobile phone, but because this is new, unfamiliar technology, there are no set rules of etiquette governing when, how and in what manner these phones should be used. We are having to ‘make up’ and negotiate these rules as we go along – a fascinating process to watch and, for a social scientist, very exciting, as one does not often get the opportunity to study the formation of a new set of unwritten social rules.

For example: I have found that most English people, if asked, agree that talking loudly about banal business or domestic matters on one’s mobile while on a train is rude and inconsiderate. Yet a significant minority of people still do this, and while their fellow passengers may sigh and roll their eyes, they very rarely challenge the offenders directly – as this would involve breaking other, well-established English rules and inhibitions about talking to strangers, making a scene or drawing attention to oneself. The offenders, despite much public discussion of this problem, seem oblivious to the effects of their behaviour, in the same way that people tend to pick their noses and scratch their armpits in their cars, apparently forgetting that they are not invisible.
"I have also noticed that many women now use their mobiles as ‘barrier signals’ when on their own in coffee bars and other public places, as an alternative to the traditional use of a newspaper or magazine to signal unavailability and mark personal ‘territory’." Kate Fox 
How will this apparent impasse be resolved? There are some early signs of emerging rules regarding mobile- phone use in public places, and it looks as though loud ‘I’m on a train’ conversations – or mobiles ringing in cinemas and theatres – may eventually become as unacceptable as queue jumping, but we cannot yet be certain, particularly given English inhibitions about confronting offenders. Inappropriate mobile-phone use on trains and in other public places is at least a social issue of which everyone is now aware. But there are other aspects of ‘emerging’ mobile-phone etiquette that are even more blurred and controversial.

There are, for example, as yet no agreed rules of etiquette on the use of mobile phones during business meetings. Do you switch your phone off, discreetly, before entering the meeting? Or do you take your phone out and make a big ostentatious show of switching it off, as a flattering gesture conveying the message ‘See how important you are: I am switching off my phone for you’? Then do you place your switched-off phone on the table as a reminder of your courtesy and your client’s or colleague’s status? If you keep it switched on, do you do so overtly or leave it in your briefcase? Do you take calls during the meeting? My preliminary observations indicate that lower-ranking English executives tend to be less courteous, attempting to trumpet their own importance by keeping phones on and taking calls during meetings, while high-ranking people with nothing to prove tend to be more considerate.

Then what about lunch? Is it acceptable to switch your phone back on during the business lunch? Do you need to give a reason? Apologize? Again, my initial observations and interviews suggest a similar pattern. Low- status, insecure people tend to take and even sometimes make calls during a business lunch – often apologizing and giving reasons, but in such a self-important ‘I’m so busy and indispensable’ manner that their ‘apology’ is really a disguised boast. Their higher-ranking, more secure colleagues either leave their phones switched off or, if they absolutely must keep them on for some reason, apologize in a genuine and often embarrassed, self- deprecating manner.

There are many other, much more subtle social uses of mobile phones, some of which do not even involve talking on the phone at all – such as the competitive use of the mobile phone itself as a status-signal, particularly among teenagers, but also in some cases replacing the car as a medium for macho ‘mine’s better than yours’ displays among older males, with discussions of the relative merits of different brands, networks and features taking the place of more traditional conversations about alloy wheels, nought-to-sixty, BHP, etc.

I have also noticed that many women now use their mobiles as ‘barrier signals’ when on their own in coffee bars and other public places, as an alternative to the traditional use of a newspaper or magazine to signal unavailability and mark personal ‘territory’. Even when not in use, the mobile placed on the table acts as an effective symbolic bodyguard, a protector against unwanted social contact: women will touch the phone or pick it up when a potential ‘intruder’ approaches. One woman explained: ‘You just feel safer if it’s there – just on the table, next to your hand . . . Actually it’s better than a newspaper because it’s real people – I mean, there are real people in there you could call or text if you wanted, you know? It’s sort of reassuring.’ The idea of one’s social support network of friends and family being somehow ‘inside’ the mobile phone means that even just touching or holding the phone gives a sense of being protected – and sends a signal to others that one is not alone and vulnerable.
"Most of us no longer enjoy the cosiness of a gossip over the garden fence." Kate Fox
This example provides an indication of the more important social functions of the mobile phone. I’ve written about this issue at great length elsewhere, but it is worth explaining briefly here. The mobile phone has, I believe, become the modern equivalent of the garden fence or village green. The space-age technology of mobile phones has allowed us to return to the more natural and humane communication patterns of preindustrial society, when we lived in small, stable communities, and enjoyed frequent ‘grooming talk’ with a tightly integrated social network of family and friends. 

In the fast-paced modern world, we had become severely restricted in both the quantity and quality of communication with our social network. Most of us no longer enjoy the cosiness of a gossip over the garden fence. We may not even know our neighbours’ names, and communication is often limited to a brief, slightly embarrassed nod, if that. Families and friends are scattered, and even if our relatives or friends live nearby, we are often too busy or too tired to visit. We are constantly on the move, spending much of our time commuting to and from work either among strangers on trains and buses, or alone and isolated in our cars. These factors are particularly problematic for the English, as we tend to be more reserved and socially inhibited than other cultures; we do not talk to strangers, or make friends quickly and easily.

Landline telephones allowed us to communicate, but not in the sort of frequent, easy, spontaneous, casual style that would have characterised the small communities for which we are adapted by evolution, and in which most of us lived in pre-industrial times. Mobile phones – particularly the ability to send short, frequent, cheap text messages – restore our sense of connection and community, and provide an antidote to the pressures and alienation of modern urban life. They are a kind of ‘social lifeline’ in a fragmented and isolating world.

Think about a typical, brief ‘village-green’ conversation: ‘Hi, how’re you doing?’ ‘Fine, just off to the shops – oh, how’s your Mum?’ ‘Much better, thanks’ ‘Oh, good, give her my love – see you later’. If you take most of the vowels out of the village-green conversation, and scramble the rest of the letters into ‘text-message dialect’ (HOW R U? C U L8ER), to me it sounds uncannily like a typical SMS or text exchange: not much is said – a friendly greeting, maybe a scrap of news – but a personal connection is made, people are reminded that they are not alone. Until the advent of mobile text messaging, many of us were having to live without this kind of small but psychologically and socially very important form of communication.

But this new form of communication requires a new set of unspoken rules, and the negotiations over the formation of these rules are currently causing a certain amount of tension and conflict – particularly the issue of whether mobile text is an appropriate medium for certain types of conversation. Chatting someone up, flirting by text is accepted, even encouraged, but some women complain that men use texting as a way of avoiding talking. ‘Dumping’ someone by text-message is widely regarded as cowardly and absolutely unacceptable, but this rule has not yet become firmly established enough to prevent some people from ending relationships in this manner."

From the book "Watching the English: The Hidden Rules of English Behaviour" 2004, by Kate Fox. A social anthropologist and co-director of the Social Issues Research Centre 

Friday, April 25, 2014

Etiquette for Visiting a Pueblo


The Pueblo people are located primarily in New Mexico, however, at one time the Pueblo's homeland reached into the states of Colorado and Arizona. 

Please follow these rules of etiquette when visiting Pueblos:


Call ahead to confirm event dates, as well as access to tribal lands.

There are times when tribal leaders need to restrict access because of private ceremonies and other reasons.

Tribes value traditions, customs and religion.  Traditionally, all outside visitors to a public dance would be offered a meal afterward in a Pueblo home. Because of the large number of tourists in the pueblos since the late 20th century, such meals are now open by personal invitation only.
Although most Pueblos are open to the public during daylight hours, the homes are private. Like any village, the Pueblos are home to those who live there and should be respected as such.

Some Pueblos may charge an entry fee. Camping and fishing fees are charged where such facilities are available. Call ahead to find out if there are fees associated with visiting.

Most Pueblos require a permit to photograph, sketch or paint on location. Some Pueblos prohibit photography at all times. Please check with the Tribal Office for the permitting process before entering the Pueblo. Once a permit is obtained, always ask for permission before taking a photograph of a tribal member.

REMEMBER: cameras and film can be confiscated.

The carrying or use of alcohol and drugs on Pueblos is strictly prohibited.

Silence is mandatory during all dances and Pueblo ceremonies. 
Tribes value traditions, customs and religion. Some actions and/or questions could be offensive, so refrain from pressing for answers.

Tribal dances are religious ceremonies, not public performances. It is a privilege to witness a ceremony.

"They are, in short, a remarkably sober and industrious race, conspicuous for morality and honesty, and very little given to quarrelling or dissipation..." Josiah Gregg, Merchant, explorer, naturalist, and author of "Commerce of the Prairies"
Silence is mandatory during all dances and Pueblo ceremonies. This means no questions about the ceremonies or dances while they are underway; no interviews with the participants; no walking across the dance plaza; and, no applause during / after the dance or ceremony.

Pueblo villages, including Kivas, ceremonial rooms, and cemeteries are sacred places and restricted for use by Pueblo members only.

Many of the structures are hundreds of years old. Do not scale walls or climb on top of buildings.

Nature is sacred on the Pueblos. Littering is strictly prohibited.

On feast days and other public observances, enter a Pueblo home as you would any other - by invitation only. It is courteous to accept an invitation to eat, but not to linger at the table, as your host will want to serve numerous guests throughout the day.
Hopi piki-bread is blue cornmeal batter baked in very thin sheets and rolled up. Occasionally pink or white piki was made for special dances. By leaving plate of piki-bread on his doorstep, a Hopi girl proposes marriage to a boy. Piki-bread is the original Native American bread.
Thank your host, but a payment or tip is not appropriate.

Please obey all traffic and speed limit signs.  Children and pets play near the roads. Also be cautious of livestock on or near main roadways.

Observe all signage indicating OFF LIMITS while visiting a Pueblo.

If organized tours are offered, please remember to stay with your tribal guide at all times.

Refrain from bringing a cell phone onto Pueblos. Tribal officials could confiscate cell phones if they feel they might be used for photography or recording. Also, the ring tones as well as personal conversations can easily disrupt other visitors’ experiences, as well as daily tribal life.

Do not remove artifacts, pottery shards or other tempting items.

Tribal communities do not use the clock to determine when it is time to conduct activities. Acts of nature, as well as the sequence of events that must take place (some not for public viewing) usually determine start and finish times for ceremonies.


Etiquette information from Indian Pueblo Cultural Center

Etiquette Hints and Advice for Early to Mid-20th Century Australians


"Etiquette in the true sense of the word has been submerged by the pace of modern times, but the possession of good manners will always remain the most important asset to anyone who wishes to be considered socially by their friends." From "Etiquette ; A Handbook for All Occasions to Suit Australian Conditions" circa late 1920s to 1930s

Hints for All

This chapter has been devoted to hints for the various sections of the community in the hope that they may prove assistance to the individuals concerned.

Etiquette in the true sense of the word has been submerged by the pace of modern times, but the possession of good manners will always remain the most important asset to anyone who wishes to be considered socially by their friends.
It is always advisable not to overcrowd the room nor to invite people together who have not the same social standing.

The Hostess 

In order to achieve even moderate success as a hostess it is necessary to be self-possessed and efficient in planning the details of an entertainment. Each guest should be afforded a cordial welcome, and a good hostess will endeavour to place her guests at their ease and give them an opportunity to enjoy themselves.

Should a guest be asked to sing or play, then a hostess should ask for a further performance later on in the evening so that their effort will not appear unappreciated. It is always advisable not to overcrowd the room nor to invite people together who have not the same social standing.
A gentleman never boasts about his conquests with the opposite sex, and always makes sure that his collar and handkerchief are immaculate.

Hints for Gentlemen

A gentleman will never push in front of women when entering a public conveyance, or enter a public room where ladies are present without removing his hat.

It is not good manners to be constantly correcting people or boring them with stale jokes and stories. A gentleman never boasts about his conquests with the opposite sex, and always makes sure that his collar and handkerchief are immaculate. A lady has the privilege of recognizing a man, therefore, he should not raise his hand to her in the street until he has been acknowledged.
A lady is never to be found at a disadvantage.

Hints for Ladies

A lady may be described as one who is kind and considerate to everyone and considers no task beneath her should the need arise. Assuming affectations either in speech or mannerisms, using strong perfume or making-up in public, are acts which are avoided by ladies.

A lady is never to be found at a disadvantage. Should an unexpected visitor call, she does not keep them waiting, as her appearance is invariably trim and neat and she does not apologize for the state of her house or the refreshments offered.
Society frowns upon a girl if she does not keep her clothes clean and in good repair.

Hints for Girls

Society frowns upon a girl if she does not keep her clothes clean and in good repair. Slang expressions are better omitted from a girl's conversation, as they become a habit which is hard to break, also the practice of continually whispering and giggling.

Girls will always be teased by their brothers so take it in good part. Even after school-days are ended, continue to take an active interest in sport and improve upon education by reading recommended literature.
Treat all women folk with respect and draw up a chair for them at the dinner table.
Hints for Young Men

A determined effort should be make to overcome any feeling of self- consciousness, and to walk easily with an upright bearing. Treat all women folk with respect and draw up a chair for them at the dinner table.

When are young man is paying for his first call at the home of the young lady in whom he is interested, the visit should be a general one. Overcoats are removed before entering the drawing-room.
Never neglect to assist a lady from a vehicle by alighting first and always allow her the inside of the pavement.
A wife also will appreciate a husband who keeps his appearance trim and neat and who shows an interest in the affairs of the household.
Hints for Husbands

Many husbands do not show their affection for their wives but this is a mistake, as women generally wish to know if they are still cherished and appreciated.

A man should not forget to extend the ordinary little courtesies to his wife such as crossing the room to open a door, and raising his hat to her in the street. A wife also will appreciate a husband who keeps his appearance trim and neat and who shows an interest in the affairs of the household.

Such occasions as birthdays and wedding anniversaries are important, so do not forget to bring home a gift or suggest some celebration to mark the occasion.


It is important that a wife endeavours to retain a well-groomed appearance at all times.
Hints for Wives

It is important that a wife finds time from her many tasks to enjoy an occasional outing with her husband, and that she endeavours to retain a well-groomed appearance at all times. A good husband will feel rewarded if you received punctual and well-cooked meals, and who has a wife who does not fail to show her love and appreciation of him.

A woman will prove more of a companion if she keeps herself informed about current affairs and refrains from worrying about her husband with small upsets, which occurred during the day.

A wife should not criticize her husband in company, nor should she remind him continually of his faults.
Teach them to think and act wisely for themselves, so that they will grow up useful and independent members of the community.

Hints for Parents
It is well to remember that children will follow the example set them by their parents to some extent. Impress upon them the importance of cleanliness and health, and try is far as possible to have suitable replies to their many questions.

Never threaten children unless the threat is carried out, and teach them to think and act wisely for themselves, so that they will grow up useful and independent members of the community.


A businessman will remove his hat before entering a private office for an interview, and will raise his hat on encountering his senior outside the office.

Hints for Business Men

An employee does not discuss with his friends any confidential correspondence relating to the firm by whom he is employed, nor does he receive personal calls during business hours.

A businessman will remove his hat before entering a private office for an interview, and will raise his hat on encountering his senior outside the office. Should an employer desire an interview with a member of his staff, the employee should remain standing until he is asked to be seated.

Cards used by businessmen never include the prefix "Mr."

When being entertained, never display any signs of boredom, but appear appreciative at all times.

Hints on Conduct

A well mannered person will always show deference to the wishes of others, and never boast about their worldly goods or extensive travels.

Reading a newspaper over somebody else's shoulder is bad form, also addressing comparative strangers by their Christian names. Personal illness or other people's should not be discussed in public. On receipt of a letter, it is considerate to reply promptly. When being entertained, never display any signs of boredom, but appear appreciative at all times.


It is customary to send flowers to a debutante on the evening of her presentation, a bride on her wedding day, and to a mother on the birth of her baby.

Flowers

Gifts of flowers are always welcome, and by giving them one very rarely makes a social error. The atmosphere of a home is not complete without some form of floral decoration and an artistic arrangement transforms the appearance of a room. Flowers also play an important part in the success of any social function, and it is a thoughtful gesture on the part of friends of the hostess to send along offerings from their own gardens.

It is customary to send flowers to a debutante on the evening of her presentation, a bride on her wedding day, and to a mother on the birth of her baby. Flowers are also used to express sympathy and for many other occasions.
Society permits a young girl to attend a luncheon or afternoon tea engagement without a chaperone, but never a dinner or theatre.

Chaperones

At certain functions where a young girl should be chaperoned, a mother, married lady, or brother over the age of 18 act in this capacity.

However, a hostess at a private dance or a similar occasion, often takes over the obligations of chaperone to her young lady guests.

Society permits a young girl to attend a luncheon or afternoon tea engagement without a chaperone, but never a dinner or theatre.
Debutantes must be punctual so that all is in readiness before the official party arrive.

Preparation of a Debutante

When debutante are to be presented, the married lady who undertakes the responsibility of presenting them is called the Matron of Honour. Her duties include those of chaperone until after the presentation, and advising the ball committee regarding such matters as arrangements of the dais and floral decorations. In order that each debutante will know the correct procedure for the evening, their asked to attend tuition classes prior to the ball.


Presentation

Debutantes must be punctual so that all is in readiness before the official party arrive.

When the Matron of Honour makes the presentations, each debutante is expected to make a graceful full courtsey. This presentation marks the official entry of a young lady into society, therefore she is expected to remain dignified throughout the evening and not indulge in smoking.

Dress

Conventions states that a debutante should wear either white or cream. However, pale pastel shades of pink or blue are sometimes worn. The style of frocks are not elaborate, and jewelry is not considered correct.

The bouquet and flowers worn in the hair are white with perhaps a hint of pink. Gloves are essential, and shoes should be of white satin.


Flowers are generously employed for the decoration of the dais, and the lady who received the debutante and the Matron of Honour, each receive a bouquet. — From "Etiquette ; A Handbook for All Occasions to Suit Australian Conditions" circa late 1920s to 1930s

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Audience Etiquette for TV Show Tapings

Pay attention to the instructions given by your warm-up person, and behave accordingly.


General Audience Etiquette Guidelines:


How to Dress


With sitcoms, the audience is not on camera.  If T-shirts and shorts, or jeans, are all you have with you while vacationing, then choose to go to a sitcom taping. The studios are kept cold, and you'll probably be there for longer than you imagine, so it's best to bring a sweater or jacket, even when it is hot outside.

If you are receiving them by mail, most TV show taping tickets will include a letter with instructions regarding what to wear; (no flip-flops, no T-shirts with messages on them, etc...) Well-dressed people have a better chance of being placed in good seats and being on camera.  Business casual is more often the norm than not.

Because audience members are frequently on camera, they're a bit more serious about dress codes for reality shows and talk shows.  If you dress appropriately, and stick within a conservative dress-code, you probably won't be relegated to a spot behind a pole somewhere, or dumped into an off-camera area.

Your television show taping ticket will have instructions specific to the production you are attending.  Keep in mind that some rules are more strongly enforced than others.


What Not to Bring


No food is allowed in the studio, but you can usually eat while you wait in line.  Just remember your manners and throw away your food wrappers or other trash before entering the studio. There will not be problems with say, that energy bar in your bag, or even a small bottle of water.

Do not bring cell phones with cameras, video cameras or recorders of any kind with you. Leave them in your car (or locked up in your hotel room), otherwise you'll have to leave them with the studio security or staff.  They will put any electronic device you have in an envelope, to be picked up by you at the end of the show.  You can save them the trouble though, by not showing up with the banned items to begin with.

Proper Behavior


When the camera is rolling, remain quiet when required, or you'll be escorted out.

Remember where you are.  Attending the taping of a sitcom is not at all like watching TV in the privacy of one's home, but more like attending live theatre.

Do not try to converse, or even whisper loudly, about the plot line with a seat neighbor, make unnecessary noises, nor yell at the characters or actors.

Be enthusiastic but only to a certain degree.  Clap with enthusiasm when warranted, but don’t scream or interrupt the taping of the show.

They will not allow you in for the taping if you seem to be intoxicated in any manner.

It is always a good idea to use restroom facilities before you are seated, as there are very limited opportunities to use the restrooms.

Understandably, reality shows have different levels of audience participation, so audience exclamations are often encouraged.

If you pay attention to the instructions given by the warm-up person, and behave accordingly, you'll most likely be welcomed back.